by A. E. Murphy
“Yeah.” He makes a valid point. “That makes sense. You promise you’ll be there though?”
“Of course!” He sounds slightly offended that I’d even ask but I daren’t be too hopeful.
“Sorry, I’m just so excited for a day of fun.”
“I know. I understand.”
“Well, thank you, sweetie. For taking me to Sasha’s birthday and for fixing my car.”
“You’re welcome.” He clears his throat. “If you’re working that day, you’ll have to take it in before you go because I don’t think I’m going to be back on time.”
“Got it.” I finally make progress with the blue. “I have to go.”
“Enjoy the rest of your day.” His voice is soft, like velvet, and sweet like melted chocolate. “I miss you.”
“I miss you too,” I smile, wishing I was there with them all.
My smile soon vanishes when I hear an unfamiliar female voice call, “Dillan, look wha…” The line goes dead before she finishes her sentence.
My heart hammers against my ribcage as I try to figure out who it could belong to but nobody comes to mind. I’d know the voice if it was my mum or Sasha. We don’t know anybody else apart from Jeanine and it definitely wasn’t her.
Unless he’s at one of his stores…it could be one of the staff there; they all fawn over our kids when we go in. Though I could hear the wind and cars in the background so he can’t be inside his store.
Fuck.
Who was it?
I want to trust him… I need to trust him. He wouldn’t be stupid enough to call me if he was with another woman. Not unless he told her to be quiet and then she decided not to be just to let herself be known to me.
How dare he let some female be around my children without my approval? I can’t just let this one go. Ignoring the message Nathan already sent to me about the car, I quickly type and send:
Gwen: Who the fuck was that?
Nathan: Who was who?
Gwen: The woman who yelled Dillan’s name at the end of our conversation.
Nathan: Just a lady who works at the ice cream stall on the park.
Oh. Well… don’t I feel like an idiot? He’s just out being a good dad to our kids and I’m stuck here being an irrational bitch as per usual. What is wrong with me?
Gwen: I’m sorry. I’m an idiot.
Nathan: You have nothing to apologise for. Stay calm. We’ll see you later.
I’m losing it. I need to stop losing it so much but it’s hard. My hormones are all over the place and it’s so hard to trust after what Caleb did. I’m trying so hard to get over it but it’s not always that simple. His deception left a seed that took root and now I’m forever taking it out on Nathan.
Gwen: I need a girl’s night.
Sasha: Me too! When?
Gwen: I don’t know; we’re both always so busy. I need a new friend.
Sasha: Normally I’d be offended by such a suggestion but you really do. You just don’t get out enough at all.
Gwen: Gee… thanks. :-p
Sasha: You used to hang out with tons of people all the time. It’s only since Nathan that you’ve become a hermit. The world doesn’t revolve around him. He can live without you for an hour or two.
Gwen: I know he can. He’s not the reason I’m so secluded.
Sasha: I know he’s not, but still… put yourself out there a bit more. Go to a local mummy and baby group or something. Find the kids some play mates; they need friends too.
She’s completely right.
Gwen: That’s actually not a bad idea.
So after some research on Google, I find my local children’s centres and book us in for some tea and toast sessions. I really hope this goes well. My anxiety is already skyrocketing.
“You can do this,” I whisper to myself. “You got this.”
“Are you talking to yourself?” Harold asks.
“Shut it.”
“First sign of madness.”
Raising my hand to his face, I move to the outside. This kitchen gets too warm. I need to breathe.
Sasha: Remember that I love you, bitch.
Gwen: Like a rash.
Sasha: Duh.
Gwen: Did he propose yet?
Sasha: Do I seem happy?
Gwen: Do you ever?
Sasha: Fuck off, I’m a ray of sunshine!
Gwen: I seriously can’t wait for your birthday. No joke. I am so excited!
Sasha: Me too, you better go on the big rides with me.
Gwen: Of course!
“Why are you so happy?” Kerim asks as I come back in from my break and put away my things. “You’re working and your face is blue; you shouldn’t be happy.”
I slap his arm. “My face is not blue.” Is it? “And I’m happy because I’m going to Alton in just over two weeks!”
“Ah, yes, your day off to ride the rollercoasters and spend ridiculous amounts of money on watered down drinks.” He raises a brow. “What’s not to get excited about?”
“Right?”
He rolls his eyes at my glee and returns to his work. “Your break is over. Stop disturbing my employees.”
“Didn’t realise you employed yourself,” I mumble, still grinning.
“Nobody else will,” Harold adds and we all laugh. All of us but Kerim, who hisses at the man in Turkish and as aggressive as it sounds, we can tell that it’s in jest.
This makes Harold laugh harder.
I wish I could speak Turkish; it seems like such an interesting language. I wonder if all Turkish people use salt as eagerly as Harold and Kerim do.
“Again?” Kerim suddenly sobers and throws a rag onto the side.
My eyes follow his and I immediately tense when I see the thing that has caused his ire. Mrs Weston.
When her eyes meet mine and her lips tilt up at the edges in what should most likely be a friendly smile, my hands clench into fists by my sides.
