by Untamed
Instantly, I burst into laughter. “OMG. I haven’t seen her in like forever with her crazy self.”
“And you better know it. She is still the same too. Ain’t nothing changed.” He laughed with me.
“So, what is she doing now?”
“Uhh.” He paused, looking down at Nadia’s big eyes. He leaned toward me. “Working at Magic City,” he whispered. “It’s driving Rod crazy.”
“He may as well get used to that. Alize is always gonna be Alize.”
“That is true,” he concurred and sighed. “So, how is Aldris?”
“He’s good,” I said, flashing my diamond engagement ring. “He got a promotion, and we got engaged. I’m in college, and I work full time for an orthopedic doctor. We’re both doing really well for ourselves.”
“Damn. Congratulations,” he said, gawking at the ring and smiling. “You may not believe this, but I am truly happy for you guys. I am a man who can admit when he’s wrong, and for everything I said and did to you all—I was so wrong.”
I smiled and playfully hit him. “Ay, chico, thanks. I can accept that, and I appreciate it.”
He reached in his pocket. “Here’s my card. Tell Aldris he can call me at any time. You know, if he wants.”
I took the card and read it. “IT? You’re a computer guru?”
“Yeah. I got it together, ya know? For my kids. I let my baby mama go so she can find who she’s supposed to be with and decided to do something with my life.”
“Well, congratulations to you, too. When a man comes into his manhood, it’s worth the recognition,” I complimented honestly. “And I’m positive Aldris would love to hear this and need the convo as well. You should know that Jennifer came back in town, and we just recently found out that her daughter is really their daughter.”
With widened eyes, Mike asked, “For real?”
“Yep.” I nodded my confirmation.
Stunned, he stood there for a moment before shaking himself out of it long enough to ask, “So, how are you dealing with all of it?”
“It’s challenging to say the least.”
“Well, don’t worry. Aldris will work it out. He obviously loves you enough to make sure it all goes smooth.” He motioned to the engagement ring.
“From your lips to God’s ears.”
Glancing at his cell phone, he looked back up at me. “Well, I hate to run, but tonight I’m on second shift and this is my lunch break, so I better head back. It was good bumping into you.”
“You too. Take care of yourself, and I’ll make sure I give Aldris the card.”
“Thanks. Just make sure you keep my boy happy. Stay beautiful,” he said and walked off.
I grabbed the bread and pondered his last statement. If Aldris Raymond Sharper knew what was good for him, he’d best work on keeping me happy. That was for damn sure. As soon as I got to the house, I was definitely going to remind him of that very fact.
Chapter Twenty-two
LaMeka
“Knock, knock.” I tapped on the hospital room door.
“Come in,” Tony’s said weakly as I walked into the room. “Hey, you.”
“Hey yourself. I was just dropping by to check on you,” I said, sitting in the chair across from his bed. “How are you doing, Mrs. Light?”
“I’m all good, blessed, and highly favored. I’m just ready for the day he gets released,” his mom stated, rubbing the top of Tony’s head.
“Amen to that, Mrs. Light.”
“What are you doing here today? I thought you were off,” Tony asked.
“I am. Like I said, I was just dropping by.”
His mom stood up. “I’m going to go to the vending machine. I’ll give you two some space to talk.” She kissed the top of Tony’s head and left.
Once she left, I got up and pulled Tony’s chart to review it.
“You’re off and still acting like a nurse.”
Smirking at him, I put his chart down. “It’s a habit.”
“No, it’s not. That’s you. You’ve always cared more than you should,” he said, putting his head down.
I really didn’t know how to respond to his statement, so I remained quiet. In a lot of ways, it was true. This same man tried to kill me, and here I was making sure his meds and his documentation were correct.
The night he woke up, he actually remembered everything that happened to him. He could barely talk from the tube that’d been his nose and throat, and he was very weak, but now only three days later, he was able to move and talk without assistance. He didn’t have any residual effects from the gunshot wounds except scarring and stiffness. All the swelling had gone down, and all of his bodily and neurological functions were intact. He was doing so well they moved him from ICU but still wanted to watch over him, so he’d be in the hospital for a few more days.
