Catalyst (The Best Days #1)

by Lake, Delaina

  His shoulders slumped forward. “I know,” he sighed. “I’m not mad at her. I just needed to vent and she happened to be there. Tell her I’m sorry, okay?”

  “I will.”

  Rory exited the men’s room and was surprised to find her sister waiting, apparently standing guard. “Troy says he’s sorry for snapping at you,” she advised Rebecca. “But don’t go in there just yet,” she added. “He’ll come out when he’s ready.”

  “Okay. Is he…?”

  “I think he’ll be alright, all things considered.”

  “Rory…”

  “What?”

  “Thanks.”

  “Don’t thank me,” Rory insisted, the expression on her face grim. “I caused this.” She glanced down the hallway at the shut door of the algebra class where she was supposed to be. Then she swallowed her pride. “Do you think you could help me get caught up in algebra tonight?” she asked her younger sister with a twinge of embarrassment. “I have to go.”

  “Sure,” Rebecca agreed. “Where are you going?”

  Her jaw set in anger, Rory replied, “I need to go talk to Carson.”

  CHAPTER 17

  At Carson’s house, no one answered the door.

  Seeing that his parents’ vehicles were gone from the driveway, Rory stood on the front porch banging the heavy brass knocker against the door over and over, taking all of her frustration out on it.

  When she heard footsteps on the stairs just inside the door, she was surprised.

  “Whoa, whoa, I’m coming” Rory heard Carson call out as he ran down the staircase. He flung open the front door of his house. He looked bleary eyed and had bed hair…how he managed to look gorgeous despite that, Rory would never know.

  He offered a lopsided grin when he saw Rory and ran his hand over his head. “Hi” he said, stifling a yawn. “I must have fallen asleep.”

  “What were you thinking?!” Rory demanded, skipping all pleasantries and dodging his kiss hello. Her blue eyes flashed with indignation.

  “Uh, what?” he asked, utterly clueless. “Is this about Sunday afternoon?”

  “No!” she exploded. The reminder of that surreal and concerning conversation only added fuel to the fire, making her anger burn hotter. “You posted the video of Troy and Jeremy online!”

  He scratched his head. “Oh yeah, I meant to tell you about that.”

  “What were you thinking?!” she repeated, her hands clenched at her sides and her chest heaving.

  Carson raised an eyebrow. “Calm down,” he advised. “Come in, let’s talk.”

  “I don’t want to come in and don’t tell me to calm down!” Rory fumed. “Did you do this to get back at me, because I dared to call you out for being an ass the day we went for ice cream? I can’t believe you!”

  “Get you back? No, of course not…Rory, please sit down. We need to talk.”

  With a bewildered look on his face, Carson stepped outside and gestured for Rory to take a seat on the porch swing. Begrudgingly, she complied but when he sat next to her she reflexively pulled away, increasing the space between them.

  “You’ve been completely obsessed with blaming yourself for Grace’s suicide,” Carson told her. “To some degree I suppose I get it, but now it’s like you’re trying to redeem yourself by saving Troy.”

  “I am not,” she fired back even though maybe there was some truth to Carson’s words.

  He didn’t let her outburst interrupt him. Instead, he explained, “You tried to help Troy it was admirable, but the thing is guys like Jeremy Just. Don’t. Stop. I could tell you were devastated the other night when you told me about Jeremy being up to his old tricks. I felt bad for you and I wanted to help.”

  “You posted the video online…because of me?”

  “Well yeah,” Carson confessed. “You’ve been through so much and half the time you walk around looking completely lost. I know I said I’d be patient and I’ve been trying, but enough is enough. I was hoping the video would wind up in the school administration’s hands and they’d expel Jeremy. Then maybe you’d finally let this vendetta of yours go before it eats you alive.”

  She took deep, measured breaths and tried not to snap at Carson when she spoke next. “Did you even think about how Troy would feel?”

