by KB Winters
“What does it feel like?” Nicholas asked.
I pulled back a little so I could look at him. “It feels like my mind is always on you. You’re the first thing I think about when I wake up and the last thing I think about when I go to sleep. And when you’re around me,” I said quietly closing my eyes. “It’s like my body is always tuned into you and excited. I’ve never felt like this before and as much as I like it, it scares me.”
“Why?” I opened my eyes and looked up into his gaze. “Why does it scare you to feel so strongly for me?”
“Because the last time I loved someone and he broke my heart, I fell apart. I didn’t even feel for him half of what I feel for you. If you broke my heart, I don’t know how I’d survive.”
“I will never, ever break your heart, River,” he hissed fiercely. “That’s what you don’t get. What I feel, what my wolf feels, is nothing less than total devotion for you. I’d sooner jump off a cliff and die than hurt you in any way.”
“Why?”
His expression changed—hurt? No, vulnerable. “Because you’re my mate, River. You’re the one created specifically for me.”
My heart thumped powerfully. I wanted to say I didn’t understand his words or his meaning, but that would have been a lie. I understood exactly what he meant—even if I had no basis—no human word to relate it to…or did I?
“Soulmates,” I whispered quietly. “But those are just myths. Soulmates don’t exist.”
Nicholas’ brow furrowed. He reached a hand down to grip one of mine. I thought he was going to pull me closer, but instead, he placed the palm of my hand against his firm chest. “Feel my heart beating with yours and tell me you don’t believe.”
My eyes widened. “What? What do you mean? I don’t understand.”
“That’s because you keep thinking with your head. I may be a shifter and our…ways of thinking might be different than humans, but there is one thing we all have in common.”
“What is that?”
He leaned forward until his forehead rested against mine. “Our hearts.”
I closed my eyes against the onslaught of feelings that rushed over me. I couldn’t deny his words. To deny his words was to deny the part of me that knew he was right. I could feel our heartbeats lined up and thumping as one as if we were connected as deeply as one could be. I parted my lips on a sob, and I knew then that to run from him would be to deny myself a chance—maybe my only true chance—at happiness.
“I love you.” The words left me before I could stop them and even with my fear, I knew they were absolutely true. I loved Nicholas. Despite only knowing him for a few weeks and all my insecurities, I knew my love for him was as true as my love for Kayla. It was a love that defied what everyone thought should be. “You’re mine,” I whispered as something fierce and hot swept through me. The hand I had resting on his lower back curled until I was gripping his shirt tightly. “You’re mine and I will never let you go.”
“Yes.”
I surged on my toes then and claimed Nicholas’ lips with all of the anger, insecurity, frustration and love I held inside. When his lips parted on a groan, I swept my tongue forward inviting no argument at my claim on him. I’d fight for him as surely as I’d fight for Kayla, and I rejoiced in the newfound fire inside of me.
I pushed Nicholas until his back rested against the nearest car. I saw his eyes widen in surprise and inside my mind I echoed that. I’d never been particularly forward or played the aggressor in any sexual encounter even after being with my ex, Zack, for years. Something about Nicholas was different. With Zack, I’d been in love and I knew it. I’d enjoyed his touch and touching him. I’d even enjoyed initiating things with kisses or soft touches at times, but I’d never felt this overwhelming need to consume like I did now. Maybe it was the inherent sense of danger that flowed from knowing Nicholas was different from other men. Was that racist? Speciest?
“Stop thinking so much.”
I took a deep breath and pulled back slightly. Nicholas’ eyes were still their normal indescribable shade, but looking closer I could see a slight pinkish tint. “I’m trying, but I can’t help it.”
One of his hands came up and caressed my cheek gently as if soothing a frightened animal. “Talk to me, River. Explain to me what you’re feeling.”
I took a second to gather my thoughts and sort through all of my conflicting emotions. I closed my eyes, still embarrassed about saying all of this with him looking at me. “I feel…aroused.” Nicholas snorted. I opened my eyes and glared at him.
“Sorry,” he said sheepishly raising his free hand in surrender. “Continue.”
