by A. E. Murphy
“Not at all.”
Chapter Twelve
My mum arrived early this morning. It’s so nice to see her and the kids are ecstatic. They love their nana, as they should. She’s great with them.
“Your tea is always the best,” she comments as she sips a healthy amount into her mouth.
“And yours is always the worst.”
She rolls her eyes but doesn’t deny it. At least she’s finally out of her denial.
“How’s your better half?”
“He’s good.” She smiles warmly at the thought of him. “How’s yours?”
“He’s also good.” I mirror her smile.
“I’m the better half though.” Her words are mumbled against the rim of her cup.
I snicker and hum my own agreement. “As am I.”
“PENGINN!” Dillan shouts and I hear his heavy little footsteps come from the living room, right before a penguin doll sails into the room and skids across the floor.
“He’s so weird,” I comment and my mum bursts into a fit of laughter.
“He’s definitely something.” She clears her throat. “He looks just like…”
“I know.” My hands clench on my mug so tightly my skin squeaks against the ceramic. “It’s unnerving how much he looks like him.”
“You don’t have any pictures of Caleb anywhere.”
I look around and wince. She’s right. “I know. It’s not really something I’ve thought about.”
“It’s okay to have a picture up somewhere. Dillan is going to learn about his father eventually. You should make his face familiar so it’s not a total shock.”
Placing my cup on the side, I look around the room before settling on a spot on the microwave. “I just got this really nice silver photo frame from that home store around the corner. It’ll look lovely here.”
“It’s up to you; don’t feel pressured by me.”
“No, God no, I swear I don’t.” I rush to grab the frame from the cupboard under the stairs. “You’re right. It’d be nice to look at his face again. I avoid it usually but it’s been enough time. I want to see him again.”
“Will Nathan be okay with that?”
“I don’t see why he’d have an issue with it.”
A look of scepticism comes across her face, only briefly, but I caught it. I let it go. She doesn’t know the ins and outs of my relationship so she can’t foretell how he’ll react. Besides, if he does somehow react in any way other than nonchalant about it, I’d be concerned about his mental health.
“In other news,” I announce loudly to the room, my face set in a beaming smile, “on Wednesday, I am going to be the line chef!”
“That’s like floor manager, right? But in a kitchen?”
“Kind of.” I bounce on the spot. “I overheard Kerim and Patience talking about it. Patience is ill and somebody has to cover.”
“But you’ve not been there long.”
“He needs to see if I’m capable.”
“Are you?” She’s asking out of concern but it still stings with the feeling that she doesn’t have any faith in me.
“I hope so.”
“You can do anything you want. You’re so clever. We’re all proud of you.”
“That’s what Nathan always says.” I motion for her to follow me to the room where the kids have pulled out all of their toys and have no doubt misplaced all of the remote controls.
Yep, not a single remote in sight.
“I guess we aren’t watching TV then,” I sigh as Emily comes to me with her arms outstretched. I lift her and snuggle her close before she pushes me away and goes to her Nana. After pulling my phone from my back pocket, I check it for the thousandth time and frown.
“How’s he doing in Essex?”
“He’s been there since yesterday morning and we only spoke when he arrived.”
“That’s unlike him.” She seems as concerned as I feel. “How many times has he been over there now?”
“This is his fourth visit in two weeks, but we spoke as much as possible.”
“He’ll be in touch.”
I can’t hide the concern from my eyes. “I’m supposed to be taking the car in for its MOT and a couple of fixes tomorrow.”
“Is it desperately needed?”
“It can’t wait any longer.” I go to rub my tired eyes but then recall the fact I’m wearing makeup so I stop that error immediately.
As if an angel from heaven sent the message herself, my phone rings.
I snatch it, grinning like a happy bunny once more, and exclaim, “You literally have no idea how much I’ve missed you. It’s not nice to keep a girl waiting.”
“In that case, you’ll be saying yes to what I’m about to ask then?” Kerim’s voice shatters my good mood and adds a thick layer of embarrassment to my now sad mood.
“Sorry, I thought…”
“I know.” He coughs away from the phone. “I have to go to a friend’s opening night tonight. Only for an hour. Normally I’d take Patience but this time I’ll take you; it’ll be a good experience for you.”
“What?”
“Bring clothes to change into. We’ll be working until it begins. Nothing difficult.”
“Nothing difficult?”
“You’ll have less than a minute to dress and makeup yourself before we leave.”
“I’m so confused,” I admit and Mum looks at me as if to ask what she’s missing. “Formal?”
“Yes, a dress or something.”
“Okay.”
“So… you’ll come?”
“I’ll still be getting paid, right?”
His answering laugh is loud and melodic. I find myself joining in and my sad mood melts away to a happier one. “We shall see how well behaved you are.”
He hangs up before I can say anything else.
“Not Nathan then?”
I shake my head. “Apparently, I’m going to a restaurant opening night tonight.”
“When? You’re working until almost midnight.”
“I think it’s a during work time thing?” I’m still so confused.
