Identity

by E. J. Mara

  “So, the aerosol went off during the accident and that’s what caused my tumor?” I ask.

  Dad nods. “But you’re fine, because the Trip-Lex tumors are always noncancerous, and like I said, they’re designed to become whatever organ your body lacks.”

  “But I don’t need any organs.”

  “That’s the thing,” Dad says, adjusting his glasses, “Dr. Mire and I designed Trip-Lex to correct your mother’s auditory nerve damage. I thought she’d want to at least try being hearing.”

  “But Mom was still Deaf,” I say. “So, it must not have worked.”

  “Your mother wouldn’t even think of testing it.” Dad takes a deep breath and makes his way to the VCR, ejecting the tape. “She was proud of who she was. She knew she didn’t need to change. I was the one who lost sight of what really matters.” Dad sets the tape on the sofa, tucking it under his jacket, and what he’s just said about Mom hits me.

  I take a deep breath, absorbing his words; my mother knew exactly who she was. She was proud of her identity. Am I ever going to be like that?

  “Anyhow, Karen you proved that it would’ve worked,” Dad says with a smile. “Of course, you don’t have auditory nerve damage, so the aerosol affected you differently. The Triphylamonal bound itself to your cells and gave you an added ability in the way of a Lexilohr tumor. When the aerosol exploded, Esther must have opened a wormhole and the components of the aerosol followed you …”

  …they’re in here…

  As this strange whisper, louder than the others, slinks into my ear, I turn to the door because it seemed to come from there. The door opens, interrupting Dad midsentence. A slender woman with short dark hair stands, planted in the doorway. She wears a starched lab coat over a navy blue pantsuit that fits her like a glove. Her gaunt, thin-lipped features are leveled by high cheekbones and startlingly dark, wideset eyes. I can’t decide if she’s exceptionally beautiful or just odd-looking.

  … This can’t be happening…

  I glance at my dad and he’s gone pale.

  “Hello,” the woman speaks in a low voice, something in the sound of it, familiar. But I don’t know where I would’ve heard her before. I’ve never seen her in my life. “David,” she offers Dad a nod before turning to me. “Karen.”

  Just behind her, Roy Hollowell ducks into the room and shuts the door behind him. At the sight of the giant, my pulse takes flight and I grab my bedrails.

  “It’s a pleasure to finally meet you, Karen.” The woman clasps her hands together and sets those dark eyes of her on me. “I’m Dr. Jayne Mire.”

  …he looks so much like his father. Gracias a Dios que es un hombre mas mejor que su padre.…

  “How are you feeling?” Mom asks. Her green scrubs are more wrinkled than I’ve ever seen them and her eyes are red with worry. She puts her wrist to my forehead, checking my temperature. Mom’s usually pretty calm about my gymnastics injuries, but this is different. She’s been crying, not in front of me of course, she rarely lets that happen. But I can tell she’s been crying and that she’s even more shaken up than I am.

  “I’m okay,” I lie, choosing not to worry her with the whispered voices I’m hearing or the pain in my ankle, “and I’m sorry about your car.”

  Mom frowns and tilts her head, giving me a long look. “Querido, it wasn’t your fault, the drunk driver hit you.”

  … he carries so much guilt inside. All of it unnecessary, his father’s fault…

  I close my eyes and run a hand through my hair. I’d love to understand what’s going on. Ever since I woke up, nothing’s made sense. First of all, Mom thinks a drunk driver hit me and no one seems to realize that Esther was driving or that we were being chased. But what’s even worse is that, as impossible as it seems, I’m pretty sure I’m hearing other people’s thoughts!

  “Sweetheart, tons of witnesses saw what happened. A drunk driver hit you, you’re innocent,” Mom says, and I open my eyes, looking at her.

  … maybe we should order another scan, recheck, just to make sure his head injury isn’t more severe than we thought. After all, there was that spot Dr. Winters said he’d like to recheck …

  Ignoring Mom’s whispered thoughts, I say, “So, no one saw a black Buick chasing us? And no one knows where Esther is?”

  “Nathaniel.” Mom’s eye widen. “Why don’t you get some rest? You’ve been through a lot and you’re probably a little disoriented.”

