by Untamed
My plan seemed so simplistic: work hard, get traded, infiltrate Ryan and Charice’s marriage and get my woman back. On paper, it made sense. It added up. However, in real life, my heart was tired of being shit on. Granted, I was the one who broke up with Charice, but damn, it hadn’t even been a full year since we broke up, and she was acting as if what we shared never existed. I thought she would have had some lingering feelings for me, but that theory went out the door with the 911 call she threatened to make.
I loved Charice with everything inside of me. I honestly did. There was nothing I wouldn’t give to be back with her. I just needed to know that some part of her, no matter how small, still cared for me. That’s all I needed. If she gave me that inch, I’d walk the mile to prove my love. I’d walk a thousand more just to get her to be my woman, and I’d walk for infinity if she’d be my wife instead of Ryan’s.
“You know, when you were a kid, you used to do the same thing when something bothered you,” my mom said as she walked in the sunroom and sat beside me. “Except back then, it was a stoop, since we lived in the city. We’ve come a long way since Queens.”
I chuckled. “I was just out here thinking,” I said, patting my mom on the knee.
“I know. That’s the only time you come out here, when something is bothering you. So, you want to tell me what it is?”
“I was just wondering if this move was really worth it. That’s all.” I stared down at the ground.
“That depends on why you moved. I certainly love having you around more, and I get to come to the home games.”
“I love having you guys around more too.”
“Yeah, well, you didn’t move because of us. Is the team a right fit for you?”
I nodded. “The team is cool.”
She pursed her lips. “Not everybody on the team is cool, and we both know it. Lincoln, I’m going to stop going tit-for-tat with you out here. Admit it. You moved up here to chase behind Charice.”
“Why you gotta put it like that?” I asked, looking at her in shock.
“What? You thought I didn’t know why you were so eager to come to New York? Lincoln, your favorite teams growing up were the 49ers and the Cowboys. So, why would you want to come back here to play for the Giants when you were already on one of the teams you loved? Besides God, it’s only two things in this world powerful enough to make a man make moves like that—money and a woman. I know you’re getting a hell of a lot more money, but it’s not as if you’re hurting for it. That leads me to believe you did it for a woman, and the only woman who you’ve been with that meant anything to you was Charice. The same Charice you kept flying your ass back to Atlanta for after you all broke up.”
Okay, so it was no use lying to my mom. She knew Ryan and Charice had gotten married and that Ryan played for the Giants. Hell, everybody in New York knew that unless they lived under a rock. He was the man with the five-year, $50 million feet. He was the highest-paid running back in the league and, notably, with the highest salary cap in franchise history. So, it was no surprise that even my mom—who only followed my games—knew that Ryan was the man in NY. Not to mention that there were billboards in every major city with pictures of Ryan, the quarterback, and me on them, advertising Giants games.
“You can’t help who you love,” I said.
“No, but you can help your own actions. Lincoln, this is unhealthy. You’ve chased this woman up and down the East Coast. She made her decision. She married Ryan. They are a family, and they’re happy.”
“I know that, Ma,” I seethed, getting angrier by the second.
“Back your tone down,” she snapped back quickly and sternly. A moment later, she turned soft eyes to me and spoke in a calming tone. “Listen, I know it hurts, but you have to face reality, son. Your reality is that Charice is long gone. I love her too. I wanted her to be my daughter-in-law and to see you all give me a bunch of grandkids, but I let that idea go, and now you need to.”
Jumping up from my seat, I paced back and forth, trying to make sense of my feelings. “But, Ma, it’s just something—I don’t know, like down on the inside—that won’t let me let her go. It’s like I know we were meant to be together. I know it.”
“I’m not saying you’re wrong, Lincoln. I’m saying you have to let it go for your own sanity. Loving someone who doesn’t love you back is always painful—”
“Don’t say that to me. Charice does love me,” I exploded in a fit of anger.
Instantly, she jumped up in my face. “No! You need to hear this. How do you know she loves you, huh? How has she shown it? By marrying another man? You’re in love with a woman that’s not available to you. Stop screwing with their marriage and stop chasing her.”
