Spring’s Wake

by Aurora Rey

  She changed into running clothes and headed for the trail not too far from Leigh’s place. She kept an easy pace, enjoying the spring air and the feeling of blood moving through her muscles. When a beep interrupted Pitbull’s latest take on who wants whom, she slowed to a walk. The text was from Graham.

  We need to talk.

  Will didn’t disagree, but she couldn’t bring herself to reply. The statement gave no indication of how mad Graham was, or who she was mad at. It was chicken shit of her to avoid dealing with it, but Will told herself she could have a day to regroup. Given how badly her attempt to talk to Nora had gone, she expected things with Graham to be just as ugly.

  Will resumed running. She thought of Graham as a sister. It was like how she felt about Emerson, only Will got to feel protective of her. She hadn’t had that with Emerson in ages. And Graham looked up to her, like she had her act together. Will really didn’t want to lose that.

  Why hadn’t she just told her? Will increased her pace. Because Nora explicitly asked her not to. Will had thought it strange, but Nora was so focused on not telling anyone at first, Will lumped it all together. She shook her head. She was so excited about Nora giving her a chance, she was perfectly happy to go along with pretty much anything Nora wanted. Okay, maybe not happy, but willing.

  It hadn’t seemed like a problem at the time. She figured Nora just needed some extra time, that once she got used to the idea of them together, things would sort themselves out. Like with the engagement party.

  Will berated herself. Despite all her promises to be her own person, she’d let herself get pressured into something she knew was a bad idea. She’d ruined things not only with Nora, but probably with Graham as well. She hadn’t learned anything.

  Will stopped running and realized she had no idea where she was. Fortunately, her phone had plenty of charge and she was able to pull up her GPS app. Unfortunately, she’d gotten herself close to five miles from Leigh’s place. She contemplated a Lyft, but even the short distance would cut into the cash she had. Deciding she’d rather eat the rest of the week, she routed herself back on foot.

  When she was about a mile away, the sky opened and, in a matter of seconds, she was soaked through. Fitting, really, given how the last couple of days had gone. She tucked her phone in her pocket to stay dry and hoped she remembered the route well enough to get the rest of the way back. She considered running it, but there wasn’t any point.

  Back at Leigh’s she peeled off her squishy shoes and the socks plastered to her feet. She did the same with her clothes. Even her underwear were soaked. She left the soggy pile near the door and headed to the bathroom, opting for a quick shower instead of another soak.

  Between the exercise and the dry clothes, she felt almost human. She was also starved. She opened the fridge, wishing she’d bought more groceries. She settled on a yogurt and sat at the island. As much as the run had cleared her head in the moment, now that she was sitting still, all the questions and doubts and fears and self-loathing came roaring back to life.

  She’d been so stupid to think she could have it all. Or that what she had with Nora meant something. Or perhaps more accurately, meant something to more than just her.

  Chapter Twenty-one

  Please talk to me.

  Will looked at the message. It was the third such request from Graham. She’d ignored the first two. Even if part of her believed Graham deserved to rail against her, she couldn’t open herself up to that. If anything, Graham and Nora needed some time to sort out what had happened. Almost as much as she regretted hurting Nora, Will hated herself for creating such a chasm between family. Hopefully, with time, it would heal. Time and her not sticking her nose in and making matters worse.

  Please. I’m not mad anymore. I’m worried about you.

  Will sighed. She’d convinced herself that not making contact was the better thing to do. Kinder. But it didn’t seem like Graham was going to give up anytime soon. Will didn’t want to cause her any more worry, or angst, than she already had. She typed out a response.

  I’m okay. I’m just sorry for everything.

  The three little dots told her Graham was composing a reply. What had they done before the little dots?

  I’m sorry, too. I had no right to blow up on you. Can we talk?

  The idea of seeing Graham made Will a little nauseous. Of course, it was less frightening than the thought of seeing Nora. Or of not seeing her, really. At this point, Will couldn’t imagine either. She’d managed to get by on not thinking at all. And ice cream. She’d eaten probably three gallons of it in the last few days, and not much else.