  She looks so tense that I cave, nodding. “Okay, I am tired.”

  Mom plants a kiss on my cheek. “I’m so glad you’re alright. I don’t know what I’d do if...” Her eyes fill and averting her eyes, she blinks the tears away.

  I take her hand and give her the best smile I can manage. “I’m fine. Everything’s okay.”

  She returns my grin and laughs. “Sometimes I wish I could lock you in the house and never let you leave. Just to keep you safe.”

  “That’s not weird at all.”

  She swats at me, missing on purpose. “One day, when you’re a parent, you’ll understand.”

  … he’s right, I do sound crazy. But that’s what love does, it makes you crazy. You’d do anything to keep the ones you love safe…

  My thoughts revert to Karen. “Can I see Karen now?” I ask, hoping Mom’s answer will be different from what it was a few minutes ago.

  “You’re both still recovering, querido. Give it some time. You’ll see her soon.” Mom ruffles my hair and smirks. “And when you do, I think it’s high time you tell that girl you’re in love with her.”

  Startled, I look at her in surprise.

  … he must think I’m blind. I’m his mother, of course I notice the way he looks at Karen and the way he rolls his eyes at poor Julia…

  “Yes, Nathaniel,” she says with a chuckle, “I know your secret. Mothers always know their sons’ secrets. We just pretend not to.”

  I groan and lie back against my pillow. “Jesus, Mom.”

  “Stop saying that.” She half-heartedly taps at my wrist in what’s supposed to be a slap. “Stop hiding your feelings from Karen. When you’re in love and you try to hide it, that only makes it more obvious.”

  “I am going to tell her.”

  “Good.” Mom nods approvingly. “If there’s anything I know, it’s that life is short and you never know when you won’t have another chance to say what matters most. That’s why you should always tell your beloved the truth about your feelings. Even if it embarrasses you, just say it. Because when the moment passes, it’s gone forever and ...”

  While Mom goes on to discuss life’s fleeting nature, my thoughts drift back to the chase. That silver giant who was after Karen …what if it was him I saw in the cornfield that night? If this guy was freakish enough to start turning silver, then who’s to say his eyes don’t also glow in the dark? And who’s to say that he’s not still after Karen? My stomach turns, a burst of fear rolling through me.

  “…love is the most beautiful thing about life, so if you think Karen’s the one, then-”

  “Mom!” I sit up, panicked. She looks at me in horror as I grab her hand. “I need to see Karen now. Where is she?”

  “Oh, sweetheart.” She grins. “I know you’re excited, but I already told you, she needs her rest. You can talk to her later.”

  “Where is she? Just tell me. Please.”

  … so beautiful, the way he cares about her… Mom’s face softens. “Right across the hall. I figured you’d want to be near each other, so I finagled it for you.”

  “Good, thanks.” With this, I push down my bedrail and start to climb out of bed.

  “Nathaniel!” Mom exclaims. “Really, you shouldn’t-” She’s interrupted by a loud knock on my door.

  A slew of whispers come from the direction of the door, hurling themselves my way.

  … broke up with me, left school, and went for a joyride with Karen? I don’t get it...

  … hope they get back together, such a nice boy…

  … I bet boarding s
chool is like a giant hospital. I hate hospitals…

  I freeze and Mom starts to the door where a staccato of taps are followed by shouts from Julia’s little brother, Seth.

  “Nathaniel?” he calls in his high-pitched voice. “Ouch! Mom! I was just saying it loud so he can hear me!”

  …maybe now after almost dying he’ll realize that we’re meant to be together…

  “Great,” I mumble, and wishing I were invisible, I shut my eyes as Mom opens the door.

  “Hi, how are you?” Julia’s mom, Mrs. Scardina says, her tone dripping in sympathy.

  I lean back against my pillow, my eyes still closed. When I was little and Dad got mad, sometimes I’d close my eyes, thinking that if I didn’t look at him, eventually, he’d go away.

  Mom and Mrs. Scardina exchange pleasantries, and I listen as Mom explains that I’m resting. Meanwhile, Julia’s thoughts are a steady background noise, desperately hopeful daggers that stab my conscience, reminding me that she deserves closure.