I closed my eyes again and turned my focus inward. “I feel aroused, but somehow not. It’s like the arousal is secondary to some other feeling, but it’s still there nonetheless.”
“That’s how I feel around you.” He leaned in and I wasn’t surprised when he brushed his lips softly against mine. His movements made me open my eyes.
“You feel like this all the time?” I couldn’t keep the awe from my voice. “If I walked around aroused like this all the time, I think I’d go crazy.”
He smiled fondly. “Well, I’m not quite so aroused like now, but yes there is always a low buzz of excitement for me when I’m around you. It started as soon as I met you and it’s only grown stronger ever since.”
I blinked rapidly as my brain processed this new information. “You never seemed aroused. Why didn’t you ever tell me?”
His lips twisted. “I’ve had years to tamp down on the feeling, especially growing up with siblings as nosey as mine. Besides, I didn’t want to tell you how I felt before I even got to know you. It wasn’t easy though. Your scent calls to me like nothing else ever has.”
I felt a flush of warmth even as I pondered his words. Something about our first encounter nagged at my memory. “Did you sniff me…that first day of training?”
“What?” His voice was flat and somehow, I knew he was aware of exactly what I was talking about. I let my smile go wider.
“That first day of personal training, when you leaned over me I could have sworn you were much closer than you needed to be.” His cheeks turned pink. “I thought I saw you sniff me, but I wasn’t sure and didn’t want to bring it up.”
He pursed his lips. “Like I said, your scent is intoxicating to me.”
“So you used the opportunity to sniff me?” I wasn’t actually upset, but I found it more amusing than anything. I was enjoying his flustered expression so I decided to press him even harder. “So when you found me in the bar, was it because you followed my scent? Did you track me down?”
“You’re having fun with this, aren’t you?”
I nodded my head with a smile. “So much, you have no idea.”
“River!”
I jerked in Nicholas’ arms at the sound of Kayla’s frantic voice. The spell between us wasn’t broken, but we did break eye contact to glance back at the entrance to the restaurant in time to see Kayla moving swiftly towards us. I winced at her expression. As quickly as I had left, I didn’t think to even let her know.
“Kayla, I’m so sorry.”
“Sorry?” She asked as she reached us. She put a hand on the car we were leaning against and leaned over. Her shoulders were heaving up and down with each breath, and I wondered if she’d run through the entire restaurant trying to find me. I felt even guiltier at the fact that I’d dragged her outside of her own rehearsal dinner. She leaned back up and speared me with a glare. “You disappeared so abruptly and then so does this guy,” she said pointing at Nicholas. She fixed him with an icy gaze. “And I’m not even sure if I like him right now because he must have done something drastic to make you skip out without even telling me.”
“Kayla—”
“Don’t Kayla me, Nicholas.” She said his name with a hiss. “Just because you’re good-looking and all of that doesn’t mean I won’t cut off your dick and make you choke on it if you fuck with my friend.”
I b
urst out a loud shout of laughter. Despite the fact that I knew Nicholas was abnormally strong, I didn’t doubt for a second that Kayla would find a way to do exactly as she described. From the look on Nicholas’ face, it didn’t seem he doubted her either. I decided to be nice and put him out of his misery.
“Kayla, we’re fine,” I said interrupting her tirade. I moved out of his arms and put up a calming hand. “We just had a bit of a misunderstanding and with both of our exes here I just couldn’t deal with it and needed some fresh air.”
“Fresh air? Both exes?” She looked back and forth between Nicholas and me. I could tell when she finally got it. “Oh my gosh! That girl…the one who came up and called Nicholas ‘Nicky’ was an ex?”
“Unfortunately,” Nicholas replied. He dropped his hands to his sides and straightened his posture so he was no longer leaning on the car. I was pleasantly surprised when he reached over and took one of my hands in his, but I tried not to let it show too much. From the way Kayla glanced down at our hands and then back up at me, I could tell I didn’t do a great job of hiding. Her lips quirked up slightly.
“I see. Do I need to go full-blown bridezilla and kick someone out?”
I felt my fondness for her grow at the thought. “While appreciated, it totally isn’t necessary, Kayla, I promise. If Nicholas can handle having Zack here, surely, I can handle having his ex here, as well.”
