Forever: Broken #3

by A. E. Murphy

  He nods, not quite agreeing but understanding. “I made the right choice then?”

  “No, you should have cursed her arse back to hell.” I smile softly and melt into him. He wraps his arms around me. “Is this truly what you were worried about?”

  “Yes,” he answers quickly, too quickly, so I lean back and narrow my eyes to push him for more. “Promise. I just didn’t want to worry you after all of that talk of them gaining custody.”

  My hand flies to my mouth. “Oh my goodness! We really need to sort that.”

  “I agree.” He pulls me back to him and kisses the tip of my nose. “This week. If it’ll make you feel better.”

  “It would.” Then I slap his arm. “Don’t frighten me like that. Don’t you ever think that you can’t come to me. I won’t judge you. I understand; she’s your mum at the end of the day. It was probably a really tough situation.”

  His sigh is heavy and long. I tuck my head under his chin and kiss his throat. “I love you, Gwen. More than anyone and anything.”

  “Not including the babies.”

  “Well that goes without saying.”

  I love to hear him say that. “I wish I grew up with a dad like you.”

  “Me too. Our kids won’t know an ounce of what we knew growing up.”

  “Exactly.” I clear my throat and hand him his coffee. He’s going to need all the energy he can get for what I have planned. “Are you sure that’s it? That’s truly what’s been eating at you?”

  “It was just confusing. My mother was abused for so long, as you know. Part of me can’t help but feel some small amount of sympathy for her.”

  “I get it; just don’t get suckered in.” I press my lips to his. “She’s poison; both of them are.” His eyes soften but still seem troubled. Perhaps it’s just time he needs now, to accept all of this. Having his mum return a seemingly different person has to be a bit disorienting. “I actually have my own news.”

  “Oh?” He grins and lifts me onto the breakfast bar so easily I feel as though I don’t weigh an ounce. “Do tell.”

  I part my thighs so he can stand between them and hook my arms around his neck. “Kerim…” The second I say that name, Nathan’s mask of happiness twists into a look of hatred. I don’t stop though, I need to get this out. “Has offered me a partnership, kind of.”

  “What?” His deep voice doesn’t mirror my own voice of joy. Strong hands that were stroking my thighs now squeeze as though afraid to let me go.

  “He said that I’m really good and he doesn’t want me as his competition, he wants me as his partner one day so he’s giving me a permanent place in his kitchen.”

  “I bet he does,” he mumbles while rolling his eyes.

  Slapping his arm, I cut him with a look that tells him to behave. “Nathan, this is brilliant. He’s the chef. He’s my idol. You know I look up to him! The fact he’s told me this…”

  “Has absolutely nothing with him wanting in here?” He bucks his hips against my groin, startling the absolute hell out of me.

  Shoving him away I snap, “Yes because it’s all about my pussy and has absolutely nothing to do with how hard I work or how good I am?” I drop to the floor and try to shoulder past him but his firm hand on my bicep stops me.

  “I know you work hard and maybe his intentions aren’t completely impure. He’d be a fool not to want that; I just don’t…” He releases me and runs both of his hands through his hair. “I just don’t trust him.”

  “He’s your friend.”

  “Hardly. We’re connected, that’s all.”

  “I’m going to promise him my loyalty in return for a future partnership. We’ll get it in writing.”

  His eyes narrow. “Just like that?”

  “I’d be a fool not to. I’ll have a better chance of becoming a recognised chef by his side than trying to wing it on my own.”

  “By his side?”

  “Yes, professionally. He’s so good at what he does.”

  His voice deepens dangerously. “Tell me you don’t feel for him.”

  My jaw hits the floor. “Because I want to better my career means that I feel for him? Whatever that means.”

  “It’s all a bit much too soon. You’ve hardly worked there and suddenly he wants you permanently?”

  “Maybe I’m just that good.” His face tells it all by the way he raises a brow and tears well in my eyes. “You don’t think I’m that good?”

  “Gwen…” Every part of him softens as he reaches for me, but it’s too late. I pull away and he snaps, “Don’t be naïve! I’m not saying you’re not good enough…”

  “That’s exactly what you’re saying.” Tears roll freely down my cheeks.