  … maybe before he passed out I was the last person he thought of…

  I’m not a kid, I can’t close my eyes and hope my problems magically disappear. My left hand curling into a fist, I open my eyes.

  Julia stands just in front of the window overlooking Peake General’s parking lot, her mom and Seth beside her. The three of them face Mom as she explains that I shouldn’t have visitors.

  Seth glances at me and his eyebrows shoot up. “He’s awake!”

  With this declaration, everyone’s eyes are on me and my face and neck flush with warmth.

  “Nate!” Julia whispers, her smile trembling. Fresh tears make their escape to slide down her cheeks.

  I lift my hand and wave. “Hey, everybody, thanks for coming.”

  Seth runs to my bedside. “Hey, Nathaniel!”

  “How’s it going, Seth?”

  “Okay, but Julia’s sad,” he lowers his voice to a dramatic whisper. “She thought you died.”

  “Well, I’m definitely alive.” I give him a smile and glance at Mom. She discreetly tilts her head toward the door, her eyebrows lifted in a question.

  Clearing my throat, I raise my voice so everyone can hear me, “Would you all mind if I talk to Jules alone for a minute?”

  My mom’s surprised thoughts mirror the look on her face.

  “Oh, of course we wouldn’t mind, dear.” Mrs. Scardina gives me a gigantic smile and ushers Seth to the door. “Come on, let’s give them some privacy.”

  Mom narrows her eyes at me but doesn’t say anything while she follows the two of them to the door.

  “Bye, Nathaniel!” Seth shouts, waving while Mrs. Scardina pulls him along, “I won’t see you for a while ‘cause I gotta go to boarding school, so …”

  “Seth, that’s enough. Be polite and lower your voice,” Mrs. Scardina hisses.

  “Bye, buddy,” I wave.

  Mom gives me one last look and then closes the door behind the three of them. I turn to Julia and she’s breathing hard as she blinks back the remaining tears in her eyes and then pushes her long hair over her shoulder.

  “Nate, oh, my God, how are you? This is crazy! I was so scared! How do you feel?” The words tumble out of Julia’s mouth almost as quickly as her whispered thoughts.

  …Maybe the accident was a good thing; it’ll be like one of those romantic comedies where the guy finally realizes that everything he wants has been right there all along…

  I think I’m going to be sick. “I’m fine, thanks, Julia.”

  Grinning, she leans over the bedrail and wraps her arms around my neck, giving me a gentle hug. I try not to jerk away from her as she plants a lingering kiss on my lips and whispers, “You smell like flowers.”

  “Julia, I…” I glance down at my sheet, gathering my courage. This is it. No more backtracking or lying. “Thanks for coming, as a friend. It wouldn’t be fair if to you if I didn’t tell you that all I want to be is friends.”

  Julia blinks back at me, her expression frozen. The only sound in the room is a beeping noise coming from one of the machines at my right.

  I clear my throat. “Um-”

  “So this is really it,” Julia’s upper lip curls and she speaks quietly. “You really don’t want to be with me?”

  “I want you to be happy, and I want us to be friends.” The words trip over my heart, which is somehow in my throat, and creep out of my mouth at a geriatric speed.

  “Why, Nathaniel? Why can’t you just tell me why?”

  “I can.” I take a deep breath. “Because I’ve liked Karen since the moment I met her and I still can’t stop thinking about her.”

  “Karen?” Julia’s face, falling, turns red and her blue eyes brim with fresh tears. She crosses her arms and glares at me from below an arched eyebrow. “Are you joking? You must be joking.”

  “I’m not.” My voice shakes and I clear my throat. “I’ve always liked her, Jules. I’m sorry.”

  “Well, I’m sorry for you because…” Her bottom lip is quivering so much that she can barely speak. Several tears slide past it, continuing on to her chin. She averts her gaze, refusing to look at me as she says, “She’ll never love you. She can’t. She doesn’t know how to love anyone. She’s so ...God Nathaniel!” Shaking her head, Julia backs away from my bed. “You know what? I’m sorry for you, because you’re going to be miserable with Karen.”

  “Julia, wait.” I slide out of bed, forgetting about my injury. Pain shoots from my ankle up to my calf and I curse under my breath. Pain, I can deal with; but when it takes me by surprise, that’s a different story.

