“My mother loved him so much that she only lived for him and by his side. My father represented everything for her neither Gabe nor I ever managed to reach her heart.”
He sighs angrily. His voice changes and his eyes darken when reliving the past.
“She didn’t eat, didn’t walk, didn’t dress or talk if he didn’t order it. Anne... My father was a sadist who enjoyed being brutal to her and she was so submissive that she accepted everything.”
My breathing is agitated, I don’t want to cry but his voice breaks with every word, I have never seen him so vulnerable.
“Sadist of those books?”
“No, those of reality.”
“At only eight years old I rebelled and got between my mother and her punishment but that only got him to unload his whip on my back. She didn’t intervene. She never said or did anything to protect us. He ordered and she complied.”
“You were a little boy...”
“That didn’t bother him at all when he used his whip on me. He was a damn spoiled child unable to understand the feelings and expressions of love in a couple, so he said.”
His face is disheveled and his fists tightly closed at his sides.
“Dolores was our assistant and when she was at home she took care of me like a real mother. She tried to teach me values like love or forgiveness. For her my mother was always a poor sick woman.”
I nod, understanding the explanations that Dolores gave to such a small child.
“I kept getting myself between them again and again trying to defend her but I only got more wounds on my back. When one day Dolores discovered my scars, she took me to live at her home. She has been my mother since then.”
Tears cover my face, how can a human being inflict those wounds on another human being?
“You were just a boy defending his mother.” I hug him tightly while my tears bathe his chest. “I'm sorry... I didn’t want you to suffer, I just tried to get to your heart, I never thought...”
“I can’t do the same thing to you that he did to her.”
“You're not like him.”
“Yes, yes I am. I want to control everything, there’s no chance of getting back the life I had, and I can’t bear it. I like to dominate everything that surrounds me and I’m an insensitive damn fool who is incapable of loving his own mother.”
“You love me.”
“I'm the worst person that could cross your path.”
“Don’t talk like that about yourself.”
“It's true, I'm a fucking selfish ass despite all the shit around me, I don’t plan on letting you go.”
His hands frame my face and his fingers dry my tears.
“We are both beings united by pain and lack of love.”
The road is long and I don’t believe in rose-colored dreams but we’re sincere and we are willing to heal the wounds and accept our shortcomings. Fears govern me and their secrets obscure it but we are together. Self-esteem, breathe hopeful.
The first step
“Reed! You know what I mean.”
“The truth is that no and I have no interest in knowing.”
“You don’t have to act like that. It’s an inevitable concern between us.”
“Damn shit! Damn the time I told you about it.”
Now it's me who starts losing patience. We have been arguing for an hour in the living room of his house and my goodwill is going out like smoke.
“Did you think to lie to me?”
“Yes.”
“Reed!”
He bites an apple like a rabid dog while looking out the window. He is furious.
“Then do it for me.”
“No!”
“I'll find someone who will do it instead of you.” I turn annoyed to leave but he clutches my arm tightly.
“You will not do it.”
“Yes, I will.”
“You're not going to leave me!” He groans possessively.
“I didn’t say that. I just want to try it, I want you to help me overcome it.”
“The last time I did, you were about to abandon me. You kicked me and yelled his damn name. I want him dead and a thousand meters underground. I don’t want you to think about him, I don’t want you to remember him, I don’t want him in our lives.”
He throws the apple on the wall and it explodes into a thousand pieces. His breathing is choppy and his nerves don’t allow him to reason. I try to approach him to avoid an argument. If we keep on this way we’ll only hurt ourselves.
“Reed...” His two hands rest open on the window glass.
“It's been more than two weeks since my hysteria attack. Now I'm ready and I want to try. You can help me.”
“I can’t see you suffer...”
“And you won’t I promise, but we have to do it.”
“We don’t have to.”
He shakes his head looking out the glass.
“You know we do. You like a certain type of sex. I don’t want you to change for me.”
“That was before. I can adapt.”
“I don’t want you to adapt. I want to overcome my fears and explore my sexuality and I want it to be by your side.
His arms relax he seems to begin to understand me.
“I need to know what turns you on. I want to give you what you need. I want to try it.”
“I don’t want to.”
“I don’t understand you. Every time we talk about this topic you get angry. Why don’t you let me try? If I overcome my fears I can participate in your world what do I lose trying to be part of your pleasures?”
“I think of the Temple of the Passions and although fear dominates me, curiosity is so much greater.”
“You? And haven’t you thought about what I can lose?”
“I don’t understand you. When we met, you told me the pleasure of sharing a couple. How much you enjoyed it and now you refuse until...”
“Other couples!” He walks nervously crushing his rebellious hair with his fingers. “These women not only gave me sex, but with them I could share their tender loving glances with their partners. I received bits of feelings that I would never be able to feel. It wasn’t just sex, it was receiving crumbs from a man and a woman who made love.”
“Reed...”
I hug him from behind to make him feel me. I would never have imagined something similar.