  Carson’s brow furrowed. “If he’s afraid of retaliation from the football team, I think he’s overreacting. Most of those guys don’t even like Jeremy. But if it helps you can tell Troy I have his back. I’ll ask some of my buddies to look out for him the next couple of weeks until the school year ends.”

  “That’s not the problem,” Rory explained, trying not to sound as impatient as she felt. “Troy is completely humiliated that the video is online. It’s like a moment frozen in time. He’ll be a victim now forever on the Internet. That’s the last thing he wants.”

  “Oh. That didn’t even cross my mind,” Carson replied, looking distressed. “That’s not good.”

  She forced herself to pause before saying another word, hoping that somehow the right thing to say would come to her. Staying in control during moments of stress wasn’t exactly Rory’s strong point. “You should have talked to me first,” she told him. “Please don’t just act like you know what’s best for me and take the initiative without running it by me first.”

  It was Carson’s turn to sound impatient. “You say that like you know what’s best for you,” he scoffed. “I hate to say it Rory but you’re a mess right now. I’m trying to be a good boyfriend and I’m trying to cut you some slack but one minute you’re making out with me and the next you’re in tears, crying over some girl you didn’t know any better than the rest of us did.”

  Rory stared at him wide-eyed, in disbelief at what she was hearing. “What are you saying?”

  He sighed. “I’m not trying to be insensitive,” he insisted, “But just because you were the one unlucky enough to find Grace’s body, you seem to think you two were kindred spirits or something.”

  “What?”

  “You said yourself that you two weren’t close. You need to move past Grace’s suicide and get on with your life, Rory. I’m sorry if that sounds cold but it’s the truth. Someone has to say it.”

  “I…I am getting better,” Rory insisted in bewilderment. “It’s gradual, but there’s been progress. And,” she added, her shock turning to anger, “you’re absolutely right: what you just said does sound cold. I can’t believe how insensitive you’re being.”

  “It’s honesty, not insensitivity. I think you need to get professional help,” Carson insisted, seemingly unwilling to let the subject drop. “You need to do whatever it takes before it’s too late for you to ever have a normal life again.”

  She was dumbfounded. “I trusted you,” she managed to choke out, feeling completely betrayed. “I confided in you and told you things I haven’t told anyone else…and now you’re accusing me of being, what, crazy? Fake? Just come right out and say it, Carson. Tell me what you really think of me.”

  “You’re overreacting.”

  “Am I?” she demanded, her voice growing shriller. “Tell me, how would you react if someone who’s supposed to care about you said such hateful things?”

  “I’m not being hateful,” he insisted. “I’m sorry if I was supposed to sugarcoat what I said before opening my mouth. I’ve been biting my tongue ever since we got together because I know there’s stuff you need to work out. But every time you seem to make progress, you backslide. It’s hard to watch. I can’t just sit by any longer. I’m trying to help.”

  “Well next time don’t bother!”

  “Rory…”

  She fought back tears as she looked at him. “You said you wanted to be honest, so tell me the truth,” she said, her voice trembling with bottled up emotion and a mountain of supressed fears. “If Grace hadn’t died, would you have even told me you were falling for me?”

  “I noticed you long before that night and you know it,” Carson shot back. Sounding weary, he added, “Let’s not do
this, Rory.”

  She crossed her arms. It made her look tough…invincible, even. But the truth was she only did it so Carson wouldn’t see her hands shake. The realization that she no longer trusted him to see her in her weakest moments was a difficult one. “You didn’t answer the question,” she insisted.

  He stared at her, looking like he wanted to be anywhere but there.

  “You came into my life at just the right time and said all the right things,” Rory said dully as she connected the dots. “Stupid me, I thought it was the silver lining…but it wasn’t a coincidence, was it? You feel sorry for me.”

  “I care about you.”

  “You feel sorry for me.”

  “Okay, fine!” Carson threw his hands up in the air, utterly exasperated. “I feel sorry for you. There, are you happy?”

  His words stung.

  “We never would have dated had Grace not died, would we?”

