Finding Hope (Mail Order Bride: Brides And Promises Book 1)

by Ruby Hill

  She appreciated Benjamin’s convictions. She truly did. A man who knew right from wrong was a desirable trait.

  But a man with a temper…she was not so sure about.

  She had been quite embarrassed to be seen with him in town that day. She should be proud of the man she was to marry, not ashamed. But how could she be proud of a man who treated others so poorly?

  She fell into a light, fitful sleep, dreaming of the poor man behind the counter wearing a mask. One face was his true character, the other a lie. And there was Benjamin, pulling masks off others around them one by one, glowering all the while.

  She woke in a cold sweat, and stared out of the window up at the moon.

  What was she to do?

  4

  Elizabeth received a letter the very next morning. Katherine placed it in front of her plate as she sat down at the table.

  “Who is this from?” Elizabeth asked. The parchment was relatively unadorned, but the seal on the back was in the shape of an ornate ring.

  “Benjamin,” Katherine said. “William said he dropped it off before dawn this morning.”

  Elizabeth hesitantly peeled the seal away and unfolded the letter.

  Elizabeth Moore,

  We would like to invite you to our house for an afternoon meal. Benjamin has expressed great joy in meeting you, and since we are to be family soon, we would very much like to meet you as well. We will send the carriage to fetch you around noon.

  With deepest affection,

  Rebecca Hopper

  “Well, that is very kind of them,” Elizabeth said, refolding the letter.

  “What did it say?” Katherine asked, placing a fresh slice of bread in front of her.

  “Benjamin’s family is inviting me over for a meal.”

  Katherine’s face split into a broad smile. “Oh, the Hopper family are wonderful people. You will enjoy yourself immensely.”

  That afternoon, Elizabeth stood in front of Katherine’s house, wearing her very best dress and lace bonnet. She tucked a lock of stray red hair back beneath it as a carriage pulled up outside the house.

  With her heart fluttering, she allowed herself to be helped up inside.

  The Hopper residence was tucked up in the hills overlooking the village, very near to where Benjamin had described the mine to be located. It was a lovely home, made of logs and cobble, sprawling over the hilltop with large windows looking out over the valley. Comfortable.

  She hoped that she could have a home as lovely someday. It would have fit right in back in Pennsylvania.

  The thought of home caused a sliver of sadness to worm its way into her heart.

  They came to a stop, and Elizabeth stepped out of the carriage in front of the house.

  The front door swung outward, and a pretty girl slightly younger than Elizabeth walked out into the sunshine.

  “Elizabeth, I presume?”

  She had cornflower blonde hair that fell well past her shoulders, and wore a pale blue dress. She had the same eyes as Benjamin, large and deep blue.

  She smiled wide at Elizabeth as she approached.

  “I am,” Elizabeth said. “And you must be Rebecca?”

  Rebecca laughed. “The very same. I am Benjamin’s sister. The oldest daughter in the family, but fourth born. I have three younger sisters as well.”

  “My, what a large family,” Elizabeth replied.

  “Please, won’t you come in? We have all been waiting for you.”

  Elizabeth was introduced to Benjamin’s parents, two of his older brothers, and his younger sisters. Elizabeth felt as if she were in a whirlwind. She had to learn so many names, but they were so kind, so sweet to her. Benjamin was even softer when his own family was around.

  He showed her around their estate, showed her a side of his life that she had wanted to see. He told her stories of his childhood, of his friendships. She saw the softer side that she knew existed. She felt more confident.

  They returned inside for their meal. Elizabeth was amazed at Mrs. Hopper’s cooking. She had roasted a goose that was beyond anything she had ever tasted. She laughed and felt connected with these people, who she knew were to be her family. People who would be there for her and Benjamin through thick and thin. People who she would be able to count on.

  It was all very strange, she realized. They were going to be as familiar to her as her own friends and family back home. But she barely knew them now, and the paradox was interesting.

