Never Again, No More 3

by Untamed

  Misha huffed. “So, he actually made it out of the hospital? Damn. Was that nigga a cat in a former life? He got fucking nine lives, I swear.”

  I gasped. “Misha. I know you don’t care for him, but all things aside, Tony has changed. He’s better now. There are no more drugs and alcohol. He’s going to do right this time, and he needs all of our support, especially since he’s living with HIV.”

  “Yeah, that I gave him, so why the hell would I want to hang with his ass? Really, Meka? You are the loony one. Gavin has called here three times to speak with you this week, and you’ve been so far up Tony’s ass that you can’t even see that you’re passing over a good man. If you want to throw your life away dealing with that lowlife nigga, then go ahead, but don’t ask me to. Hell, I was trying to get rid of the nigga, not be his damn buddy,” Misha said nonchalantly.

  “You know they are locking people up for intentional manslaughter behind that shit you did, so you might not want to get too loose-lipped about it,” I said.

  She sighed, and I could practically see her rolling her eyes through the phone. “So what? Are you gonna tell on me? Please. This is me and you talking. I know he’s li’l Tony’s and LaMichael’s daddy, but damn for real, sis, you need to let that nigga go.”

  “Goodbye, Misha.” I hung up to dial Lucinda’s number.

  “What’s good, chica?” Lucinda answered her cell phone.

  “I know what ain’t good.”

  She gasped. “Ay, lo siento. My bad, Meka. I forgot all about Tony’s welcome home party. Girl, it’s just so much going on right now between Aldris, Jennifer, and me. Not to mention that foolishness between my dad and Raul. My mind has been all over the damn place. I’m sorry.”

  “So, do you think you can still come? I think it would mean a lot to Tony to see his old crew of folks who were with him before he got hooked on drugs,” I pleaded.

  “I wish I could, but I’m at the skating rink with Nadia. I promised her I’d do a mother-daughter night with her.”

  I sighed, disappointed. “I understand.”

  She let out a slow and deliberate sigh. “Meka, check it, mami, I understand that Tony is different, and he needs support, but don’t you think you’re too involved in this? I get that you want to be there for him, I do, but I’m just saying maybe you should back off just a bit. I saw firsthand what you went through while you two were together, and I really don’t want to see you hurt again.”

  I threw my hands up. “Is that why you’re not here because secretly you don’t want to deal with Tony?”

  “Chill, chica,” she said firmly. “I honestly forgot, but you’re avoiding my comment and my question.”

  “I don’t have time for this. All I asked was for a little support from you. You have plans with Nadia, so do your thang. I will be just fine,” I said with plenty of attitude. Actually, a lot more than I really needed to give to her because I knew Lu meant well.

  “Fine. Do you, boo. Holla,” she huffed and hung up in my face.

  I hung up my phone and slipped it in my front pocket, heading back inside. Everybody was making their food, so I grabbed my plate and started too. As everyone laughed and joked around, I really didn’t feel up to it. I was disappointed in my sister and gut-checked by Lucinda. Of course, there was a part of me—the hurt and scarred part—that wanted to tell Tony, “Adios, muthafucka.” Yet, I also understood that a lot of the way Tony used to be was because of his depression and substance abuse issues. The real Tony—the one I fell in love with—would never have done the things he did.

  Don’t let that fool you, though. I missed Gavin and all the possibilities of what we could be, but emotionally, I wasn’t ready for Gavin. I had so much to clear up in my own life and in my own mind about my relationship with Tony that I knew it’d be unfair to date Gavin at this point in my life. Unbeknownst to my sister, I’d actually called Gavin back once that week and explained just that to him. He felt as if I was hiding under a false sense of obligation to Tony. Ugh. Was I really that wrong for wanting to be there for my babies’ father? Everyone was so against Tony, as if he’d personally violated them. Hell, I was the one who got degraded, beat on, cheated on, and left to raise two boys on my own, so if I could let that go, then they should too.

  I sat out on the screened porch with my plate. I wanted to be by myself so that I could think about what I wanted to do about Gavin and Tony.

