Blissfully Blindsided

by Robin Alexander

  “I don’t understand what you mean. What woman?” Caleigh asked with a softer tone.

  “Ms. Breaux, you might have some memory loss too. I’m talking about the woman who hit you.”

  Caleigh stared at Tucker with a blank expression for a moment as she pieced together what he meant. “Would you mind telling me exactly what you heard?”

  *******

  “What the hell is going on there?” Carey asked when Blaze answered her phone. “I talked to Floyd at the shipyard, and he said everybody is talking about you beating up Caleigh, and they’re afraid to ask Dean about it.”

  Blaze stomped to her office and slammed the door. “I am so sick of the lies that fly around this town!”

  “Me too. I was talking to George, who is covering for me, and someone told him I was on leave because I had a psychotic break. He wouldn’t tell me who said it, but when I get back, they’re gonna see this psychotic break somebody for sure.”

  “Carey is supposed to be on vacation, but she stays on the phone with everybody from work,” TJ interjected. “Blaze, what really happened?”

  “I was trying to kill a horsefly with a plastic tombstone, and I didn’t know it, but Caleigh had walked up behind me. I hit her in the head, and she’s tiny, so her little body flew into the shelving, and she hit the back of her head.” Blaze expected a comment when she stopped speaking, but all she heard was road noise until someone inhaled so sharply it sounded like a screech.

  TJ sounded as though she was crying when she said, “I gotta pull over. I can’t see. I can’t breathe.”

  “It’s not funny!” Blaze snapped. “Caleigh left here in an ambulance.”

  Carey tried to speak, but all Blaze heard was “Uh ahhhh,” before she burst into hysterical laughter.

  “I can’t deal with you two right now,” Blaze said angrily and ended the call. She paced around for a moment and was about to text Caleigh when Carey called her again.

  “Okay, uh…” Carey sniffed. “Sorry.”

  “I don’t hear road noise, did TJ really pull off the highway because she was laughing that hard?”

  “You gotta get it together, baby,” Carey whispered. “Okay, get out. Take a walk.” She squeaked and gasped, then cleared her throat. “All right, I’m here for you, Blaze. You doin’ okay?”

  “No, I’m not fucking doing okay now that you’ve told me the whole town thinks I beat Caleigh up.”

  “Get away from the window. I can’t look at you right now,” Carey whispered. She cleared her throat, whimpered, and cleared her throat again. “Blaze, I’m really sorry. One day, you’re gonna look back on this and laugh your ass off.”

  “You said that about the bunny thing, and my ass is still on! Give me Floyd’s phone number.”

  “Why?”

  “I wanna know what he heard and who he heard it from because if I trace it back to this store, somebody is getting fired.” Blaze heard scuffling outside her door and yanked it open. She looked up and down the empty hallway and closed her door again. “You got that number for me?”

  “Floyd told me everyone was talking about it at shift change yesterday, so you’d have to talk to everybody at Falcon to find out where the story originated. He did say someone heard you yell, ‘shut up, bitch,’ during the supposed fight.”

  “I would never call Caleigh a bitch, and I definitely didn’t tell her—” Blaze looked at the witch she’d mutilated lying atop a pile of other broken merchandise in the corner of her office. “Okay, I might’ve said that, but it wasn’t to Caleigh.”

  “Were you talking to the horsefly?” Carey asked in a pitch higher than normal. “Get outta the truck, baby, you’re killing me, and I gotta be serious!”

  Blaze ended the call, stuffed her phone into her pocket, and took out her frustration on the witch.

  *******

  “Is that a…tiny broomstick in your hair?” Chantal asked after Blaze walked into the kitchen that evening and sank down into a chair at the table.

  “Probably,” Blaze said dryly. “Is a little leg sporting an ankle boot and an orange and white striped sock in there too?”

  Chantal squinted. “I believe so. Ronnie is in your bedroom, and she’s very upset.”

  “What did Clint do?” Blaze held up a hand. “Never mind, I’ll pay him a visit and add tiny parts of him to my hair.”

