I Will Always Love You

by Evans, Annette

  “Because it’s not in a good neighborhood?”

  “That’s one reason.”

  “What’s the other reason?” Irene asked already knowing what the answer would be.

  Melissa rolled her eyes and shook her head. “They don’t want me associating with ‘those kind of people’.”

  “And what kind is that?”

  “Irene, you already know.”

  Irene smiled at her friend and former patient. “Yes, but I want to hear you say it.”

  Melissa sighed. “As my father puts it, he doesn’t want me associating with ‘women who have been abused and stayed around for more’.”

  “Doesn’t he remember that you were once ‘one of those kinds of people’?”

  “Yes, but I think he just chooses to ignore that. You remember how he was when he came to the few family sessions we had,” Melissa reminded Irene.

  “Oh, yes,” Irene said in agreement as she nodded her head. “I remember very well. I know that those were tough sessions for you, but we really did make some great strides. Don’t you agree?”

  “Yes, we did. I can still remember my father saying that the reason he was so hard on me and pushed me with my school studies was because he knew that I was intelligent, but lazy. And that he didn’t push Sarah because he knew that her ability wasn’t up to par as mine.” Melissa shook her head at the memory. She still couldn’t believe it.

  “Yes, I remember that day. I thought it was a wonderful breakthrough for all of you.”

  “I agree. It’s sometimes still hard for me to believe what he said. Why couldn’t he have just told me what he thought instead of making me think that I wasn’t good enough? It would have saved me so much trouble in the long run.”

  “Yes,” Irene agreed. “But I am a firm believer in the old saying ‘that which doesn’t kill you, makes you stronger’.”

  Melissa giggled.

  “And just what are you laughing at?” Irene asked in mock anger.

  Melissa shook her head. “You never cease to amaze me. The longer I know you, you more you sound like my mother. I really am surprised our doctor/patient relationship worked out so well.”

  Irene raised her eyebrow and grinned at her friend. “Speaking of parents, have you told yours that you and Stefanie are moving out and getting your own apartment?”

  “I have, and they weren’t thrilled about it.” Melissa shrugged her shoulders. “But they do realize that I need to stop relying on them so much. I’m twenty-seven years old and Stefanie is almost five. We truly need to start making our own life.”

  “So where are you going to live?”

  “I’ve found an apartment in the same building that Valerie and Dennis live in, so Stefanie can play with their son, Evan. And it’s not that far from Mom and Dad, which makes them very happy.”

  “It sounds like you’re getting everything in line. Now you just have to find a man.”

  Melissa groaned and rolled her eyes. She crossed her arms over her chest in a purely defensive move. “We’re not going to have that conversation again, Irene. Are we?”

  “Of course we are. It’s my mission in life to find you a good man.”

  Melissa laughed out loud. “No way,” she said as she held up her hands. “Besides, the only good man I know under the age of fifty is Simon. And he’s already taken.”

  “Yes, he is,” Irene commented about her husband. “But there are some good men out there.”

  “Yeah, they’re either too old, spoken for, just broke up with someone that looks just like me, or gay.”

  Irene smiled at the picture Melissa painted. She knew that over the past four years Melissa did have some dates with a few different men. But none of them amounted to anything more than dinner and a movie. “I think you’re just trying to find excuses.”

  Melissa looked away and Irene studied her profile. She noted that the last three years have been good to Melissa. She had her chestnut hair cut so that it lay on her shoulders in soft waves, which framed her face perfectly. Her jade eyes had a sparkle to them especially when she spoke of Stefanie.

  “How is Stefanie?”

  Melissa smiled and looked back at Irene. “She’s great. She’s so smart and inquisitive. And she loves going to pre-school.”

  “Have you thought about him lately?” Irene questioned.

  Melissa didn’t have to ask about which ‘him’ Irene was referring to. She knew Irene was asking about Stefan. “Yes,” she whispered as she looked down at her hands.