  “Can I sit out here with you?” Tony asked, coming out the door.

  “Sure.” I jumped up and grabbed his plate for him so that he could step down.

  “Thanks. It’s hard to move around still,” he said as he finally sat down. “But I ain’t complaining, though. I could not be moving at all.”

  I giggled. “That is very true.”

  “Guess who called me?” he said, taking a bite of his macaroni. “Mmm-hmm. Girl, you were always the best at making macaroni and cheese.”

  “You know how I get down, for real,” I joked. “Who called?”

  “Ryan. I haven’t heard from that cat since I started wilding out with them drugs and shit. I understand. He has a reputation to uphold. He couldn’t uphold that hanging out with junkies and dope dealers.”

  I nodded. “Yeah. A lot has happened since then,” I said, reflecting back on the events of last year with Ryan and Charice.

  “So I heard. I can’t believe what happened to little Charity. And how the hell did he go from playboy to married to Charice? Was I that zooted?”

  I chuckled. “Man, that’s a long story. In between that, there is another dude Charice was engaged to named Lincoln. I’ll have to tell you about that shit one day.”

  He put his fork down and looked at me. “Lincoln? As in Lincoln Harper? Ryan’s-best-friend-from-the-Cowboys Lincoln?”

  I looked at him weird. “You know Lincoln?”

  “Yeah, I met him when I went on that nine-day vacation with Ryan right before I got really strung out. That nigga was something else, just like Ryan. Man, how the fuck did Charice hook up with him? And you said they were engaged? I’m surprised them two niggas didn’t kill each other.”

  I laughed. “Yeah, like I said, it’s a long story. It’s a lot of shit that’s happened over the past year. You wouldn’t believe half of it. Hell, I wouldn’t believe half of it if I didn’t know these people personally.”

  “I can tell. Lucinda is in college with a good job and engaged. Pooch is locked up. Trinity is gone out of state, and Ryan and Charice are married. Man, I feel like I was in a coma or some shit and I’m just waking up.” He shook his head in disbelief.

  “I guess in a way you are, huh?”

  There was a long pause as I awaited his response. When I looked over at him, he was staring directly at me with the most sincere look on his face. I could tell that this conversation was about to switch up into something very serious.

  “Yeah. In more ways than I’d ever imagined.” He placed his hand on top of mine.

  “Umm,” I said, unsure of what he was doing.

  He smiled at me and held my hand tighter. “I love you, LaMeka. Despite all that I’ve put you through, you’ve been right here for me as if I’d never hurt or betrayed you. I’ve done so much fucked-up stuff to you that it’s a blessing you’d even be in my presence, let alone be there for me the way that you’ve been. I’ll always be indebted to you for that. Always.”

  “You don’t have to be indebted to me. It’s just important that you get through this, you know?”

  He turned to look at me and placed my face between the palms of his hands. “I need you, LaMeka. I can’t make it through this without you—”

  I interrupted him. “I’ll help you. You know that.”

  His eyes shone as the brightest smile appeared on his face. “I know I have your help, but can I have your heart? I know that I don’t deserve it, but I would love the chance to be the man you’ve always wanted and needed me to be.”

  He couldn’t be asking me what I thought he was. I coughed to clear my throa
t, which suddenly was extra dry. “What exactly are saying, Tony?”

  Eying me sweetly, he grabbed my hands. “I would like for us to be a family again. I want to be the man you need me to be. Maybe one day I could be your husband even,” he said, getting choked up. “I know that I have HIV, but I’ve done some research, and if we both use protection—the male and female condoms—and as I continue to take my medications on time and on a consistent basis, the chances that you’d contract it are extremely slim. I know I’m asking a lot of you, and I understand if you need to think about it, but I love you, and I want to be your man again. You and the boys are all I have in this world to live for.”

  I damn near drank all of my tea in one gulp. He really went there. He was asking me to make the ultimate sacrifice and put my health at risk to be his woman again. As a woman with a sister who was HIV positive and a future medical professional, I knew that many people did this sort of thing. He was also right about the intercourse. Sex practiced extremely safely, combined with a strict medical treatment plan, could be successful at ensuring that the virus wasn’t passed to the non-infected person.