The hardest thing in the world to tell him was that he was HIV positive. He took it as I would’ve expected him to—hard. He was suffering with bouts of depression, so I arranged for counselors to come in and speak to him. The doctors had also started him on the meds he needed to fight the virus. To help ease the burden, his parents agreed to let him stay with them and pay for his medical treatment. He had a strong support system in them. They were so happy he didn’t die from that accident that I think they’d go bankrupt to make sure he remained alive. I couldn’t say I blamed them. He was their only child.
“How are my boys?” he asked, breaking my train of thought.
“I thought you said you didn’t want to talk about them?” I asked, surprised.
After Tony found out that he was HIV positive, he no longer had an interest in seeing our children. It was as if he’d checked out on everyone, especially the boys. It bothered me that he was distancing himself from them, especially since he nearly lost his life, but I didn’t pressure him. I figured that he was mentally trying to adjust to what this new way of life would mean for him.
He sighed. “I was depressed, Meka. I’d just found out I have the fucking package. I didn’t want to talk about the boys because I realize there is a possibility I won’t live to see them grow up.” His voice began to fill with emotion. “But until that day comes, I want to learn how to be the dad they need me to be. It’s the only thing I can do to help me fight against this thing living inside of me,” he confessed as a few tears rolled down his cheek. He hurriedly wiped them away.
Emotion gripped me. Tony had hurt me in the worst ways, even exposing me to this incurable disease, but when I saw him like that, it touched my soul. No matter what he’d done, I’d never wish this on him. That Tony had been replaced by drugs and alcohol, but this was the old Tony. This Tony didn’t deserve this ill fate, and for that, sadness overcame me.
I walked over to him and patted the back of his hand. “Learn to let the disease live with you, not you with it. That will help you to be strong. As for the boys . . .” I switched gears to lighten the mood. “They are doing really good. Tony Jr. is really improving. He hasn’t had any violent spells in months, his vocabulary is increasing, and he’s interacting and playing more with LaMichael and all of us. He’s even been on the honor roll in his first grade class. LaMichael is growing like a tumbleweed. He’s going to be tall and fast just like you. He sure as hell can move fast for a one-year-old. I think he started running before he started walking.”
He smiled and then suddenly got sad. “That’s so good.”
“What’s wrong?”
“It’s just that I’ve missed so much. I was so fucked up, and I did so many fucked up things—”
“Look, don’t even think about that now. You have to concentrate on getting better—”
Tony grabbed my hand, interrupting me. “No, I have to say this, Meka. I fucked up so bad after the accident I had. I blamed you for all of my problems when the one person who was to blame was me. I chose to drink that night. I chose to get behind the wheel of that car. I had the accident. I chose not to go to college. I chose to get addicted to alcohol and drugs, and I
chose not to be the man and father that you and my boys needed me to be. I degraded you, beat you, abused you mentally and physically, and I disrespected our love and my sons. I know I can never make up for what I did to you, but I can tell you that from the bottom of my heart, I’m sorry for everything I’ve ever done to you. I just pray that one day you’ll be able to forgive me. I pray I’ll be able to forgive myself,” he apologized as tears streamed down his face.
Talk about being choked up. For years, I’d longed to hear those very words Tony spoke. Instantly, every burden I’d carried on account of him lifted off of me. It was as if my soul had been set free. For the first time in years, I saw the Tony Light that I fell in love with when I was fourteen, and I knew he was going to be just fine. I knew I’d be just fine.
With tears in my eyes, I reached over and hugged him. “I’ve already forgiven you, so let it go and deliver yourself. Forgive yourself because God forgives you, and so do I.”
He gripped me tighter and cried in my shoulder harder than I’d ever seen anybody cry in my life. I just held him as all the anger, pain, disappointment, and hurt eased out of his body. He was cleansing his soul, and I was happy to be there to help him do just that. We both needed it.