  “Have you heard from your cousin, Brigitte?”

  “We spoke a few days ago.” Melissa lifted her eyes to Irene. “She said that she hasn’t seen Stefan in quite a while. Brigitte is so busy with the baby, that she doesn’t have much time for anything these days. But she does say that Rolf is very helpful to her.”

  “That’s good,” Irene said as she noted the cloudy expression in Melissa’s eyes at the mention of Stefan. “Are you okay?”

  “Sure, I’m fine,” Melissa lied.

  “Do you want to talk about it?”

  “Why? Talking about it won’t change it.” She shrugged her shoulders. “I messed up. I had a wonderful man in my life, and I let him go.”

  “But there really are other wonderful men in the world, Melissa.”

  She sighed. “That’s what I hear. Who knows, maybe someday I’ll actually meet one. But right now I have a lot on my plate. I’m moving, I have a daughter, I’m graduating with my masters, and I’m starting a new career.”

  “Yes, you are busy.”

  “Speaking of busy, I have to go,” Melissa said as she stood up.

  “Okay,” Irene said to her friend. “I’ll see you at the shelter next week.”

  Chapter 14

  “You’re just going to throw me to the wolves,” Melissa said as she looked at Irene in disbelief. They were walking down the hall of the women’s shelter.

  “You’ll do fine, Melissa. You’ve sat in on some of my sessions before. And don’t worry; I’ll introduce you to the women before I leave the room.”

  “But, Irene, this is only my third day of working here.”

  “So you have experience,” Irene remarked with a grin and a wave of her hand.

  “Very funny,” Melissa said. “But what if they don’t like me?”

  Irene stopped walking and turned to face Melissa. She put a hand on her arm and calmly stated, “Melissa, they don’t have to like you for you to be able to help them. They only have to trust you.”

  “How do I get them to trust me?”

  “That’s for you to figure out.” Irene walked the last few feet to the door of the group session room and stopped. She turned and looked at Melissa who was panic stricken. “Melissa, get hold of yourself. Everything will be fine. I have faith in you. Now let’s go in.”

  Melissa squared her shoulders and lifted her chin as she took a deep breath. I can do this, she thought to herself as she stepped into the room behind Irene. Melissa noted that the room was already set up for the group session. The chairs were in a circle in the front of the room and the women were already seated. Melissa took the empty seat next to Irene and looked around at the women.

  April was sitting to Melissa’s left. She was a young white girl, just barely twenty. She came to the shelter two weeks ago with her two children after her latest boyfriend beat up her and her oldest son. Melissa remembered how frightened all three of them looked.

  Maria was sitting next to April. Melissa noted that at twenty-four, Maria was the oldest of the group. She had four children all under the age of seven. She was quiet and usually didn’t talk unless spoken to. Melissa knew that Maria had horror stories buried deep inside of her.

  Next to Maria was Yolanda. Yolanda just turned nineteen and had a baby three months ago. Her boyfriend took one look at the white baby Yolanda delivered and knew that he was not the father. When she went home from the hospital two days later, her boyfriend beat her so badly that her eyes were almost swollen shut. She came to t
he shelter that day.

  Sally was sitting to Yolanda’s left. At twenty-three, she was the mother of four children from three different men. Melissa remembered Sally telling the group that she was raped by her half-brother at the tender age of eleven. Melissa was sure that Sally saw many more terrible things in her short life since that time.

  The last participant was Sherill. She was the one who intimidated Melissa the most. Sherill was street smart having run away from home at the age of fourteen, almost eight years ago. She was married to a big black man named Tyrone. They had two kids together and Sherill came into the marriage with a child.

  “Well, ladies, how are all of you today?” Irene asked.

  Melissa heard a few mumbled words and gave her full attention to Irene.

  “I would like to introduce Melissa Newman to everyone. She will be taking over this group session.”

  Melissa felt five pairs of eyes on her.

  “Why is she takin’ over?” Sherill snapped.

