The Theory of Unrequited

by Len Webster

  AJ picked up the textbook, flipped it around and set it back down in front of him. “It would help if you were looking at it the right way.”

  He shook his head, his bright blue eyes on her rather than the book. “Still doesn’t make sense to me.”

  She squinted at him. “It would help if you looked at it and not me.”

  The annoying basketball player leaned forward. “You, I don’t understand. But this, I’m sure I could, given enough time. You are more mystifying than science.”

  AJ glanced away and pointed at the diagram on the page. “This stuff is easy.”

  “What is this?” he asked, pressing his finger to the horrible example on the page. It was two triangles and a wave. Barely an example at all.

  “It’s a ground wave propagation.”

  “I’m sorry, a what?”

  She couldn’t help but laugh at the very cute confusion that swept the features of his attractive face. “A ground wave propagation,” she repeated. “It’s a frequency wave that follows the contour of the Earth. It can reach distances vast and wide.”

  His blue eyes met hers as his lips parted in wonder. “You’re incredibly beautiful when you speak baffling words of science.”

  AJ felt her cheeks heat. She cleared her throat and leaned back into her seat. “You should go. I have to study.”

  “What’s an example of a ground wave propagation?”

  “You really want to know?”

  “Sure, it is your major. I’d like to know an ounce of the knowledge you do. So I don’t feel unbelievably imbecilic around you.”

  AJ’s heart sped up.

  He wasn’t a dumb jock.

  He had a way with words, indeed.

  “AM radio.”

  “Really?”

  She nodded. “So you have the transmitter antenna and the receiver antenna. The signal from the transmitter to the receiver is a ground wave propagation.”

  “What other propagations are there?”

  “There’s also sky wave, line-of-sight, space wave …” AJ trailed off, realizing that she was probably confusing the jock in front of her.

  “That’s a lot of waves.”

  She nodded. “They’re electromagnetic waves. Different waves for different radio transmissions. Different frequencies, too.”

  “Wow, Massachusetts, you’ve impressed me. I didn’t think you’d be a science major when I met you.”

  “I didn’t think you were a basketball player.”

  “That’s right. You first thought football.” He splayed his hands on the desk and pushed himself up from the chair. “You should come to a game.”

  AJ reached over and picked up her textbook, setting it back down in front of her. For the second time today, someone wanted her at their games.

  Kyle with his playoffs game against the Indians.

  And the basketball player from Connecticut whom she still had no name for.

  AJ had spent her life being an unofficial cheerleader, and many times, it put a strain on her friendship with Evan. She couldn’t watch someone else play. It didn’t seem fair since she was reluctant to return to Boston to watch Kyle’s important, professional game.

  “I can’t.”

  “Why not, Massachusetts?”

  “Because I can’t, Connecticut.”

  “Because you …?”

  “Because I just can’t.”

  “Oh, come on,” he begged. “Where’s your school pride?”

  Sighing, AJ set her pen down and glared at him. This jock chose the worst day to approach her about watching him play college basketball. Not his fault, of course. She was sure his game was important, too. The only way she could have him drop it was to dismiss him.

  “I have none,” she stated honestly. It was very much the truth. “Duke was the last college I wanted to go to. MIT was my dream, but here I am. So please, go away. You will find yourself wasting your time trying to convince me that I love Duke. I don’t. So goodbye, jock.”

  “I’ve got a name,” he said with a smirk on his lips, hinting she had not damaged his pride in any way.

  “Good for you.”

  “You’d know it if you came to the game.”

  “No, thanks.”

  He chuckled. “All right. But I’ll be looking for you.”

  AJ rolled her eyes. “I doubt that.”

  The basketball player pressed his hand against her table and leaned down closer to her. “And why is that?”

  “Because you won’t.”

  “I promise I will. I will let you get back to your ground waves. I’ll see you around, Massachusetts.”

  And then he left with that damn smirk on his face.

  Letting out a heavy breath, AJ reached for her pen, only to halt when a chime came from her laptop. She glanced over to find a new email in her inbox.

  Her chest tightened at the sight of his name.

  He had sent her many in the weeks since college had started, and she had read them all. At first, he had begged for her new number. Then he had pleaded with her to talk. And his recent ones asked what he did wrong.

  Unable to help herself, she clicked on his message, and her heart bled memories and regret.

  He’d long passed self-blame.

  He now hated her.

  Evident in the very first words of his email.

  To: AJ

  From: Evan

  Subject: Here’s the truth.

  Alexandra, I hate you.

  I fucking hate you.

  How could you do this to me?

  How could you be so selfish and leave me here in California?

  I hate you.

  I fucking hate you.

  I thought you were my best friend.

  I thought we had each other’s back.

  Sure, you broke a promise, but I was ready to forgive you and look past that.

  But this?

  All these weeks?

  Your parents not telling me where you are?

  My fucking brother blaming me for your disappearance?

  You might be selfish, Alexandra, but I never took you to be a goddamn coward where you can’t even reply to a fucking email from your best friend.