  Yeah. Okay.

  More dots.

  I wish we could have met up before I came back to school, but FaceTime?

  Will chuckled. I’m in D.C. House sitting for an old friend.

  Graham’s reply was something along the lines of the universe wanting them to make up. Will grudgingly agreed and they made plans to meet that evening.

  * * *

  Will walked into the restaurant. The hostess station was abandoned, so she scanned the tables and found Graham sitting at a high-top in the bar area. She walked over to join her, forcing herself to make eye contact and offering a sheepish smile. “Hey.”

  Graham hopped off the stool and flung her arms around Will. “I’m so glad to see you.”

  Will tried to shake off her surprise and returned the hug. “Really?”

  “I’m so sorry I flipped out on you. I was totally out of line.”

  Will let Graham’s words sink in. She’d expected to do the apologizing. “I’m…it’s fine. You didn’t do anything wrong.”

  Graham rolled her eyes and climbed back onto her stool. “Of course I did. Let’s order a drink and we can sort it all out.”

  As if on cue, a waitress appeared. Graham ordered a beer and Will followed suit. When the waitress disappeared, they sat for a moment in awkward silence. Will opened her mouth to say something just as Graham did and they talked over one another for a second. “You go,” Will said.

  Graham nodded and began to speak, but the waitress returned with their drinks. She set the pint glasses on the table and looked at Will. “Y’all ordering some food or you good with the beers?”

  “I think we’re okay for now.” She glanced at Graham, who nodded.

  “Okay. I’ll check on y’all in a little bit.”

  When the waitress had gone again, Graham took a long sip of her beer. She set it down and took a deep breath. “So, as I was saying, I’m sorry.”

  Will did the same. “Me, too.”

  “It’s none of my business who Aunt Nora sleeps with. Or you, for that matter.”

  Will sighed. “Still, I’m sure it was pretty shitty to walk in on us like that.”

  Graham shook her head. “It was shocking. I’ll give you that much. I had no idea. Literally, none.”

  “We shouldn’t have kept it a secret.” Will couldn’t bring herself to point fingers at Nora for that decision, even if it might help her with Graham in the moment.

  “I think, because I talk to you both practically every day, it felt like more than a casual omission.”

  “That’s totally fair.”

  Graham shrugged. “I don’t like being mad, though, especially at my favorite people.”

  Graham’s quickness to forgive made Will feel even worse about putting her in that position in the first place. “Is there anything I can do to make it better?”

  “For me?”

  Will offered a rueful smile. “Yes, you.”

  Graham sighed. Like, really sighed. “No. I feel like I owe you an explanation, too, though.”

  Will looked at her quizzically. “What do you mean?”

  “I didn’t freak out only because I was caught off guard.”

  Graham’s comment about getting why she wasn’t interested echoed in Will’s mind. “Yeah.”

  Graham looked away. “I’ve clearly been harboring a crush on you.” She glanced at Will, cringed
, then looked away again.

  Will, who’d just taken a sip of beer, choked on it. Even now, when it all made sense, it felt implausible. “Really?”

  Graham rolled her eyes, then shook her head. “Yes, really.”

  “I am so sorry.” Will put extra emphasis on the ‘so.’

  “I mean, I knew you didn’t reciprocate those feelings. You said as much on New Year’s. It’s not like you led me on or anything. I thought I was over it.” She shrugged in a way that seemed self-deprecating. “Obviously not.”

  Will ran her fingers through her hair. She probably should have seen it coming. Her attention had been so squarely on Nora, even before the party. In hindsight, it was idiotic not to have at least talked to Graham about the kiss the next day. “You know I find you utterly wonderful.”

  Graham rolled her eyes even more dramatically. “You don’t have to say that.”

  “It’s true. You’re beautiful, too, but you already know that.” The look on Graham’s face told Will maybe she didn’t already know that. “I mean it.”

