“Then you’ve frightened her by telling her all my intimacies?”
“I've always told you that peeing in bed until six isn’t so serious,” Dolores winks at me and I laugh while I ask.
“Six years?”
“It was only once.” he squints in mock disgust at his old babysitter.
“That's not what the poor damp mattress said. I'm going back to work.”
“It’s time.”
“Sign my retirement and hire a more efficient one.”
“Never! You’ll go where I go.”
“I'm going to suit my employer.”
Dolores gets up smiling and puts her crochet tablecloth in her bag and leaves with the same smile that she arrived.
“Did she bother you a lot?”
“Absolutely. She’s a lovely lady.”
“She is.”
I look at him intrigued. “Dolores is someone very important in your life.”
“She told me she raised you.”
“That’s true.”
“And your parents?”
“Too busy. They didn’t have time for me.”
“What about Gabe?”
“They gave him to a distant aunt and when I turned eighteen I asked for his custody.”
“Your parents died?”
“Something like that.”
“It's clear you don’t want to talk about it.”
“It’s not easy.”
“And you're not going to tell me the story about those scars on your back?”
“They’re too dark and cruel.”
“When you want to talk, I'll be here.”
He kisses me tenderly and I decide to change the subject.
“I'm working on the invitations. Next week is the big exhibition and I don’t want to make any mistakes. Bruce has called me three times this morning to make sure I have everything under control and he has managed to get on my nerves.”
“That sounds like a lot of stress.” He purrs in my ear as he presses the knob that closes the curtains.
“Horrible.”
“You need to relax.”
A hand rests on my neck to give me tender massages while the other slowly slides down my neckline.
“In the office...” The words are cut off at the feeling of his caresses on my body.
“And in my bed, and my office, and the restaurant, and the elevator, and the parking...”
Reed gets on his knees on the floor and pulls on my hands to slide onto the floor to accompany him on the soft carpet. He pushes me down gently and leans over me while he finishes opening my blouse completely.
I look at him I’m totally wrapped in his aura. He is the most attractive man I have ever met and I am only able to tremble, waiting desperately to feel him inside me again and again.
Reed slides his hand under my skirt and caresses me with his long fingers checking my growing wetness.
“Honey, we can skip the preambles...” He smiles mischievously as he unzips his pants and determinedly releases his hard as steel erection.
I open my legs without caring about the place, the time or anything. I need him inside my body as much as I need my breathing.
Reed enters my body and we both gasp in comfort.
“I've missed you... I need your warmth... Honey, you give me life.”
His mouth captures one of my breasts in full and I moan feeling like electricity runs through my body to reach the center of my sex.
“God, baby...”
Reed moves more and more with more power entering strong and safe while I raise my legs to cross them over his back.
We both move in a frenetic way letting our mouths bite with desperate passion.
“Anne, I...”
My hands squeeze him by the buttocks trying to bring him closer. The union of our bodies is not enough to express the need that I have of him.
Reed seems to feel the same despair because his hands squeeze me by the hips to push in with even more power.
“Reed...”
“Yes baby, take me with you...”
His words are the best of triggers. An orgasm completely envelops me and drags me deeper into my being.
Reed curses loudly and begins to ejaculate to the rhythm of my contractions.
We both lay for a few seconds on the floor unable to move even a single muscle until Reed gives me the most wonderful look and kisses me tenderly.
There are no sweet words but we don’t need them, we both know it. We have fallen in love.
The past always haunts us
This week couldn’t be better. The museum has been mentioned in all national and international media. My greater insecurity Dolores has turned out to be a lovely lady and Reed can’t be more attentive. Women continue to sigh in his path but his eyes always land on mine, giving me the security I need.
Both of us are reclining on the sofa in my living room, with a glass of wine and the open terrace window, when I caught him looking at me with sad eyes.
“Are you going to tell me?”
“I don’t know what you mean.”
“You don’t say it, but your look does.”
“Ahh yes? And what does my look say?”
“Mmm... That I'm gorgeous.”
“You are.”
“And super sexy. I’m beautiful!”
“You are...” his eyes twinkle with amusement.
“And the best thing that’s happened to you.” His eyes open surprised and the heat begins to rise through my body.
“Sorry, I've overstepped myself.” I start to get up dead of shame but he won’t let me.
“You are.”
His body rejoins mine and kisses me passionately. His lips thirstily drink me. I feel that he needs me and in moments like this I want to be there because of him and for him.
He holds my hand tightly and I allow him to guide me. We enter the room and I can’t help but feel what I feel. I'm dying of love for this man. As soon as he puts on his jeans, he walks barefoot and his hard and perfect torso looks beautifully lit with the simple glow of the night that enters through the window.
My lips are wet with desire and I can relate to a child in front of the most precious candy.
“You are a Greek god. I'm never going to get used to having you with me.”
He smiles while he undresses me with his hands and eats me with his eyes.
“I'm not, but I plan to keep hiding your glasses.”
“Fool...”