Gwen: I miss you. :(
“Well, have fun.” Mum throws a small ball back to Dillan and he laughs when it bounces off his face.
“I shall, hopefully. I just need to find something to wear.”
“Wear that black dress that you wore to the store’s opening day. That was lovely.”
“It’s a bit windy for the skirt.” I look outside and try to get a reading on the crappy weather.
“You’ll be fine; you’ll be inside.”
“I hope.” I nod. “It still fits and it’s the only formal thing I own so… the dress wins.”
“See? I’m so clever.” Mum smiles and scrunches up her nose playfully. I roll my eyes lovingly and check my phone again. Still nothing. “Maybe his phone broke.”
“Maybe.” I know that’s not the case though as he knows my number off by heart. He’s just busy. Really busy. It has nothing to do with how distant he has been recently. Absolutely nothing.
I think back to before he left yesterday morning. It might be my increasing paranoia but I swear I walked in on him whispering down the phone to somebody. He was too quick to shut his phone away so I can’t be certain and I didn’t want to suddenly start accusing him. I know all too well how frustrating that can be.
It’s me. I need to reassess my mental health.
My phone rings again and this time I check it before jumping the gun.
Relief fills me like warm water in a ceramic mug when I see his handsome face light up the screen.
“Is your mum definitely coming today?” Are the first words he speaks upon my answering.
I want to snap at him for such a business-like approach to our first conversation in two days, but I think better of it. “She came early.”
“Good, I was worried.”
“No need.”
He falls silent but I can hear his steady breathing. “Are they okay?”
/> “They’re fine.”
“I can hear Emily singing to herself.”
“She does that.”
He chuckles. “I’ll be home tomorrow evening.”
Thank heavens. “Text me the garage details; I need to know where to take the car.”
“Will do.”
Will do?
“What are your plans for today?” I’m scraping at subjects now to gain his attention.
“You already know. Just store stuff.”
Store stuff? I knew he’d be doing ‘store stuff’ but I didn’t anticipate his tone or description to be so… unlike him.
“Right.” There’s a loud crash in the background. I don’t have to be looking at him to know he’s biting his lip.
“Honey, I have to go. I’ll call you later.”
Honey? “Honey?” I ask and the line goes dead.
Since when did Nathan start to use the endearment ‘honey’? When did he ever say ‘stuff’?
“You look troubled.” Mum shifts in her seat, her face awash with concern.
“I’m fine. I just heard a bang and he didn’t tell me what it was before hanging up.”
“Think he’s okay?”
“I don’t think he’s hurt but still…”
“He’ll call you back.”
“Yeah, he said he would.” My lies are so effortless I’m impressing myself.
His voice lingers in my mind, repeating the name “Honey” over and over again.
Who has been saying that enough for him to start repeating it so naturally?
“Okay, what is it? You look as though you’re about to cry.”
“I…” The lump in my throat swells. I try to swallow it down. “I just realised I don’t have any tights to go with my dress.”
My mother cackles so loudly Emily comes running to me, fear in her eyes. The lump in my throat vanishes as my baby girl whimpers into my neck.
Dillan, the little jokester that he is, thinks we’re laughing at something he did so he stands facing us, giggling his evil little boy giggle.
“Let’s go shopping then. Also… everyone knows you wear stockings, not tights. You’re not fourteen anymore.”
“Won’t they fall down though?”
Her smile turns into a look of shame. “You’re kidding?”
“Umm…”
“Oh dear Lord, I didn’t raise you right.”
“I’ve been trying to tell you that for a while.”
“Cheeky,” she laughs and motions for Dillan to come to her. It takes a few goads but he finally does as he’s told and soon enough we’re on our way to our local shops to get me some stockings.
I’ve never felt so womanly or so sexy. I wish Nathan could be here to witness me in such a divine set of underwear.
I take a picture to show him later because I don’t think he’d believe me if I tried to describe it over the phone. I should send them to him but I want to see his face when he sees me like this.
Mum really knows what she’s talking about. I didn’t think she was that kind of lady.
I twist and turn in the mirror, admiring the way the lace knickers hang perfectly onto my curves without cutting into the flesh. The tan stockings tie to a lace belt that rests on my hips. I run my fingers across the top, tickling my own flesh gently. I wish Nathan’s hands could replace my own.
“You’re going to be late for work!”
“Fuck,” I whisper, annoyed that I can’t admire myself for a minute longer. I pull on my work uniform and grab my dress, which is protected in a plastic bag and dangling from a hanger in the wardrobe.
“Have fun, beautiful,” Mum adds as I race to kiss the kids and tie my hair atop my head. “Did you spray your face to make it stick?”
“Yep, I have backup makeup in my bag too.”
“You’re nailing this vanity thing like a pro.”
I give her a finger wave and skip out of the house and to my car, my beautiful little silver baby as I call her.
Gwen: Starting work now. I have SO MUCH to tell you and show you. ;) Call me tonight if you can. I miss you.
Nathan: I miss you too.
His response is almost immediate; it seems I’m not too far from his thoughts thankfully.