  “Does it really matter?” Carson shot back, his patience long gone. “I don’t understand why we’re playing this pointless game of what if. What would or wouldn’t have happened doesn’t matter. This is what happened. This is what matters. God, Rory, how am I supposed to deal with your never ending insecurities?”

  The tears were going to make an appearance soon despite her best efforts to hold them back. Rory could feel a lump forming in her throat and her chest felt constricted. Those signs indicated that an ugly cry was imminent. She wasn’t about to let Carson see that.

  “You won’t have to deal with my insecurities anymore,” she snapped, masking her heartbreak with anger. “I don’t want to be your pity girlfriend. God, I can’t believe that’s what I was. Consider me out of your life.”

  Deep down, she probably didn’t mean it. She was testing him. It was their first real fight and she was testing him. Had Carson passed the test, maybe everything would have blown over once Rory had cooled off.

  But he didn’t pass the test.

  He didn’t even try to say the right thing.

  Instead, he rubbed his eyes and winced like he was getting a tension headache. “Maybe you’re right,” he agreed, much to Rory’s utter shock and disbelief. “Dealing with your mood swings and trying to read your mind is exhausting. If it was temporary I’d just put up with it and wait it out but it feels like there’s no end in sight. Maybe I’m just not cut out for this.”

  He said something else but Rory didn’t even hear it, or if she did it didn’t register. She turned and ran, tears streaming down her cheeks. Carson could have chased after her. He was in great shape and with his long legs, could have caught up with her easily.

  But he didn’t chase her.

  When Rory finally worked up the courage to peek over her shoulder at the Keller residence, Carson wasn’t even standing on the front porch anymore. He’d gone inside. And just like that, Rory was all alone.

  CHAPTER 18

  It didn’t take Rebecca long to notice there was something wrong.

  When it was time for them to tackle Rory’s algebra homework that evening, Rory was even more distracted and sullen than usual. She stared listlessly out the window, barely even paying attention as her sister, with increasing impatience, tried to explain the assignment.

  “Do you want me to help or not?” Rebecca finally demanded. Then she saw the look on her sister’s face. “What happened?” she asked, her exasperation dissipating at once.

  “Carson and I broke up.”

  “Why?”

  How to answer that? Rory’s crippling insecurities and inability to keep her emotions in check had caused the demise of something beautiful that had barely begun. When she thought about it, Rory wanted to kick herself.

  “He got sick of me.”

  “I doubt that. Tell me what happened.”

  “I confronted him about posting the video online and he admitted he’d done it. He said he did it so Jeremy would finally get what he deserves. I’d been complaining about Jeremy the other night, so…well, basically Carson accidentally ruined Troy’s life because of me.”

  Rebecca shook her head, a small smile on her lips. “You’re always so melodramatic,” she scolded gently. “Troy’s life isn’t over. What happened to him sucks and I wish Carson had thought about that before he posted the video…but Troy’s life is far from over.”

  “How can you be so sure?”

  “Remember when we were seven and you wanted a kitten?”

  “I wanted three kittens, to be exact.”

  Rory vividly recalled walking past the window of the local pet shop and seeing a litter of three adorable, fluffy white Persian kittens scrambling around on their stubby little legs. She’d become infatuated with them immediately and had wanted so badly to take them home.

  “You cried for days when Mom and Dad said we couldn’t have cats in the house because Justin was allergic. You acted like your life was over. In fact,” Rebecca said with amusement, “I seem to remember you screaming those exact words as you stomped around the house slamming doors and pitching a world class tantrum. Anyway, the point is you got over it, didn’t you?”

  “I guess.”

  “Your life wasn’t ruined because you didn’t get a kitten, right?” Rebecca asked sensibly.

  “I see what you’re getting at. I guess you’re right. For Troy’s sake, I hope you’re right.”

  “Now about Carson…”

  A shadow fell over Rory’s face at the mention of his name. “He pretty much insinuated I need mental help because I’m too emotional,” she grumbled. “It was insulting.”