  “I know you’re mad, but I do care about you,” I call after her as she marches to the door. “And I don’t want to end things like ...” Julia flounces out of the room and the slamming door cuts me off.

  “...like this,” I mutter.

  In a matter of seconds, the door springs open and Mom darts into the room. “Nathaniel! What are you doing?” She hurries to my side and bullies me back into bed. “You’re supposed to stay off of your feet.”

  I run my palm over my face. “Sorry.”

  Mom sighs, her mouth pinched the way it gets when she’s annoyed. But as she tilts her head and studies me, there’s no denying the empathy in her eyes. “Well, I’m glad you were honest with Julia. And I’d be lying if I said I’ll miss seeing her around the house.”

  “She’s a nice girl. I’m the one who broke her heart.”

  Mom gives me a long look. “You know, it might not feel like you did the right thing, but you did.” With that, she runs a hand through my hair. “You were honest with someone you care about and that’s always good thing, even when it doesn’t feel like it. Now try and rest.”

  “But I need to check on Karen.”

  Mom smiles. “Relax. You’ll see her soon.”

  I am tired and I can’t help but lean back against my pillow. Even so, an ominous feeling sends chills down my arms. That silver giant’s out there somewhere, on his way for Karen. I’ve got to get to her before he does.

  Roy pushes Dad down on the couch and stands over him while Dr. Mire makes her way to the aquarium. Her thin brown hair, teased and high on top of her head, shakes with her every step.

  Forget the question of this woman being extraordinarily beautiful. The beady-eyed wench is as odd-looking as some villainous witch in a fairy tale.

  She picks up the aquarium and smiles. “My God, David, was this your plan? To infest my Alyssum with bagradae?”

  I glance at Dad, praying he won’t say anything to upset Dr. Crazy Pants. If she’s murderous enough to send one of her agents to kill Mom and kidnap me, I can only guess what she’ll do to a grown man.

  … Dr. Mire called this guy a genius. He ought to know he can’t overthrow I.T.I.S. with a few bugs… Roy thinks with a chuckle. I glare at him, wishing he didn’t have his titanium ability. If he didn’t, I could probably take him with one good blow to the back of his giant head.

  Dad scowls at Dr. Mire. “Jayne, don’t do th
is.”

  She bites down on the inside of her cheek, her eyes narrowing as she assesses my father.

  …he hasn’t changed at all… Her gaze, ever so slowly, moves down Dad’s body, shamelessly checking him out. My stomach turns and I clench my fists. “These bagradae,” she says, finally meeting Dad’s eyes, “are a fluke.”

  Dad’s scowl fades, the steel in his expression weakening even as he tenses. He looks as conflicted as I felt when I saw Nathaniel kiss Julia in the school parking lot. I unclench my fists, confused. Why is Dad looking at this psycho like that? There’s no way he’d have actual feelings for her!

  Dr. Mire drops the aquarium and it hits the floor, sending glass everywhere. My thoughts are similarly fragmented and I jump at the noise.

  The small red and black bug waddles away from the mess as fast as it can, but it isn’t fast enough. Dr. Mire steps on it and digs her heel into the floor, crushing the insect with unnecessary force. Her nostrils flaring, she pushes a strand of hair off of her forehead and returns her attention to Dad. “Your Autism Reversal serum on the other hand, wasn’t a fluke. It was incredible, David. And if you hadn’t run out on me, we could have used it to treat millions of people.”

  “Used it to treat millions?” Dad shakes his head and his scowl returns, as if whatever spell he’d temporarily come under has lifted. “That was never your plan, Jayne. You kidnapped children and used them as test subjects,” he snaps. “Why wouldn’t I have run away from an organization that did that?”

  I bite down on my bottom lip, mentally willing Dad to stop yelling at the crazy murderer.

  Dr. Mire’s eyes widen. “If you’d trusted me enough to come to me and ask me why I ran tests on underage subjects,” she retorts, her voice going up an octave, “I would’ve explained that I only did so because I found it easier to cultivate the minds of the young. All you had to do was ask, David! I was right there, waiting to explain everything, and I was ...”