“Before you started working here she never came as far as I’m aware. This is the fourth time she has been.” Kerim tells me, his hand gently touching my wrist just above my hand. “Ignore her.”
“Fourth?”
“You weren’t here the previous times.”
“I hate her.”
“I know,” he states and pulls me to where Patience is preparing the herbs for the evening. Her back is to the restaurant thankfully. “Here, just ignore her.”
I take a pizza cutter and begin chopping through the fresh basil leaves before dropping them into a bowl beside the cutting board.
“That’s a neat trick.” Patience seems impressed and my heart swells with pride.
“I find it easier.” I roll the pizza cutter blade through the green and swipe the fragments of leaves to the side.
I can’t help but glance over my shoulder, though I wish I hadn’t because she looks my way the second I do and just the feel of her eyes on me makes me want to scrub my skin until I feel clean.
When I turn back, my bad mood evaporates when I see Patience and Johnny using pizza cutters on their piles of herbs.
“You’re right,” Patience states. “This is easier. By far.”
“I’m glad you approve.”
“It doesn’t matter how long you cook for, how long you do anything, for that matter. There are always new things to learn.”
“Such a wise woman.” Johnny pats Patience’s shoulder and tosses more herbs into a separate container from the one I’m using. “I’m done. Get to it before Kerim shouts at all of us.”
“He thinks he’s boss since Kerim allowed him to be head chef for two hours.” Patience whispers and I can hear the envy in her voice, though she’ll deny it if I point it out.
“He did really well though,” I admit, because it’s true. “Kerim just couldn’t handle it.”
“Yeah,” Patience giggles a little and it’s such a foreign sound. I’ve not heard her laugh before. “No one can even try to better him. He’s too competitive.”
I shrug and nudge my shoulder
against hers. “I like that about him though. He doesn’t kneel before anybody.”
“Only beautiful women,” Kerim comments loudly, pulling all eyes to him.
I’m caught off guard when he winks at me. I’m not certain what kind of wink it was and I decide not to dwell on it. My mind produces little to no good thoughts these days. I don’t trust myself to not twist this most likely innocent exchange into something more sordid.
There I go… I just inadvertently turned it into something sordid and now my cheeks are heating in a way that confuses me. Why am I blushing?
Patience sighs quietly, affected by our Head Chef’s charm and appearance. Wait until she meets my Nathan. I have yet to meet a man more beautiful than he.
Although his charm leaves much to be desired.
I giggle at the thought of how unapproachable my partner is. The only person he has ever been remotely friendly towards is me. I love that and hate that all at the same time. I love it because it was me that cracked him. Out of every woman in the world, it was me he fell in love with and I just know that no other woman could ever penetrate his barriers as I have. Yet I hate it because I’m the only person he has ever been able to open up to and that breaks my heart.
Now I feel even guiltier. Have I been putting too much pressure on him to be somebody he isn’t? I want him to tell me everything but that isn’t the kind of person he is and it’s not the kind of person he has ever been. I’m being extremely unfair to him. Of course he should tell me his issues, but it should be on his terms, not mine.
Fuck.
I have been a raging bitch.
I feel like sobbing. Yes, I know it’s not all entirely my fault and I have every right to give him a few prods, except I haven’t been prodding; I’ve been shoving and that’s not fair on him. It isn’t fair on us.
So when I roll in from work, later than anticipated, and find him sleeping on his back in bed. I slide the blanket down to his knees as gently as possible and trail gentle kisses from his sternum to his boxers.
I feel him shudder and tense in his sleep as my tongue sweeps across the skin above the elasticated waistband. Tiny little bumps break out over his arms and he groans in his sleep. The sound is extremely erotic. When I finally suck as much of his delicious, swollen length into my mouth as I can, he jolts awake and lets out the most feral, lusting moan I’ve ever heard.
“Gwen,” he pants after a moment and his hands go to my hair. Fingers clench and I can tell he’s torn between ripping me away and forcing his hips up to my nose. I smile; I can’t help myself. I love how receptive he is to my teasing. I love how easily I can please him because I’m the only one who knows how.
His breath leaves him. It sounds ragged and heavy as I swallow him to near gagging.
“I love you,” he groans, still holding onto my hair. His hips buck as I continue to slowly glide my lips and tongue up and down his cock as my hands explore his body and remaining inches of him. He feels so hot. “You need to stop soon.” Fingers tap me on top of the head. “Babe… Gwen…” Hands try to gently pry me from him but I shrug him off. “Please… I… God… Gwen.”
“I want to taste you,” I whisper after releasing him from my mouth and caressing the delicate apex of his thighs with my tongue.
“Isn’t that what you’re doing?”
He knows what I mean and I know he’s going to try and stop me, so I quickly suck him back into my mouth in a way that I know will render him speechless for a moment. As expected, he falls back onto his pillow and groans loudly. His hands grip the headboard and I hear the wood squeak under his tight grip.