  Benjamin offered to go and fetch some more berries from the backyard for the pie that his mother had made, and Elizabeth remained inside with Rebecca and the younger girls.

  “So how are you liking Colorado?” Rebecca asked, peering happily at Elizabeth.

  “It is lovely,” Elizabeth said. “It is much more open than Pennsylvania, but those mountains are just—”

  There was a loud cry from outside in the backyard.

  Rebecca’s eyes widened, and she straightened in her chair.

  “What was that?” Elizabeth asked, looking around toward the kitchen.

  Mrs. Hopper reappeared, looking anxious.

  “Matthew’s just shown up,” she said.

  Rebecca groaned. “Oh, please… You must ask Father to make him go away.”

  “Who is Matthew?” Elizabeth asked.

  There was another indistinguishable shout, and Rebecca and one of the younger sister’s flinched.

  “He is a nuisance, that’s who he is,” Mrs. Hopper replied. “He is difficult to deal with on the best day.”

  Something crashed outside, and Mrs. Hopper hurried back into the kitchen.

  “What in the world is going on?”

  Rebecca shook her head. “Matthew works for my father.”

  But even as Elizabeth stood to her feet, the door from the kitchen banged open, and in walked Benjamin, closely followed by a man who looked disheveled and dirty. The smudges of charcoal all over his breeches showed that he must have been working at the mines.

  “Absolutely not!” Benjamin hollered, rounding as Matthew reached out for him. He pushed his hand away.

  Matthew had dark hair and dark eyes, but a handsome face. He looked tired. Strained. His mouth set in a tight line, his jaw clenched.

  “You would deny me what is rightfully mine?” Matthew hollered in response.

  “You will not ever mention this again!” Benjamin replied harshly, pointing a finger at his chest. “You deserve nothing!”

  Matthew grit his teeth. “I can’t believe you! Who do you think you are? It is not your choice to make.”

  “Apparently I am the only one with sense around here!” Benjamin roared.

  Rebecca reached over and put her hand on Elizabeth’s arm. Elizabeth found her hands were shuddering and knit together tightly.

  Matthew slammed his hand down on the table. “You cannot stop me. It is no business of yours what I—”

  “It most certainly is!” Benjamin said, glaring hotly at Matthew.

  Matthew’s cheeks were flushed red, and his eyes were blood shot as if he had been crying.

  “Why is it your aim to ruin everyone’s lives?” Matthew cried. “All you ever do is assume you know the truth and assert your own desires into their situations! You can’t control everything!”

  “I am not attempting to control everything,” Benjamin said. “I am doing what is best for my family!”

  “You have no idea what is best for your family!” Matthew cried. “Just because you always want everything to go your way—”

  Benjamin reached down and lifted a large stoneware bowl filled with root vegetables in his hands, and proceeded to throw it across the table at Matthew.

  Matthew ducked, and everyone in the room gasped as the bowl slammed against the wall and shattered into a dozen pieces.

  “You…have no place…no right…to say anything…about my life,” Benjamin said, his voice low and rumbling, like a bear growling.

  There was an absolute silence in the room as everyone stared between the
two men. No one moved. No one seemed to breathe. Even the children were still.

  “Get out of my house…” Benjamin snarled. “Get out. And if I hear that you have stepped one foot out of line, you will have to answer to me.”

  Matthew’s chest was heaving as he stared at Benjamin.

  And without another word, he turned and stormed out of the dining room, slamming the door from the next room as he went outside.

  “Benjamin…” Mrs. Hopper said after a long stretch.

  “Mother, don’t. He doesn’t deserve the pity.”

  “But—”

  “He’s overstayed his welcome. And he won’t have the chance to ruin anyone else’s lives if I have any say.”

  “Maybe you shouldn’t interfere,” his mother said gently.

  Benjamin grimaced. “No. I have to, because no one else will.”

  He ran his hand over his face. “Excuse me. I need a moment to clear my head.”