I plopped down on the wicker sofa as I struggled to hold back tears. “Ma, you don’t understand. I’d lay down my life for this woman. I need her so bad. I love her so much.”
My mom reached down and hugged me as a few tears escaped my eyes. “I do understand. That’s the same way I feel about your father because he’s my husband. The difference is Charice is not your wife. She’s Ryan’s. You’re going to have to learn to accept that, Lincoln. If you two were meant to be together, then God will make a way for that to happen. You just have to have a little faith.”
They say there’s a first time for everything. I’d never in my life cried over a woman, and Charice definitely was my first and only. As I sat there wiping tears that were impossible to withhold, I realized my mom was right. I couldn’t continue this path of self-destruction. Nodding my head in acceptance, I spoke the words that my head and heart needed to hear.
“You’re right, Ma. I have to let her go.”
Placing her hand on my shoulder, she lovingly rubbed it for support. “Focus your energy on London. That will help you through. You’re both hurting right now, and you both need each other.”
“Ma, I don’t know how I’m going to do this. How am I supposed to raise London by myself?”
Lifting my face to hers, she assured me, “You don’t have to raise her by yourself. You have your father, your brother and his wife, and you know you have me.”
After a few moments of soaking in her words, I came to the conclusion that she was right. Standing up, I pulled my mother to me and hugged her as tight as I could. “Thanks, Mama,” was all I could muster up to say.
Understanding in only a way a mother could, she gripped me just as tight. “You’re welcome, baby. I love you.”
“I love you too.” I lingered in the hug for a minute. Then, remembering the time, I said, “Well, I better go. London’s furniture is being delivered today.”
“I can’t wait for her to come up here. I miss my grandbaby so much,” my mom said excitedly.
I smiled. “Oh, I know you do. She’s gonna be rotten.”
“She deserves it.”
She was right. London did deserve it. Okay, yes, the primary reason I moved on Ryan’s street was to be a thorn in his side and to disrupt his marriage. I’ll admit that. However, I also had a very good reason to purchase a house, since I had obtained sole custody of my little girl. I’d been going through a lot of battles behind my daughter lately—some being very unnecessary—but as fate would have it, I’d ended up with my daughter anyway.
I was never in a relationship with her mom. To be straight up, her mom was nothing but a jump off for me, but I’d never tell my daughter that. She was that chick in the back pocket who I knew would be around and be down no matter what. So, whenever I got tired of pretending to be a boyfriend to my girl at the time, I’d go and fall back on Lauren. That was until I jumped off and got her pregnant. That changed everything. We went through all kinds of changes. First, Lauren wanted to be a couple and get married so we could raise London together, and I wasn’t feeling that at all. Then, I wasn’t the best father at the beginning. Hell, I was a downright deadbeat, so Lauren grew to hate me. However, we both matured and became great parents for London.
Lauren ended up getting married to this o
ne cat named Kyle. I have to admit it; she loved this dude like her life depended on it. For all intents and purposes, I actually thought he was a pretty good guy. He seemed to love Lauren and London just as much as they loved him. Last year, come to find out, after all these years, this dude had a wife and two kids in another state. His job required that he travel from Texas to New Jersey, so he had his life in Texas, and he had his life in New Jersey. The wife in New Jersey was the one who blew his cover. That was the craziest turn of events I’d ever witnessed. It was so bad that Lauren suffered a nervous breakdown and wasn’t fit to raise London anymore.
Currently, London was living with her grandma, but she had cancer, so I stepped up to take full responsibility for my daughter. Lauren’s sister, Rosalyn, tried to fight me for London, but I prevailed. So now, here I was, preparing to be a full-time dad in less than two weeks. I’d even moved my parents into another subdivision in Scarsdale so they could be closer to help me with London. So, I guess my mom was right. It was time to say fuck Charice and focus on London.