“Enough,” he whispers through another moan. I know he doesn’t mean it. He just doesn’t want to finish before giving me the chance. He has always been a generous lover. It has always been about my pleasure before his own. “Gwen…”
I bat away his hand, working his cock eagerly with my warm mouth and swollen lips. I’ve yet to taste him, yet to swallow his essence, because the thought of it doesn’t appeal to him like it does most men. His extremely tough upbringing made sure to ruin such desires for him.
I just want him to experience it, just once. Mostly for my sake, but also for his.
The thought of it is so erotic. I bet he tastes as good as he looks.
“Gwen,” his tone is pleading, though for what, I doubt even he knows.
“Let me make you feel good,” I beg when he manages to pull my head up. Our eyes meet and his dilated pupils stare through the darkness and into mine. My fingers trace the trimmed hair around his solid length as we silently communicate. When his eyes close and his grip on my hair loosens, I get back to it, smiling around him when he whispers my name with such intensity my womb clenches. The need to bring myself to my own release using his body is unbearable. Every time he tenses, every time he groans, every time he whispers my name, tingles burn through my veins like lava through the grooves of a rock.
“I’m nearly there,” he warns as he always does and usually I’d allow him the reprieve. On any other evening, he’d flip me over and take me from behind, his favourite position and one of mine. Not tonight. “Gwen.”
I slap his hands away.
“Gwen,” his voice is more urgent this time. His hands grip my hair almost painfully and his legs tense. “Come here.”
“Nuh-uh.”
He hisses through his teeth and thrusts upwards. “Christ.”
This is it, I can feel it. His balls tighten as I roll them between my fingers. His hands tighten to the point my scalp aches. It only seems to make me feel more alive.
My body burns. How I wish I could feel this alongside him.
“GWEN!” He yells, no longer in control of himself, when I suck him farther into my mouth than I’ve ever managed before. His tone is saying one thing but his body is asking for something entirely different. “FUCK! Move!”
I’ve never heard him swear before. Is it so wrong that it excites me? My womb clenches in response and my body shudders with a tingle so powerful, I almost bite down with a groan.
He doesn’t get the chance to pull me away and I know that he didn’t want to.
When I feel him spilling himself onto my tongue, I grip the base of him and hold steady. He tastes just as I imagined and I’d do this again, just to hear him cry out the way he is and just to watch him fist the bedsheets in his hands just as he’s doing now.
After swallowing and kissing a trail up to his neck, I rest on his chest, smiling with pride at myself, though he can’t see because his trembling fists are pressed to his eyes. Sharp breaths escape through slightly parted lips that I want to kiss so badly but I don’t want to weird him out.
“I don’t think I can move.” He murmurs, making me giggle and drop my face into his neck. When his arms come around me and his lips touch my forehead, I feel so tightly embraced by such a powerful love. There’s no stronger bond than ours. “You blow my mind.”
“I definitely blew something.”
His answering laugh vibrates through his throat and chest. My body shakes involuntarily with his and then I’m being rolled onto my back and soft fingers are brushing my hair from my face while chocolate eyes scan around my head to make sure not a single strand is trapped under his weight.
“It suits you this length.” He tells me and twists a lock around his finger. I wriggle beneath him, ensuring a comfier position. “Though it suits you at all lengths. You’re one of those fortunate beauties that can pull off almost every look and style.”
“Fortunate beauty?” My brow quirks as I stifle my smile. “You have such a way with words, Mr Weston.”
“I try, almost Mrs Weston. Have you looked at any more venues yet?”
“I haven’t really had the time.”
“Make time.” His frown hurts. I don’t want to be the one to put such a look of frustration on his face. “Why are you stalling?”
“I’m not stalling.” My hand reaches up to caress his face and I feel the stubble along his jaw prickle the palm of m
y hand. “I just haven’t had time.”
“Hmm.” He doesn’t look convinced and I don’t blame him. I’m not stalling; I just don’t see the need to rush. I’m looking forward to marrying him, but first I want to focus on us.
“What’s gotten into you lately?” I ask carefully, not wanting to cause another argument after such an amazing breakthrough. “You seem so…”
“I’m fine.”
“Don’t interrupt.”
“I know what you’re going to say.”
“You can read minds now?”
He places his warm hand over my mouth and kisses the tip of my nose. “I’m going for a shower. You coming?”
I huff but I let him pull me from our bed anyway. As we creep through the room and step into the hall, I change the subject to not only distract him, but also to distract me. “So… are you going to comment on the fact that I totally just swallowed you?”
“I feel guilty,” he responds, confusing me.
I close the bathroom door behind us and wait for him to switch on the shower before prompting him to continue.
“I’m never going to be able to do that for you.”
My eyes roll before I can stop them. “I didn’t do that to receive. I did it because I wanted to. No hidden agenda.”
“I know but…”
“Nothing. But nothing.” This time I place my hand over his mouth. “We got this, Nathan. We’re happy. I’m happy.”
“Promise?” He whispers and pulls my naked body flush to his. One hand threads into my hair as the other pushes against the small of my back.
“I promise.”
A vulnerability shines from his eyes; it’s slight but I see it. Not only can I see it but I heard it in his voice.
“Should I be worried about whatever this is?” I ask softly, not wanting to close away his soul from my view.