He's happy now. Doing great in school. Has a whole ration of friends.
Take it easy Christine, no need borrowing trouble, you don't know what's going on yet.
I forced myself to exhale the breath I was holding, along with the anger that was building with all my wild thoughts. That scared me more than anything. My anger. I always saw flashes of dad's rage in me, and it horrified me. I would not be like him. Ever.
I gave her a sardonic smile as I unlocked the small maintenance door next to the huge rolling doors and into the building, saying, “And this isn't some boxcar we're staying in, it is a train like no other." I motioned a hand to the Duchess and smiled at her gasp. I said as I strode past her, switching off the torch, “Toffs pay a thousand quid for a two day UK tour on the rails with the Duchess of Gloucester here when the girls take it out once a quarter to exercise the engine. We're living like royalty here.”
She stopped walking, and I looked back at her, then followed her gaze. Robert was standing on the entry platform of the luxury coach with a stoic expression I saw on his face only once before. It was the one he gave Lenore when we were reunited with her when McGrath had liberated us from our lives of abuse.
He had been so mad at Lenny. He felt she had abandoned us. It took a while for him to accept that Lenore had just been a child like us. She wasn't responsible for us, and she took the abuse for us for as long as she could until she was almost beat to death. She got out when we didn't have the courage to. But even so, he had this underlying hope and joy of being reunited with our big sis.
That was what I saw in him now. That anger and that hope in his eyes, as he stood there, his arms defiantly at his sides.
I had to remind myself that mum was a victim too. By all that was holy, we had a pretty fucked up family.
Mum said in a hopeful voice, “Bobby?”
He leapt down onto the gravel floor with a thud and a crunch under his feet and regarded her for a moment, it struck me how tall he had grown. He was a gangly boy when we left home, already a head taller than me, but looking at him and mum, I could see he was as tall as dad was now and possibly more muscular. He just said in that hurt tone with undercurrents of anger as he reached us, “Mum.”
We all looked back to the train when we heard the door. Bea stepped out onto the little platform and crossed her arms over her chest as she observed us. Mum said as her eyes widened, “Are all the women you know giants like McGrath and her?”
This prompted a chuckle from me and got Bobby's dower expression to crack for a moment as he grinned. It certainly would seem that way to an outsider... until they met Meli, Paya, and Tabitha. It made me take a moment to consider our tall blonde friend. She had this odd combination of imposing strength mixed with a heavy serving of feminine grace that you wouldn't expect. I heart me some Beatrice.
That momentary chink in Robert's armor was all it took for mum to seize upon it. She opened her arms in question, in a surreal pantomime of our reunion with Lenny. Bob inhaled sharply, and it looked as if he were chastising himself as he caved and embraced her. He whispered into her shoulder as he leaned down to her level, “Mum.”
Why were my traitorous eyes watering? I moved past them so they wouldn't see and headed in. Bea offered a hand down when I reached the short ladder to the platform, and she swung me up with one hand. Bloody hell she was a powerhouse. She dutifully didn't notice me wiping my cheek with my sleeve before I stepped into the luxury car.
I hesitated when I saw a concerned looking Reid stepping away from the window and offering me one of his, in this case, innocent smiles that were too cute for human consumption. It took just a slight raising of his arm in invitation for me to step in and let him hug me. By all the kitties in the world, it actually made me feel better.
I smiled up at hir and got a crinkle nosed smile in return. Melinda looked far too innocent, sitting in her favorite spot. I prompted Reid, “She ran to the couch when she saw me coming?"
Reid nodded with a grin.
Meli squeaked. “Hey! Traitor.”
My gul shot her the wide eyed look that always worked on me. Yup, same result, Melinda was placated and grinning.
We heard voices approaching on the other side of the door, and Melinda stood, sliding her arm into her cuff crutch. She looked as nervous as I had been. I smiled when my sprite slid her hand into mine as the door opened.
Bobby came walking in backwards, in an animated discussion with mum. His enthusiasm was showing as his hands moved in the air to add emphasis to his words, “...and she let me pilot the Deidre on the open sea.”