I undress quickly and I can see his burning gaze burning me as it runs through me hungrily. I crawl to the bed but I notice him deny with his eyes.
“No?”
“Today you are at my mercy.”
The words scare me and fears wrap my mind.
“Do you trust me?”
Trust. To trust. Those are easy words to think but difficult to feel. I trust you? A part of me wants to say yes and enjoy the moment but the other part knows I'm lying vilely. There are still many secrets that haunt us and despite the fact that our feelings grow at an incomprehensible pace, trust is a simmering feeling.
I am totally and hopelessly in love with you but fears rule me and I can feel my body tremble. I want to defend myself from pain, from my fears and from everything my black past taught me with John. You deserve the truth but you need this lie.
“I trust you.”
His look shines triumphantly but my spirit trembles in fear.
“Raise your hands to the headboard.” He orders firmly.
I do as he orders but I can’t help breathing hard. This is different from the previous times. We are not in front of a man and a woman led by the passion of the moment but before a planned act and with a type of rule that I fear.
My naked body trembles with cold sweats trying to remember that Reed is not John. I must trust. This is something inevitable with a man like him and I don’t want to lose him.
He goes to his backpack and pulls out a small red velvet gift.
“What is it?”
“A gift.”
“But what is it!” I try to hide my nerves but my voice betrays me.
“Raise your hands.”
I don’t like his cold voice. Everything is too controlled. The situation seems to have been planned in advance and I can’t relax.
I close my eyes wanting to reassure myself. I want to be what you need. It can’t be very different from what we’ve already done so many times.
Something metal surrounds my wrists and I feel the pressure of chains surrounding my wrists. My body gets cold with fear. I'm handcuffed and I can’t defend myself.
Reed takes off his pants and his manhood jumps hard and energetic. The excitement dominates him and his gaze is that of a man determined to achieve complete possession.
It's Reed, it's not John. I breathe trying to erase from my mind images that refuse to disappear. My eyes are disturbed by the haze of the past and show me what I no longer wish to see. John is drunk, as usual. I try not to enrage him but I fail. All his problems are always reduced to the one culprit, me. "Shut up, you bitch, you'll be my whore whether you want to or not. I’m your husband and you’ll do what I say."
I breathe and try to calm down but I can’t, the past is here and I’m not able to reject it. John's insults rumble in my head. He's not John, he's not here anymore and it’s not him...
Some lips caress my neck and my nerves break.
“I don’t want to! No, please no... I'll do what you want but don’t force me... You’ll hurt me.” I am your husband and you will give me what I want, whether you like it or not. You’ll never be anything. Damn useless woman that in no condition you can’t even serve as a woman. Lips reach my breasts and I close my eyes tightly. He hurts me, it hurts ...
It's not John. It's not John. My mind repeats again and again but I can’t listen. Agitated breathing. I can no longer master my fears, he’ll hurt me, he’ll hit me, he’ll rape me and I’m tied up. His hands, they imprison me and he tries to tie one of my ankles and in a matter of seconds the room darkens and the reality transforms.
Reed doesn’t exist, John is in front of me dominated by alcohol and willing to get through the immobilization and abuse my complete surrender.
“No, don’t! No, I don’t want to, Let go! Please, don’t hurt me... I won’t resist but please let me go... Don’t hurt me.”
My body convulses nervously and my legs kick desperately. I try to get out of it but I can’t. The handcuffs hurt my wrists and they start to bleed but I don’t care, I won’t allow him to penetrate me with so much pain. If death comes to me, defending me, I’ll welcome it. I don’t care anymore.
“I'll die defending myself but you're not going to rape me. Not again. No longer!”
Crazed scream. I need strength to free myself. I have to escape.
My legs twist and I hit him with my feet but my hands are still subject to the damn chains.
“Anne! Wait. It's me! You're going to hurt yourself. Damn, Anne. Stop for now!”
Some hands imprison me by the shoulders and I get so scared. I roll nervously on the mattress but he is much stronger, he always is.
“Open your eyes! Honey, it's me. I'm Reed. Baby, open your beautiful eyes for me.”
My heart beats out of my chest mad with fear, but I can’t move. The resistance is transformed into submission. I can’t do anything to defend myself. I’m lost.
Tears cover my face and my brain tries to move away only to let my body be the recipient of his cruel caresses.
“Baby, it's me, please look at me. I won’t hurt you.” I hear a voice that calls me desperately asking me to come back.
I open my eyes seduced by the sweetness of his voice and I feel that I’ve just returned. The damned memories led me to a past that insists on returning. My body is soaked by a cold sweat the fruit of a terrible fear, and my hands are squeezed by the handcuffs just waiting for a pain that will never come. Reed is not John.
“Reed...”
“Yes, honey, it's me,” he sighs nervously, “now you're going to stay very still and you're going to let me take off the handcuffs. Look, I’m going to carefully get up and I’ll approach your hands, I won’t hurt you.”
