Finding Hope (Mail Order Bride: Brides And Promises Book 1)

by Ruby Hill

  Jane leaned back against the chair in which she sat. "No, I have not fallen in love with the man. But..." she looked back up at Emmeline. "I don't know, Emmeline. He seems to have taken a liking to me, and he is just so...romantic."

  Emmeline looked at Jane as if she had never seen her before. "Romantic? Well, that is a surprise." She shook her head. "I do not believe my ears," she said, but not unkindly. "This is not like you, Jane, to be at all tempted by a man of such a low place in society."

  Jane nodded. "I know."

  "Then what is it about him that you find attractive?"

  Jane shrugged her shoulders. "He is just so very different than most men I have met. He is confident, which I admire, and he is, as you say, quite flamboyant. He tells you what he is feeling, even if it is a bit shocking."

  She felt her cheeks blush.

  Emmeline laughed.

  "What?" Jane retorted sharply. "What is so funny?"

  Emmeline grinned. "He sounds just like you, my friend."

  "In what way?"

  "Well, you admire his confidence, for one. Most would say that you have the utmost confidence of a woman, and I would agree. And you also speak your mind freely, a trait that most men find rather intimidating."

  Jane just stared at her friend.

  Do I truly admire Lord Hays because he simply reminds me of myself?

  Jane said. "But that is not even the half of it, friend. There is something else I must explain to you."

  She told Emmeline all about the ball at Lord Greenshire's family estate, and about how Lord Hays had been there as well. She told her all about the letters she had received before they had even left and all about the two men seeking after her attention while she was there.

  It was harder to describe the conversation she had had with Lord Hays and about his proposal.

  "He truly said those words?"

  Jane nodded wearily. "I would not tell a falsehood about this."

  "No, I suppose you would not be able to invent such a tall tale."

  The two women looked at one another, and Jane could see the understanding in Emmeline's face.

  "Do you think he was serious?" Emmeline asked quietly, voicing the question that Jane herself had not been able to voice since it had happened.

  Jane threw her hands into the air in exasperation. "I do not know, and that is the most infuriating part of all."

  "That was the most improper way he could have possibly asked you, if he was serious," Emmeline commented, taking another sip of her tea.

  The tea in Jane's cup had grown cold, so she poured some fresh tea in to warm it again. She lifted the cup to her nose once more, inhaling the warmth of it. It eased some of the tension in her shoulders.

  "I thought the very same," Jane admitted finally. "It is certainly not the way that I would wish for any man to ask me. My father has no idea that the baron has interest in me, and I doubt he would be pleased to discover the truth of it."

  Emmeline smirked. "I am quite sure you are right about that.”

  "And he laughed about it and treated poor Lord Greenshire as if he were a child playing an adult's game. It was almost infuriating, and yet, I could only sit there and stare at him," Jane continued.

  Emmeline nodded her head. "I can understand why this upset you so much."

  Jane huffed, and chewed the inside of her lip.

  It should not be this difficult...

  "What would you have said?" Emmeline asked.

  Jane blinked at her friend. She was not sure that she had heard her correctly.

  "What would you have said?" she repeated, a little more assertively. "If he was truly asking for your hand?"

  Jane felt her heart skip a beat. This was a part of the conversation that she had partially wished they would never come to.

  She could feel Emmeline's eyes on her as she contemplated how to best answer her. In the end, she decided the truth was the only acceptable choice.

  "I do not know," Jane replied softly, "And that is what frightens me most."

  Emmeline hesitated for a moment, and then said, "Why?"

  "Because my answer should obviously be no!" Jane exclaimed in reply. "Why should I ever dream about turning down a man like Lord Greenshire? A man who is himself to inherit the title of duke one day, a man who would be able to provide me with a life very much as I live now, and a man who cares deeply for me. Why should it even be an option in my mind to choose someone else?" She crossed her arms across her chest, disgusted with herself.

  Emmeline listened patiently, her lips pursed together thoughtfully.

