That was while he was finishing up his PhD, though. Maybe colleges treated professors a little better.
It didn’t seem likely, especially not for visiting professors, but it was possible.
“Sounds like there’s a but at the end of that sentence,” Jesse prodded. If he was going to share an office with someone he was going to have to tiptoe around, he wanted to know about it now.
“Not really? Some people say he’s kind of a hardass. I dunno, I’ve never taken any of his classes. He’s always seemed nice to me. Quiet.”
“What does he teach?” Jesse asked.
“Astronomy, I think. Maybe astrophysics. Like I said, different departments. I’m a bio student.”
“You said.” Jesse smiled, holding the door for Gwen this time when the elevator opened. That was a weird coincidence, coming across two astrophysicists in the space of seventy-two hours. Still, this was a college town. There were bound to be at least a few of them around.
Jesse followed Gwen down a hall lined with identical doors, each bearing a number starting with three. He hoped that meant they were on the third floor, because he’d been distracted when Gwen hit the button in the elevator, and he wasn’t entirely sure. Professor Harris would probably be able to tell him for sure, though he didn’t want to look like an idiot in front of one of his new colleagues.
“Well, here it is,” Gwen gestured at a door with a faded 307 painted on it and a tiny frosted window at face height. “After you.”
Jesse opened the door, stepping inside the darkened office with growing curiosity. There were desks on each side of the window in the middle, arranged to face each other but with space behind them for filing cabinets. It wasn’t the shoebox he’d been expecting, and though the light wasn’t on this side of the building yet, it’d be nice in the afternoons. He assumed the desk not covered in stuff was his.
Professor Harris was nowhere to be seen, so Jesse put his laptop bag down on the empty desk and looked over to Gwen, who was hovering by the door.
“I, uh… I guess I’ll let you settle in,” she said. “Maybe I’ll catch one of your lectures sometime?”
Jesse opened his mouth to answer that she was always welcome to come along when he saw someone else approaching the door.
His stomach dropped when he realized who it was.
“Oh, hello,” Spencer said to Gwen, apparently not having spotted Jesse yet. “Gwen, isn’t it? I think I saw Cassie downstairs, I’m sure she’ll be up in a minute if you’re looking for her.”
Gwen blushed, obviously pleased that Spencer had remembered her name. Jesse still didn’t understand how he didn’t see how attractive he was. Even in the homey cardigan he was wearing now and with the addition of a pair of thin-rimmed glasses perched on his nose, he’d catch anyone’s attention. Not in the wow, this guy could be an underwear model way, but in the set of his shoulders, the kindness in his eyes, and the artfully scruffy look he had going on.
If anything, the glasses were an improvement. They definitely suited him. Jesse supposed he’d worn contacts or gone without the other night, but he would have been even more into him if he’d been wearing them then.
One of the small pleasures in life was removing someone else’s glasses before you kissed them. Jesse loved that moment, when someone else trusted him enough to let him do that. The thought of doing it to Spencer was enough to make him blush.
“Oh, no, I’m here showing Professor Scott around,” Gwen said.
Spencer finally looked over at him. Jesse saw his jaw drop, but to his credit, that was the only sign that he recognized him. Gwen obviously didn’t see it, or if she did, didn’t realize what she was seeing.
“Hi,” Jesse said, pushing off the desk he was leaning on and offering his hand. “I think we bumped into each other before, but I didn’t get the chance to introduce myself. Jesse Scott.”
“Uh. Spencer Harris,” Spencer said, juggling his shoulder bag and cup of coffee to free up his right hand so he could take Jesse’s in greeting. His eyes went straight to Jesse’s shirt collar, where the hint of the bruise his teeth had left was just peeking out over the edge. No one who wasn’t looking for it would have seen it, but Spencer knew it was there.
Jesse was suddenly uncomfortably aware of it.
“Jesse is the new visiting professor,” Gwen offered. Spencer nodded in acknowledgement, and thankfully didn’t ask where he was visiting from.
Visiting professor had come to mean basically the same as adjunct professor, without the baggage associated with the term. It was a way for colleges to hire people temporarily, with short-term contracts that were easily broken, and get away with it for a little longer while the media caught up with the change in terminology. Adjunct professors were bad press magnets. Visiting professors made the college seem more important than it was.
Not that Jesse was about to complain. A job was a job.
“Pleasure to meet you.” Jesse wet his lips. This was just his luck.