  Then, there was so much he didn’t know, like the fact that my sister gave him the virus. He just accepted that he had it because he’d slept around with junkies and used drugs. He never questioned how he contracted the disease. Shit, he was so messed up that he thought he was the one who gave it to Misha. Only my mother and I knew differently, and I would never in my life tell him or anybody else anything different. Not to mention that he thought I didn’t like Gavin since I wasn’t dealing with him. Not the case. I had my concerns about interracial dating, and I came with some extreme baggage, but seriously letting go of the possibility of being with Gavin wasn’t something I was ready to do just yet. Yes, I was putting him off and denying myself that chance, but I’d convinced myself it was only temporary, until I could help get Tony better and up on his feet. Now, Tony was asking me to be a family with him.

  Hell, I didn’t know. Maybe I should. What man wanted to deal with all the things I had going in my life? Yeah, Gavin may have thought he wanted to try, but he didn’t know my entire situation. To me, being a nurse was not just a job—it was my life. For him, being a nurse was a profession—just a part of his life that he got to leave at the ER at the end of his shift.

  Perhaps God had spared Tony so that we could be a family. There were always sex toys and masturbation if I chose not to have intercourse with Tony. Truth be told, a woman could please herself ten times better than a man if she knew just how to please her erogenous zones. At any rate, I did love Tony, and we did have sons together, so maybe . . . perhaps . . . it could work.

  “Don’t answer now.” Tony sealed my lips shut with his index finger. “Just think about it and let me know.” And with that, he picked up my fork, scooped up my macaroni and cheese, and fed it to me.

  A little bit of cheese drizzled on my chin, and he bent over and wiped it off with a napkin, then he kissed my chin where the cheese once was. I caressed his face. It was the first time in a very long time that Tony had actually been this nurturing to me, and it felt good.

  He rubbed my chin with his thumb and looked me in the eyes. “I love you, LaMeka, and for the first time in my life, I can honestly say I know what it means to truly love someone.”

  I just sat there and finished eating, in awe of the man that Tony was trying to become. The only question in my mind was, was I really ready to let him be my man regardless of the possible consequences?

  Chapter Twenty-eight

  Lucinda

  Sometimes you have to do what you have to do to preserve what you’ve got. I usually didn’t try to smooth shit over—or as I’d like to say, back down—when I felt I was right, but for Aldris, I went against the grain. I had every reason to go ham on him for that shit, but I had to learn to trust in my relationship and my love with Aldris. That solo fact made me pick up the phone and try to salvage our relationship. I was trying to mature and be the better person.

  I must say that it actually seemed to pay off. Aldris was very apologetic about his actions when he came home, and I swear to God, the make-up sex blew my fucking mind. We talked about some things that were kind of bothering each of us, and of course, my explosive attitude was his main concern. For me, it was his failure to communicate with me when it came down to Jennifer and Jessica. I must say that the conversation allowed me to get a lot off my chest, and since then, everything had been pretty copacetic around the home front.

  I could honestly say this new, reserved Lucinda had taken over in all aspects of my life. Raul was late with his child support, but instead of dialing him up and going off, I kindly sent him a certified reminder letter. Hell, he was only paying me $100 a month, and the puto couldn’t be on time for that. I did get my money five days later, but it was all right. He had to face the music on it.

  Even my girl Meka tried me. Here I was, making a valid point, trying to help that chica out, and she went off on me. The old Lucinda would’ve immediately cussed her out and went off about that crackhead baby daddy she had, but no, the new me just charged it to the game. I’m not gonna pretend that I was completely sold on this transition, because going off was easier, but I tried because I realized that my way wasn’t always the best, nor was it healthy. As my abuela would say, you can catch more flies with honey. So, I was learning the essence of being sweet.