  “Please,” he pushes, taking a step towards me and placing his hands on my shoulders. “That’s not what I’m saying at all. I just don’t trust him.”

  “No, you just don’t have faith in me as your wife or as a chef.” I snarl and break free of his hold.

  “Gwen,” he calls as I move through the hall, grabbing my bag and my keys as I go. “Where are you going?”

  “Away from you.”

  “Don’t be ridiculous.” His hand on the door stops me from leaving. “Please, let’s just calm down. This has all been blown out of proportion.”

  “Tell that to my broken heart.” My chest deflates as I exhale a shuddering breath.

  “Gwen,” he whispers, sounding as broken as I feel. “I’m sorry. That’s not what I meant.”

  “Then what did you mean?” I don’t look at him. I stare at the lines in the wood of the door, trembling almost violently.

  “I just meant that it’s possible he wants more and you’re not seeing it. Maybe he’s asking you to stay, not just because you’re good but because he wants you.”

  “Isn’t that the same thing?”

  “No, it’s just… I’m a man.”

  “Bravo.”

  “I know he wants you because there isn’t a single man in the world who would get as close to you as he has and not want you.”

  I laugh harshly. “And what of every other man that works there? Do they all want me too?”

  “I don’t know, but I don’t feel threatened by them because they aren’t the male equivalent of you. Kerim could offer you so much more than I can.”

  My body stills. So this is what it all boils down to? “You’re feeling insecure.”

  “Aren’t I allowed?”

  “Of course, but not at the expense of my mental health or your own,” I snap, finally turning to look at him. He presses his lips to my forehead and wipes away my tears with the back of his hand. “Stop talking about Kerim and I like that. It’s not true and if it is then you have to trust me and know that I would never hurt you like that! I swear it. I wouldn’t touch Kerim.”

  “You can’t help who you fall in love with, Gwen,” he snaps, his tone almost mocking. “If you could, do you honestly think you’d be fucking your dead fiancé’s brother? Didn’t you promise Caleb that you’d stay away from me? Yet here we are. How much are your promises truly worth?”

  Oh my God.

  “You didn’t just say that,” I whisper, feeling devastated. Absolutely devastated. “What the fuck is wrong with you?”

  “I’m sorry, I went too far.”

  “Oh, no, you went the perfect distance.” I laugh coldly and rip his hand from the door. “I’m leaving.”

  “Don’t, please,” he begs, following me out into the cold. “Come back inside.”

  “Don’t touch me,” I shout, ripping free from his grip when his hand circles my wrist.

  “Please,” he begs, sounding desperate and panicked. “I’m sorry, I couldn’t help it. I didn’t mean it.”

  “I can’t take this anymore,” I say quietly, feeling pain in my heart with every stabbing beat.

  Pulling open the door to my car, Nathan grabs the top of it to stop me from closing it after I climb in. “I’m sorry.”

  “Are you?”

  “Don’t
go. Come back inside. Let me make it up to you.”

  Snort.

  “Gwen, I’m begging you.” His voice takes a saddening echo to it. He sounds as close to the verge of tears as I do. “Come back inside. Please. Please.”

  “No,” I say, my eyes front and centre. “You’re out of order and I literally can’t stand to be around you right now.”

  “Then I’ll stay out of your way. Just don’t go…”

  I try to pull the door closed.

  “Please.” He goes to grab my arm but the look I hit him with instantly stops his movement in mid-air. “Where will you go?”

  “Oh, I don’t know. Maybe I’ll run to Kerim, just like I ran to you.” I snap and finally manage to pull the door closed. Reversing out of there, I try to ignore the look of devastation on his face but it’s impossible. It’ll be forever burned onto my retinas.

  But I can’t simply let go of the fact that he holds such circumstantial things against me. Does he regret it? Does he wish he never made a move on his brother’s girl? Is that what this is all about now? He always said that I was his first. Did he mean it?