  And he was gone.

  Elizabeth stood as soon as he was gone.

  “I…must go,” she said, gathering her gloves from the table. “Thank you very much for the meal. It was wonderful.” She knew that she meant what she said, but considering what she had just witnessed, she knew that she could not leave the house soon enough.

  “Oh, won’t you stay?” Rebecca said. “I know what you just witnessed was unpleasant, but please don’t go because of it.”

  Couldn’t Rebecca see that Elizabeth could not just ignore what had happened? Could not ignore Benjamin’s reaction to Matthew? How could she deal with Benjamin’s temper?

  “I really must go,” Elizabeth said, not wishing to make excuses. “Thank you.”

  She curtsied to them all before rushing from the room and back through the front doors.

  She hurried down the path, not even looking for the carriage. Nervously she looked about for Benjamin who she assumed was wandering around outside, and she saw no sign of Matthew.

  What had they been arguing about so heatedly? What had been the issue? It made no sense.

  That was twice now that she had seen Benjamin become as angry as he had. And both times, it had made her incredibly uncomfortable.

  How was she going to be able to live with that? How could she be all right with that?

  She couldn’t.

  There was a great amount that she liked and respected about Benjamin. He loved his family. He was upright and moral. He appreciated honesty and integrity. But his temper…his inability to forgive were his downfalls.

  And those were things that she did not think she could live with.

  How would he treat her? Would he ever yell at her in that way? Would his expectations for her be insurmountable? Would he treat their children in that manner?

  Katherine and William seemed to think highly enough of Benjamin, and she had come to trust them in the brief time she had known them. Katherine had said how a wife would soften him.

  Maybe that could be true. But Elizabeth didn’t know if she was up to such a challenge. Perhaps some other woman would have that sort of strength.

  Tears filled her eyes as she walked up the road toward Katherine and William’s house. This was not at all what she imagined this time to be like. She had assumed he was a bit rough around the edges, but having such a hard heart was too much for her to handle. It wasn’t a quality she wished her husband-to-be to possess.

  She was not married yet, but being unmarried and lonely would likely be more tolerable than a husband who became as angry as Benjamin did.

  She arrived at the house, rather out of breath, grateful that Katherine and William were out, and immediately went to her room. She dug through her pack until she found some parchment and her quill. She sat on the edge of her bed, and scolded herself when tears splashed off her cheeks onto the page.

  Mr. Hopper,

  I regret to inform you that I will be leaving on the next train back to Pennsylvania. You are an admiral man, but I cannot marry a man with such a temper. I appreciate meeting you and your family, and I am sorry for any inconvenience this may cause. Thank you for your time, and I wish you the very best.

  She signed it with a heavy heart, but knew it was the right thing for her to do.

  “Right…” she said, feeling a slight relief now that she had come to a decision. “Now I must use all the money I have to get back to my parents”

  And, she realized with a sigh, that she must somehow explain her decision to Katherine and William. They had been so kind, so hospitable. She knew that they would understand that she had to make the decision for herself, but in the end, it apparently all meant nothing. She did not want to disappoint them.

  Why must decisions like these be so difficult in so many ways?

  5

  The train station was busy for the end of September. Traders were moving their goods, families traveling to visit friends, and men traveling for business.

  Elizabeth found all of them far more interesting than anything going on in her own life. She was doing all she could to not think about it, in fact. These other people were not wallowing in their own despair like she was. They were smiling and happy, surely experiencing greater joys in their own families and marriages. They weren’t faced with the decision to break off their own engagements because of a fiancé who seemed to overreact to challenging situations.

  She heard a train whistle in the distance and clutched her bag in her lap more tightly.

  Katherine had packed her a lunch for the train trip, and Elizabeth couldn’t bear to look at it. She and Katherine had shared a warm embrace before she had left.