When I got to my house, I decided to relax my mind. I’d made a big sandwich and sat down to watch television. Just as I took a bite into my sandwich, my doorbell rang.
“Coming.” I jogged to the door.
As soon as I opened the door, all I saw was a finger in my face. “Why did you send this furniture company down here to deliver little girl’s furniture to my house? Are you playing some kind of fucked up game with me? How could you be so got-damned insensitive?” Charice yelled at me as soon as I opened the door.
“Whoa, whoa, whoa. Hold up! Damn,” I spat defensively, putting my hand up to stop her tirade.
“I’m sorry, sir,” the man behind her said. “We’re the delivery company from Cite, and I believe we went to the incorrect house at first,” the man stated, pointing down at Charice behind her back. “Should this delivery go to 246 or 240 Murray Hill?”
I sighed. “It’s for this address, 246.”
“My apologies, sir. I’ll have the drivers pull up.”
“Please pull around to the back,” I instructed them, and he nodded and walked off.
“See, no harm from me. They had the wrong address, Charice,” I said, looking down at her angrily.
Embarrassment shaded her face. “I’m so sorry. I didn’t mean to yell—”
I cut her off mid-sentence, my annoyance evident. “What kind of man do you take me for? Do you really think I’d send furniture to your house for a little girl knowing what happened to Charity? Jesus Christ, Charice.”
Bowing her head, she offered softly, “I’m sorry. It’s just that earlier, with the center and all . . . I was wrong, and I’m sorry. I’m serious,” she apologized, returning her gaze to me with complete sincerity.
Without a second thought, I forgave her and exhaled my anger away. “Apology accepted.” While my heart was skipping a beat that I actually had Charice standing in front of me, I decided to follow my mom’s advice and my earlier decision to leave her alone. “Now, if you’ll excuse me, I have to tell these men where to put these items.”
She nodded but continued standing there with a look of curiosity on her face.
“Why are you looking at me like that?”
She shook her head. “I’m sorry. I was just confused about the little girl furniture. So, you’re decorating a room for when London visits? That’s so thoughtful of you. That’s sure to make her feel right at home.”
“Yes, it is for her.” Pausing for a brief moment, I added, “Actually, London is coming to live with me.”
Her widened eyes snapped to me in sheer surprise. “You’re shitting me?”
“No shit,” I said as I watched the delivery men begin to unload. “Listen, you can come in and wait if you want. I’ll tell you about it, but I have to get these delivery men situated.”
Lo and behold, she walked in my house. Now, I was stunned by this move, but it struck me that she must really be thrown for such a loop that she forgot I was her public enemy number one. I showed her to my family room and directed the delivery men to London’s room.
“Umm, you can set up the bed against this side,” I instructed, when out of nowhere, I felt someone beside me and looked down. It was Charice.
“No,” Charice said, pushing her way through and interrupting me. “That’s so backward, Lincoln. Her room would be turned sideways then, and she’d be looking toward her bathroom.”
I turned to her. “Well, then you fix it up.”
She fanned me out of the way. “Men have no sense of design. That’s why I came in here in the first place. Look, place the bed here,” Charice began as she directed them with the bed, dresser, armoire, desk, and nightstand. Within an hour, the furniture setup was complete. I had to give it to Charice; she’d hooked up London’s room.
“Thanks, because I was really lost,” I told her as we made our way back to my family room after the delivery men left. “I was thinking of painting her room pink.”
“She would shoot you,” Charice quipped.
“What’s wrong with pink? She’s a girl.”
“Nothing is wrong with pink for babies and bedspreads. She’s ten, Lincoln, not one. Come on. If you’re going to do feminine colors for a pre-teen, I would say paint her room a soft lilac tone. She has high-end furniture, for Christ’s sake. You have to bring it out. Get her a theme like Egyptian, not princess. To keep it girly-girl for you, you could buy her the lilac and hot pink bedroom comforters and throw pillows with the girls’ Egyptian theme. I think she’d like that.”
“Shit, I should’ve hired you,” I said, putting my head in my hands. “I know nothing about little girls.”