  “Clint hasn’t done or said anything. We both had doctor’s appointments today. From what I understand, Ronnie wanted to be put on hormone therapy, but her doctor didn’t want to do that because she’s still having occasional periods. She said he told her that diet and exercise would lessen the severity of her symptoms and to try meditation.” Chantal pursed her lips. “I think that’s when she began screaming at him because in the waiting room I did hear her say, ‘When you can’t get it up anymore, skip the blue pill, and diet and exercise, you bitch.”

  Blaze grinned. “That is the first thing I’ve heard that has made me smile all day. Not the miserable Ronnie part, the blue pill bitch part.”

  “Did you have a bad one too?”

  “Yes, I learned the whole shipyard and probably the town thinks I beat Caleigh up. I tried to call her when I knew she got off work, but she didn’t answer. I have no idea what she faced at the office. What happened at your appointment?”

  “My doctor said my ankle is healing impressively, but I didn’t get the walking boot I was hoping for.” Chantal sighed. “He informed me I’ll have to have therapy as I start to put weight on my ankle due to my age, and it’ll be a while before I can even start that.”

  “I’m sorry,” Blaze said sincerely.

  “It’s disappointing because that means it’ll take longer for me to be on my feet again. I want to be able to help you do things around here like laundry. I never could cook, but I’m certain I remember how to use a vacuum cleaner.”

  Caleigh burst through the back door. “I’m sorry I didn’t knock, but people suck! Do you know what’s going around—what’s in your hair?”

  “I know what’s going around, and that’s why I’m sporting the remains of a witch in my ’do.” Blaze looked Caleigh over. “You look really nice in that suit.”

  “Thank you, but I was informed by Tucker that I’m overdressed. He works in my department, and I have learned that he is information central. He told me this morning that everyone thinks I’m a battered woman, and before I left the office today, he said my suit makes my people uncomfortable. Apparently, only the people on the third floor wear suits because they’re upper management. Everyone below wears jeans unless they’re in reception because alas, it is a shipyard. Anyone who dresses nicely is considered a brownnoser who wants to be on top, and they’re not to be trusted. I have an entire wardrobe of business clothes I can no longer wear.”

  “That really sucks.” Blaze got up and gave Caleigh a hug. “You’re not alone in misery. Chantal found out today she’s gonna have to have therapy before she can even wear a walking boot. Ronnie’s doctor told her she couldn’t have hormones and to diet and exercise. She called him a bitch to his face, and now she’s having a breakdown in my room.”

  Caleigh grimaced. “We all need fattening food to get through this. Do y’all want me to get a pizza?”

  “I’ll have it delivered, but first, I think I need to go check on Ronnie. Y’all come with me, I’m scared,” Blaze said seriously.

  Caleigh and Blaze approached her bedroom slowly with Chantal rolling behind them. Blaze opened the door and poked her head inside. She pulled her head back out and closed the door. “She’s on my bed in the lotus position, should we disturb her?” She jumped when they all heard a loud angry rolling scream.

  “I feel the answer to your question is a hesitant yes,” Chantal said.

  Blaze shrugged. “But I’m feeling a hell no, so that’s a draw.”

  “Since she hasn’t called me a wanker, I’ll go in first.” Caleigh opened the door and slowly stepped inside. “Hey, Ronnie, is there anything I can get you that isn’t sharp?
”

  “No, thank you,” Ronnie said with her eyes closed. “My doctor said diet and exercise would make my symptoms milder. I used to run six miles a day before work, and I ate like a bird, but I still had soul-melting hot flashes, so I know he’s full of shit on that. I am now trying the meditation, and when that fails, I will be justified in ripping his body in half. He didn’t suggest primal screaming, I added that myself.”

  Caleigh turned and realized she was alone and motioned for Blaze and Chantal to leave their hiding place behind the doorjamb. Blaze nudged Chantal’s scooter into the room and covered her snort of laughter with a cough.

  “Blaze, you’d better not be laughing at me,” Ronnie warned with a steely tone.

  “I destroyed a witch today, and I think I have some parts in my nose.” Blaze sniffed. “Okay, surely there’s a female gynecologist in town. I’ll find her and make an appointment for you.”

  “After today, I’m sure no doctor in Falcon will want to see me. That’s especially unfortunate because I work for the hospital that just about all the doctors around here are associated with. I probably won’t have a job to go back to next Monday.” Ronnie blew out a breath. “On that front, I’m fucked.”