“Those men offered me the possibility of sharing their moments and that gave me something different. Poor drops for a thirsty man, but they were enough for me. This time I have something of mine and I don’t want to share you with anyone. I don’t want you to meet others who highlight my shortcomings. I have never had anything totally mine and I don’t want to lose that.”
I’m in shock and I’m in the arms of the most divine man that can exist. Reed needs to feel safe with me. Never would I have imagined that someone like him, so sure, so dominant, so handsome, and so sullen and also lacking of feelings could feel that way.
“Look at me,” I wrap my hands around his face and his eyes melt me, “you're not going to lose me.”
“I can’t lose you. My mental health depends on you.”
“Sharing your sexual games doesn’t mean a loss. I will never try what I can’t do or what hurts us.”
Reed squeezes me tightly in his arms, fearing I'll escape.
“You're perfect. You can’t leave me...”
“What have you done for me to leave?” I amusedly ask trying to relax the environment.
“I’ll do it.”
“So little trust in yourself.”
“If only I were...”
The sentence doesn’t end. He prefers to raise me in his arms and take me to the room. I lie on the desk facing down and he explains calmly.
“If you get scared, if you feel scared, if the memories come back I want you to say it instantly. I'll stop and let go of you right then and there.”
I nod a little nervously but totally willing. I have to overcome my past and this is the way.
“Rest your belly on the desk. Hold on to each side.”
“Are you going to tie me up?”
“It's what you want and I will.”
“And you?”
“I need it. We’ve been arguing for two hours and in this time you have threatened to abandon me and leave me for another. I want to tie you to my life and never let you go. I'm furious.”
I need to cure my bad memories of the past but Reed isn’t much better. The ropes are not just a game of light bondage but are his way of feeling that he holds me in his world. In the past, neither of us was blessed with a disinterested love, that which is enjoyed with a walk in the park or a soft drink on a summer afternoon. We both suffered the experience of selfish love and we both suffered from the fear of an unknown future.
“Tying me you feel calm...”
“Yes. The more control I have over you, the less demons dominate my fear in losing you.”
“Tie my hands tightly. You need it and I want it.”
“Are you sure?”
“I am.” I swallow, trying to control my agitated breathing.
“Lie on my desk face down.”
His hand gently pushes my back and I place my belly and breasts on the furniture glass. My pert ass is up and exposed.
“You'll be at my mercy but I'm not going to hurt you. We will only be a crazy couple of lovers...”
His hard body rests on my back and places a wet kiss on the center of my spine making me sigh.
“Please, these garters are sinful.”
His strong, masculine hands lift my skirt and wrap it around my waist as they run with slow caresses the softness of my thighs. With a unique mastery he unhooks a garter and pulls it down to my ankles. He does the same delicate work with the other and I feel the cold of the glass rub against my skin.
My body begins to prepare for what is to come and I eagerly struggle, but his hand presses me down on my back to immobilize me.
“You can’t move. I'm going to tie you to the sides. I will start with your right hand.”
I nod with my mouth dry with desire.
I hear the sound of a drawer that opens and a silk ribbon wraps around my wrist to attach it to one of the legs of the desk.
“Now I’ll do the same with the other hand.”
Reed details each of his steps to try to alleviate my fears with his words and he achieves it. My legs tremble eagerly for his touch and my vagina moistens waiting for the promised reward.
“Now support your face sideways. That's it.”
The glass cools my left cheek and my eyes are only able to see the closet door.
Reed moves behind me. I hear something that seems to be the sound of a few steps. He has left me then returns in just a few minutes.
The sound of a zipper betrays him and my tongue dries up to think that soon I will feel his magnificent body behind me.
I am totally at his mercy but I don’t feel afraid. He is moving slowly offering me the ability to back down at any time and my heart falls in love every second a little more. The man, who claimed to be the coldest and most insensitive, heals every one of my old wounds with soft rose petals.
He unbuttons my bra and releases my breasts that harden with the cold of the glass they have underneath. His hands knead them with desire as I feel his soft, firm cock rub against my thighs. I close my eyes and pant anxiously. I love the man behind me, I trust him. Reed is the man I want and I want to be the woman he needs.
“You're good?”
His fingers move up my thighs and caress the moisture of my vagina pleadingly begging.
“Yes...”
“Do you trust me?”
“Yes.”
I don’t even finish speaking when the drawer opens again and the next minute I feel like a cold and watery liquid sliding down my anus. His finger spreads the oil through the hole as he begins to spread it with each movement a little deeper. The skin bristles and thousands of pleasurable sensations surround my body.
“We've done this before. It's not going to hurt. You will be totally mine. I will be everything you are looking for...”
His hand drags my hair to one side and his lips kiss my neck as his finger comes and goes more and more easily into my anus.
“You stretch quickly... You want me as much as I love you.”
