by KB Winters
I wanted to believe him, but something was still nagging at my mind. “So the guy, the other shifter who tried to kill me that night…he wasn’t part of your investigation?”
Nicholas’ expression looked horrified by my thought. “Fuck no! When I saw him about to hurt you, I couldn’t stop myself from ripping him limb from fucking limb.”
His violent words should have terrified me, but they didn’t. They made me feel safer. “Does it make me a bad person for not feeling bad that you killed him—the shifter who tried to kill me?”
“Hardly,” he snorted as he squeezed my hand again. “If that makes you a bad person, then I am truly the devil in disguise for sending him to hell where he belongs.” Nicholas leaned forward and brushed the back of his hand against my cheek. “I’d do anything for you and protect you from the world, right and wrong be damned.”
I couldn’t stop the hitch in my breath at his words. His nostrils flared again but I knew I needed to ask more. Still, it was like dragging my mind through molasses to bring up anything other than how much I wanted him right then. “Tell me more about scents.”
“Scents,” he echoed. His voice was slurred and it made me feel much better to see that I wasn’t the only one affected by our closeness. I leaned back in order to take in a much needed breath.
“Yes, scents. I know they’re important to shifters, even more so than for humans. I guess it’s just hard for me to understand because other than the obvious good or bad smells, I don’t pay much attention to them.”
“Of course,” he replied with a soft cough. Nicholas leaned back as well. “As a human, you don’t necessarily communicate with scents, at least not consciously.”
“So explain it to me.” I straightened up and blinked to attention. “I want to at least know, even if I can never truly understand.”
Nicholas moved against the couch. “Well, everyone—humans and shifters alike—have their own particular scent. It’s not just purely one note.”
“What do you mean?” I asked. I was intrigued by Nicholas’ words and his voice took on a calm and authoritative quality I found myself unable to ignore. It was so unlike lectures at school where the professor would drone on with no care for how engaged his or her audience was. Nicholas spoke with feeling and his voice changed tone with the dips of his words. I thought his voice would be excellent for reading my novels. It had a rough and smoky quality that would lend depth to some of the erotic situations I detailed within.
“I mean, when you smell an orange, it’s just purely itself to you. You don’t smell it and assume it’s something else because a human’s nose doesn’t necessarily pick up on all the minute complexities of scent. Bodies aren’t like that though. There are layers to a person’s scent that make them uniquely them.”
“Oh,” I said quietly taking in the new information. “But wouldn’t humans just smell like sacks of blood and bone?”
Nicholas pursed his lips at the odd question. “Well, yeah. If I concentrate hard enough, I can smell your blood to the point that I can almost taste it. I can smell when you’ve had more caffeine the same way I can smell my scent inside you after…” He trailed off with a wide smile. I rolled my eyes at his teasing, but couldn’t help the upturn of my own lips.
“I got it...such a bad dog.”
He raised an eyebrow. “Dog jokes now?”
I flushed slightly, but forced myself to not apologize for my teasing when he began to laugh. “Well, if it walks like a dog and wags its tail like a dog…”
He snorted. “Then it’s a wolf.” He shook his head but his wide smile remained. “You really are something, River. Most people would be terrified to joke around about this.”
“Really? The whole man turning into a wolf thing might scare them?”
“Yeah,” he said. “But anyway—scents. Things like blood, spit and... sexual…body fluids, I guess I should say,” he said the last part with a heated look. “Those scents are some of the easiest to ignore. We tend to not even mention them unless we smell something just odd that might indicate disease, illness or injury.”
“Oh, I see. Do shifters get sick?”
Nicholas shook his head. “Not usually. Humans born from shifters tend to be healthy as well. They can still get all the normal human illnesses, colds, flu, but cancer is pretty rare, though. And they definitely don’t heal as fast as they would if they took the bite.”
My ears perked up at that news. “Wait, so you mean people can be turned into shifters?”