  "Lord Hays is an agreeable man, I know. He is charming, and oh, Emmeline, he is perhaps the most handsome man I have ever met. There is something about him that enraptured me, and I cannot get him out of my mind!"

  She pulled at her hair, and groaned. "I feel pathetic and frustrated, angry, and hopeful all at the same time."

  "So would you have said yes, then?" Emmeline asked.

  "Yes!" Jane reacted, but then reconsidered. "No! I don't know!"

  Jane got up, unable to sit any longer. She paced back and forth in front of the table. Emmeline stared up at her, her eyes following her.

  "If I were to marry him, I would be marrying a man who intrigues me, a man who I find very attractive. He is different, bold, charismatic, and charming. I feel as if my days would be interesting and full, if not entirely as comfortable as I am used to."

  She stopped, and her hands balled into fists.

  "And yet, the other side of me knows that I would feel ashamed and embarrassed to have spent my entire life searching for a proper husband only to marry a baron. And, not only is he a baron, but he also has a bit of a marred reputation."

  She looked desperately at Emmeline and collapsed back into her chair.

  "What does this say of me? Of my character?" She hung her head. "I feel as shallow as a puddle after a rainstorm."

  Emmeline still remained quiet, and Jane found herself resisting the urge to shake her friend by the shoulders in an attempt to jostle the wisdom from her.

  "Well," Emmeline said eventually, slowly.

  "Well?" Jane asked when she went no further.

  Emmeline looked at her friend. "I do not know what I should tell you, Jane. I cannot make this choice for you."

  Jane felt her jaw tighten, but she knew Emmeline was right. Emmeline would not have the answers she needed, no matter how desperately she wished she had.

  "One thought I can share is that neither of these men have actually proposed to you yet, correct?"

  Jane exhaled, attempting to calm her nerves. "No, they have not."

  Emmeline nodded. "Perhaps Lord Hays did, or perhaps he was saying it in jest. Regardless, we can assume that Lord Greenshire is intending to propose soon. Otherwise, I do not think he would have wished to see you alone."

  Jane nodded in reply. She did not feel as if she had many words left to say on the matter. She felt spent and tired.

  "I did not realize how great of a burden this was that I carried," she said quietly.

  She felt Emmeline squeeze her arm again. "I am sorry that this decision troubles you so."

  Jane smiled at her friend. "I appreciate you allowing me to be so open and honest with you about all of this. I honestly did not know who else I could trust with all of this."

  Emmeline reached over and took Jane's hand. She patted it gently with her other hand. "We have been friends for many years, Jane. Of course you can trust me."

  "I feel much better now that we have spoken."

  "Good, that is good," Emmeline said.

  Jane took a thoughtful sip of her tea. She did feel better; it was true. The burden was lighter now that she was not alone in bearing it.

  "Lord Greenshire is the obvious choice," Jane said eventually. "He simply is."

  Emmeline looked closely at her friend. "But…" she continued.

  "But what?" Jane added.

  "Lord Greenshire is the obvious choice, but...?"

  Jane
rolled her eyes. "But I do not feel as deep of a connection with him as I do with Lord Hays."

  Emmeline nodded.

  Jane looked back at her friend. "Emmeline, what would you do in my situation?"

  Emmeline, who had just poured herself another cup of tea, sat back in her chair and stared into her cup.

  "Well," she said eventually. "I actually find myself in much of the same position."

  Jane sat straight up in her chair. "You what?"

  Emmeline blushed and would not meet Jane's eye. "I did not wish to tell you while you were speaking."

  "Why ever not?" Jane retorted incredulously.

  "I wanted to help you first. You seemed so troubled..."

  Jane leaned closer to Emmeline. "Well, then you must tell me everything."

  "It's rather simple, really," Emmeline said, smiling. "Earl Henry has approached me. I do not think you know him; he is from the southern part of England. A fine man, one who is very charming and handsome. And yet, a man I have known much of my life recently pulled me aside at a family gathering and told me that he could not stop thinking about me and that he loved me for years."