  Graham cleared her throat and looked away again. “Well, thanks for that. But that’s not why we’re here.”

  Will reached across the table and squeezed her hand. “You’re really special, you know. You’re going to make a very lucky woman extremely happy one day.”

  Graham smiled, and maybe blushed a little. “Thanks. Now, can we finish making up?”

  Will nodded. “Absolutely. Tell me what you need, how I can make it better.”

  “I’m the one who’s supposed to make it better. You ran away because I flipped out. I need to find a way to make it up to you, fix it.”

  If only it was that simple. Based on her last conversation—if you could call it a conversation—with Nora, they had much bigger problems than Graham catching them in the act. Will didn’t see any way of making it right, much less finding a way to make it work. Since following that train of thought would likely reduce her to a pile of tears, again, she focused her attention on Graham. “If you’re not mad at me, then we’re good. You didn’t do anything wrong. Besides, I’m pretty sure I could never stay mad at you.”

  Graham nodded. “Okay, good. We’re good. But what about Nora?”

  Not sure she was ready to go there, especially with Graham, Will noted that the waitress was heading their way. “Are you hungry? How about we get a bite to eat?”

  “Sure. We aren’t done with this conversation, but sure.”

  After a quick perusal of the menu, they put in an order. While they waited for the food to arrive, Graham folded her arms and leaned forward. “So is it just an affair or are you in love?”

  Damn. The girl wasted no time. “You cut right to the chase, don’t you?”

  Graham shrugged. “I care about you both. Let’s just say I have a vested interest. So?”

  So. Will didn’t know what to say. There was no doubt as far as her heart was concerned, but she felt strange proclaiming her feelings for Nora to Graham when she’d never shared them with Nora directly. “I don’t know.”

  Now that they weren’t talking about her, Graham’s gaze was unwavering. “Don’t know how you feel or don’t know how she feels in return?”

  Will made a face. She didn’t want to lie to Graham, but the situation felt hopeless. “Both.”

  “Okay. That’s a starting point at least.”

  Will shook her head. “I don’t think it matters.”

  “What do you mean? Of course it matters.”

  “Nora made it clear she was done with me. That’s why I left town. I felt bad about you, but things with Nora did not go well. I’m pretty sure I’m the last person she wants to see, much less be with.” Their food arrived and Will busied herself with putting ketchup on her fries and taking a bite of her turkey club.

  Graham stole one of her fries, then took a bite of her Caesar salad. She chewed thoughtfully. After swallowing, she pointed her fork at Will. “Did she ever tell you about Jordyn?”

  The name wasn’t even vaguely familiar. “No.”

  Graham shook her head and tsked. “Of course she didn’t.”

  “Who’s Jordyn?”

  “Only the woman that stole her money, broke her heart, and almost cost her the inn.”

  “Wait. Yeah. Sort of.” Will remembered the conversation she and Nora had over lunch. It had felt at the time like Nora was confiding in her, but clearly she’d downplayed how dire the situation had been.

  “It hit her really hard. She hasn’t been in a relationship since.”

  “I didn’t know that.” Will was no stranger to baggage. Her heart felt heavier at the thought of Nora being completely closed off.

  “You know, I didn’t ask if the two of you were in love. I asked if you were.”

  Will took her time chewing, in part to buy time and in part because she’d not eaten a real meal in days. “Like I said, I don’t think it matters.”

  “You do love her.”

  Love. It was a word Will didn’t shy away from, but not one she threw around lightly. She’d not used it with Nora, or even her private thoughts about what they shared. Still. With the weight of the last two weeks pressing on her heart, she knew there wasn’t another word to describe it. Lying wouldn’t do a damn thing to change it. “I do.”

  “You have to tell her. You have to work it out.”

  “It’s not that simple.”

  Graham pounded her fist on the table. “I refuse to be the reason you aren’t together.”

  Will’s heart broke a little at the sight of her, eyes pleading and heart so clearly holding onto the notion that if you want something badly enough, you can make it happen. “You aren’t. I promise.”

