“Jane! Sit and listen. Because of your boring face I'm sure that you’ll also benefit from my advice.”
“I don’t look bored. Anne! Tell her I'm not boring.”
“Bored and bitter,” Aunt Elsa clarified further.
I preferred to keep quiet because she had some reason to say it.
Jane sat beside her accepting reality. To argue with Elsa and emerge victorious was an impossible mission.
“Your sister has been without a man for three years. Knowing her as I know her and knowing that no matter how hard I have tried in both your educations, I’ve been left with two convent nuns, I’m sure that the very foolish woman has not watered her garden in a long time. She must have wilted lettuce.”
“Aunt,” I answer embarrassed while Jane closes her eyes shaking her head.
“ Now you have a chance with a delicious bonbon and the very foolish woman doesn’t take advantage.”
“How? What exactly happened? And why am I not aware of anything!” Jane says somewhat annoyed.
Sweetie, if something had happened would I be saying that your sister hasn’t watered her garden for three years, don’t you think?”
Jane shakes her head in denial and I flop red faced on the couch because of the embarrassment.
“He isn’t a bonbon and I assure you that he seems many things but not soft and delicate. And no! I haven’t rejected anyone. If you didn’t listen to me well, he rejected me!”
“He rejected you! Forget about him, he's a jerk.” Jane says sure and fans herself with Aunt Elsa's fan.
“Oh!”
“My dear, men are usually quite simpler bugs than we imagine. Although sometimes we think that things are clear and we send them direct messages, their minds are usually very simple.
“Bugs? Auntie, that's a bit derogatory...” my sister and her impeccable manners.
“No way! What do you think they call us when they are alone?”
“That's true,” Jane always rationalizing everything.
“Then you were telling me that the hunk rejected you, but what exactly did he do?”
“He didn’t kiss me,” I answer annoyed.
“But you didn’t want to go out with anyone!” Jane is lost.
“Be quiet and let your sister talk about this it’s serious.”
Jane looks at me and we both smile.
“Let's see if I can talk without interruptions. He works decorating the office of that old bitter guy. The office is right in front of my office and through the glass windows and the translucent door, we can both see each other. One day he arrived and introduced himself. His name is Reed.”
“Reed what?”
“The truth is he didn’t say it.”
“It doesn’t matter. Keep talking,” Elsa answers as she takes another puff on her cigarette.
“Anyway, on Friday he approached my office, he entered and invited me to dinner. I answered no but he insisted so much that after a while it didn’t seem so bad. We ordered some pizzas and we ate it in my office. Then we sat on the carpet and continued talking.
“How unglamorous!”
Aunt Elsa smiles with the look of disgust at my sister. Jane loves romantic novels and dinners with candlesticks.
“I thought it was fun. We talked a lot. Well I spoke and he listened. He is a very dry man, he seems distant and cold but he isn’t. He hides warmth that he barely lets out. He's interesting, intriguing... And I love...”
“Wasn’t he insipid and bitter?” She switches off her cigarette, smiling.
“No! He wants to seem dry and distant and I'm not sure why. We said goodbye with glimmer in our eyes and when he hugged me by the shoulders towards his body I thought he would kiss me but he didn’t... A simple thank you as good friends and he left.”
Elsa throws out a huge laugh and Jane and I look at each other without understanding her.
“My daughters, men, when they look for friends don’t think of beautiful women like you. He likes you,” she assured her.
“And why didn’t he kiss me?”
“Were you totally willing? You say you wanted a kiss but it's not true. If he had proposed to hump you, would you have said yes?”
“Elsa!” We both shouted between laughter.
“Hump you... Aunty where do you get those things?”
“Less giggles and more answers. Are you really ready to enjoy sex between adults or are you just looking for a romantic kiss? You say you're going to start your new life, but have you said goodbye to the past?”
“Yes... No... I think... I hope...”
Aunt Elsa agrees.
