I’ve lost all dignity; I want to tell him that I need him at my side, that the days without his presence are very hard and that only he is able to show me the sunrise.
The last damn thread of pride that still survives keeps me from calling him and begging him to come back. I want to explain to him that his hand on my shoulder is the only thing I need to feel safe, to tell him that before I knew him I was a ship without control but when he is not by my side I don’t know how to soar, but I don’t have any courage to tell him.
I quickly go to grab my purse, I yank it and run out of the museum. I’m unable to think of anything other than his gaze burning my skin. My brain says that I must flee from you but my heart is desperately looking for you.
In less than fifteen minutes I arrive at my house and my new apartment shelters me inside. Doubts assail me and fear runs through my skin. Why don’t you call me? Does my truth make me so dirty before your eyes that you don’t want me anymore?
I lie on the sofa feeling like a rough copy of what I always wanted to be but never will be. Elsa says that I’m a brave and free spirit, but I can’t stop feeling dragged by some heavy chains that I can’t let go of.
I lie on the couch with the cell phone in my hand. I want to but I can’t. I want him but I shouldn’t. My finger unlocks the keyboard for the umpteenth time but I don’t call him. Minute by minute goes by until the ten becomes an eleven and my head is about to explode.
I can’t anymore, I need to know where he is and with whom. Jealousy corrodes me and fears freeze me. I become courageous and dial his number. I can do it.
“Reed Blackman, I'm calling you.”
“Baby, open the door.” His thick voice commands behind the phone.
“How?”
“Open the door.”
I approach the door with phone in hand and I see him in front.
“You’re here...”
My heart beats again and life resurfaces from the dead. Reed Blackman has become the air I need. I rush into his arms and it matters little to me to give the image of a desperate woman. I've been dreading the worst all day and his arms give me peace.
Reed hugs me hard and kisses me passionately. He has also felt it. The distance of one is the despair of the other.
His mouth devours me as his body pushes me inside as he kicks the door shut.
I nervously unbutton the buttons of his shirt as fast as I can and he pushes the jacket to the floor.
“I need you.” His hoarse voice pleads.
“And I need you. I thought I had lost you.” His body tightens and he stops biting my chest through my pajamas.
“Has anyone told you anything about me?”
“After all my damn sincerity I haven’t seen you again. You haven’t called me all day and I didn’t know what to think. I thought you were disgusted by me, that you didn’t want me anymore, that my past was a problem between us...”
“My silly girl,” he kisses my nose without letting go, “there has been a problem, but it’s not you. It will never be you.”
“Is it bad?”
“Very much so.”
“Reed, you're not alone. You can count on me, I can help you...”
“Do you love me?”
My body becomes a blob unable to recover its shape. Am I listening to what I believe or what I want?
“You're asking...” I don’t have the courage to continue. My voice stutters as my heart gallops stunned.
“I'm saying that I love you madly. I love you so much that my sanity can’t stand it.”
His tense hands hold me by the waist and his breath rises and falls uncontrollably.
“I never thought I could have feelings, but when you're not by my side I'm lost. I don’t know if this is love or madness, but I can die with only the thought of losing you.”
The tears almost fall from my excited eyes. At one moment I feel dead and buried and the next I’m the happiest woman in the universe, and I owe that to him.
I pounce on his body and tiptoe to reach him, I kiss him with love. My heart is beating madly and I feel like the luckiest woman in the world. Corresponded love is a joy that few people find and that in this room it spills out in abundance.
“I love you too.”
My lips so in love murmur over his lips. The strong masculine body imprisons me and embraces me to the point of pain. Firm hands hold me tightly trying to stop a flight I will never make.
“Whatever happens, never leave me...” He pleads with his forehead next to mine.
“Why do you say that? I'm not leaving you.” I stroke his face against mine.
“Do you promise?”
“I promise.”
“Without you I'll lose my mind. Anne Foster, my balance depends on you.”
“You scare me. That will not happen.”
“My mother went crazy for love...”
“What happened?”
“My father abandoned her and she lost her sanity. She locked herself in a world of illusions where every day she waits for him to return.”
God, my heart stops. Reed has just opened a small door to his past.
“I'm not leaving you.”
“I won’t allow it.” His voice is serious and so cold that it could be threatening but it’s not what I feel. Reed simply reflects the fears of someone helpless in the face of love.
I know I want to know more, we both need to clear our past so as to start a future together but today is not the day. I hold him in my arms the man I adore, the insensitive king of hearts telling me how much he cares and I will show him that this is worthwhile.
He loves me despite the trash I carry around and I love him despite the demons that cloud him. I bring my mouth to his and absorb his words making it clear that I don’t need further explanations. His lips happily imprison mine for my decision while I feel him recover his tranquility.
The possessive and masculine tongue moves nervously in and out of my body demonstrating its need for possession. He wants me completely melted and ready and I feel the same. I want his body to surrender to me; I need him to be totally for me and desperate for me. I want him to feel that I am his life as he is mine. I want my breathing to be his oxygen and my warmth his salvation. Before me there was none and after me they won’t exist.