  I will never forgive you.

  You will never be my best friend ever again.

  So fuck you, AJ.

  Fuck you!

  And that was the moment Alexandra Parker had never hated herself more. Because while Evan typed his true and hateful feelings, she was letting a basketball player coerce her heart into waves science couldn’t explain.

  And for that, she could never forgive herself.

  So AJ decided that science would be her true love.

  It might never love her back, but it would be there for her.

  In the form of theories, concepts, and equations.

  Covering her mouth, AJ yawned as she kept her eyes on her laptop screen. It had been a few days since Evan’s “I hate you” almost had her breaking down in the middle of the library. She managed to pack everything in her backpack and rush to her dorm room, taking the bus rather than walking. Thankfully, Savannah had a class, and she didn’t return until AJ’s tears had dried. She deserved every single word Evan had sent her. She had been a horrible, selfish person. But she knew she was better off having him hate her than AJ hating him for falling in love or hooking up with girls in Stanford. It was the better alternative for her.

  AJ pursed her lips and retyped the equation into the simulator, adding a new numerical value to her hypothesis. Then she watched as her wave became distorted and not contoured with the curve of the Earth. The signal hadn’t reached the transmitter, and she knew the frequency was off. The sound of the hairdryer she had been listening to for the past ten minutes had ended, and her roommate stepped out of the bathroom
they shared. They had been lucky that they didn’t have to share with another dorm room, and Savannah took advantage of the extra counter space.

  “You’re very blue,” AJ pointed out as she took in Savannah’s glittery blue eye shadow.

  “And you’re still in your pjs.” Her roommate walked over to her bed and sat down on it.

  “It’s Saturday.”

  “Which means you should come to the game today. They’re playing the Red Foxes and are expected to win. So it’ll be a good game.”

  AJ picked up her laptop from her thighs and set it in front of her on her bed. “Basketball is not my sport.”

  Savannah laughed. “I can see that. You’re wearing a Red Sox shirt as pjs. Why don’t you ever wear your Red Sox stuff outside our dorm room?”

  “It’s complicated.”

  “Game’s not until later tonight. I have time.” For emphasis, Savannah lifted her legs and crossed them. “So go on.”

  AJ sighed. “So I love the Red Sox.”

  Her roommate’s brows furrowed. “I’m well aware of that. But why can’t you wear your love in the form of a shirt outside these four walls?”

  “Because of Kyle.”

  “The guy you speak to every day?”

  “The very guy.”

  “He got you into the Red Sox?”

  AJ shook her head. “He plays for the Red Sox.”

  Savannah’s eyes widened as her jaw dropped. “He what?”

  “Kyle is Kyle Gilmore, captain of the Red Sox. Two-time World Series winner. I’ve watched him play since he went pro.”

  Savannah jumped off her bed and rushed to her phone on her desk. She pulled the charger out and began to type on the screen. AJ didn’t have to know what she was doing.

  “Oh, my God!” Sav shrieked. Then she turned the screen, so AJ could see a picture of her and Kyle hugging after he’d won against the Yankees last season. “You’re Little Miss Red Sox! Oh, my God! Kyle Gilmore is in love with you! The captain of the Red Sox is in love with my roommate.” Then she gasped. “My roommate is not in love with the captain of the Red Sox. She’s in love with his brother. Alex, this is—”

  “Complicated,” she said, finishing her sentence for her as she got off the bed.

  Her roommate nodded. “Wow. I knew you had boy issues but not the two brothers kind … or the famous kind … I just did not expect you, Alex Parker, to have such a colorful love life.”

  “Yeah,” she said in a small voice. “Some love life it is.”

  “Unrequited love.”

  “Huh?”

  Savannah threw her phone onto her bed and set her arms on AJ’s shoulders. “It’s not colorful. It’s you. It’s that sad look in your eye. It’s Evan and his emails. You’re both unrequited. He does not return your love. And you don’t return his friendship.”

  “That’s quite a theory you have there, Sav.”

  “Theory?”

  AJ nodded as she stepped away from her roommate. “In physics, different theories about different concepts and equations explain things like relativity.”

  Savannah blinked at her. “Did I just science?”

  “I guess you did.”

  “Well, you could teach me some more at the game?” The hopeful glee in her blue eyes had AJ rolling her eyes.

  “I’ll think about it,” AJ promised.

  “Yay! Plus, that basketball player friend of yours will be there.”

  AJ groaned as she sat back down on her bed. “Why would you even mention Connecticut right now?”

  She watched as her roommate walked over to the door and pulled her purse from the hook. With a smug smile, she said, “Because you need to know so much more than just what state he’s from. No matter how hot it is that he calls you ‘Massachusetts.’”

  “I knew I shouldn’t have told you what we’ve been calling each other.”

  Savannah winked. “I think you’ll be all right, Alex. Now text me if you’re coming to the game. I’m just gonna meet with a few friends from my management class. I’ll see you later.”