His body moves slowly as he approaches my wrists releasing my bonds. He tries not to scare me and that makes me feel terribly embarrassed. Not only am I not the woman he wants but I’m also a damn hysterical woman who for a moment confused his games with the rape of her former husband.
“You're free now. Nothing has happened.”
I notice he’s confused, his hands don’t touch me and his look is disconcerting. I'm not what he expected...
“I want you to go.”
I cling to a sheet and try to cover my naked body. I feel weak and humiliated. Yes, the Museum Director Anne Foster, independent and eager to live life, in the past was a woman who suffered abuse from her beloved and perfect husband.
“Go, I'm not able to look you in the face.”
My body curls under the sheets trying to make the night's darkness cover my disgrace.
“I'm not going anywhere. I want to touch you but I'm afraid to scare you.”
“You don’t scare me. It was just a betrayal of my stupid memories.”
“By God Anne, I don’t want you to be afraid of me...”
His broken voice, interrupted by his nerves makes me feel like a total and complete imbecile.
This is my past and this is my crap. I want to hide them and to continue there in the darkest of my pain, but I can’t. He deserves my sincerity and I must face my reality.
I cry without knowing for how long until the voice comes out almost without thinking.
“John drank and raped me. He used force, it excited him to know that I refused. He adored...”
“You don’t have to tell me.” He puts on his jeans quickly. He is uncomfortable.
“I must do it.” I breathe to have courage and to be able to talk.
I have been silent for a long time. I am not what he expected and he deserves to know why.
“John was a very important person in his sector, his work companions idolized him and he came to believe himself a God. Everyone admired his discoveries and his knowledge was the voice of wisdom. Educated and gentle he was the ideal man, but at home he relaxed and allowed himself to be who he wanted to be without restrictions. He drank frequently and adored sex without consent. He enjoyed it only if I refused and for that he used force.”
I lay on the mattress trying to sit but my arms trembled and Reed holds me so I don’t fall on my face. His strong hands caress me cautiously and his voice is a cold and lugubrious murmur.
“If he was not dead I would kill him...”
He gets up and nervously walks around the room. The hand runs through his black hair with force and again giving him a devilish look.
“I'm sorry...” I whisper ashamed.
He stops in place and looks me straight in the eyes. He is furious.
“You’ve done nothing wrong. That damn son of a bitch doesn’t deserve to be dead. I should hang him with my own hands. I should lift him up from his grave to kill him again.”
A man can’t die twice although many times I’ve wanted the same.”
“I'm dying right now.”
“You couldn’t have done anything for me. We didn’t know each other,” I sigh, drying my face.
“I’ve always known you. You are the woman of my dreams; you are part of my sweetest desires of youth.”
Tears cover my eyes and Reed sits beside me stroking my hands.
“Why didn’t you tell me before? I would never have played with ropes or anything like that.”
“For that very reason,” he looks at me bewildered, “I wanted... I want, I need... To be what you need.”
“You are already everything I need.”
“But I'm not what I want to be. I need to recover my strength and stop feeling afraid. That will be the only way to recover what John stole from me.”
He shakes his head without un
derstanding.
“Who else knows?”
“I never told anyone. My sister Jane has her own problems and Elsa didn’t deserve such displeasure. She found us and raised us despite having no obligation to do so. I couldn’t cause her this pain. I always believed that I could solve it alone but death gave me a bitter freedom.”
His bare hands caress my trembling arms and I felt it was time to clarify all my truths.
“I thought so, but given the events, it’s clear that I’ve not overcome the past. I’ll leave.”
“Anne Foster,” his hands enclose my face, “it takes a lot more than a son of a bitch husband to get away from me.”
“But you have desires and needs, and I can’t...”
“We both have our own scars and we understand each other. You kissed my wounds without asking and I want to kiss yours.”
“Reed, if we want this to work we need to open up to our pain. Now I realize the terrible mistake I made when hiding it.”
I sigh and close my eyes saddened. Reed doesn’t speak. His scars are as hurtful as mine but he is silent. His lack of confidence hurts me.
“May l?”
He looks at the sheets and I nod yes while he gets inside the blanket and embraces me with the warmth of his body.
“Baby, see, I need to hold you in my arms.”
I curl up on his chest and I feel him tremble with rage. I start to play with the softness of his beauty until I feel a strong weight in my eyes, I feel exhausted and I just want to rest.
What I wish for
I've been trying to concentrate all day but I can’t. Since this morning, when I woke up in his apartment I knew that I was alone, I haven’t been able to control my fears.
All day I only received a message. A short message. Cold and austere
Reed
Wait for me.
Always the same always wait for me.
The day without a reasonable explanation becomes unbearable. His presence is a required necessity for my subsistence. The fear of losing him becomes a constant pain that imprisons my heart. How could I have let something like this happen to me? Every pore of my skin cries out to him but he doesn’t hear me. When I don’t have him with me, I’m not able to control what my heart feels and my brain reasons.
Diana Scott - [Stonebridge 01] Page 18