  “I’ll find a holistic doctor for you,” Chantal offered. “Sometimes, they can offer herbal remedies that are better and even safer than traditional medicine.”

  “I think herbs, or one in particular, would do us all some good right now,” Blaze quipped. “Does anybody know how to roll a joint?”

  “I do,” Chantal said.

  Blaze and Caleigh gawked at her. Ronnie even opened her eyes and said, “Seriously?”

  Chantal gazed back at them as though they were crazy. “I was in the entertainment industry…duh.”

  “I have to take this,” Caleigh said when her phone rang. She stepped into the hallway, but everyone could hear her conversation. “You didn’t have to call me back. I should’ve never gotten that toothpick-shooting pig. How’s Gramp’s eye?” She breathed out a sigh of relief. “Good…well, I’m surprised he didn’t hear about it. From what I heard, everybody thinks I’m a battered woman. Someone claimed they heard Blaze say, ‘shut up, bitch,’ before she hit me, and she did not. I’m here with her now, and we’re debating smoking pot to calm down.”

  “Yes, I did say that, but it wasn’t before I hit you. I was talking to a laughing witch,” Blaze whispered.

  “Just a second.” Caleigh stepped back into the room. “What did you say?”

  “I told a witch to shut up, not you,” Blaze said.

  Caleigh held up a thumb. “Blaze did say that, but she was talking to witches, not me…no, we haven’t already smoked pot. I don’t know if it’s good for an eye injury, but if he wants to come over and find out, tell him to pick up some pot on the way. Remind him, though, that Falcon does random drug tests.”

  “So that’s what’s going around about you now.” Ronnie smiled sardonically at Blaze. “I have menopausal aggression. I can go to the shipyard and rip people in half if you want me to. The district attorney here is a woman, and I’m sure she’ll drop all charges. You know, the military is missing out by not allowing women in menopause into service because we could tear up some shit. I know without a doubt I could chew through the side of a tank if I was led to believe my gynecologist and husband were in it.”

  “I’m just going to get online and see what herbalists are in the area,” Chantal said and scooted out of the room.

  “Blaze, I have to stay here tonight. I can’t be around anything with balls.” Ronnie groaned as she unfolded her legs. “I’m not just talking about Clint, I even fear for my sons.”

  “Mi casa, your refuge.”

  “I’m not running away from my problems, I want that to be clear. I’m on vacation, a time when a person mentally regroups. Everything is at a fevered pitch, and I can’t get it together when I’m at home,” Ronnie said angrily.

  “I get it, and I’m happy to have you, but you’re sleeping upstairs.” Blaze grinned when Ronnie snarled. “I had sex in the bed where you just had your lotus going, so I really don’t think you want to burrow into those sheets.”

  Caleigh ended her call with Edie and stepped back into the room. “I have a brilliant idea. Blaze, we need to go to your store,” she said as she plucked the witch’s leg from Blaze’s hair.

  *******

  “You know what, I think I’d rather people think I’m violent than for them to see this.” Blaze watched the surveillance footage of her hitting Caleigh with the tombstone. “Are you laughing?”

  “Yeah.” Caleigh pointed at the monitor as Blaze slammed the laughing witch into the floor repeatedly. “That’s my favorite part. I wish there was sound.”

  “You thought I was laughing at you, but it was that thing. I know I look like a maniac, but I think it broke when it fell, and it wouldn’t shut off.”

  “Can you make a copy of this at the point where I’m sneaking up on you and stop it after you alternate between crawling over to me and beating the witch a few times?” Caleigh asked.

  “Let me make a clip,” Blaze said with a sigh as Caleigh looked around her office. “How’s your head?”

  “Fine, but still a little sore. Babe, your house is really tidy, but your office is a wreck. Do you want me to sweep up the fragments of the witch you destroyed?”

  “No, it makes me happy to see them.” Blaze glanced at Caleigh. “That reminds me, I’ve never seen your house. We always spend time at mine, and that’s not fair to you. If you haven’t seen enough of me lately, I could go home with you tonight since Ronnie is staying at my place.”

  Caleigh picked up the witch’s hat and put it on her head. “I want to tell you something that might freak you out, and if it does, I want you to be honest and say so.”

  “Okay, but leave the hat on, it amuses me.”