His words make me vibrate. The softness of his beauty touching my back causes a sexual desire that I never thought I would feel. My hands are tied, I have my ass up high and two of his fingers penetrate my anus at the same time, however I don’t feel dominated. My body trembles in need as I feel him caress me, he moans and huffs behind me. All those feelings are exclusively for me.
A small noise of something gets my attention but the grip on my wrists is so strong that I can’t move and I’m unable to see what it is. He moves his hand opening my vagina and I feel like he is inserting a dildo with a soft touch and it’s U-shaped, which on the one hand it caresses my clitoris and on the other it enters my vagina touching the center of my G point.
“I bought it especially for you.”
Oh my God! His body sticks to my back and I feel like the finger in my ass comes and goes while the dildo caresses my clitoris and my G spot. This is too much for me. The sensations envelop me and I feel myself fly with pure pleasure.
“Honey lie flatter,” he presses the base of my column, “that's my girl...”
“I need you...”
“Not yet... Anne, you're burning...”
His fingers leave my ass and I grumble annoyed but immediately Reed replaces the emptiness with his penis trying to enter slowly. His thrusts are soft and slow. He is trying to dilate me with passion and without pain. He doesn’t want to hurt me but I'm too excited to wait much longer. My vagina sobs for the caresses of the battery-operated device, while my man penetrates my ass safely and every time a little more.
I push my buttocks up as far as I can and I feel his penis penetrate me with greater intensity. Reed is the man I trust and I will be everything he wants.
“No Anne, I don’t want to hurt you...” He says between sexual sobs.
“I need you inside. Don’t stop.”
“Sweetie...”
“Fuck me!”
“Shit...”
His throat made an almost animal sound when he began to penetrate me with such power that I could hear the sound of his testicles hitting my ass. I am so excited that my anus dilates instantly and I only feel a pleasure impossible to compare.
“This is perfect,” he growled excited.
Reed bites my shoulder and I feel my body convulsing in endless convulsions. The dildo continues to rub against my clit and caress my G-spot while Reed shudders on my back and penetrates me with force emptying endless jets inside my ass.
My legs tremble and my body falls without strength on the desk and then Reed collapses on my back.
A few minutes pass until I feel Reed leave my body carefully and pull out the little battery-operated assistant to turn it off. I am so overcome by the sensations that I’m unable to speak.
His hands release me quickly and I’m almost numb as I feel as he raises me in his arms and lays me on his bed. I hug the pillow breathing his smell and close my eyes sleepily. I feel him lie down beside me and I settle on his chest purring totally satisfied.
“I'll be what you need, Reed Blackman,” I whisper asleep.
“You are much more than that, Anne Foster...”
The words are mixed in the deep dream that surrounds me and distances me from reality. You are my happiness, Reed Blackman...
Danger
The week passed in one of those dreams that no woman should want to wake up. The work is going smoothly and the relationship with Reed couldn’t be better.
The cold man, with few words and a dead heart, turns out to be a companion who you can fall in love with when you have him close but swoon when he is away.
Many are the secrets that remain to be clarified among us but I don’t want to run a
way: time is offering us an opportunity that I intend to take advantage of.
Aunt Elsa says that there are two types of men, those with a tender smile and easy zipper or those with short words and a broken heart. Reed is undoubtedly part of the second type. Many times I notice how he tenses when looking at me, and then he looks down, but nothing, no confession. Words are not his strong point, but that doesn’t matter when you have a chatterbox at your side.
I am not the same as I was before; I’m also a different woman. Neither better nor worse, I have simply become an improved version of the past. An Anne version 2.0 with greater self-esteem and determination. Anne 2.0 doesn’t seek protection because she has no fears. She doesn’t look for recognition because she doesn’t need it. She doesn’t wait submissively because she knows she can win. This is the new Anne. Self-esteem is passion red painted lips.
One that, for the first time, is more interesting than the hottest of your dreams.
Can you feel something so strong beyond twenty years of age? Yes you can, and it's happening to me.
I put some books on the shelf when I hear his hoarse voice in my ear it brings me back to reality. I turn and hug him without caring that anyone may see us. The stage of worrying about what my nosy neighbor thinks, I have also overcome. Reed grabs me possessively around the waist without asking for permission; he’s never cared about anyone's opinion.
“Accompany me. I have something for you.”
“And it can’t wait?”
“When it comes to you, no.”
His hand wrapped tightly around mine and we walked towards his office.
“Good morning, Dolores,” I say as Reed pulls me towards the door.
“Good morning darling,” the woman smiles when she sees us.
She is happy and I am happy too. The changes in Reed are too obvious not to see them. I can’t say that he’s the nicest guy, but the hardness that he had at the beginning has been relaxed. His blue eyes drift away a little more each day from the Arctic cold. They are still far from being a sweet Caribbean blue but I can’t complain.
My man is the most handsome of all; he drives me crazy with his caresses and seduces me with his eyes that I can’t long for anything else. He fascinates me and he wants me, I don’t need more than that.
Diana Scott - [Stonebridge 01] Page 20