by Marie Solka
“Thanks,” I said, surprised by her compliment.
“When does he come home?”
“Tonight.”
She rubbed her chin, thinking. “I think it’s a good sign he hasn’t contacted you. It means he respects your decision. He left you all those messages and you told him what needs to happen in order to move forward. The ball’s in his court, I’m afraid.”
She hadn’t said anything different than I already knew, yet somehow hearing it from her made it sound better. It gave me hope.
I poured myself more wine. “Don’t you think it’s odd he hadn’t divorced her yet?” I continued. “I mean, she left him for an internship overseas years ago and never came back. Why didn’t he finalize things and be done with her a long time ago?”
Mrs. Myszkowski took a sip of her drink. “That’s a tough question to answer without being a mind reader. He may be telling the truth, that he got immersed in work and didn’t make it a priority. Then he met you and got off his butt and filed the papers because he knew you were something special.”
“That’s kind of what he said, too.” More and more it seemed like Greg was telling the truth.
I reached into the grocery bag and pulled out the candy bars and chips. “Interested in some junk food?” I asked. “I’m not your nurse anymore, so…”
“Is there anything else at the bottom of the bag?” she asked.
“No. But I looked longingly at the cigarettes on your behalf in the drug store.” She laughed. “Besides, I may not be your nurse, but I’m still your friend.”
She smiled and reached for a candy bar. “I think things are going to work out. Call it a gut feeling,” she said. She unwrapped her candy bar and took a bite.
I ripped open the bag of chips and began munching. “Do you think Greg’s dad knew? He’s a decent man. I can’t picture him setting me up with his son if he knew he was still married. That’s not like him.”
“Can you imagine how humiliated he must feel if he found out? He was probably under the impression they’d gotten a divorce.”
She had a point. If I hadn’t told my family, maybe he hadn’t told his.
By my third glass of wine I felt relaxed. “So how do you like your new place?” I asked.
She seemed unenthused. “It’s a bit small. And I miss my house, which is for sale by the way if you know any interested buyers. But I’ve been able to make it my own.”
I glanced around and noticed some of her old furnishings and a few new items. “And how are the people here? Do you like them?”
She laughed. “The people,” she said, waving her hand. “The nurses are some kind of rent a nurse. They can’t give you medicine. They can put it on a tray and you can take it, but they can’t put it in your mouth.”
I was familiar with what she was describing. It was a new way to cut costs by hiring fewer RN’s.
“But they’re nice,” she admitted.
“How about the other residents. Have you made any friends yet?”
“A few. I wouldn’t call them friends just yet, but we’ve made each other’s acquaintance.”
“Nice. And how about your son? How’s he doing?”
“He’s doing well. Having me here helps him sleep better at night. He was worried about me living all alone.”
“That makes sense,” I agreed.
“So what plans do you have for Christmas?” I asked.
“Alex is coming by and we’re going to dinner. And his wife is planning a shopping day for us.” She rolled her eyes. I remembered she wasn’t the biggest fan of his spouse.
“Well that sounds like fun.” Thinking of the holidays made me sad. I had thought I’d be spending mine with Greg. The idea of being without him brought on a sinking feeling.
“I know it’s hard, honey,” Anna said. “But you have to stay strong. He’ll be back. I’m sure of it.”
“How do you know?”
“I don’t know,” she admitted. “It just seemed like the right thing to say.” She smiled and reached for my hand. “All you can do is try to stay busy. Take care of your patients, spend time with your family, and go on with life. If it’s meant to be it will be.”
Wiser words were never spoken.
Chapter 36
On Saturday my mom called and left a message, asking how the trip went, but I didn’t call her back. I just continued with housework, hoping to avoid her as long as possible since I still didn’t know what to tell her. On Sunday Tabby called and left a message. She wanted to hear all about the vacation too. I was sure they both knew Greg was going to propose on the trip since he’d asked my dad. They were probably excited and couldn’t wait to hear all the details.
As I scrubbed the bathroom floor I wondered how long I could put off telling them. Part of me wished Greg’s divorce would be finalized and he’d show up at my door with the engagement ring, and we could go on like nothing ever happened. But every morning I woke up alone I was reminded that I was still in the middle of a bad dream. Then I’d spend the rest of the day feeling lethargic and cranky.
Sunday night Tabby called again, but didn’t leave a message. Then she tried me back a half hour later. I knew if I didn’t call her back soon she’d stalk me every fifteen minutes. Feeling foolish, I reached for the phone and hit redial.
“Hey Sam,” Tabby answered, sounding bright and sunny. “How was the trip?”
I paused, wondering how to describe it. “It was the best of times, and it was the worst of times,” I said, quoting Dickens.
“What the heck does that mean?”
“It means Greg proposed to me, and it was the happiest day of my life. Then we broke up the next day, and I flew home early. Now we aren’t speaking.”
“No way,” she said. “What did you guys argue about that was so major?”
“It wasn’t an argument. More like I went to the conference to watch him give his presentation, and while I sat there, a woman approached me and began chatting. Turns out it’s his estranged wife.”
“No way.”