  Rebecca raised an eyebrow. “You are too emotional,” she pointed out reasonably. “We’ve all been telling you that for years. I mean, one of Sheck’s nicknames for you is Drama Queen! Justin and I used to secretly refer to you as Hurricane Rory because you’d destroy everything in your path when you had a bad day.”

  Rory rolled her eyes but the corners of her mouth turned upwards just a bit. “I’m not that bad.”

  “You are,” Rebecca insisted. “Although I’ll draw the line at saying you need mental help.” After a deliberate pause, she came in with the punch line. “I’m pretty sure you’re beyond help.”

  “Oh stop it.” Rory swatted at her sister’s arm playfully and then suddenly realized two things. One: she and Rebecca were squabbling good-naturedly just like old times. Two: When she caught herself laughing, she was no longer overcome with a deep, all-consuming sense of guilt. These were both good signs.

  “You seemed happy with Carson.”

  “I was. He was like the perfect guy until he went off on me. He’s been acting weird lately. At first he was all patient and sweet. He didn’t even freak out when I got emotional thinking about, you know, Grace. But then I guess he just got sick of it or…something. I really have no idea. All I know is he changed and now…” She trailed off, dropping her head into her hands.

  “You really cared about him, huh?”

  “Uh huh…I can’t believe we’re done,” Rory said glumly.

  “Maybe it doesn’t have to be over. How did you two leave things?” Rebecca wanted to know.

  “Um…he said dealing with me was exhausting and he wasn’t cut out for it,” Rory paraphrased.

  With wisdom beyond her years – and the scope of her own experience – Rebecca pressed, “Is that all he said? You just showed up at his place, said ‘hi,’ and he went off on you?” Of course, they both knew Rory had left crucial parts of the exchange out.

  “Not exactly,” Rory admitted. “There was some other stuff.”

  Knowingly, Rebecca guessed, “Did any of that other stuff involve you yelling at him?”

  Rory’s face reddened. “Maybe…”

  “I figured as much. So here’s what I think,” Rebecca said, pushing the algebra textbook aside. “I think you tell him you’re sorry for flying off the handle. Tell him you understand why he did what he did and, while you don’t approve, you know his heart was in the right place. But,” she continued, “You also need to tell him what
he’s in for.”

  “What do you mean?”

  “You’re passionate. It’s not a bad thing, necessarily. It means you have high highs and low lows. Usually it’s fun and exciting and makes everyone want to be around you. But then, when you hit a bump in the road, you kind of temporarily lose your mind. You’ve always been that way. You probably always will be that way. It’s not a bad thing,” Rebecca reiterated. “It’s just who you are. But it’s only fair that Carson knows what he’s getting into.”

  Always dramatic, Rory dropped her head onto the kitchen table and covered it with her arms. “That would be fantastic advice if he hadn’t already made up his mind,” she whined. “He doesn’t want me anymore. Let’s face it: he’s out of my league. Maybe he was interested for a minute but things only went as far as they did because he pitied me.”

  Rebecca scoffed. “I can’t think of anyone who’s out of your league.”

  “You’re my sister,” Rory smiled woefully. “You have to say stuff like that.”

  “I do not. But I will say this: I pity you.”

  Rory shot Rebecca a dirty look. “Well don’t,” she cautioned sharply.

  Rebecca shrugged. “It’s the truth. That night when you came home from the party…” She shut her eyes, pausing for a minute so she could regain her composure. “Your face was bloody and covered in scratches. You were soaking wet and limping. But the worst part of all was the vacant look in your eyes, like you’d seen unspeakable horror.”

  Rory swallowed hard. She’d never even thought about how her sister was coping in the aftermath of it all. She couldn’t imagine how she’d feel had their roles been reversed.

  Clearing her throat, Rebecca concluded, “So yes, I pity you. I’m sorry you had to go through what you did. I’m sorry you’re struggling to come to terms with it. But pity doesn’t mean I think any less of you. If anything it just makes me care about you more and respect you more.”

  Moved, Rory could only squeeze her sister’s hand. Words failed her.