  And with that, she left AJ alone in their dorm room. Her roommate was right. AJ would be okay. She had expected Evan to hate her, so she needed to move on. Getting up from her bed, she walked over to her desk and picked up the picture of her and Evan at Fenway. She should throw it in the trash. Make sure he didn’t have an influence on her life at Duke. But instead, AJ took in the smile on his face as the hope and longing for his love returned.

  Savannah had been right.

  AJ and Evan were a theory.

  His love for her was not returned.

  Her friendship with him had stalled.

  Tracing his face with her fingertips, AJ let that pain in her chest consume her one last time as she knew exactly what theory best described her and Evan.

  “The theory of unrequited,” she whispered as she set the frame back down and headed to her closet, deciding that to solve the theory was to find the missing numeric values of the equations.

  And that was to find out who Connecticut really was.

  The Theory of Unrequited:

  Duke + Basketball game = Connecticut’s real name (X)

  ∴ X = AJ/Evan

  ∴ X x time (t)

  = AJ/Evan

  16 S

  sulfur

  AJ

  Senior year of high school

  Summer had well and truly left for the year. The nights were cooler, and everything pumpkin spice related took over the food and drink industry. The leaves had already begun to turn brown and fall. It was AJ’s second favorite time of the year. Winter was always her favorite season. The white snow and the holidays. Most times it was because she would have to spend holidays in Australia where Christmas was spent on the beach with the hot sun warming her skin. The first snowflakes were her favorite. And soon, they’d kiss the Massachusetts ground.

  But right now, this was her favorite moment of all the seasons.

  Sitting outside with her best friend, she stared up at the night sky from the patio chairs they had sat in since they had removed their very successful pizza from the oven ten minutes ago. Evan didn’t know it, but she was thankful that he had left homecoming to spend the rest of his night with her. She appreciated him for giving her the confidence boost that not every guy at school thought she was a loser.

  He might be her best friend, but she believed him when he said she was perfect.

  And if she was perfect to Evan Gilmore, that was all the perfect she needed to be.

  “I’m full,” Evan declared as he set his plate down on the glass table. “You make a good pizza, AJ.”

  She smiled, taking her eyes off a blinking star to face him. “You know that I didn’t make the dough. Mum made it before she left in case I wanted pizza.”

  “You have a great mom, AJ,” he said as he sat back into his seat.

  “Have you heard from your parents lately?”

  He let out a short laugh. “Yeah, just to make sure I’m alive. But nothing much. My dad spends a little more time talking these days than he used to. He doesn’t ask about Kyle. Doesn’t call him.”

  “Why?”

  He shrugged a shoulder. “Because he sees all he needs to on TV.”

  “I’m sorry,” AJ said.

  “It’s why I love your parents and how they treat you. They love you, AJ. And I’m relieved that they make sure you know that they love you. You’re lucky you have great parents.”

  She reached out and covered his hand with hers. “You should talk to my mum if you ever need someone to relate to.”

  He winced under her touch.

  “What? Why?”

  “Her mum hates her. Has blamed her for her selfishness because of her birth or something. If you ever need someone to talk to about neglectful mothers, my mum is here for you. She
loves you, Evan. So does my dad.”

  Evan pulled away from her touch and turned in his chair to face her. “Do you think your parents will forgive me?”

  AJ’s brows furrowed. “For what? What did you do?”

  “For not taking you to homecoming.” His brown eyes softened under the lights. “I should have taken you to homecoming.”

  Reaching out, she curled her palm around the back of his neck and brought him closer. She whispered, “I’m not your obligation, but thank you,” and pressed her lips to his forehead. A harmless display of affection they shared after each other’s first kiss when they were thirteen.

  Evan pressed his forehead to hers. “You’re the most important person in my life, Alexandra.”

  Her chest heaved at his sweet words.

  Her beats were different.

  As if their purpose had changed.

  As if they wanted to beat for him.

  AJ took a deep breath as she watched him close his eyes. “And you’re the most important person in my life, Evan.”

  His eyes opened slowly and smiled down at her. Then Evan reached behind him and grasped her hand that was on the back of his neck. He pulled her touch away and held it tight as he let their joined hands rest on the armchair. “I am sorry about homecoming.”

  “It’s not your fault,” she assured.

  Guilt consumed his face. “It is, AJ.”

  “You can’t make someone want me to be their date, Evan. It’s not your fault. And you shouldn’t feel guilty because you had a date and I didn’t. You’re pretty amazing, Evan Gilmore. Addison would have been stupid to say no. Now, can we please go inside? It’s getting cold.”

  He chuckled as he got off his seat, still clutching her hands, and pulled her out of hers. Then he let go of her hand and picked up the plates. “Well, I think you’re pretty amazing, Alexandra Parker.”

  Right at that moment, with Evan’s soft smile directed at her, AJ felt a change in her that had her heart in her chest agreeing.

  “Don’t forget, we have a surprise pop quiz next class,” Mr. Miller reminded.