She gave me another once over. “If you’re sure…”
“I am,” I reassured her with a nod.
She glanced at Nicholas and then back at me. “Fine, I won’t say anything. I was really hoping I’d get to go hardass on someone, but I guess I’ll save that for another day.” She turned back towards the restaurant’s entrance. “Let’s get back in there. The dessert course is next and then I’m getting boozed up.”
I laughed at her whoop of excitement and moved to follow behind her. Nicholas shook his head, but his smile told of his amusement. He followed along beside me, but tugged on my hand to slow me down a bit. I looked over at him unsure of why he was slowing down. Didn’t he want to go back in there?
“What’s wrong?” I asked him. Kayla glanced back at us, but Nicholas gave her a smile and shook his head.
“Nothing.”
I narrowed my eyes at him and then looked up at Kayla’s retreating back. “That nothing sounds an awful lot like something.”
He cocked his head to the side. “What do you mean?” His voice was hushed and deceptively innocent, but somehow, I knew he was hiding something and the fact that he didn’t want to say anything about it meant that it was something big.
“You know exactly what I mean,” I replied pitching my voice as quiet as his. “Why are you whispering if your ‘nothing’ is really nothing?”
“No reason, it’s just—”
“You’re lying to me already?” I asked.
“No!”
“Are you ashamed of me?”
“Absolutely not,” he hissed fiercely. His hand squeezed mine tightly.
I breathed a sigh of relief, but continued on with my questions. “Then what? What are you hiding from me?”
He sighed and ran his other hand through his hair. “Fine, just…you can’t tell Kayla.”
I turned my head to look at him more fully. “Why not? What’s wrong?” My head whipped around to look back at my friend. Nicholas and I had fallen behind and Kayla was already nearing the restaurant door.
“Nothing is wrong…exactly.”
“Exactly?”
“But,” he continued. “There’s something she doesn’t know.”
My heart started beating faster at his words. “Nicholas, just tell me before I have a fucking heart attack. This is my best friend here so if something is going on that’s going to impact her, I need to know and I need to know now!”
“Okay,” he said quickly waving his hand. “Just keep your voice down. Look, I wasn’t sure if Kayla knew or not so I didn’t want to say anything.”
“Nicholas…”
“She’s pregnant.”
I stopped walking completely at his words. “What? She’s what?”
He slowed to a stop beside me. “Kayla is pregnant.”
I blinked slowly as I let the words wash over me. Obviously, I knew Kayla and Benjamin had sex. I even walked in on them once and it made it awkward for three of us to be around one another for days. “How do you know?” I asked narrowing my eyes at him again.
Nicholas tapped his nose with one of his fingers. “I can smell it.”
“You can smell pregnancy?”
“Yes, I mean no. I can smell the hormonal change in her yes, but it’s more than just that.”
My mind whirled at the revelation. “I think I have officially entered the Twilight Zone. Can you sniff out menstruation too?”
“First of all, that’s gross.” Nicholas wiggled his nose in distaste. “Second of all, yes, but that’s not the point here.”
“I have officially lost my mind.”
“The point is,” he said ignoring my comment. “Kayla is pregnant and I can tell that not just from smelling her changed body chemistry. I can hear the baby’s heartbeat.”
“Oh my gosh,” I whispered. I squeezed Nicholas’ hand and looked over to where Kayla stood waiting by the door. I could see Nicholas’ sister, Aleksis, standing there too and I wondered if she knew as well. “Does Aleksis know too?”
He nodded. “Any shifter is bound to know. That’s probably why Benjamin’s family decided to move up the wedding.”
My mind did a double-take. “Wait…what?”
He continued on like he hadn’t just dropped a bomb of information on me. “Wolf shifters don’t care about the whole marriage before baby thing, usually. Old packs do tend to have their own traditions, however, and I don’t think I’ve ever seen a shifter wedding picture with the bride noticeably pregnant on the day of the—are you okay?”
