Reid didn't falter as she just held me close, I took strength in knowing I wasn't alone as I voiced everything for the first time. It was sort of cathartic, like a shadow pressing down on me had somehow become less smothering, though I knew it would always be there, lurking in the dark, waiting to crush me.
So I shared, “I still remember just staring at this strange woman, who didn't fear my dad's clenched fists, who was actually making him nervous. And she said to him, 'With pleasure. I'll be takin' the children with me now, ta be with their sister.' Then this woman, who knew our Lenny, placed a reassuring hand on Robert's shoulder.”
I chuckled. “That's when dad reached out and grabbed McGrath's arm. I was terrified for her. I knew the look in his eyes, and I didn't want this stranger to be the recipient of the fury that should have been directed at me. I was the one who let her inside. He railed, 'No you won't, and you'll get out of here now if you know what's good for you.' Then something happened that had never happened before, he tried to yank her arm off of Robert's shoulder as he raised his other fist... but... he couldn't. McGrath was stronger than he was, by a long shot, and I saw him hesitate for the first time.”
I chuckled dryly. There was no humor in it as I said, “Even I was afraid when she said in a frosty tone, full of threat that made dad's pale in comparison, 'I'll be thankin' ya to remove your hand from mahy arm, lest it be the last thing ya remember in this life. You may be able to bully those ya should be protectin', but let's see what ya can do against someone who can fight back.'”
My eyes were locked on Reid, who was still just silently staring intently at me, letting me get through this. I chuckled humorlessly, “I think dad almost pissed his pants. And I admit that it was at that moment I thought maybe it could really be true, that Lenore had sent this Amazon of a woman to retrieve us, to finally get us free of the fear. And I felt... safe, behind this woman for the first time.”
I shrugged and said, “She even offered to take mum with us, but she was too afraid to accept the lifeline being offered. And just like that, Bobby and I was whisked off to London. We haven't been afraid of anything ever since.”
As not to tempt the gods, I whispered, “He... let us go. McGrath was, as Bobby says, badass.”
Reid just looked at me intently with watery eyes, and she didn't judge, didn't pull away like I thought she would. Instead, she said something I didn't expect, “Thank you... for trusting me enough to share that with me.”
I chuckled and pulled away from her to stand and wipe the tears from my cheeks with the backs of my sleeves as I said, “Sorry, I'm a bloody mess.”
She stood and shrugged and then looked down at my hand and slowly held hers out from her side, fingers splayed. I stared at her hand a moment, then reached out to take it. She said barely audibly as she dragged me back to the path, “We all have our demons.”
I tried not to look over at her as I asked, “And what demons could you possibly have? You're so well put together, and sure of who you are.”
She inhaled deeply through her nose and then smirked. It was adorable. And then she said with an accusatory tone, “Is that your way of coaxing out my inner battles? Tit for tat?”
I wiped the last of the tears from my cheeks with my free hand and grinned at her, nodding. “I'm not as sneaky as I'd like to believe it seems.”
Reid seemed overly amused by me, and that in turn amused me. It was a vicious cycle. Then she exhaled that breath she had taken in and muttered, “Fine, wretch.”
I internalized a little victory lap, and she bumped hips with me, warning, “The more you grin the less I tell." In an instant I was as impassive as the Sphinx, my face could have been carved in stone if I hadn't felt my facial muscles twitching, trying hard to smile without my permission. I won... barely.
She shrugged and said, “I've never had to go through your particular hell. Mum has always been supportive of me. She's me rock and a person could never love their mum more. Home is my safe haven, sort of like the Parkland here. Where I don't have to deal with the bigotry and hate of people who don't have a concept of non-binary gender.”
Her voice didn't waver, and she was matter of fact as she shared, “The constant bullying, teasing, fights, because I chose to be who I am and not what people believe I should be, has been a burden. I'll bear it because I will not change who I am at my core for anyone, and nobody should have the right to try to define me any other way than I see myself.”