  None of it can be painted that black and white. What happened can’t be summed up into a single paragraph. How dare he judge me? He was in on it too. Does he blame himself as much as he seems to be blaming me? Or are his insecurities fuelling a ridiculous notion that wouldn’t even cross his mind otherwise? Not that that makes it any better if that’s the case.

  I just wish he’d snap out of it or at least try to rein it in. I can’t play the victim entirely. I have spoken about Kerim too fondly lately and I know that it’s not helping, but it is purely innocent. There’s nothing between us at all. He’s just… my idol or something along those lines. I have so much respect for him. Why does Nathan have to tarnish that? Why does he have to turn it into something dirty and wrong?

  Nathan: Please come home. Please. I promise I won’t argue anymore. I just want you here.

  I read that message at a traffic light and in the distance is a roundabout. I could turn back and continue this, or I could do what he did and stay away for the entire night. I’m not sure what would be better in the long run.

  I need ice-cream.

  I’m wasting a kid free night with all this moping. Sighing heavily I make a U-turn on the roundabout and drive all the way home.

  Nathan, seeming to be watching for me, comes racing out of the house and pulls me into his arms. “I’m sorry.”

  “Stop.” His confusion over my word makes me smile. “You’re coming with me for the night.”

  “Where are we going?”

  “For ice cream.”

  “That sounds excellent,” he grins, kissing my moist lips. “Maybe we can take some home with us.”

  “You’re so dirty minded,” I giggle, leading him to my car. “I’m driving.”

  “You’re really not,” he tells me, pulling me to his. “You’re going to sit in the passenger seat and relax.”

  “Fine, but if you detour I’m not sucking ice-cream off your cock later.”

  Choking a little, he pulls open my car door and adjusts himself. “Don’t tease.”

  “Hurry up or we won’t get my favourite,” I call as he rounds the front of the car and folds himself into the driver’s seat. I’m relieved that the car is still cool from our previous trip as the outside is so muggy and warm. That’s the problem with English weather - when it’s hot, it’s heavy and damp.

  “Thank you for coming back.”

  “There’s a purpose behind my mood swing,” I assure him, setting my determined gaze on the road ahead. “Take a left…”

  Five minutes later we sit in the staff carpark of my work place. I can tell Nathan isn’t pleased by my bringing him here but I couldn’t care less.

  “You said ice-cream,” he murmurs, his brow furrowed with annoyance.

  “I wasn’t lying about the ice-cream.”

  “Why are we here?”

  “I want you to see my job and meet my co-workers.”

  “Seriously?”

  “We did it for you,” I snap, irritated by his attitude. “It’s your turn.”

  “You’re right, sorry,” he mutters. “Just… don’t say anything to Kerim.”

  “Duh.” I take his hand. “Let’s go.”

  “Won’t they be too busy?”

  “Always,” I reply, grinning as we near the building. The beautiful smells waft out of the slightly cracked door. I notice a tin of chillies holding it open and roll my eyes. He shouldn’t leave the door open, especially not with food produce. I should purchase a door stop but then I’d be permitting the door to be open.

  “Are you sure we’re allowed?”

  “Stop being a baby.” I pull the door open and lead Nathan inside. The glow of the kitchen comes through the light of the glass on the second door. We close the exit behind us and push through.

  I smile at the sight of everyone working hard, flipping things at their stations, tossing herbs into pots on the stove, slicing meat ready for cooking. Kerim’s orders carry above everyone else’s voices.

  They haven’t noticed us enter, too enthralled by their own world, so I pull Nathan to the private area of the kitchen where customers can’t see into and take his jacket.

  It’s Harold who notices us first and salutes us with two fingers from his chef hat. This draws the eyes of the others and everyone greets me.

  “What are you doing in my kitchen on your day off?” Kerim calls over the noise, smiling a little.

  “I’m stealing some of your ice-cream.”

  “It’ll cost you.”

  I roll my eyes and take Nathan’s hand. “Come on, to the freezer.”

  When I slide the large, heavy metal door open, Nathan blinks with astonishment. “This is huge. It puts our little freezer to shame.”