“Anne, you've always been curious, brave and adventurous with a free spirit. There are women who were born to survive and there are others who were born to fly. You are one of those who don’t fear heights. Fulfill your dreams, discover your desires, and experiment in your relationships and start flying.”
Silence floods the half-accommodated small room. Aunt Elsa is right. Fear put me in a comfortable place from which I wanted to leave but I never did anything to escape. Fear paralyzed me.
“And you get all those conclusions from a kiss?” Jane whispers curiously.
“You’re right. The conclusion is clear. She stood there stunned waiting to be given what she wanted.”
“And what should I have done?”
“Take the kiss!”
“But he rejected me...”
“He didn’t reject you why didn’t you offer yourself! You weren’t sure of what you were looking for. Anne, you’re not a child. If he kissed you and you ended up frolicking on the couch, I'm sure you’d regret it later. Clarify the life you seek and then act accordingly. If you are looking for sex with a handsome man, jump in the pool. Break your taboos. Drop in without fear, and then if he rejects you go for another man and start over again.”
“Elsa is right. You are free and you can do whatever you want. Live!”
Jane speaks with confidence and a touch of sadness. My sister also wants to fly but she’ll never recognize it. Elsa seems to notice it because she squeezes her hand and looks into her eyes.
“And there are other women who are clouds... There are very few but when you bump into one you want to lock her in a little glass box so as not to lose her.”
“Clouds?” I ask while Jane holds back the tears without speaking.
“Yes. They are soft, tender, warm and capable of being the best refuge from the hardest of storms.”
Now we both hold back the tears.
“I never told you about when I found you in that orphanage after losing myself among so many rooms?”
We both shake our heads.
I opened the last door and there you were in a corner scared. Anne, you held your hand tightly in Jane’s and she looked menacingly towards the door. She was not willing to lose you. She was your cloud, your shelter and she wasn’t going to lose you. She would protect you.”
“That's why you asked me if I’d let you land in my sky? I didn’t know what it meant but you looked at us with such affection that I answered yes.”
“You’ve always been our cloud. Jane, you've made my life even sweeter.”
“Elsa... I love you so much.” We both embrace and I start crying with happiness for having them in my life.
“Your mother left me the best gifts that a crazy spinster will ever receive.”
The three of us tried to change the subject to calm the tears of gratitude that we all felt for each other. After an hour and after several cream cakes, Aunt Elsa was the same again.
“Then it's decided. Tomorrow, Monday, your new flight as a woman begins. You’ll put on a perfect miniskirt and some sky high heels and begin to live it up.”
The three of us roared with laughter and had fun until Jane left with Aunt Elsa in her car. She swore she was in perfect condition to walk but Jane wasn’t convinced.
I closed the door smiling and I’m thinking about Elsa's advice. I had always wanted to live, but fear and insecurities had stopp
ed me. Elsa was right. I am a woman with new opportunities and I don’t have to hide under anything. I can fly without thinking about the criticism of the neighbors. Do I have a neighbor that I care about? Self-esteem strokes the chin thoughtfully.
Fly with Me
“Good morning Mary.”
I enter the office hastily and without stopping. Mary opens her eyes wide. She couldn’t give credit to what she was seeing. Yes, my dear, I also know how to wear a killer miniskirt with some impressive heels.
“Anything new?”
“Uh... That blouse you're wearing... It's very sexy.”
“Thank you,” as she doesn’t say that I look great in it so I infer that yes I do. I smile victoriously.
A black leather mini skirt with a matching silk blouse, a peak neckline that highlights my breasts and six inch heels, I feel like a total goddess. What the hell! I’m a goddess and if someone doesn’t like it, then look the other way.
The new Anne has just arrived; I cross my fingers to avoid crash landing.
I am happy with my new attitude; I am not a fearful woman in search of security. I have confidence.