“I’ll leave you to settle in, Professor,” Gwen nodded to him. “Good luck.”
“Thanks.” Jesse smiled at her, hoping his shock at seeing Spencer wasn’t showing. “You’ve been a huge help.”
Gwen winked at him as she left. Normally, Jesse would have been tempted to take up the implied offer, but he was standing in front of the man who was currently occupying the position of romantic interest for him.
Spencer didn’t look happy about that.
Not so much the wink—Jesse didn’t think he’d seen that—but the fact that Jesse was there at all. Despite the fact that Jesse was happy to see him, he could see how this would feel awkward for Spencer. There wasn’t anything he could do about that, though.
“You didn’t mention you were coming to teach here. Or that you taught at all,” he said, folding his arms in front of him. Jesse could tell that meant he was in trouble. He hadn’t known Spencer long, but he was an expressive man, even if it wasn’t obvious at first glance.
“I don’t. I mean, this is my first time. I didn’t mention it because it didn’t feel… I dunno, relevant.”
Spencer walked over to his desk. His posture was stiff, reserved. It was exactly like he’d been the other night at the bar, uncomfortable in a sea of unfamiliar people. Only this time, it was Jesse’s fault. “So what do you teach?”
“Uh. Botany, actually. Or, y’know, plant sciences. Botany sounds cooler,” Jesse said, hovering by the edge of his own desk. “Listen, I wasn’t trying to lie to you or anything. But you were this cool experienced professor and I’m totally new at this. This is my first teaching gig since I finished my PhD last year. So I didn’t mention it. I’m sorry.”
“It’s okay. I could easily have asked, and I didn’t.” Spencer sat down heavily, his chair creaking with the impact.
“And yet, I get the feeling that you’re mad at me.” Jesse’s stomach was in knots. He really didn’t want Spencer to be mad at him. He wanted to take Spencer to dinner later in the week.
“I’m not… I’m not mad at you.” Spencer sighed. “I’m disappointed. Again, not in you. But I just met you and you were so perfect and you just have to work here. In my department. In the same office.”
“So?” Jesse raised an eyebrow.
“So, there’s a fairly strict fraternization policy in place, and I need this job. I need it more than I need to date someone I work with, no matter how much I’d like to.”
“Oh.” Jesse looked down at the floor. He hadn’t known that, and now he got why Spencer was upset. He’d really thought there was a chance for something great between them, and now that clearly wasn’t happening.
“Yeah, oh. You can see why I’m not celebrating this new development.”
Jesse nodded. “Yeah, I can see. Bad timing, huh?”
“Bad timing,” Spencer agreed. “But, uh. If there’s anything you need or you get lost or whatever, I’m happy to help. I’d like us to stay friends, even if it’s kind of weird at first.” He scratched the back of his head.<
br />
This was definitely awkward.
It didn’t have to stay that way, though. As long as Jesse played it cool, they could get past this.
“Oh, yeah, for sure,” Jesse said. Even if he couldn’t date Spencer, he still wanted to be his friend. In a new town with no one else, he needed all the friends he could get.
He would have chosen to be Spencer’s friend anyway, regardless of needing as many as he could find at the moment. Astrophysics was cool, and he definitely wanted someone who’d talk to him about it in his life. Plus, he’d seen Spencer’s collection of sci-fi novels. They had a ton of things in common.
“Okay, well, I have to give a lecture in about fifteen minutes, but we can talk after, if you want.”
“Can I come sit in on the lecture?” Jesse asked. He was curious to see how Spencer taught. If nothing else, it might help him figure out how he was going to teach. He’d never been a professor before, but Spencer had, and Jesse figured he could learn from him.
Spencer blinked at him. “Uh, sure, I guess? If you don’t have anything better to do?”
“My first class isn’t until tomorrow. Technically, I have Mondays off, but I wanted to come in today to see everything.”
“Okay then. Apologies in advance if I bore you to death.”
Jesse chuckled. “I don’t think you’ll do that,” he said.
It sucked that he wasn’t going to get to explore the possibility of something other than friendship with Spencer, but he was definitely going to hang onto the friendship. Besides, he had no doubt that Spencer’s lecture would be interesting. He might not have realized, but he had a way of talking about stuff that showed how much he cared about it, how amazing he found it all.