“That brings me to my next question.” She sat beside me on my sofa. “What the hell happened to make Lauren give you custody?”
“Am I that bad of a parent?” I asked, shocked.
“No, I didn’t mean it like that. That came out wrong. I mean with your schedule and all. Nawimean?”
Not wanting to get in a dragged-out conversation about the details, I kept the explanation to the point. Shrugging, I admitted, “Long story short, Kyle had another wife and kids in New Jersey, and Lauren suffered a nervous breakdown because of it.”
For a long while, she stared at me blankly and then laughed. “Boy, you are so full of it.” I just looked at her with a serious expression. She calmed down and swallowed. “Holy shit. You’re serious?”
Realizing she wanted more details, I told her the story about Kyle’s double life, his decision to move to New Jersey and stay with his first wife, Lauren’s breakdown, and my custody battle with Rosalyn. Throughout it all, she sat there tentatively, listening to every word I spoke. A few times, she ahhed and ooohed and even patted my thigh as I found the courage to tell her everything that happened. This was the Charice I knew and remembered. This was the Charice that I loved. However, I pushed my feelings back because this was also the Charice that was married to Ryan.
“Oh my God, Lincoln. I had no idea. How is London taking all of this? I know she must be completely devastated,” she said, holding her hand over her heart.
“Yeah, she is. Right now, she’s staying with her grandma in Texas. I would’ve let her finish out the school year there, but Ms. Maureen has cancer, and on top of that, she has to deal with Lauren and her breakdown. So, I figured it was best to bring London up when I got settled.”
“Oh my God,” she gasped. “I didn’t know Ms. Maureen had cancer. How far along?”
“It’s the beginning stages, but she’s going through chemo, which is a battle for her itself, so London is really having a hard time. I check on her every day. Rosalyn is there helping out, but you know I won’t feel comfortable until my daughter is here with me,” I explained.
“Wait, so who’s going to help you? You have mini-camp, regular camp, the full season, and not to mention all the other obligations with your endorsement deals and non-profits. She can’t go with you to all of those places.”
“Are you volunteer
ing your assistance?”
She got quiet and put her head down.
“It was a joke, Charice.” I chuckled. “I understand that you can’t. My parents are going to help me.”
She looked confused. “From Queens?”
“No, from Scarsdale. I moved them near me.”
“Oh,” she said in realization. “How are your parents, anyway?”
“My dad is still a jokester, and my mom is still my mom, feisty and loving.” I smiled, happy that she’d asked.
She smiled demurely. “Yeah, she is. I’m glad to hear they are doing well.”
“I’ll tell them you asked.”
Looking down at my uneaten sandwich, she stood. “I’m sorry. I’ve interrupted your lunch. I need to get back to the house and let you finish.”
“You weren’t any bother to me. It felt good to have someone to talk to for a minute. I really appreciate it.”
She nodded as I started walking her to the door. “About earlier, I’m sorry. I was very extreme, and I shouldn’t have been. I’m talking about when the delivery men came and at the community center.”
My heart skipped a beat. She cared. Charice never apologized unless she cared about your feelings. “I forgive you. Besides, I was wrong too. I shouldn’t have bothered you. It’s just good to see you doing your thing with the dancing. I know you love it.”
She turned to face me, and her face was lit up with excitement. “I really do. It’s a dream come true for me.”
“Well, congratulations.” And I meant that. I was honestly happy for her.
Her smile warmed my heart. It felt good to feel on decent standing with her.
“Thanks, and congrats with London. I’m sure everything will work out for you two.”
“Thanks. I hope so. You’re welcome to visit her if you like. She asks about you all the time.”
Covering her heart, she cooed, “How sweet. Well, tell her I said hello.”
“I’ll do that,” I said, reaching for the door. I had to lean toward her, and her body tensed up. I resisted the urge to bend down and kiss her. Still, I couldn’t stop the flirting that flowed out of my mouth. “Don’t worry. I won’t bite. Not unless you want me to.”