  “Right?” I laugh and wrap my arms around myself. “See, we don’t serve ice-cream normally unless requested and even then it’s just the standard vanilla over there.” I point to the large tubs stacked in the corner. “We make those in bulk once a month.”

  “It’s freezing in here. How can you stand it?”

  “You get used to it,” I grin and push a large metal shelving unit on wheels to one side, revealing a narrower shelving unit as tall as me, hiding several tubs of homemade ice-cream. “This is Kerim’s secret stash. He makes the best ice-cream in the world.”

  I notice a flicker of jealousy in Nathan’s eyes and nudge his arm with my own.

  He really has a problem with Kerim.

  “Choose your poison.” I pick up a tub of white chocolate and grab a bag of fudge pieces for melting. Nathan chooses the same and we quickly exit the freezer.

  “My favourite.” Kerim snatches the tub away the second I exit the freezer and grins childishly. “Guys, it’s ice-cream time. Gwen’s paying.”

  When they cheer collectively, the entire restaurant looks over to see what has made us all so happy.

  “Paying?” Nathan whispers, but Kerim heard him.

  “Not to worry, my friend. She only has to make the next batch of ice-cream and clean up the mess afterwards.”

  “First person to touch Kerim’s ice-cream loses.” I add, giggling.

  “Yes and she’s lost for the past… three months now?” Kerim grins and reaches out a hand to Nathan. “How are you? I am sorry for not being in contact; you know how time quickly flies.”

  “I understand; I’m guilty of the same. Gwen has been keeping me up to date.” Nathan tucks me under his arm possessively. Kerim, thankfully seeming unaffected by the possessive display, opens the ice-cream, grabs a few small bowls and begins scooping the amazing frozen treat into each one. I pull away from the man I love and pop the bag of fudge into the microwave.

  “Too me,” Kerim states, smiling easily.

  “Me too,” I correct him after snorting at his jumbled response. When he realises, he hits my hand with the lid of the ice-cream.

  “Your wife is a bully. Forever teasing
me.”

  Shrugging, I cross my arms over my chest and respond, “It’s vengeance for all of the yelling.”

  “Yelling?” Nathan’s voice has darkened. I wince.

  “It’s a kitchen, we yell. We have to; the pressure is crazy,” Patience puts in and I’m grateful for the help. “We all yell. Even Gwen.”

  “Gwen yells?” Nathan doesn’t look as though he believes it. “I think I’ve only ever heard her yell twice in the entire time I’ve known her.”

  “Ah,” Kerim chuckles. “She has more tolerance for you than me. That is all. This is good. But it makes sense; her passion is in this kitchen.” Why did he have to word it like that? “Passion sparks fire in a person, agree?”

  Nathan nods but looks as though he wants to kill him. I sense his look isn’t missed by Kerim either, even though he doesn’t show any signs of noticing.

  The microwave pings so I grab the fudge with a gloved hand and begin squirting it onto the ice cream in each bowl.

  I love how quickly the top layer of ice cream begins to melt; it makes it taste so much more delicious. The contrast of the warm fudge on the cold, melting treat is divine.

  “Oh my gosh,” I hum happily as the first bite melts in my mouth. “Literally there is no greater taste in the world than this ice-cream.”

  Nathan seems reluctant to agree but I can see that it has even affected him in a similar way.

  “I’ll throw in unlimited ice-cream and fudge if you consider my offer,” Kerim tells me quietly, stepping into our bubble. His sudden change in demeanour hasn’t gone unnoticed and I feel curious eyes on us.

  “We’ll need to go over a few things but…” I glance at Nathan out of the corner of my eye and pray he doesn’t get upset over this. “I’m definitely interested. It’s an honour to work with you.”

  Kerim beams from ear to ear. “In that case, I will pay the price for the ice-cream and consider this a victory celebration.” When he winks at me, I remain passive. Nathan looks about ready to kill and if Kerim has noticed, he isn’t letting on. “I must work. Enjoy your ice-cream. Take the tub if you like.”

  “Chef,” Harold calls, waving him over.

  “Duty calls.” Kerim grips my shoulders and squeezes before taking Nathan’s hand once more and promising, “I’ll be in touch.”