“Of course. You’ve written about that, remember?”
“Well, of course I did, but I was writing fiction—not history or facts.”
“Right. Sorry, I keep forgetting that for all you got right in your books, you really had no idea about us and our world.” He turned to look at the door as if lost in thought. “Scent is important in our world, and especially with our human pack members.” He turned back to look at me and I could see pain in his eyes. “My older brother is human.”
This new information wasn’t what I was expecting. “Really?”
Nicholas looked down at our hands. “Yeah. He was born human and refused the bite up until he left after he graduated college.”
I squeezed his hand. “Wow. Where is he?”
“Don’t know. Occasionally, we get things in the mail from him—a card or a letter—but he hasn’t returned for over a decade now. If not for his scent on those letters, I wouldn’t even know if he were alive.”
“Nicholas,” I whispered. I didn’t know what to say in the face of his pain. I could only imagine having a sibling and never seeing them again. I lifted one of my hands and put it on his cheek. His free hand came up and cupped mine. We didn’t say anything for a moment and right then I realized that I’d never been as in tune with someone as I was with him. “Does his scent comfort you?”
He smiled softly at me. “Yes. It’s a familiar and comforting scent for me. It speaks of acceptance, love, family and so much more than I think even he knows.”
“What do you mean?”
Something behind his eyes changed as if he were thinking of a long held memory. “My brother, Griffin, smells like potential—the potential for strength, power and leadership even beyond what we have now.”
I frowned slightly. “I don’t understand. How do you smell potential?”
He shook his head slightly. “You just do. I never knew how to make sense of his scent, but it always calmed me even when we were kids and I feared him getting hurt. As a human pack member he was strong. I think it was that same worry that made our parents so insistent on him getting the bite that would change him into a wolf shifter, but every time they brought it up, his scent would turn sour. I always thought he secretly hated shifters, but whenever he held Aleksis or me, I knew I was wrong. His scent was content and I knew that our family meant everything to him.”
His memory made me sigh even as he relaxed further into my hand. I imagined him as a young boy then, small and earnest as he looked up into his brother’s eyes in awe like all younger siblings tended to do.
“Sometimes I wonder if he left because he was afraid of that potential and that him turning would mean one day leaving us behind and starting his own pack.”
“But he’d still be your brother,” I said.
Nicholas opened his eyes and looked at me. “Always. I don’t love easily, but when I do, it’s for keeps.” The determination in his tone made me shiver. I licked my lips.
“What about Aleksis? What does she smell like?” I watched as Nicholas’ gaze followed the movement of my lips before he spoke.
“Aleksis always used to smell like desperation and longing in ways I’ve always tried to forget. She was the pup who followed after you begging for attention and she always smelled so hurt when you didn’t give it to her.”
His description of her shocked me. I couldn’t imagine the bright and bubbly Aleksis that I knew smelling like hurt. My shock must have been obvious because Nicholas smiled at me and squeezed
the hand I still had pressed against the side of his cheek.
“She doesn’t smell like that so much anymore unless she’s in one of her moods. Shifters don’t suffer from many physical ailments, but we run the risk of mental ailments just like anyone else. Aleksis isn’t sick, but she’s more insecure than anyone I know—despite how wonderful she is. Her scent now is nowhere as wanting as it used to be, and she’s quicker to smell angry than hurt when she’s ignored. Still, despite being an adult, she sometimes smells like clinginess and a wanting that has absolutely nothing to do with lust or sex and everything to do with belonging.” He looked at me squarely. “Sometimes I think I scent the same thing on you.”
“Is that all?”
He rubbed a thumb over the back of my hand. “No. She also smells like determination and overwhelming joy when she sees people enjoying her work. Plus, she smells like whatever special dish she has going on that week, and it usually makes me hungry when she’s around.” The abruptness of his grin made me snort and I felt thankful for the short reprieve from the heaviness of our conversation.