  In effort to be sweet, today was deemed united family day. Aldris, Nadia, and I met up with Jennifer and Jessica at the park so we could all spend time together as a family. We made it into a big deal, where we each made a dish and brought drinks, while Aldris cooked burgers and hot dogs on the grill. We were loaded with plenty of toys and a radio for Nadia and Jessica on our fun day. Surprisingly, everything had been going well. Nadia and Jessica were having the time of their lives, playing with each other and with Aldris. Jennifer and I didn’t have much conversation for each other, but we did listen to the music and talked about current events. I even played good hostess while Aldris was on the grill and chatted it up with Jennifer instead of hanging around him and leaving her by herself.

  “All right, who wants me to make them a plate?” Jennifer asked once Aldris put the last of the burgers and dogs in the tray.

  “I do. I do.” The girls jumped up and down.

  As I stood up to make Nadia’s plate, Jennifer stopped me. “You can go ahead and fix your own plate, Lucinda. I’ve got Nadia.”

  “Thank you,” I said, stirring the baked beans I’d made. “Nadia doesn’t eat potato salad,” I said before she put it on her plate. I didn’t want her to think that Nadia was intentionally not eating the food she made.

  She turned around in shock. “Are you serious?”

  “You seem surprised. It’s a lot of people who don’t eat potato salad. I actually don’t eat it either, but I can tolerate it a little better than Nadia can.”

  She giggled. “I guess it’s just a black thing then. We love potato salad.”

  Was this bitch trying to imply that we didn’t like potato salad because we were Latina? Oh, so she thought she had a common link to Aldris, huh? I had something for that ass.

  I shrugged. “Aldris doesn’t eat potato salad either.”

  Jennifer frowned and instantly turned to look at Aldris, who instinctively put his head down. “Since when? I distinctly remember Aldris eating my potato salad.”

  I put my hand on my hip. “Yeah, Aldris, since when do you eat potato salad? You always told me you didn’t like it either.”

  Maybe he was just trying to appease this heifer, ’cause I know my man, I thought.

  He coughed, looking up at me nervously. “Well, I’m not a fan of potato salad, so I usually don’t eat it. Jennifer’s potato salad was the only person’s I’ve eaten and actually liked.”

  Jennifer snapped and did a little dance. “That’s right. I remember you telling me that you hated your mom’s potato salad and not to tell her.”

  “And you still better no
t tell her that.” He pointed at her as they playfully laughed with each other about their inside information. “I love my mom’s cooking, but just not her potato salad. I don’t know what it is that you put in yours that makes it so much different than anybody else’s.”

  “If I told you, I’d have to kill you. It’s a top-secret family recipe.”

  “Well, you learn something new every day,” I said.

  Okay, so I guess I didn’t know Aldris that well, or at least not that he loved Jennifer’s potato salad.

  Jennifer turned to face me. “You should try it, Lucinda. I guarantee you’ll love it,” she said as she set the girls’ plates down in front of them.

  Instead of replying, I handed her their juice drinks and then asked Aldris what he wanted. Fuck that potato salad.

  “Umm, give me two burgers with the usual and everything else,” he said as he grabbed a beer out of the cooler.

  I made his plate of two cheeseburgers with extra mayo, ketchup, mustard, and onions, then put a big helping of baked beans and chips with a smaller portion of potato salad. Yes, I was being a little bitchy. I had to find out that my fiancé was in love with his ex-fiancée’s potato salad all out in public, making me look like I didn’t know my man. Okay, I was gonna chill. I’m just saying, though.

  I set the plate down in front of Aldris.

  “Thank you, baby.” He rubbed his hands together. “This looks good. Lucinda makes the best baked beans too, Jennifer.”

  She raised her eyebrows. “Oh, really?”

  I smiled and nodded as I rubbed Aldris’ back. “Yep, I do. My baby just loves them.”

  Take that, you potato-salad-making heifer.

  He nodded. “Yep, and now that she taught my mom how to cook them like she does, I get them at home and at my mom’s house.”

  Jennifer shook her head. “You can’t be giving another woman your secret cooking tips, Lucinda. Now you have no leverage because he can get the same meal at his mama’s house.”