“Anne... I forgot to tell you that the first thing the painter did was come directly to your office, he entered without knocking and when he didn’t see you he ordered me and I quote textual words, Tell Anne that I will pick her up at six, tell her that it’s a date, and that no, I will not accept a negative response."
I kept my mouth open, imagining Reed with his broad back; his strong posture and those powerful blue eyes demanding Mary tell me of a date with me! Me! Yes, and a thousand times yes.
I am unable to understand anything of what happens with this man. Saturday, I spent in the company of two kilos of ice cream with old orange pajamas and today I’m on the best date of my life, pinch me to make sure I’m not dreaming! Yes, I do want the date, yes I’ll accept it and yes I’ll go.
“Don’t you have anything to explain to me?” Mary bites her lip, crosses his arms akimbo and I don’t like her attitude a bit.
She has always been my secretary and I’ve offered her more freedom than other secretaries are usually allowed but I'm not willing to tolerate her impertinence. I don’t owe her or anyone any explanations, it's my first day of flight and I refuse to land.
“I think not.”
“Well I think yes,” Oh yes? Self-esteem puts on boxing gloves.
“And I think not. I don’t owe you or anyone else any explanation.” Mary's eyes sparkle in suppressed rage. “You call him the painter but you don’t even know his name.”
“I haven’t had time...” She smiles trying to insinuate much more than her words.
I was disquieted for a moment but I soon recovered my intelligence. If Reed wanted to sleep with her, he would have done it.
“No, you haven’t had time because he hasn’t given it to you.” She explodes when exposed. “Mary... I can talk, go out and dine with whomever I give a rat’s ass and as I’m a free woman like the wind, I shouldn’t have to give explanations to you or to my neighbor, who by the way, I met and he is very nice.”
Mary looks at me with her eyes out of her sockets and the blond of her hair begins to rise up in a disturbing way.
“I inform you that he is called Reed, he is very nice, and according to the events it is clear to whom he is interested in.” Frosting on the cake.
Mary purses her lips about to explode but I don’t care. Many times I have been the one who has had to keep silent, today is my turn to reply.
“I'm going to work.”
“I consider that right. Please close the door when leaving and without slamming it ...”
The blonde with imposing curves turns furiously and goes straight to her desk. I've never seen her so angry. Should I apologize? Not even joking! What am I doing wrong? A man invites me to dinner instead of my wonderful secretary and I have to ask for forgiveness? Fuck that! Oh mother, the Goddess has gone to my head. Self-esteem, planning about Paris.
It's almost six pm and my nerves begin to dominate me. It’s time and I am not able to move. What if he is much more insensitive than he appears? I couldn’t stand it. I remember John and the icy tremors run through my body. I feel that fear again that no woman should ever feel. The kind of fear that you feel with the pressure of a body that roughly forces you to his power. The brutality that no matter how loud you scream your pleas and denials, he will never accept them.
I look once more at the card I hold tightly.
"The Temple of the Passions, where the fantasies of others are your reality.” We met there but neither of us mentioned the subject, will you be ashamed of what you did, will you think that I am ashamed or will you consider me an easy whore to master?
“Aren’t you thinking about going down?”
Reed enters the office wearing an unblemished white shirt and killer, tight, chocolate, brown pants. How am I supposed to be able to act with reason if the only thing I'm capable of doing is wanting to melt into his arms, for him to fall madly in love with me and make love passionately to me? God, I'm living that instant crush, cold sweats and various romantic fevers. How will I heal from this?
His face shows a stony seriousness even somewhat angry, but in his look, there lies his vulnerability. His Arctic blue eyes framed by those dark eyebrows like the night, he smiles amused. He’s enjoying himself at my expense.
“Maybe, I had a lot of work...” I hid the card in the agenda again and I’m checking my theory.
“Maybe,” he answers seriously.
“Or maybe I don’t have any appetite...”
“Maybe, yes!” His lips start to glimpse a small smile.
I relax on the back of my chair excited about my discovery.