“What about…” My voice trailed off as I thought to myself. “What about Kayla and Benjamin? I know you said she smelled pregnant, which is still a bit weird to me—but what do they smell like together?”
Nicholas smiled. “Those two...they smell like mates in a way that says Benjamin’s wolf is as happy as the human. Kayla smells wild. It speaks to her confidence and zest for life, but reckless in a way that I don’t even think she understands. Benjamin, on the other hand, smells calm and stable, and that tempers her perfectly.”
“Like how opposites attract.” I smiled at his description of Ben and Kayla. It fit so perfectly, I wondered if maybe I could smell them after all.
“Exactly. Their scents are almost polar opposites, but they blend together in a way that just makes perfect sense. Kayla’s scent is sprinkled with perfume and leather books and sometimes righteous anger as sharp and hot as lightning. It’s enough to get any wolf hyped up enough to fight, whereas Benjamin smells like safety and cool earth. His scent is grounding. Their blend of scents is as close to perfect as I’ve ever smelled from two people I didn’t even know.”
Hearing Nicholas talk about how perfect they were for one another settled something inside of me I didn’t even know was there. He tilted his head as he gazed steadily at my face. “Does that make you feel better? About their marriage, I mean?”
“Yes, it does.” Something nibbled at my thoughts. “But…”
“But what?”
“If Kayla and Ben smell as close to perfect as you’ve ever smelled, then what about me?” I asked. “What about us?”
Nicholas gazed at me for a long time before turning his face and pressing his nose against the pulse point of my wrist. I couldn’t hold back my shiver as I felt his breath wash over my inner wrist.
“You…” he breathed out softly. He parted his lips pressing an open-mouthed kiss onto my skin. “You are different.” He turned his head and opened his eyes to look at me. I sucked in a gasping breath at the heated crimson of his eyes. “You smell like Kayla, and faintly like Benjamin and Aleksis. You smell like the reckless abandon and calming stability of living life to the fullest but always knowing how to come back home. When I train you,” My cheeks flushed further at the mention of training. “Your sweat is sharp and fresh. When you move and your heart starts to race, it reminds me of the hunt—of running free under the moonlight and dancing beneath the stars. Your anger tastes heavy and pungent and when you laugh, your scent turns light and airy as if I could sail away on your feelings of happiness.”
My lips parted as my mind grasped his words. “Wow.”
He smiled and held up a hand. “Don’t, just...if I don’t get through this, I never will. You don’t understand how much your scent calls out to me. When I first read your books, I was just curious about the person who seemed to speak so strongly and touch a part of me that I thought I’d buried.” He paused and guided my arm until the inside of my wrist was brushing along the side of his neck. The feeling of his stubble sliding against my skin made me bite my bottom lip to stop the soft moan from slipping out.
“You smell like too much caffeine on some days and it makes me want to tell you to rest, especially when I first saw you.”
“When?” I asked interrupting him. “When did you first see me?” I elaborated.
“There was a signing for your third book. I had one of my pack members go and get the book signed so you wouldn’t see me, but it didn’t stop me from catching your scent and knowing I had to find a way to meet you.”
I could tell that his confession took a lot. “Was meeting you at your gym an accident?”
Nicholas chuckled. “Surprisingly, yes. “I’d hoped to find some way to randomly bump into you. I thought about being brave enough to go to another signing and actually walk up to you that time, but you didn’t have another one.”
I nodded without thinking. “My fourth book isn’t out yet so my publisher hasn’t decided when or where to hold it. I might not even have one if the book doesn’t sell well.”
“It will,” he insisted surely.
I grinned at his easy confidence in me. “How can you be so sure?”
“Because I’ve read your other books, and the short stories about the characters. I felt the emotions and feelings you put behind each word, and I’m sure the other readers did too.”
I blushed. “I should hire you to be my publicist.”
“Anything to make you smell like you do now.”
“Oh?” I gathered my courage again to ask. “What do I smell like now?”