“Anne... I won’t let anyone else have you. I won’t be able to stand it.”
His hands grab me by the buttocks and my arms hold him with desperate strength by the neck.
“And you, sir, are only mine.” I answer almost without thinking and he nods with beautiful eyes facing down and a deep smile on his lips.
“Baby, I want more than sex, I need to make love to you but I'm not sure I know.”
“Reed...” I whisper over his mouth as a sign of adoration and he squeezes me tightly as I kiss him with more and more intense kisses.
His body tenses and I feel his erection hit my belly trying to possess me. I rub myself on him with need and I can feel him cursing under his breath before gripping my buttocks tightly, lifting me up on his torso while breathing hard.
He walks towards the bedroom in total silence and I kiss the beard that is beginning to become stubble. With delicate affection he places me on the bed demonstrating that he cares for me but moves away at a prudent distance and with desire clouding his gaze.
“If you need time... I can wait...” He says very unconvinced, “I don’t want you to fear me. I would rather cut off my arm before I frighten you.”
God! I love him!
“Reed Blackman, I'm madly in love with you.”
His beautiful glacial gaze turns into an incandescent bonfire for the first time since I've known him and my body burns with his closeness. We are both madly in love.
His fists are tight at his side but not closed. He contains his self-control fearing to rekindle my ghosts but I'm not willing to wait a minute longer.
I pull my blouse off my head and leave my breasts in the air while dragging my legs with my pants to my feet. I s
eek to provoke him and, because of his high-pitched snorting, I seem to be getting it with an amazing effect.
“You know I'm not going to hurt you,” he says, grunting, between his teeth, “I desire you to the point of pain, but I won’t do anything that might scare you.”
The shirt fell to the floor slowly along with his pants and boxers and it was at that moment when I realized that this time it would be different. We both told each other what we felt and we didn’t hide behind any absurd veil of fear or insecurity. We have expressed the most sincere of the I love you’s and there is no turning back.
His beautiful manly cock moves restlessly when he looks at me and my vagina answers with wetness in front of his powerful claim. He desires me so much that he fears to frighten me and I fear to love him so much.
“I want you to make love to me.”
“Anne... I only know about sex but I swear I want to give you much more, although I don’t know how.” The wonderful naked body in front of me takes my breath away. I want him with uncontrolled passion and crazy feelings. Reed wants more than sex and I think I'm the first and only woman he wants to teach it to.
I crawl to the foot of the bed and sitting on my heels I begin to lick his body from the chest to his belly enjoying him as the tastiest ice cream. Sex, passion and love don’t have to be at odds. Reed wants to learn and this will be my first lesson.
“Fuck, I won’t be able to contain myself,” he says while clutching my hair tightly.
“Don’t do it.”
“God, baby, you’re mine...” His body rushes over mine and covers me completely.
We both feel too exasperated to do any foreplay. I want him and he needs me, what else?
“First lesson to make love,” I say with sensuality and I feel him smile between the valley of my breasts, “kiss my neck tenderly.”
The beauty of his body gives me chills as he ascends over mine as I feel him bring his tender lips to my vein.
“Yes, perfect.”
His mouth goes up my chin and I feel his wet breath rise up to the corner of my lips.
“And now?”
His right hand caresses my face and his left presses on a nipple to stretch it and release it at once and I lose myself in the sensations.
I open my legs with my vagina soaked by its own moisture and Reed positions himself in the center rubbing my nether lips with his penis but without penetrating me.
“Honey, I look forward to your lessons.”
“Now you have to enter me gently. You have to feel my body that’s in love surround you completely.”
I am so wet that he enters without any effort until it reaches the very base of his penis. The entrance of my vagina supports his heavy testicles and all I want is to feel him move again and again inside my body in need.
“God... Anne...”
Drops of sweat shine on his forehead but he doesn’t move.
I cling to his neck trying to attract him to my mouth and his full lips take over me understanding the message. I am desperate and hit my tongue against his teeth crazy to feel him inside my body. My blood boils. I'm burning and I never thought that united feelings and passion could come together in a cocktail like this.
“Come on...” I raise my hips looking for his movements but he won’t.
“Honey, you have to teach me.”
I open my eyes and see how his mischievous spark shines with a start.
I sigh, relaxing, after all I start the game.
“Now you have to move up and down without stopping.”
His body rises to leave mine completely and instantly enters completely causing a loud moan on both sides.
“Like this.”
“Yes?”
“Yes.”
He doesn’t move and I look at him curiously.
“More?”
God, if I'm dreaming, don’t let me wake up. I love seeing him smile with his body buried inside me.
“Yes, much, much more.”
Reed laughs as he begins his strokes gently. His arms are tense and sweat slips down his pectorals but he keeps the pace slow, he is willing for this time to be different and he is getting it. He is over me but I am in control.