“Yep. Turns out he was married to that serious girlfriend. And after they separated he never filed for a divorce, yet he felt it was perfectly okay to propose to me.”
“That’s insanity Sam. How could he ask you to marry him when he’s still married? What a jerk! So what did you say to his…er…wife? Did you make a scene?”
“No. I said I had to use the restroom. Then I went back to the hotel, grabbed my shit and left.”
“Oh my God, Sam. I’m so sorry. You should’ve called me. I would’ve cut class and come to be with you.” She sounded distraught. Sometimes I forgot she worried about me as much as I worried about her, that this sister thing worked both ways.
“I thought of it, but then I decided I just wanted to be alone. And frankly, I felt like a fool. I didn’t want you to see me this way.”
She exhaled. “You’re not a fool, you’re just human, Sam. Like everyone else.” She paused, then added, “Just know if you ever want me to be with you when there’s a problem, I will. I’ll drop whatever I’ve got going on and be at your door.”
“Thanks Tab,” I said, my voice breaking up.
“Shit,” she said. “I’m just so… This sucks.”
“I know.”
“And Greg? Have you heard from him?”
“He left a ton of messages. He said he filed for the divorce right after we started dating and that it should be finalized soon. That’s why he thought it was okay to ask me. Then he said he was sorry and asked me to call him.”
“As messed up as that is, I believe that. But why was she at the conference? Did he invite her?”
“No. He claims he had no idea she’d be there.”
“But I’m sure she knew he’d be there. Wasn’t his name listed as a presenter?”
“Yeah, that’s what I thought too. She had to know.” I felt the sinking feeling return as I thought of her. “You should have seen the way she looked at him. It didn’t look like she was over him.”
“I wouldn’t stress it. She walked out on him and they haven’t seen each other in ages. He loves you and just asked you to marry him. Why don’t you call him Sam?”
I wanted to so badly. Being apart from him felt like my heart had been ripped from my chest. “I can’t,” I told her. “I texted him and asked him not to contact me again unless he was divorced.”
“Why’d you do that? That doesn’t make sense.”
“I guess I said it because I was hurt. And I don’t want to be played. I’d rather lose him than be strung along.”
“Okay,” she said, sounding confused. “I personally don’t think he’s trying to string you along, but if that’s what you want to do. I guess it’s a good way for him to earn your trust again.” She paused, then asked, “So what are you going to tell Mom and Dad? They both knew he was going to propose. I guess he spoke to Dad beforehand, and then they told me. How are you going to break this to them?”
“I was hoping I wouldn’t have to. I thought maybe if the divorce would be final soon, I wouldn’t have to tell them. But if it takes much longer, and Greg doesn’t come to Christmas, I’m screwed. Then I’ll have to own up to everything.” I sighed, completely frustrated by the whole situation. “I just don’t want to tell them Tab. That’s why I’ve been avoiding the phone.”
“Heck. I’m surprised you told me,” she scoffed. “I would’ve thought you’d have told Mom first.”
“I guess I hoped you’d have an idea. Something clandestine so I can keep this under wraps. By the way, you weren’t the first person I told. I went to see Mrs. Myszkowski and got her advice.”
“What’s with you and that old lady? She’s not even your patient anymore.”
“She’s my friend. Plus, she knows stuff.”
“Whatever.”
“So do you have any ideas on how to keep this from Mom and Dad?”
“What did Mrs. Myszkowski suggest?” Tabby asked somewhat sarcastically.
“Forget I mentioned her. We didn’t talk about Mom and Dad anyway.”
“What did you talk about then?”
“I just told her what happened between me and Greg. And she told me I did the right thing by asking him not to contact me until he’s divorced.”
“I’m sorry. I don’t agree with her, but whatever. You do what you want to do.”
“Well what do you think I should do about Mom and Dad?”
There was silence, then she said, “I don’t see the point of keeping it a secret at all. Isn’t this whole circumstance the result of keeping secrets? Isn’t that what Greg did? If you don’t tell Mom and Dad, aren’t you behaving the same way? Besides, it will be pretty obvious when he doesn’t show up at Christmas.”
She was right.
“Why don’t you just call him Sam? He’s probably missing you too, and the divorce is in the works. Why be so stubborn? Give him a chance to earn your trust again. Offer forgiveness. If you do end up married, you’ll probably have to do that for each other more than once.”
“Stop sounding like a therapist. You’re freaking me out.”
“I know a few things about second chances.”
Crap. She was back with Jack again. I knew it. “I’ll give Greg a second chance when he’s divorced, but not a moment sooner.”
“Okay. I guess that’s better than nothing.”
Now, he just needed to get that divorce.
Chapter 37
When I returned to work on Monday I gave it my complete attention. I found listening to each patient and interacting with them soothing. It took the focus off my own problems for a while. But the sinking feeling returned on the way home. I wished it would pass and I could enjoy life while I waited to see where mine would go. Instead I was stuck in limbo.
I had no appetite but knew I had to eat, so I ended up having a can of soup for dinner. As I sipped a spoonful I thought about Greg. I missed him so much. I’d grown so attached to him that being without him was like I’d lost a part of myself.