  “When I got sick of being on the road, all I could think about was having a place I could decorate, and I was really excited when I finally got the chance to do that.” Caleigh sat on the corner of Blaze’s desk. “When I went home this morning to get dressed for work, I felt like I was back in a hotel. I hated that feeling, and I couldn’t shower and dress fast enough to get out of there. Until just a second ago, I didn’t realize why I felt that way. Where you are feels like home. I love being with you and your family and all the activity that surrounds you.”

  Blaze smiled. “You just made the muscles in my stomach do the happy dance.”

  “Does that make you wonder if I just don’t like being alone, though?”

  “No, I think…” Blaze’s smile disappeared. “Is that it?”

  “I’m pretty certain it has everything to do with you, but I’m worried that what I just admitted might lead you to think that.”

  “That didn’t cross my mind until you put it in there,” Blaze said with a scowl.

  “Okay, but I am good at being alone,” Caleigh said emphatically. “I met a lot of women while working at MVP, but none of them ever made me feel like I’d found home.”

  Blaze narrowed her eyes. “You told me you just had a few arrangements with women.”

  “I did, but I also met a lot of women who I did go out with, I just didn’t sleep with them. None of them, even the ones I had arrangements with, had the effect you have on me. You’ve got issues, Blaze, the whole town thinks you’re crazy. When you told me about peeing on Cooper and dragging him with your car, you had a maniacal gleam in your eyes. This morning, Tucker told me just about everyone at the shipyard thinks you beat me up. My boss told me you have an ongoing war with Cooper who could threaten my job because he knows I’m dating you.”

  “I’m a little confused about the point you’re trying to make,” Blaze said numbly.

  “What I’m saying is all these things should make me reconsider being with you, but they have the opposite effect. That makes me the crazy one, not you.” Caleigh put her hand over her heart. “Understand?”

  Blaze’s brow rose slowly. “Kinda…no
.”

  “If I was only looking for someone to be with because I didn’t want to be alone, I’d pick a woman who doesn’t have all the issues in her life that you do. If she admitted she peed on someone as a kid, it wouldn’t make me melt inside and want to cuddle up next to her. If she wanted to be intimate with me for the first time in a room with cartoon characters on the wall, that would be a deal breaker.” Caleigh smiled. “None of that matters to me with you. No, I’m not tired of seeing you, and I would love to spend the night with you again in your house.”

  “When you started off explaining all this, it was a little rocky, but the close was outstanding.” Blaze grinned as she stood and took Caleigh into her arms. “I wish I could express my thoughts and feelings like you do. When I want to, it’s like my brain tries to come up with everything at one time, and I’m left with you’re so fucking awesome. I can say this, though. If you wanted to move in with me tonight, I would be thrilled because you make my home feel complete.”

  Caleigh laughed as she kissed Blaze. “You did great.”

  *******

  The next morning, Caleigh sat in her office poised to click the send button on an email she’d composed. Even though her inbox was full of comical things people sent to everyone in the company, including the president and vice president, she still felt a bit nervous and reread what she wrote.

  Good Morning,

  I want to thank you all for the flowers and cards you gave me after my accident. Everyone here has been so kind and welcoming, and I’m thankful to be a member of the Falcon Shipyard family. I’ve attached a video I hope you all will find as hilarious as I have, even though I’m starring in it.

  Warmest Regards,

  Caleigh Breaux

  Caleigh pressed the send button and resumed reading the operational manuals for her department. In a matter of minutes, she heard raucous laughter coming from the cubicles just outside her open office door and smiled.

  “Mission accomplished,” she whispered.

  Chapter 21

  Caleigh didn’t technically move in with Blaze. Though they both felt they were on their way to happy ever after, they did agree it was too early for their furniture to mingle under one roof. Nevertheless, there were quite a few of Caleigh’s clothes in Blaze’s closet, and her toiletries joined Blaze’s on the bathroom counter. They’d settled into a routine and would cook together most evenings and have dinner with Chantal. Ronnie and Rosie joined them whenever Ronnie felt murderous rage for Clint, which was often. Though Blaze and Caleigh were happy with the arrangement, Dean and Edie were not. Every time Blaze went with Caleigh to have dinner with her grandparents, Dean accused her of being a baby hog and shot her with toothpicks from Picky the Pig’s rear end.