“Now, Reed Blackman, I want you to move with insistence.”
His strokes begin to become more frequent and his penis enters and leaves my vagina, raising me to the sky.
“So, Miss Foster?” He babbles with a dry throat.
“No... I want it stronger, with more power...” I can’t continue.
His body tenses and he begins to penetrate me as if there were no tomorrow.
His body shines with effort as his hips collide with mine.
“Now... Tell me you love me...” I command with a sensual voice.
I lift my hips and Reed squeezes my hips with all the strength of his hands to join us even more, as if something like that were possible.
“Come inside me and tell me you love me as much as I love you.”
“Anne...”
His mouth covers mine while with one hand he caresses my swollen clitoris that explodes with just touching him. My body convulses and the spasms tighten his penis almost painfully.
I hear him sigh before getting up and pushing inside me with all his strength and feeling his hot semen crash inside my body. I tightly hug his buttocks while my vagina squeezes him to the last drop and he whispers exhausted in my neck.
“I love you more.”
The most marvelously manly man, physically perfect and sentimentally in need, has fallen in love and I am the recipient of such an incredible honor. Stop the world because I have reached my destination! Self-esteem drowsy with passion.
Just another day
I try to turn around but a strong arm that surrounds my waist prevents me. I open my eyes and I observe him with impudence. His sculptural body rests at my side totally relaxed. One leg crosses over mine and his hand clings to my breasts like a shipwrecked person to his lifeline. The rebellious black hair covers part of his beautiful face. He's so handsome that it unbalances my security. How are you here? What have you seen in me? Will you leave someday?
“I want to be what you need...” I whisper thinking him asleep.
“You are.”
“I thought you were asleep.” I amusingly answer.
“If I say I'm awake you’ll stop combing my hair with your fingers and I don’t want you to.”
He answers by hugging me with more intensity.
“You're so handsome that you drive me crazy.”
I stroke his cheeks and kiss him madly in love as I climb over his drowsy body.
“That's fine. I want you to go nuts for me.”
“Oh yeah? That, Mr. Blackman, is pure macho pride. Where is the man who is cold, insensitive and disinterested in feminine feelings?
“I'm only interested in yours. Say it...”
“What do you want me to say? That I’m crazy for your body or that I love you madly.”
“Both...”
With his body under mine completely relaxed, he raises his hands and locks my face to get my full attention.
“Say it.”
“I love you so much.”
Our lips meet and I respond to his kiss but not with the same passion as always.
“Anne?”
I look at him and I tremble at the thought of losing him. A few simple hours without his company becomes unbearable but if I want this to work I can’t be the only one to be honest in this relationship. The secrets will only lead us down a path of doubts and fears that will crush us.
“Reed, I love you.”
“But?” His voice is serious and his body tenses under mine.
God I don’t want this, I don’t intend to take it away.
“I have opened my heart and I have told you my nightmares. It hasn’t been easy but you deserve to know my fears, to know the reason for my reactions. I never told anyone because I’m ashamed. I didn’t have the courage to get out of that situation and today I b
lame myself for it.”
“You were not to blame. That son of a bitch did it,” he bites his lips with rage not to continue.
“He raped me. You can say it. I now, after so much time, I’m able to accept it and recognize it. I was his wife but he abused me whenever he wanted.”
“No! I can’t listen to this. I hate him with so much strength that I’m afraid of myself.”
He gets up quickly leaving me lying and desolate on the bed while he puts on his pants without the underpants.
“It's my reality, I'm this person. The woman in front of you is the one who has been built on the foundations of her past.”
I get up totally naked of body and feelings. I stroke his damaged back and kiss him tenderly.
“I hate him. I hate what he did to you, I hate that you remember him, I hate that he had you under his body, I hate that you loved him...”
I sigh, understanding his rage and the jealousy that dominates him. If the case were the opposite, it wouldn’t be able to take it either.
“We can’t erase who we are but we can improve who we will be.” I stroke his scars on his back waiting for his sincerity.
“My past will push you away from me, I’m simply delaying the inevitable. This has nothing to do with our future.”
“But trust yes. Trust me as I did in you. If we hide in lies, our love won’t make it. Your silence from the past pushes me away from your heart and I don’t want to lose you.”
“No!”
“I agree. It's your decision.”
I go to the closet and I look for a set of clean lingerie and I head to the shower. I don’t want to look him in the eyes my disappointment is too deep. We have no future together if we aren’t able to support each other.
I enter the shower and I hurt when I see that he hasn’t followed me as he always does.
I open the tap and let the warm water hide my tears. The “I love you” are just empty words if they’re not accompanied by facts.
I come out in my underwear to find him sitting on the bed with his hands holding his forehead and his torso totally naked.
“My father physically punished me.”
I stop at the doorframe holding onto it to keep from falling. The pain in his voice penetrates me and makes me sad.
Diana Scott - [Stonebridge 01] Page 19