  “I don’t believe you. I’m guessing things were going great until I showed up and blew everything to pieces.”

  Will thought about that assertion. Things had been going great, at least on some level. Even if they hadn’t talked specifically about feelings, Will refused to believe there weren’t any. She and Nora weren’t where she wanted to be, but it felt like they’d been getting closer. “Tell me more about Jordyn.”

  Graham eyed her suspiciously. “Don’t change the subject.”

  “I’m not. If there’s any chance of working this out, I need to know about her.”

  Graham sighed and angled her head. “It’s not really my story to tell.”

  Will respected that Graham didn’t want to break confidences, but she needed something. More than what Nora had given her. “Don’t tell me all the details, just the overview. What anyone even a little bit close to her would know.”

  Graham seemed to consider her options. After a long moment, she pushed the rest of her salad aside. “It was a long time ago. Ten years, maybe? I was still in high school, so even I don’t know all of it. Aunt Nora had bought the inn and I came to spend the summer with her and help out.”

  Will nodded, settling in for however much of the story she was going to get.

  “Jordyn answered an ad she’d put out for housekeeping help. This was before Tisha came along. She was young, probably early twenties, and a musician. Nora hired her and she moved into the maid’s quarters at the back of the house. The room that’s Nora’s now. Nora and I shared the adjoining rooms.”

  On more than one occasion, Will had traded work for a roof over her head. It might not be the ideal arrangement, but it could serve a purpose.

  “I adored her. She was fun and had so much energy. She’d clean all morning and then play her guitar in the garden in the afternoon. She’d have gigs at night. I was too young to go to most of them, but she had talent. Charisma, too.”

  “And she and Nora started dating?” Will had a hard time picturing it. Aspiring musician seemed so against type for her.

  “Neither of them said as much, but they started spending lots of time together. I saw Jordyn leave Nora’s room early one morning, so it was pretty obvious.”

  “What happened?”

  Graham shrugged. “I went home at the end of the
summer. We were supposed to go and visit her for Thanksgiving, but my parents said she decided to book guests for the week instead. I heard them talking about giving her a loan. When I went to stay with her for a few days over Christmas, Jordyn was gone. Aunt Nora didn’t tell me what happened, but I knew it was something bad. She had this sadness around her, but anger, too. I asked my mom about it when I got home.”

  “What did she tell you?”

  “That one of Aunt Nora’s employees had stolen from her and it had almost cost her the inn. I couldn’t tell if she knew Nora and Jordyn were together. I don’t think it would have made a difference in terms of them loaning her money, but I never said anything.”

  Will took a deep breath. That certainly explained a lot about Nora’s reticence to get involved with her. Or to be open about it. “That’s a pretty big secret for you to have to carry around.”

  Graham shrugged. “She always felt more like my sister than an aunt. And it’s not like my parents pumped me for information.”

  “Still.” Will shook her head. “And did you and Nora ever talk about it?”

  Graham thought for a moment. “Not specifically, you know? As I’ve gotten older, she’s cautioned me against being too open, too trusting.”

  Will chuckled, thinking about her own conversations with Nora. “She’s very protective of you.”

  Graham rolled her eyes. “Tell me about it. I really think that’s part of what’s going on now.”

  “How so?”

  “Part of why she was so upset is because I was so upset. She hated the idea that her actions had resulted in me being unhappy.”

  Will lifted a shoulder. “They sort of did.”

  “Yeah, but not really. Once the shock wore off, I calmed down. Now I think you’d be great together.”

  Again, if only it were that simple. “I appreciate the vote of confidence, but I don’t think that’s the only problem.”

  “What else is there?” Graham’s tone showed her exasperation. “If you love her, fight for her.”

  The thought had occurred to her, more than once. But again and again, Will circled back to the question of whether or not she could make Nora happy. The selfish part of her asserted that she could. The rest of her—the much larger part—wasn’t so sure. Because, really, what did she have to offer? Not much. Would it be fair to convince Nora to be with her if it was a lopsided relationship?