I understood to some extent now. She wasn't presenting herself the way she did as some kind of defiance like I had originally thought, she was just expressing who she was on the inside. I realized those striking blue eyes were studying me again.
I was going to say something when I heard myself asking, “Non-binary gender?" Ok mouth, check in with me before you go blurting shite out, please? I'd hate to have to take away your cake eating privileges.
She perked up at the question and responded with one of her own, “Do you consider yourself female?”
I nodded absently. Of course, I did. Then she prompted, her eyes full of sincere curiosity, “Why?”
I blushed and said under my voice in case the couple who had just passed us and quirked an eyebrow at Reid's question couldn't hear, “I sort of have all the girly bits you know... isn't it obvious?" I motioned toward my ample chest and my nether region as I looked around to make sure nobody was looking our way anymore.
She nodded slowly at me, her face now impassive, “So, just because of your ummm..." She blushed. “Your external genitalia, that makes you female? Do men think and feel the same, have the same emotional responses as women?”
I shook my head and supplied the obvious, “Of course not.”
She inclined her head sagely at my response. “So it is more than genitalia that makes someone male or female?”
I saw where she was going with this and nodded as I agreed tacitly, “I suppose so.”
Then she asked a question I didn't understand fully why she asked, but I was getting an inkling. “But what if there was no distinction? Most people believe that gender is binary... but what if someone is both or neither. What if they identified as something outside of that black and white binary? Would that be possible?”
I nodded slowly and admitted, “I guess so. I mean, it happens with sexual identity, with transgender and transsexual individuals. So I would assume the same could be true for gender. Wouldn't they go hand in hand?" I had to smile at that, Jen over at London Harmony opened my eyes to that fact, though born genetically male, she had transitioned and was one of the most amazing women I knew. You could never mistake her for anything but the woman she was.
Reid looked pleased as she said, “It's refreshing to find someone who knows that gender and sexual identity are two completely different things. As is sexuality."
I was about to ask but understood that too, my sister was a lesbian, and a lot of the women and men I knew were either gay or bisexual to varying degrees.
I nodded understanding, prompting with my eyes to go on, though I was pretty sure I knew where this was going and I suddenly wasn't feeling very happy with myself. I like to think I'm an enlightened individual and I was starting to see that maybe I wasn't, and was just as guilty as others who weren't aware of their own transgressions. I flt woefully ill-educated on the subject.
She said, “When we are born, we are assigned a gender by the attending physician, strictly upon how we look to them. According to that external genitalia." She paused and squinted one eye. “I'm saying genitalia an awful lot here.”
I snorted at the segue. Reid was too cute.
Then she continued, “So some random person arbitrarily assigns a gender to an individual according to the binary rule society has applied to the situation, without regard to how the child would identify when they are old enough to understand themselves and their own gender identity.”
Her eyes shadowed and narrowed slightly as she added, “And regardless, they are trapped in the cage that was put around them when they were ass
igned a gender at birth, so everyone expects you to act, to dress, according to that binary of societies expectations. If you don't, you are seen as something abnormal, an aberration. Something to mock and ridicule because most of the populace doesn't understand.”
She gave my hand a squeeze like she was checking to be sure I was still there, I gave a reassuring squeeze back. I was there and wasn't going anywhere as I nodded slowly in understanding.
She said in a goofy voice, “Pronouns."
I squeaked an aborted chuckle since I understood completely. I had been thinking in he and she since I met Reid. Now I wasn't sure that was right to even assume.
So I asked, not the question I think was expected, but instead, “And how do you identify?”
Reid's eyes were as sparkling at the bright smile that accompanied them. With her ever present shrug, the response was, “Gender neutral. Maybe a tad bit gender fluid. I'm just sort of, well... me.”
Then Reid asked timidly, eyes searching mine, “Would you still be my friend if I said I was male?"
I nodded dumbly, what sort of stupid question was that?
Then the inevitable question followed. “Would you still be my friend if I said I was female?"