  “Because Cathy is no longer working here and Melissa is taking her place.”

  “Is she a psychiatrist like you?” Sally asked.

  “No. She is a psychiatric social worker,” Irene answered as she stood up. “Melissa is a wonderful addition to our family here at the shelter.” Turning to Melissa she gave her a slight smile. “It’s all yours, Melissa.”

  Melissa watched her mentor walk out the room and she turned her attention back to the group. They were all watching her. “Okay, can someone tell me where we left off at the last session?”

  “Yeah. We was talkin’ ‘bout how crazy we all are to be with men that like hittin’ on us,” Sherill commented with a sneer.

  “Really? So you like being beaten up, Sherill?” Melissa asked.

  Sherill crossed her arms and glared at Melissa. “What you know ‘bout it? You look like some rich uptight bitch from Lake Shore Drive.”

  Ignoring that comment, Melissa said, “I happen to know a lot about it.”

  “Have you ever lived in a shelter?” April asked.

  “No, April, I haven’t.”

  To the other girls, Sherill said, “See. I told ya she don’t know nothin’ ‘bout what we been through.”

  Everyone looked from Sherill to Melissa. Melissa knew that it was now or never and she took a deep breath and plunged ahead. “As a matter of fact, I do know something about what all of you have been through. I was married to an abusive man. When he drank, which was often, he would take all of his frustrations out on me. Many times, he left bruises and marks all over my body. Almost every day, he abused me emotionally and verbally by telling me that I was fat and ugly and that no other man would ever find me attractive. After a while, I began to believe him. Then, of course, there was the sexual abuse.”

  “Did he rape you?” asked Sally.

  “Yes, he did. More than once,” Melissa answered honestly.

  “Why did you stay with him? I mean, you’re pretty and smart. You should have known better,” Yolanda stated.

  “Maybe. But I was suffering from spousal abuse. I felt all alone in the world. And I believed all of the mean and hateful things he told me. I felt as if I had no options.”

  Sherill looked doubtful at Melissa. “Someone like you felt like that?”

  “Yes, Sherill, I did. It doesn’t matter what race you are, how old you are, what social or financial background you come from. Spousal abuse can affect anyone. And most women don’t or can’t even realize that they are in an abusive relationship. They feel hopeless and as if they have nowhere to go.”

  “But we can come here and be safe. Yes?” Maria asked.

  “Yes, Maria. You can come here and you are safe here.” Melissa smiled and felt as if she could do this. Glancing around the room, Melissa spotted Irene peeking in the doorway. Irene gave her a thumbs up sign and Melissa smiled. She felt as if she finally found a place where she belonged and it made Melissa feel wonderful.

  Chapter 15

  The weeks and months flew by for Melissa. She and Stefanie set up a new home for themselves. They saw Peter and Greta twice a week for dinner. Melissa’s relationship with her parents and sister was mending and blossoming at the same time. In the fall, Stefanie started kindergarten and loved it. Melissa would take her to school in the morning then go to work at

  the shelter. Stefanie was picked up each day by Valerie who took her to her home until Melissa came home from work.

  Melissa’s life was going well. She loved her job, her daughter, her family, and her life. Yet she still thought of Stefan every day. Every so often, she would take out his letters and picture and have a good cry. But she was now resigned to the fact that she would have no one to share her life with.

  A year after she began working full time at the shelter, Melissa showed up for work on a hot July day. She walked into the shelter and went to her office as usual when she heard raised voices from the other end of the building.

  Melissa quickly walked over there to see what was going on. She saw Sherill backed up against a wall and a big black man looming over her.

  “Is there a problem here?” Melissa asked.

  The man swung around to glare at Melissa. “No, ain’t no problem here. I just come to take my bitch back home.”

  “We do not use that kind of language here. And this is where Sherill is living.”

  “Not no more,” he said.

  “I do believe that should be up to Sherill,” Melissa said as she turned her attention to Sherill.