“I’m so sorry, LaMeka,” he cried. “I’m so sorry for everything. Thank you so much. Thank you for loving me and being there for me then and now.”
Once he calmed down, I pulled back and handed him some tissue. He dried his face and started laughing. He was laughing so hard that I started laughing. “Why are you laughing?” I asked as we rolled in hysterics.
“I’m such a bitch,” he said finally.
“It takes a real man to cry in front of a woman.”
“And a real bitch-ass one to do it in front of his ex-woman,” he countered as we both continued to laugh.
After we settled down, I took his hand again and caressed his face with my other hand. “Do you need anything?”
“No, I don’t. Meka, I just wanted to tell you that I am proud of you for doing what you always wanted. Here I was, the one with the book knowledge and the scholarships, and I turned out to be a HIV positive junkie, and you’re on the road to becoming a career woman. I’m proud of you.”
“In a weird way, I have you to thank for that. If you hadn’t forced me to leave you and do better, I probably would’ve still been living off the system and supporting your drug habits. I believe sometimes God allows things to happen in our lives that are so bad that all we can do is sink or swim. I learned to swim quickly, and so will you.”
“Well, if I do, I’d be learning from the best.”
A brief moment of silence passed between us before I stood up. “Well, you need your rest, and I need to run some errands and finish up my homework assignments.”
“So, you’re going to see Gavin, huh?”
His words hit me so fast that I gasped. Shock filled me instantly. The burning question on my mind was, how the hell did Tony know about Gavin?
He smiled as if he were reading my mind. “When I was in the coma, it was weird. I could hear shit going on around me, but I couldn’t respond. It was like I was dreaming, but I knew it was real. Kind of like when you first wake up really groggy, and you know things are going on around you, but you’re still in a fog. I heard you and Gavin talking one day in my hospital room. He was flirting with you and you—I don’t know—you didn’t seem to mind,” he told me.
I’d heard of patients being in comas and being fully aware of what was going on around them, but I never really knew it was real. I guess now I knew.
Rather than address what he heard, I answered his initial question. “Um, I’m not going to see Gavin.”
“Do you like him?”
“I really don’t feel comfortable discussing this with you, Tony.” I paced the floor. “Can we just leave the subject alone?” Thankfully, he relented. “Listen, I’d better head out. I’ll be by tomorrow to check on you again. Would you like for me to bring the boys?”
He looked up at me and nodded. “I’d love that.”
“Then it’s settled. We will see you tomorrow. You get some rest,” I said, patting him on the shoulder.
As I walked out of his room and down the hall, I began to ponder his questioning me about Gavin. How would Tony react to having Gavin in my life and around his boys? Hell, I was a step ahead of myself. Did Gavin even want to be with me? He probably assumed I had the package myself. I knew I was making all kinds of assumptions without discussing anything with Gavin, but this was not the typical baby daddy situation. You can’t just drop the bombshell that the father of your sons is HIV positive right before you go get freaky with your new dude. Some shit just don’t go together, like oil and water.
So, I had been avoiding him like the plague. I knew I was wrong for that, because Gavin really put his feelings out on the line for me. It was me who couldn’t deal right now. For now, I just needed to avoid talking to him about this situation until it all blew over. Whenever the hell that might be.
As I turned the corner to get to the elevator, I ran smack into Gavin. “I’m sorry,” I blurted, attempting to sidestep him.
“Unh-uh. No you don’t.” He grabbed my arm and brought me back. “I’ve called you a couple of times.”
“I got it.” I nodded my head and put my hands in back pockets.
“Did you try to call me back?”
“Gavin, I’ve been really busy—”
“Okay, so now you wanna push me away,” he said, cutting me off.
“I’m not doing that.” I looked around, making sure no one was watching us.
“So, what do you call it? Because I’m confused,” he asked angrily.