My legs wobbled slightly, but Nicholas’ arms around me kept me from crashing to the ground. I couldn’t believe what I was hearing, but then it started to make sense. The fact that Benjamin’s parents pushed to either have the wedding now or to wait a year meant Kayla wouldn’t be noticeably pregnant. Plus the fact that Nicholas’ ex, Rebecca, was Benjamin’s cousin meant that—
“Benjamin is a shifter.” I looked up at Nicholas. His expression was more than a little shocked. “Benjamin and his family are shifters.”
He nodded. “Yes.”
“Oh my God,” I whispered. I squeezed my eyes shut tightly. “Oh my God, oh my God. Does Kayla know?” I opened my eyes again at his silence. Nicholas was staring ahead as if lost in thought. “Nicholas, does Kayla know that Benjamin is a shifter?”
“No…I don’t think so.”
My heart sank at his response. “Oh my God.” My brain was running on a constant loop—a single awestruck phrase flipping over and over in my mind.
“I don’t actually know why he hasn’t told her.”
Nicholas’ confusion gave me pause. “What do you mean?”
“Like I told you before, shifters typically mate with other shifters. Still, it is not unheard of for a shifter to find his or her mate in a human. The bond between Kayla and Benjamin…” His voice trailed off.
“Don’t just stop talking,” I prompted. “Tell me what you mean.”
Nicholas looked back down at me. His eyes were bright and wondering and a part of me was curious as to what was going on in his head. “Kayla and Benjamin’s relationship…when and how did it start?”
“Um…” I furrowed my brow. “Sophomore year of college they met randomly at a party we went to.”
“Are you sure?” He asked. He took a step closer to me. “Are you sure that the party was the first and only time you had ever met him?”
I swallowed thickly. “What…what do you mean?”
“Shifters typically try to court their mates in some way. For other shifters or humans who’ve grown up in a pack, the signs of courtship are relatively easy t
o see. When it comes to human mates outside of the pack, things can get a bit more—”
I widened my eyes. “—a bit more…what? Finish your sentence damn it.”
“I will if you let me explain. It’s a bit more creepy in a way. The scent is what we always notice first. That first hit of it can be overpowering, especially for those newly turned or very young. Even someone my age could lose a bit of control at the first taste of it.”
“Oh.” That explained a lot.
“Yes, oh. That’s why I’m asking if that party was the first time you had ever seen Benjamin.”
I thought harder. “I think I might remember Kayla saying that he looked kind of familiar? And I know the first couple of weeks they were together, neither of them seemed to come up for air outside of their respective bedrooms.” Mentioning that made my cheeks heat slightly. “Plus, he never seems to be able to say no to her.”
Nicholas nodded. “Definitely mates then. There’s a strong bond between the two of them and I know all of the other shifters can feel it.”
“Oh wow,” I uttered in fascination. I looked back over at where Kayla was still standing and talking with Aleksis. “Can Aleksis hear us right now?”
“Yes.”
“No privacy, got it.” I smiled when Aleksis looked over at me and waved. “So why do you think Benjamin hasn’t told Kayla yet?”
“About…him being a shifter or about the pregnancy?”
I thought for a moment. “Both?”
“I don’t know for a fact that he hasn’t. All I know is that from her comment about drinking, she doesn’t seem to know that she’s carrying the next generation of the Brokers’ pack.”
“Right.”
“But you need to tell her. Wolf shifters are strong, but I don’t think alcohol is good for babies of any kinds.”
I winced. How the hell was I going to tell Kayla about any of this when I was still trying to wrap my head around it myself?
Chapter Eight
“I am so tired.” I sighed as I rolled my head against the headrest. My body sank down in the seat of the car as I tried to relax after the dizzying evening I’d just had. As freaked out as I was about Kayla and the double shifter and baby reveal from Nicholas, I’d been deceptively calm once I sat back down at the table. Turned out, Benjamin had had everything covered when it came to the alcohol and had arranged for everyone to only be drinking non-alcoholic wine. I couldn’t tell a difference in the flavors, though Nicholas said he could. Aleksis had given me a wink when she served us the bottles, and I figured that no one other than the shifters even noticed. Now my Kayla watching shift was over, and I was ready for my comfy clothes and comfier bed.