  They had understood her decision. After Elizabeth had explained what had happened at the Hopper residence, Katherine and William had told her that it was likely she was seeing an exaggerated side of him, that he was not often this way. Yes, he had a righteous anger about certain things, but he was often very calm and even.

  Elizabeth appreciated their attempts to soothe her fears, but she did not believe it was wise to take the chance. And so close to the wedding…no. She needed to leave. She had made her choice.

  She had given her letter for Benjamin to William, asked him to deliver it for her. William had agreed, though sadly.

  “You would have been the very best match for him,” William had said. “He needs someone like you.”

  Elizabeth wondered, though, if she needed someone like him.

  “I really do wish that you would stay,” Katherine said. “Rather selfish of me, I know, but it has been nice to have a new friend around. You have brought a very bright spot to my life.”

  Guilt-ridden and growing sadder every moment, she politely refused once more, insisting that she must go. She had made her choice.

  The conductor was making his way around, checking passenger’s tickets. Elizabeth glanced at her pocket watch. Twenty minutes until the train departed.

  She couldn’t get out of Colorado quickly enough.

  “Elizabeth?”

  She heard a voice call her name. Elizabeth blushed as she looked around.

  Benjamin had just wandered into the train station, looking around frantically.

  Just as quickly as she had blushed, her face paled. Nervousness like ice raced down her spine, and she ducked her head, her bonnet hiding her face.

  She wished that her red hair was not so obvious beneath it

  “Elizabeth!” she heard him call.

  She could hear whispers from other passengers, wondering where this woman was that this poor man was searching for.

  “There you are!”

  She sighed. She knew he was going to find her, but she was not ready for it. She had already made her choice. She did not want to speak to him anymore. She had made her peace with it all.

  She looked up and saw Benjamin standing close to her, near the platform, his chest rising and falling rapidly. He walked towards her and stood in front of her.

  “Did you run all the way here?” Elizabeth asked, surprised by his hair sticking to his perspiring for
ehead.

  Elizabeth was frustrated with herself for finding him as handsome as she did. His eyes were very blue, his face tender and vulnerable.

  “I did,” he said. “I had to make sure I was here before you left. It appears I am just in time,” he said as the train behind him whistled loudly, spewing steam into the cloudless sky.

  Elizabeth didn’t know what to say.

  “I received your letter first thing this morning,” Benjamin said. “William ran it all the way to the mines, so I could have it. I took a carriage to the edge of town and ran the rest of the way here.”

  “I thought I was quite clear in my letter,” Elizabeth said, looking away and folding her arms across her chest.

  “You were very clear,” Benjamin said. “Which is why I had to come and talk to you before you left. Because I think that you might have the wrong view of me.”

  “Do I?” Elizabeth said, anger flaring in her heart. “What would you call the way that you have treated people since I have arrived?”

  “You don’t understand the full story,” Benjamin said gently. “I am not angry at them to be mean, Elizabeth.”

  Elizabeth bristled, shifting uncomfortably.

  “You have a great temper, Mr. Hopper,” she said, nodding her head. “I do not think that I could marry a man like you.”

  “Even if my anger was rightly placed?” Benjamin asked.

  Elizabeth turned to look at him. “What do you mean?”

  “Well, I already explained to you about the shopkeeper,” Benjamin said, coming to sit beside her on the bench.

  She shifted further away from him, keeping her bag between them.

  “Will you allow me to explain before you make your decision?” Benjamin pressed.

  Elizabeth looked at her pocket watch once more. Fifteen minutes until departure.

  “Five minutes, sir,” she replied. “And then I shall make my decision.”

  She knew that she was not going to change her mind, but if she wanted him to be kinder with others, then she needed to do the very same.

  He sighed and looked away, toward the train.

  “I do not appreciate when people are dishonest. In any capacity. But it is most upsetting to me when it is at the expense of others. Lying to cover one’s tracks. Lying to better one’s place in society. Lying to protect one’s self from getting caught in a heinous act.”