Mum was just nodding as he spoke while she stepped into the coach. She hesitated, wide eyed and in shock as she took the space in.
I thought to myself, unfairly, “Not living like hobos, now are we, mum?" What the feck is wrong with me? Am I really that petty a person? I would hope not. I think it was just the fear that I believed she was there to try to take Robert away from us.
When the imposing shape of Bea darkened the doorway, mother snapped out of it and moved farther inside, followed by Beatrice.
I made the introductions, “Mum, this is Beatrice Abbott. Bea this is our mother, Phoebe." Bea's large callous hands engulfed mums and she shook as she inclined her head.
Mum said, “Pleased to meet you, Miss Abbott.”
Bea winced and I supplied, “She prefers Bea, mum." She looked up at our blonde friend and Bea nodded. Mum accommodated her, “Bea." This got a big smile from Beatrice as she moved beside Melinda.
I motioned a hand palm up, “And this lovely lady is her wife, Melinda Stafford." Mum hesitated then offered a hand, Meli shook her hand with gusto, “Mrs. Elgin.”
This got a sour look on mother's face and she quickly countered, “It's Foster, I go by my maiden name now. And, Phoebe, please.”
I offered, “Bea and Meli are taking care of Robert while Lenore is on her honeymoon." Bea cocked an eyebrow, and I defended, “What? I'm an adult, I'm just staying with you, you overprotective steam Delilah." Then I added with a sheepish grin, “And thank you for that.”
Melinda snorted and grinned hugely at my backpedaling as Beatrice beamed. She was so bad. I smiled at them.
Then I gave Reid's hand a little squeeze and lifted it as I said, “And mum, this is my Reid." I hesitated because of the subtle reaction she had to my introducing Melinda as Bea's wife. It was that same sort of hesitation she had when she found out Lenore was lesbian. Did she have a problem with gay people? Then I clarified in case our holding hands and me claiming Reid as mine wasn't enough, “We're dating.”
Come on Christine, stop reading so much into things and assuming the worst.
Mum nodded, her face unreadable, then she offered a hand, “Pleased to meet you." Reid dropped my hand to shake mother's and I found I missed the contact already. I needed hir strength to bolster my resolve and not just defer to mum.
Reid shook enthusiastically, I could tell ze was being careful not to use hir full grip. “The pleasure is mine ma'am." Mum gave a hesitant smile, her brow slightly knitted. I could tell she was just as confused as everyone else who met my gul, trying to figure out hir gender.
Melinda, always the model hostess, gestured toward the sitting area, “Please have a seat. I'm sure you have a lot to talk about. Would you care for tea or coffee?”
Mum nodded as she moved to one of the wingback chairs to sit. “Coffee would be divine, thank you.”
Meli moved to the kitchen, Beatrice in tow, as she said offhandedly, “Just pretend we aren't here.”
Bobby was standing there in indecision, looking between the ladies and mum, so I prompted him into action, “Don't stand there like a git Bob, sit your butt down.”
This got him into motion. He practically leapt into the the other wingback. Are all teens so hyper and always full of energy like that? Had I been that way at his age? If so, I owed mum an apology for putting up with my hyperactive arse.
Again the physical restraints which I had tied my mouth down
with to prevent it from blurting things out before I had time to instruct it how to be tactful, failed. I found myself asking tonelessly, “So, mum. Why are you really here?”
Robert shot me a glare and Melinda chastised from the kitchen, “Tina!”
I shrank under Bea's raised eyebrow as Reid and I sat on one of the couches. Hey, they were only a few years older than me. I didn't want to meet Reid's eyes because I knew ze would be looking at me with a raised eyebrow.
Mum actually smiled and held up a placating hand to everyone defending her, “No. It's a fair question." Then she smiled a little wistfully as she added, “You get that fire from Lenore. It's what gave you strength at home.”
Then she looked at her hands, pressed them together then raised them to her lips as she exhaled. She looked up to me then Robert and said, “Besides missing my children so very much, as if that isn't reason enough... there are actually a few other reasons I wanted to meet with you.”