I nodded again.
Reid smiled at that and looked down and said, “I'm glad."
God. I just wanted to hug him or her or the gender neutral equivalent.
My mouth again went on a walkabout without adult supervision, and asked, “Soooo... pronouns?" I gave a goofy look.
Reid's grin matched my goofy and raised me a silly. “I prefer ze and hir."
That coaxed a memory of reading something about gender neutral pronouns a year or two ago, there was a ton, but the ones Reid preferred were among the most common.
I tried it out in my head. Ze looked pleased with hirself. I mumbled, “Don't go getting smug now. It's not like you're a unicorn or something. Then you could get all full of yourself.”
Ze looked at me and then burst into giggles. “I prefer to think of myself as a platypus. Unicorns are...”
I realized what Reid was about to say and clapped my hand over my mouth to stop my own surprised giggle. My mind was daring hir to say 'horny.'
My erstwhile companion was blushing now, and muttering, “I hate you so much right now.”
I countered. “Too bad, so sad, I've grown a little attached to you, and quite literally it would seem." I shook our clasped hands to demonstrate. Then realized again, for the four trillionth time, that we were holding hands and the contact was causing heat to rise in my belly.
We exchanged little squeezes of our hands and then continued on in the most comfortable of silences, walking to a point where we could see an old abandoned train terminal as the sun was getting low in the sky. A sign hanging from the gutted building read Highgate. Then Reid glanced around and started dragging me on a small, less used path, into the trees and undergrowth.
I chuckled then said, “Where are we going? It'll be dark soon, we should be heading back." It wouldn't be safe out for two... well for one girl and someone as small and cute as Reid was, to be out.
Ze remained silent and just shot a mischievous smile back at me as I was pulled along behind hir. I had to admit, Reid could drag me anywhere as long as ze kept holding my hand. I liked how I felt even closer, like our bond had solidified more with the sharing of our personal demons. It felt like... well like I wasn't alone.
We came to a wrought iron gate in the low brick wall just past some bushes, and I could see a road just beyond. Reid checked the gate then exhaled in relief and glanced back, “Good, she hasn't locked it yet.”
I furrowed my brow and asked, “Who?”
Ze giggled and said cryptically, “The steampunk princess spirit that haunts these parts, she locks the gate each night."
I couldn't tell if ze was teasing or not, but Reid looked sort of serious. It conjured up images of the musclebound woman, Bea, who was working on the steam boiler system in the Flotilla's newest acquisition for housing people who needed a second chance in life. She frequented the steampunk clubs with Melinda.
I asked tongue in cheek, “And this spirit just wanders Parkland Walk?"
Ze nodded in all seriousness and then helped me through the gate to the walk beyond. I blinked. We were at a tube station. The Highgate Station. That explained the abandoned overland station beyond the trees.
Reid made a cute gesture toward the stairs with hir hand, “Your chariot, kind lady.”
I couldn't have stopped smiling if you paid me.
Chapter 5 – Meet the Mum
Mr. Jameson found me daydreaming as I looked at the masquerade feathered masks beside the pikes I was sent up to retrieve. He gave me one of those knowing smirks that old people got when you just knew they were reading your mind.
I blushed at him as he grabbed the bundle of pikes I had been holding.
Then the inevitable had happened, he sighed and said, “If you don't tell that Reid how you feel, then it is going to drive you and everyone around you batty. You're daydreaming with that dreamy look on your face of a girl smitten all the time.”
He walked away with a smug look on his face. I called after him, “Don't go getting full of yourself now old man." This just got me his boisterous chuckle in return.
JJ had somehow become a surrogate grandfather to me. My mother's parents lived in Africa, so we only got to see gran and pop pop every couple years. So Lenore and McGrath were the only real parental figures Bob and I had around until mum got done with her therapy and survivors groups.
So it was nice to have a male paternal figure around to call me on my shite, without ever raising his voice. I smiled at the thought and headed down to start loading the car for a delivery.