“Or I may not accept your invitation...”
“You can’t,” he says as he leans on my desk and brings his face closer to mine. “You are going to have dinner with me.”
“Is that an order?”
I stand up and I can see how his gaze shines and his arms tighten trying to regain control. You like what you see! Self-esteem shouts euphorically.
“You are beautiful.”
“Thank you.”
“Did you meet someone other than me?” His mouth tightens, he's upset.
“No, but I haven’t ruled it out.” I wink an eye mischievously and he snorts hard.
I've died and gone to heaven...
I head towards the coat rack to leave, but when I try to pick up my bag, bad luck causes the laces to get tangled in my heels and I almost fall flat on my face if it hadn’t been because Reed caught me in his arms.
Something inexplicable pierces my blood when I feel his touch. My body trembles at his touch and my heart beats uncontrollably without being able to master it. His hands clung possessively to my waist and time stops. I shudder with the touch of his fingers and desire springs up in despair. His warm body is getting closer and closer until he is totally against my back and his voice caresses my hair causing chills.
I should get away, his long fingers caress my neck while his lips delicately kiss my vein, but I can’t control myself... He whispers hoarsely as his lips begin to nibble on my bristling skin before his soft touch.
I close my eyes and my body enjoys the tender caresses.
“Is that bad?” His voice is choked with desire.
“Too...”
His hands turn me confidently around. My breasts are excited by the contact of his torso and our eyes cross excitedly. With one hand he holds me tightly at the waist while with the other he raises my chin. His breathing sounds agitated and his look is that of a dazed wolf.
“Anne! I'm leaving,” Mary startled us from the door holding the latch with anger when she saw us in such a compromising posture. “Should I close the office door?:
Reed doesn’t flinch or move from the position he is in. His hands hold my waist even tighter. His arms are like chains that demonstrate his possession without remorse.
“We’ll close it,” he answers at l
ast with his hoarse voice.
But Mary ignores him and continues to rudely talk.
“Anne, I forgot to tell you that Bruce called and asked for the reports for tomorrow morning. If you’d like, I can prepare them for you?”
She was hoping I’d be embarrassed and she was getting that reaction. On the other hand, Reed isn’t showing a bit of nervousness. His gaze is still on mine and his chest is close to mine.
“You can leave...” He says again in a deep and hoarse voice.
“Tomorrow we’ll talk about it,” I add nervously.
“But it's important and....”
“Go!” We both shouted at the same time and after what I believe was an insult, Mary leaves, closing the door with a resounding slam.
I raise my eyes flushed with anger but when I see his deep blue eyes I know I'm lost. A growl comes from his chest and I cling to his body. Reed passionately throws himself on my mouth in a fiery, desperate kiss and totally dominated by passion. The need makes me release a soft sigh that manages to fire him up even more. His tongue runs through my mouth to the millimeter and my lips suck hungrily. We both want each other and desperation translates to our bodies. His hand clutches me tightly around the waist, blending us completely. I can no longer contain myself and I lose myself seeking to calm the anxiety that devours me. I feel his heat and I notice how the desire consumes us. His hard erection under his pants hits my belly and I go mad with desire. I'm flying without fear.
“You're... So... Sweet...” He mutters with desire.
With delicacy he begins to separate from my lips and rests his forehead against mine.
“I’m sorry. I couldn’t wait a damn second more. I've been imagining the taste of your lips all weekend.”
He’s been imagining kissing me all weekend? God, I'm getting dizzy.
“We need to leave or that carpet will have a lot to keep quiet about...”
“Yes, yes, I vote for the carpet, why should we leave?”
I smile nervously at the unmet need, but I feel like a goddess. The wonderful smile that Reed has on his face is totally and completely my merit. I toot my horn upon leaving. I want more! Here and now. Carpet, desk, and whatever it takes! I stretch my body to brush against his but his voice sounds like a roar.
Diana Scott - [Stonebridge 01] Page 6