Then she shook her head in a sad amazement when she looked at Bobby again, “You've grown so much in such a short time. And look at how strong you've become. You look so much like your..." She trailed off and paled. We all knew what she was about to say before she realized it.
Robert, looking more mature than a teen just then, said calmly, “It's alright. You can say it. I look like dad. Its not a bad thing, it was just the things he did that were wrong.”
She nodded slowly and smiled, lost in an old memory as she said, “Not making excuses, nor trying to defend... but he wasn't always the monster he became.”
She left it at that and we all sat in silence for a few heartbeats. I knew what she was saying. Lenore remembers dad before the drinking. And she has said he was a totally different, loving man back then. I could see glimpses of that whenever he was sober. But the truth of the matter is, he wasn't that person anymore. And I don't know if he could ever be that person again.
Even if he could, he'd have to live with the knowledge that that monster could rear its head at any time, at a moment's notice. It was a part of him, and that couldn't be changed. You can't wish it away.
We all looked up when Meli offered a cuppa to mum, who took it gratefully as Bea sat a silver tray on the low table with drinks for everyone and some crackers, cheese, and... I had to smile... apple slices.
Mum inhaled the steam from the coffee, closing her eyes and smiling a little. Then she took a sip and placed it down on the table. Bobby jumping up and sliding a coaster under it, which made me smile. It was something McGrath had ingrained into us as everything in the Deidre is carved wood that either her father or she had handcrafted. So coasters were rule number one. Well it shared the number one spot with 'don't poke the bear'... McGrath being the bear. And we poked her all the time. She was just a teddy bear... with lots of muscles.
Mum smiled at Bob as he sat back down as we all took cups, Meli sitting next to Bea and feeding her an apple slice.
Then our mother looked up at the ceiling before dropping the bombshell on us. “Your father is out. Paroled Monday for good behavior." I found myself instinctively pushing back in the couch, making myself smaller, as if he were in the room and I didn't want him to notice me or to upset him.
Reid squeezing my hand and pulling me closer to hir alleviated some of the irrational fear, and I was instantly glad that my redhead insisted on coming.
Bobby said, “But he had two years more on his sentence." His voice was up an octave from normal and I knew he was feeling the same anxiety as me. Then he asked, “What does that mean?”
She patted her hand in the air as if to soothe the tension that was now heavy in the coach. “Nothing. Nothing to worry about. He's been sober since the trial. He's got two years probation, mandatory sobriety meetings, and anger management therapy. He can't leave Essex until his parole ends, and the restraining order is still in place.”
I exhaled, wondering if he resented us for his incarceration, or if he understood the depths of the physical and emotional damage he inflicted upon his family. He tore our family apart. Would he honor the restrictions and not come looking for us?
I said, “I suppose he's home then." I couldn't imagine mum taking him back in. She was as much a victim as us, and she had gone through so many victims groups and therapy herself. The cycle could start all over again.
She shook her head and said, “No. Therein lies the other reasons I wanted to meet with you.”
She looked up with a hopeful smile and looked between us then to Meli and Bea who were just silent observers. I felt safe knowing that things couldn't possibly get out of hand with Beatrice's intimidating presence there.
She looked back at her ring finger as she rubbed it absently. “As you know, the divorce was finalized last month." We nodded and she continued, “I've sold the house. I was awarded it in the divorce settlement. I... I'm moving to London. I can't be in the same city as him.”
This made us both sit up straighter, Robert beaming. “That's brill mum! We can see more of you.”
She looked at him and and said, “I sort of hoped... well I hoped you'd stay with me Bobby. Until you're an adult that is.”
I inhaled sharply and found myself accusing, “That's why you called while Lenore was out of the country. You want to take Bobby away from us. Lenny is his legal guardian now, you signed the papers. You can't...”