As I hopped down the stairs, three at a time, my mind drifted to other parental units. Namely when Reid asked me a terrifying question.
The weeks had passed, and I found my life had become more and more hectic by degrees. Every moment I wasn't at work or helping with the renovation for the Flotilla with Lenore, Robert, and McGrath, I spent with Reid. If I wasn't walking the Parkland with hir, then I was continually texting or having conversations with hir on my mobile. I savored every moment with the beguiling redhead.
I felt sort of bad that I was monopolizing Reid and not wanting to share hir with anyone else.
Then one day ze had looked preoccupied with hir thoughts, and ze blurted, “Come meet my mum?”
As much as the question excited me, the chance to meet the woman who raised such an amazing person terrified me even more. What if... what if Reid's mum didn't approve of me?
I pushed away the uncertainty and responded with a confident, “Ummm... ok?" So maybe I wasn't as confident as I would have liked. Shut up.
This got a giggle from the amused looking sprite.
“She won't bite, I promise. And if she does, just bite her back, that'll teach her." Then Reid smiled at me. “Just pop in to say hi.”
I tried to keep my mind off my nerves as we rode to Parsons Green Station, just a stone's throw away from one of the favorite mooring spots for the Deirdre, just past the Hammersmith district. I mumbled, “We need a car.”
This got a cocked eyebrow from my grinning companion, which just made me realize I said we instead of I. I deflected hir humor with a well-timed nose crinkle and said, “You know what I mean, don't be a brat. I mean we're constantly on a train or a bus, always on the move. One of us needs to get our own private transport.”
I brightened. “I'm sure Paya would loan me the keys to one of the Flotilla's fleet of SUVs. They always have a spare or two at the pier.”
Reid just shrugged. “Public transport is an intrinsic part of the whole London experience, TinTin.”
I felt my cheeks heat. Ze had taken to calling me TinTin, and after asking why, I had to vocalize most adamantly my protestations. I had thought it was because ze thought I was brave and adventuresome. I loved the TinTin books and funnies when growing up. But alas, the
ultra smirky, blue eyed wonder had simply chirped out, “For Tina Tinkerbell.”
My infinitely mature response, of course, was a well reasoned and articulated, “I hate you.”
Which only got my heart beating faster when Reid countered with a well-timed snuggle into my shoulder, with fluttering lashes.
Soooo... I'm TinTin. Feck me sideways.
Now if only I could come up with an equally embarrassing nickname for the Reidster. I grinned at how most of my curses were influenced by my Irish pseudo-sister now. McGrath had quite a mouth on her when she needed it, and some of what came out would make a sailor blush.
I glanced at my companion as we disembarked onto the platform and realized that Reid was dressed awfully cute and feminine today, with a white knee length cotton dress, white tights, and some darling black flats. Hir hair was also down, pulled back with a white hairband. My eyes widened a bit as I looked down to what I was wearing. A simple pink jumper, some white jeans, and my Mary Janes. I looked like chopped liver next to hir.
I blurted, “You already told her I was coming. That's why you are in your Sunday best. And I look like a potato!" I ran my hands back through my curling hair to tame it a bit.
The only response I got was two big doe eyes, and a hand held out by hir side almost bashfully, fingers splayed. I melted and took hir hand. It felt like it was supposed to be, each time we held hands like that like I always wanted it to be. I marveled at how our simple contact made me feel.
Then I groaned internally... I wasn't just attracted to Reid was I? I was falling for this impossible person. Bloody hell, just what I needed to further complicate my feelings, I didn't need to bugger up our friendship.
Through our nightly phone talks into the wee hours of the morning, I had sussed out already that Reid was pretty much asexual. Ze had never had that kind of romantic feelings for anyone, never dated. The closest thing I could figure was hir relationship with hir old mate, Dominick. The bloke ze had gone to play rugby with when I first met hir. He was like hir protector and best mate, and from what I gathered, Reid felt like Dominick was hir brother.
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