“Can you keep your voice down?” I asked nervously, aware that our discussion was sparking a little bit of attention.
He looked at me sideways and then looked around. “Meka, I don’t give a fuck about none of these people.”
I was totally shocked. I’d never heard or seen Gavin upset before, until this moment. He was usually a laid back and collected person, no matter what the situation was. He proved today that everybody had a breaking point. A few people turned to look at us, so I grabbed him by his hand and pulled him into an empty stock room and shut the door.
“Damn, dude. Let the whole world know what’s up.”
“They shouldn’t be in our business anyway. Look, fuck all that. We left off a great night at a very crucial point. Now, all of a sudden, you’re acting like I have the fucking cooties. What is the damn deal, LaMeka?” he asked, his arms folded across his chest.
I was so gripped by fear I could barely look at Gavin. It wasn’t because I was actually scared of him, but rather scared of his reaction to the news I dropped on him. I liked Gavin, and I didn’t want him to reject me because of my situation. A part of me was stuck in limbo between wanting to be with Gavin and not wanting to dive into another relationship because of my dealings with Tony. I just didn’t think anyone could understand what I was going through.
Let’s face the facts: my life was extremely complicated. I was a former domestic abuse victim living in a transitional home, with a mama who was a few months off of welfare, a sister who was HIV positive, two children—one of whom is autistic—with a junkie, HIV positive baby daddy. So, when I say I came with baggage, that was an understatement. Hell, my baggage was a ten-piece luggage set. How could I allow Gavin to get trapped up in my never-ending mess? Simple. I couldn’t. He deserved so much better than what I could offer him.
“Gavin, it’s just a lot going on with me, and I think it would be best if we just remained friends and co-workers,” I lied.
He threw his hands up. “I don’t even know why I give a damn. You know what—fine. If that’s what you want to do, then do it. Keep on living your life for your babies’ daddy and not having one of your own. Eventually, everyone around you will be living it up, and you’re going to be alone,” he fussed as he turned to leave.
I put my hand on his arm. “Wait, Gavin, don
’t leave upset.”
“How do you want me to leave?” He snatched his arm away. “I like you, LaMeka, but you refuse to give me the opportunity to show you how much of a real man I am and can be for you. That’s fine, because you have to want me as much as I want you. I’m on my grown man shit, and I ain’t into these stupid-ass games, so when you’re done playing, come holla at me. You just better pray that I’m still available, or rather that I still want to be available for you,” he said harshly. Then, he snatched the door open and left.
Wow. I felt like I was just involved in Hurricane Gavin. He blew in, destroyed everything in his path, and blew right the fuck on out. The funny thing was I couldn’t even be mad at him for cussing me out the way he had. I deserved it. I had allowed him to open up to me and gave him the hope that what we had started was definitely going to another level. Hell, it wasn’t a front. It was going somewhere. I definitely wanted it to. It was just I had a lot to deal with, especially with Tony waking up.
It was my duty to be there for him and my boys. I just felt that God wanted me to help Tony through his situation so he could be on the road to being a better man. By doing that, I didn’t have time to nourish a budding relationship the way I needed to, so why bother at this point?
However, Gavin gave me a lot to think about. Was I thrusting myself into Tony’s life because of the boys, or was it really because I was too afraid to let go? Well, one thing was crystal clear: Gavin wasn’t sticking around to find out what the answer to either question was. Who could blame him? Not me.
Chapter Twenty-three
Lincoln
Sometimes in life you have a moment of revelation. You have a moment that is so powerful that you have no choice but to stop and ponder over your life and the direction it’s headed. That’s exactly what I was doing. Don’t get me wrong. I actually loved the fact that I was back in New Yitty. I was close to my family again, I could hang out in all my old spots with my old and new friends, and I was pulling down some serious bank with my new contract with the Giants, so for the most part, my life was good. The part that wasn’t good was listening to Charice threaten to call the police on me and remind me yet again that she wanted nothing to do with me.