  Jane could only gape at her friend. "Emmeline, who is this man?"

  Emmeline gave Jane a shy smile. "Lord Edwin."

  "Edwin?" Jane said, and then laughed. "Last I saw him, he was a scrawny boy that chased us around the courtyard!"

  Emmeline grinned. "Indeed. But he is certainly not a boy now. He is very much a man."

  There was a distant look in Emmeline's eyes that Jane thought she understood perfectly well.

  "Do you love him?" Jane asked, already feeling as if she knew the answer.

  Emmeline looked back at Jane and nodded her head. "I think I do, despite the fact that my father was the one who arranged the meeting with Lord Henry."

  I wish I had known the baron all my life, she thought almost bitterly. Perhaps that would make this decision easier.

  Jane looked at Emmeline.

  Or perhaps not.

  "What are you going to do?"

  Emmeline shrugged her shoulders. "I feel much as you do. I feel as if my head and my heart are telling me two very different things. Do I follow the wise choice and marry Lord Henry? He is a pleasant man who I believe I could grow to love."

  Jane nodded her head. "I understand. I feel the same about Lord Greenshire."

  Emmeline continued, "But Lord Edwin is kind, and he loves me. I feel as if I can be myself when I am in his presence."

  Add arrogant and boisterous, and you have the perfect image of Lord Hays, thought Jane.

  "Oh, I do not know," Emmeline said. "I understand your pain, my friend.”

  Jane laughed.

  "But I am trusting in God to provide me with the wisdom when the time is right," Emmeline said, her smile returning. "I trust that He will not lead me astray."

  Jane was reminded vividly of her brother Robert for a moment as she spoke.

  "He will take care of you too, Jane. I know He will."

  Jane took Emmeline's hands in her own, and the two women sat in silence together, their hearts heavy.

  "This is no small choice," Jane said quietly.

  "Indeed, it is not," Emmeline said. "Indeed it is not."

  5

  Jane remained with Lady Emmeline for another week, and she departed on a particularly cold autumn day. A bitter chill filled the air, and she was grateful that her brother and his wife only lived a half a day’s ride away. She kept her thick coat pulled over her shoulders, her gloved fingers tucked into the sleeves, and a warm blanket on her lap.

  The small village where Robert and Alice lived was a pleasant sort of place, with houses spread out, an abundance of tall trees, and a wide river running right through the middle of the town. She passed the old stone church in the center of the town, and she assumed that this was where her brother preached.

  She regretted that this was her first visit, but she was glad that she could come at all.

  Quite a few families were out at the two little shops beside the church, and a farmer pulled his cart along the side of the road.

  It is very quaint, she told herself. I am glad that Robert and Alice are happy here.

  A twinge of fear passed through her, and she felt ashamed at herself.

  Is this what my life would look like if I were to choose Lord Hays?

  Robert told her that their house was located at the end of the road that followed the river off the main street. The carriage turned down the street to the east and followed the river.

  They turned into the drive, but Robert’s house was not completely visible. Her view was mostly blocked by large trees. When the carriage pulled to a stop, she was glad to get out and stretch her legs when the footman came to retrieve her.

  When she stepped out, she was able to look up at the little cottage.

  It was smaller than she had imagined, and she felt slightly disheartened. It was a long, low stone building, with a thatch roof and a large, wooden door. Ivy climbed up the sides, and flower boxes sat beneath the windows, the leaves of fall’s flowers still clinging to wilting stalks.

  She was surprised that no one was outside to meet her, and she felt as if her brother must have lost some of his sensibilities. Even if she knew it was trivial, there still were traditions that were admirable to uphold.

  She crossed the short distance to the door and gently wrapped her knuckles against the wood. It was worn and old, as if it had been standing there for hundreds of years.

  It was only a moment before the door was pulled open, and Jane was surprised to see Alice greeting her.