  “Melissa, I don’t think you should get mixed up with Tyrone,” Sherill whispered.

  “Yeah, Melissa, just go on and mind your own business,” Tyrone stated.

  “Sherill is my business. Now you have two minutes to leave the premises, Tyrone. Or I’ll call the police.”

  Tyrone looked from Melissa to Sherill and back to Melissa. “Okay, baby,” he said as he held up his hands. “No need to get testy ‘bout it. I just wanted to say hi to my girl, that’s all.” He turned to Sherill and said, “I’ll see you later, baby.” He bent down and kissed Sherill on the cheek then walked out of the building.

  “Are you okay?” Melissa asked Sherill.

  “I’m fine,” Sherill snapped as she headed toward the kitchen. “Tyrone just wanted to talk to me and see the kids. He just got a little upset cause the kids are in summer school right now.”

  Melissa followed Sherill into the kitchen. “I thought Tyrone was in jail on drug charges?” “He was, but he got out.”

  “Are you going to let him see the kids?”

  “He’s their daddy. I can’t keep him away from them,” Sherill said.

  “No, I suppose you can’t.” She looked intently at Sherill and couldn’t believe the look in the other woman’s eye. “Are you actually thinking about going back to him?”

  “Tyrone said he wants us back. He wants us to be a real family. He said he’s changed and that he’s gonna get a real job and take care of us.”

  “And you believe him.”

  “I know Tyrone. You don’t,” Sherill snapped. “I don’t come from no high rise apartment building and I ain’t got no fancy education.”

  “But that doesn’t mean that you have to settle for Tyrone. There are many opportunities and options for you, Sherill.” Melissa put her hand on Sherill’s arm.

  Sherill pulled her arm away from Melissa and took two steps back. “Yeah, like what? I’m a black woman with three kids, no education, and nowhere else to go.”

  “You can stay here,” Melissa simply said.

  “I already been here for over a year. Look, Melissa, you been real nice and all, but my kids need a real home. And Tyrone said he would give us that.”

  Melissa couldn’t believe her own ears. “And you believed him?”

  “Yeah, I believe him. Tyrone loves me and the kids. We’re gonna make it work this time.” Sherill said as she walked out of the kitchen and toward her bedroom to pack.

  * * *

  Later that day, Melissa was in her of
fice talking to Irene. “I just can’t believe that she went back to him. Especially after all of the things she told us in group,” Melissa stated. She sat behind her desk with a dejected look on her face.

  “I know, I know. But you can’t save everyone, Melissa.” Seeing the look Melissa gave her, Irene put up a hand and continued. “I know that sounds harsh, but its reality. Many women go back repeatedly to the men who abuse them.”

  Melissa sighed and rubbed the back of her neck with her hands. “I know you’re right, but I still can’t help feeling as if I have somehow failed Sherill and her kids.”

  “You haven’t failed, Melissa. Sherill is a grown woman. She’s going to do whatever she wants to do.”

  “I know you’re right. It just doesn’t make it any easier.” She dropped her hands into her lap and turned to look out her window. “I just hope Tyrone was telling her the truth.”

  Chapter 16

  Two weeks later, Melissa was sitting in her apartment reading a book to Stefanie when a news report caught her eye.

  This just in. There has been a murder in south side Chicago this

  afternoon. The suspect, Tyrone Wilson, beat his wife to death while

  their three children watched. The suspect has been taken into custody

  and the children are temporarily in the care of social services. More on

  this story as details are obtained.

  “Oh my God,” Melissa cried.

  “What’s wrong, Mommy?” Stefanie asked as she looked up at her mother.

  Melissa looked down at her daughter. “Just something that has to do with work, sweetheart. Would you mind if I took you over to Valerie’s apartment?”

  “No. Can I take my new book so I can read it to Evan? He’s only three years old so he’s still a baby,” Stefanie proclaimed.

  Looking down at the daughter that looked so much like her, Melissa said, “Of course you can take your new book.”