My mom called after I’d eaten and since I couldn’t avoid her any longer, I picked up.
“Hey Mom,” I said. “How’s it going?”
“Good. I’ve been trying to get in touch with you. How was the trip? Is everything okay?”
I hesitated, then thought about what Tabby had said. Damn it, she was right. I told my mom everything.
“Oh honey, why didn’t you tell me this earlier? You must be devastated,” she said.
“I was embarrassed. I know that’s stupid, but I felt like such a fool. And then I started thinking if things happened quickly and everything worked out between us I could just keep it from you. I didn’t want you and Dad to think differently of him.”
“People make mistakes, that’s all,” she said, her reaction surprising me. “Sounds like he’s trying to make it right. I know I won’t hold it against him. Your father, on the other hand, probably won’t be too thrilled.”
My neck muscles tightened. “That’s what I was afraid of,” I said. “Will you do me a big favor and not tell him? I mean, if things don’t work out I’ll tell him we broke up. But if we get back together, I’d love it if Dad didn’t know about all this.”
“Well, I don’t make it a habit to keep secrets from your dad, but in this case I’ll make an exception. It’s probably for the best.”
“Thanks Mom,” I said, relieved.
“But in return you have to promise to tell me when you’re hurting so I can be there for you. How’s that?”
“I can do that,” I said.
Val called later in the week. The holidays were right around the corner and we shopped together every year. It was tradition. This season my heart wasn’t in it, but I went along anyway.
She picked me up and we drove in her car to the mall. “We have to power shop today, because I have a dinner date later.”
“Someone who lives up to the novels?” I teased.
Val laughed. “One can only hope.”
I hadn’t told her Greg proposed on the trip or the ensuing drama. If I should’ve told anyone it should’ve been her, but I decided not to burden her with that information. I put her in my dad’s category, unsure if she’d go from bubbly and upbeat to pissed and not want to see him in the future. She could have a temper when she wanted to.
As we left the last store I heard someone call my name. I turned and saw it was Brian. “You ladies have quite a lot of bags,” he said.
“We’re professional shoppers,” Val said. She’d always liked him and could never see why I broke it off. “By the looks of your empty hands, you suck at it,” she said.
“Not shopping. I work a part-time job at a store for some extra holiday cash. I was just leaving.”
“Cool,” Val said. “We’ll walk out with you.”
I had no clue why I kept running into him, but I didn’t want to be rude during the holidays. “You must be tired working two jobs,” I said, trying to make conversation.
“A little. It’s just for two months though. It’s actually been kind of fun.”
When we got to Val’s car it had a flat tire. “Shit,” she cursed. “I don’t have time for this today.”
“A flat tire? Piece of cake,” said Brian. “Give me your keys and I’ll take care of it.”
Val gave him the keys and made a face at me. The “I still don’t know why you dumped such a nice guy” expression.
I set my bags down while he worked. Val anxiously looked at her watch. “I’m going to be cutting it close if I drop you at home first.”
Brian finished his work and tossed the flat tire into her trunk and closed it. “I can drop Sam at home if that helps. She’s not out of my way.”
Val gave me a pleading look, one that I couldn’t deny. “Do you mind?”
I didn’t want to do it, but she hadn’t been on a date in a while. She needed this night. “No. I don’t mind.”
With that Val grabbed her bags and hopped in her car and Brian and I walked to his.
The ride to
my place was awfully quiet, so I decided to say something. “So, how’s work?” I asked.
“Which one?” he smiled.
“Either.”
“The kids are a challenge but I enjoy working with them. I’m still getting used to the mall job, though. Working retail is a lot harder that it looks.”
“I can imagine.”
“How’s everything with your boyfriend? He seemed pretty cool.”
I knew he didn’t think Greg was cool. His smirk and comment the night of the club made that very apparent. “He’s fine,” I lied.
We pulled up to my apartment. “Do you mind if I use your restroom to clean up before taking off? Changing a tire is a dirty job.”
“No problem,” I said. “Come on in.”
I hung up my coat and set my bags down. When Brian came out of the bathroom he said, “I don’t know what’s up. But I’m not feeling so hot.”
I looked at him. “What’s going on?”
“I feel a little woozy.”
I pulled out a kitchen chair and offered it to him. “Maybe you’ve just been working too hard. Rest for a little bit.” I went to the fridge and poured him a glass of water.
“Thanks,” he said.
After he finished drinking the water he smiled at me. “You look more beautiful than when we dated.”
“Thanks,” I said.
“That Greg is a lucky guy. Luckier than I am,” he pouted.
I laughed. “Something tells me you don’t have any trouble getting women.”
“The only one I have trouble with is the one that got away.” His expression was sincere, and for a moment old feelings resurfaced. Being away from Greg had made me sexually deprived, and Brian still looked pretty good.
As if he read my mind, he scooted his chair closer and took hold of my hand. “I still love you Sam. I always have.”
I sighed. “I’m sorry Brian. You were a great boyfriend, you really were. But I’m in love with Greg.”