“You smell like everything I have ever loved.”
His answer was so simple and yet sent my mind racing. My hands squeezed his as I mentally begged him to continue.
“You smell like everything comforting from home. Soothing hugs and warm food made with care. Your scent makes me remember the nights me and my brother and sister piled into one bed and just soaked up the comfort of being together and being accepted for who we were and not who we should be. You smell like the things about my first girlfriend that made me want to try, even though she knew nothing of shifters. You smell like the seductive muskiness of the first older woman I ever slept with—forbidden and cloyingly sweet. You smell like fresh earth and newness like you’ve only just realized your potential and worth and it makes me want to yell out to the world so I can sing your praises to all those ignorant enough not to know. You smell like wildness and humanity appealing to both sides of me.”
His words made me tremble and I couldn’t help the way my body leaned into him as if I needed to be touching him even more. I let my fingers curl into the wispy hairs behind the shell of his ear anchoring myself to the moment.
“You smell like the moon feels—compelling and controlling—but in a way, that makes me feel alive the way I never have before. And yet, your scent calms the wildest part of me and makes me long for family and pups and all of the things that come with being together forever. Your scent makes me feel tangled up, but free as if I could really let go and just be me.”
“You can,” I whispered finally. The words were soft, but fierce as I let all of my feelings finally surface from where I’d kept them buried. The fear was still there—the fear of letting myself have this. “You make me feel all that and more. You make me feel...beautiful and powerful in ways I never could’ve imagined.” I swallowed against the rising tide of emotions that threatened to spill over and then realized, Nicholas could probably scent them anyway. There was no need to hide them anymore—not from him. “I’m terrified. This world, your world, is more than I could have ever dreamed up.”
“I know.” His expression seemed almost pleading. It was a look I never wanted to see on his face again. Not about this—not about us. He continued speaking as I gathered my courage to push through that final hurdle of fear. “I know, and I’m sor—”
I didn’t let him finish. I didn’t want to hear him apo
logize for the life he was born into. I didn’t want him to feel guilt for loving my humanity. I leaned into him and kissed him with every fiber of my being, moving as quickly as I knew how, climbing into his lap. My movement was hindered by my dress and I groaned in annoyance before finally settling with my legs to the side. My fingers slid fully into his hair, and I gripped him tightly, keeping the rough pressure of our lips where they were sealed together. The fact that I didn’t have to worry about the strength of my grip sent a hot thrill through me, and I let my scent do whatever it wanted to do. I no longer wanted to hide my desire.
It was freeing and yet scary to know that the strength I had—what little there was—was nowhere near enough to really register for Nicholas. How would I ever know if I go too far?
“Don’t think,” he whispered against my lips. His hands pulled me closer to his body and I wondered if I’d have bruises after this. The thought of his mark on my skin burned into my mind, and I catalogued that away as another kink to later explore.
“What?”
Nicholas pulled his head back slightly. “I can practically hear you thinking. Don’t. You can’t hurt me and even if I did feel pain, I’d let you know.” He leaned back in brushing his kiss-reddened lips against mine and my eyes slipped shut. “Don’t think about things, just feel. Feel me against you.”
I smiled. “I feel you, baby. Kind of hard not to when I’m on top of you.” I let out a gasp when I found myself abruptly flipped until my back hit the couch cushions. I opened my eyes and found myself pinned with Nicholas only held up from my body with one hand. His eyes were two bright spots that I knew would be burned into my memory at night with the amount of heat displayed in them. His free hand gripped my left hip, and I moaned when I felt his hard cock slide against my thighs.
“Jesus,” I gasped. My hands were against his chest with my fingers twisted into the fabric of his shirt. It was his tie in front of my face that made me blink away the relentless need that pumped through my veins. I wanted him desperately. I wanted to feel him sliding deep inside me, and I wanted to hear his gasping breath in my ear as we both gave ourselves over to the pleasure of our carnal union.