I wonder what he’s doing right now.
*****
“Are you going to explain to me what exactly it is we’re doing tonight?” I ask loudly over the sound of pots clattering and concoctions on the stove bubbling. The chatter from the restaurant is louder than usual tonight too, though I believe it has a lot to do with the celebrity guest over on table sixteen. I can’t see them; they’re in a private area and I’m not entirely certain who they are. Long since gone are the days that I followed any kind of pop culture.
“Later,” he calls back, his forehead shining in the bright light. It’s too warm in here.
Always later. I hate that word.
My hands make quick work of the plates before me. I admire how good I’m getting at preparing the food. I remember the days when doing this made me nervous. Now I get creative and just flip Kerim off when he tells me he doesn’t approve. I try not to deviate too much from the set plans but sometimes I can’t help it. I get a vision and I act on it.
“What’s going on tonight?” Patience asks, her tone cheery, but I can tell it’s forced to cover up her annoyance. It’s been obvious since the beginning that she has a thing for Kerim. It’s a shame he doesn’t reciprocate; they’d make such a pretty couple.
“Kerim wants to take me to an opening night restaurant thing. That’s about as much as I know.” I don’t look at her as I say this; I simply slide the dishes onto the opening so a waitress can take them.
“But… he always takes me.”
I shrug, still avoiding her with my eyes. “I think it’s just because we’ve never been to one before.”
“Oh.”
“We’ll be an hour tops… I think.” This time I do look at her. “You should just ask him out, Patience.”
Her eyes widen, startled.
“The longer you leave it, the less likely he’ll be to reciprocate.”
“You think?” I’ve never heard her sound so timid.
“Just go for it.”
“I’ll lose my job.”
“Then go for it in a subtle way. I don’t know. I’m not good at this stuff. I’m marrying my fiancé’s brother, so don’t ask me.” I giggle and then realise what I just said. I’ve never laughed at the situation before. Has enough time passed for me to be permitted a laugh about it?
“You’re what?”
I wave her off. “It’s complicated and we’re busy. I’ll tell you another time.”
“I’ll hold you to that.”
We share a smile and I notice the softened stretches by her eyes. I think I may have finally bonded with Patience. This is good. This makes me happy.
“Right, GWEN!” Kerim yells and I watch him throw his hat into a box in the corner. “You have sixty seconds!”
“Kay,” I call back and drop what I’m doing before racing into the staff area, locking the door behind me.
I rip my leggings down, careful of the stockings which still seem to be in place and carefully hang my white coat up on my designated hanger.
As I’m reaching up on my tiptoes to grab my heels from the shelf, I hear the door open.
What the fuck? I locked it. I know I did.
My entire body freezes, my eyes closing as I pray for sudden death or anything to help me escape this situation.
He clears his throat and I release the breath I’m holding. “The lock is broken.”
I look at Kerim over my shoulder, expecting to find his back facing me or at least his closed eyes. No such luck. Instead I’m greeted by his eyes, looking me up and down like only a man can look at a woman. His pupils are dark, huge spheres set behind heavy lids. Parted lips release a slow breath.
“Kerim!” I chastise and try to snatch my coat to cover my lower half, but it gets stuck on the hook it
dangles from. “Fuck.”
He seems to ignore my ire as he strolls across the room and to his own space. “Quickly, we have little time. Pray there’s no traffic.”
“So we aren’t addressing this?”
“No.” He tugs his chef’s coat off, revealing a thin grey vest. I look away and unzip my dress from the bag while trying to keep my rear covered with my bunched up leggings. This is humiliating.
“Can I have some privacy?” I ask quietly as I go to pull my own vest over my head.
“I am done,” he states and I look at him over my shoulder. He exits the room wearing grey jeans and a black turtle neck, long armed jumper top that clings tightly to his body, accenting muscles I didn’t know he had. I’m happy to see that he keeps his eyes off me.
After pulling on the dress and straightening it into position, I pin my medium length hair into a messy style twist, leaving a few tendrils dangling around my face and neck. My makeup still looks decent so I leave that, slip my feet into my heels and carefully race through the kitchen where my co-workers whistle like children, calling the eyes of the restaurant to us. My cheeks flame.
“Hurry,” Kerim says and I feel his hand on my elbow. He guides me to our cosy little carpark and leads me around his flashy, dark Bentley. After opening the door and waiting for me to take a seat, he races to his side and starts the car.
I’d call him a gentleman but after his display in the staff room, he’s the farthest from that.
He mumbles under his breath in Turkish.
“What was that?”
“I’m just begging for there to be no traffic.” He glances at me and smiles. “I have a reputation for being late, but not this late.”
“How late are we?”
“Just under an hour.”
“Kerim!” I whine, his name a long note. “We’re going to look like idiots.”
“It’s fine; our table is on hold. Besides, the food will be tastier now the pans have been used for a while.”
“So, what restaurant is it?”
“Silver Kitchen.”
“You’re kidding?”
“You’ve heard of it?” He asks, glancing at me again.