Robert interrupted me. His voice oddly calm, and sounding more reasoned and mature than a teen's should be. “I can speak for myself..." then he added with a wry smile, “TinTin." Reidster snorted and I looked between the two. They were ganging up on me now with that nickname! No way would I answer to it!
I exhaled in exasperation and inclined my head. I sometimes felt more like his mum than his sis, and I understood the torture it must have been for Lenore to run without us. Because if I felt that way, I knew she had felt that tenfold for Bob and me.
He moved over to sit on the arm of the couch next to us and reached out and took our mother's hands in his. He dipped his eyes to meet hers and said, “Mum. You know I love you. I mean, you're my mum. But... I'm happy right now. Living with the girls on the Deidre. I've a new life now. I'm thrilled to death that you're moving into town, and I promise I'll visit as often as I can. But.. I just don't want to leave my new home.”
Things were silent for a very long time as the two just looked at each other. And I felt an odd sort of pride swelling in me. He was so young I had thought he'd jump at the chance to be with mum again. But he was maturing. It was so odd to think, Bobby was growing up, and I really liked the man I could see him becoming.
Finally mum nodded, and wiped a tear from her cheek and smiled. I could see that same pride in her eyes ads she just kept nodding and the heartbreak mixed with happy resignation was making my own eyes water. She smiled widely and then prompted, “But you will come see me?" She looked over at me and added, “Both of you?”
I broke when I realized I was trying to hold onto my anger. But mum, was human just like us. And I did truly love her fiercely. I said in a wavering voice, “Of course mum." She held one hand out to me and I grasped it.
Then she nodded once, released us then clasped her hands. “Right then. Enough of this drama. Tell me all about your adventures here in London." Then she added almost meekly, “Your sister... Lenore... Is she truly happy now?”
I nodded, allying her fears. “I've never seen her happier, or more alive, mum. Just one look and you'll know that she's found the love of her life. Well so long as they don't kill each other that is." The others chuckled at that as mum furrowed her brow in confusion. But she looked truly relieved that her eldest had found happiness.
I almost sighed in contentment when Reid pulled me closer when I was talking about love. I blinked and turned to hir. Those huge blue eyes intent on me and I realized that it had snuck up on me so slowly I didn't realize it was happening. But I loved the smiling pixie. We exchanged a bashful smile and then turned to join in the conversation.
I laid my head on Reid's should
er as we talked the night away. It felt good, it felt like family.
Chapter 11 – Lenore
Hunter was chuckling in her infuriating way and prompting me, “Lenore, darlin', relax. You pilot the Persephone all the time and she's easily three times the size of our sweet Deirdre here.”
I countered, “Shut up and let me drive you shamrock stuffing leprechaun! We're going to crash, and sink, and they'll never find our bodies!" I was screaming on the inside as we barreled toward the seawall in the shadow of the Hammersmith at breakneck speeds. We were going to die! A duck paddled lazily past in the Thames, easily outpacing us as McGrath started laughing hysterically. Oh if she weren't so fuckin' sexy, she'd just be asking for it!
Fine, maybe we weren't moving along the river as fast I it felt in my head. Coming to anchor has always been the most terrifying part of piloting the Persephone. I always felt like I was going to crash into the pier and sink the barge. I think that's why my evil bride was making me bring us in to port in our own, much smaller barge.
She sputtered out between bouts of laughter, “If ya don't see fit to give it at least a little throttle, the current is gonna be takin' us away downstream, Frizzy." I glared at her and the duck quacked from far ahead now... everyone is a critic.
Then Hunter got control of her giggles and asked, “How can someone be hell on wheels, terrorizing the streets, but be the most timid sailor on the water?”
I growled, “Not helping! Now shut up and let me bring us into port!" Another duck drifted ahead of us. Ducks are assholes. I pointed as we saw our growing family on shore, motioning us in with wide beckoning motions. Smartasses... They were all ducks! See if I ever drive any of them around again.
My smile broke through my terror and grumpiness. It was so good to be home. I leaned back into her as Hunter stepped up behind me and wrapped her arms lazily around my waist. I added to myself, 'and married'. My smile widened. I was married.
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