  “Oh, Jane!” she exclaimed. “We have been expecting you.”

  “Hello.” She tried to look past her into what she assumed was a small sitting room behind her. “Where is Robert?”

  “Oh, he is not here right now,” she said. “Please, come inside. It is cold out there, and we do not want you to catch a chill.”

  She stood back and allowed Jane to cross the threshold, with the footman behind her with all of her luggage.

  The sitting room was cozy, she had to admit, with large, comfortable furniture, a warm, soft rug, and a fireplace that took up a good portion of one wall, with a roaring fire inside. Jane sighed with happiness, the warmth seeping into her frozen limbs. She was vaguely aware of Alice ushering the footman into a room toward the back of the cottage, which must have been where she would be staying for the next few nights.

  Alice appeared at her side a moment later. “May I take your coat?”

  Jane nodded. “Yes, thank you.”

  She allowed Alice to pull the jacket off her shoulders and disappear once more to where the footman had gone.

  The footman bid Jane farewell, and she paid him handsomely. It was cold, after all. He left with a deep bow and a wide grin on his face.

  And then, it was just Alice and Jane left inside the little home together.

  “May I show you where you will be staying?” Alice asked, looking up at Jane hesitantly. It was obvious Alice was still nervous in Jane’s presence.

  It was so very strange for Jane to be looking down at a woman who married her brother. She had fiercely red hair and pale grey eyes. She was very pretty, and she could see why Robert found her so beautiful. She surely would have received many proposals if she had been born into a noble family.

  Even though Alice had a maid and a cook of her own, Jane realized Alice was still uncomfortable with people serving her. This was both amusing and frustrating. She was married to the son of a duke, a very proud and enduring name that held much weight in society. She should act as such a woman. But at the same time, Jane felt that her servant attitude was beneficial in a way. Jane was used to the care and comfort of servants, and Alice was used to being such a servant.

  “Yes. I would love to see my room,” Jane said with a smile.

  They walked down a narrow hall that followed the length of the whole cottage to a room at the very end. It was small, with a small, four poster be
d pushed into a corner, and much of her luggage was tucked up against the foot of the bed. A corner fireplace was blazing with warmth, and a few candle sticks decorated the sparsely placed tables and dresser.

  “Your home is very…quaint,” Jane said, in what she hoped was a kind tone.

  “Thank you,” Alice replied, in a very neutral tone.

  “Are you and Robert happy here?” Jane asked as she sat down on the nicely made bed. She was pleased to find that it was very comfortable, and the quilts were warm from the fire.

  “We are truly happy here. It is the perfect place for us.”

  Jane nodded her head in reply. “Speaking of my brother, where has he found himself today?”

  Alice inclined her head. “He was called away to the church early this morning. It was something urgent, and then he had a meeting just after lunch. He should return home shortly.”

  “I see,” Jane replied.

  “Would you like tea and something to eat?” Alice asked. “We can enjoy some refreshments in the sitting room.”

  Jane could easily remain in her room by complaining of the long journey, but she was cold, and hot tea sounded delightful. “Of course,” she responded, rising to her feet. “That sounds lovely.”

  The two women adjourned to the sitting room, and Jane graciously accepted the hot tea from the maid. The heat from the cup helped her numb fingers, and she clutched it tightly in her grasp.

  Alice sat perched on the edge of her own chair, across from Jane, her eyes on her cup. Occasionally, she would lift the cup to her mouth and take a small sip.

  The room was warm and comfortable, and Jane was having a difficult time keeping her eyes open.

  It was odd to think that the woman across from her was her sister, now, in a way. Her brother had fallen in love with her, and she was now part of the family. Even if Jane frowned upon it, it did not change the truth.

  And yet, something in the truth of their relationship stirred something inside of her. She could now relate to the striking similarity between her situation and Robert’s choice for a bride. Although Lord Hays was titled, and not a servant, Jane felt a warmness towards Alice for the first time.