Jesse had been hoping to become one of those things Spencer got excited about, maybe, but he’d settle for listening to Spencer talk about space instead.
Chapter Five
First lectures of the semester always made Spencer a little nervous—the break made him feel rusty, like he’d forgotten how to impart information over the time off—but this one especially so. He couldn’t have told Jesse not to attend, but now he was acutely aware that he was being watched by someone who had actually seen him naked.
It was kind of the reverse of imagining your audience naked.
The fact that he was going to be limited to friendship with Jesse was disappointing at best. They hadn’t known each other long, but Spencer had felt a definite spark between them. Something that told him they’d be good together.
Now, he wasn’t going to get the opportunity to explore it. Just when he’d thought he’d met the right guy at the right time, the rug had been pulled out from under him. He’d landed on his ass, and worst of all, Jesse was there to see it happen.
Spencer didn’t expect life to be easy, but this was ridiculous. He never caught a break.
The worst of all was that most people could afford to ignore the rules and their position was safe, or precarious enough for other reasons that it didn’t matter. Spencer wasn’t a visiting professor, nor did he have tenure—but he was heading toward it.
One screw-up would be enough to take him off the track for good, though. Then his academic career would be a series of temporary, insecure positions.
He needed to prioritize his future, even if he wasn’t going to have anyone to share it with if his luck didn’t change.
While he’d been brooding, Jesse had grabbed one of the front seats, and was now grinning up eagerly at him. Unlike on stage, the lights in a lecture theatre weren’t nearly bright enough to stop him from seeing that. Right now, he kind of wished they were.
It wasn’t that he didn’t like Jesse or want to be near him. It was that he did, but he couldn’t.
As the remainder of the class filed in, Spencer turned his attention to the lecture.
“Welcome to Deep Space Physics, or as I like to call it, Space: The Final Frontier.” He grinned at the brand new class. That always got a laugh, and this semester was no different. The cool thing about teaching astrophysics was that almost all of the students were also huge nerds.
The laughter coming from Jesse was impossible to miss. Not because Spencer was listening for it, obviously. He just happened to hear it, and recognize it.
He’d only slept with the guy one time. Well. Three times. But it was all over the course of one night, so it only counted as once.
It was ridiculous to care this much about him and want his approval.
And yet, Spencer desperately wanted his approval. Especially while he was doing the thing he was supposed to be an expert at.
“This is an introductory class,” he continued. “I’m not expecting you to know anything coming in here. But you’re all adults now and most of you have at least one semester of college behind you, so I know you’ll be okay as long as you keep up with the core material. And ask questions. I know all your professors say that and maybe some of them don’t actually answer, but I promise that I will. I have office hours.”
He flicked to the next slide, which displayed them in huge writing so that no one could say they hadn’t seen it. “Use them. That’s what they’re there for. I don’t wanna sit on my ass waiting for one of you to show up all day every day for nothing. I have drop in times and appointment times. You can email me whenever and set up an appointment or ask a quick question that way, if you prefer.”
He flicked to the next slide again, smirking. All it said on it was yes, I did say ‘ass’.
“And I will keep doing it,” he added once the students had enough time to read it. “As the semester develops, you might even hear some stronger words. But like I said, you’re adults. And I will treat you as such.”
Even though they looked like kids to him now, Spencer felt it was important to treat them like responsible, fully-realized human beings. That way, they’d be more likely to behave as though that were true.
“Okay, so, I’d like to open with a quote some of you might be familiar with.” He paused to flick to the next slide. “I’ll read this one out for you, because I like the way it sounds.”
Spencer cleared his throat. This particular quote had a tendency to make him more emotional than he liked to admit. It was the one that had attracted him to the stars in the first place. He always hoped it would do the same for someone else.
“The nitrogen in our DNA, the calcium in our teeth, the iron in our blood, the carbon in our apple pies were made in the interiors of collapsing stars. We are made of star stuff.”
He cleared his throat again. “If you haven’t read or watched Carl Sagan’s Cosmos, you should. The library has at least one copy on DVD. It’s not a set text for this class, but I’d encourage you to take a look at it, and at the more recent series Neil deGrasse Tyson did. You’ll learn a lot. And maybe you’ll fall in love with the field, like I did.”
He gave the students time to take down the entire quote, as they always wanted to—it turned up in more than half of their first essays—and then flicked to the next slide, which just said ‘star stuff’.
“Does anyone want to take a guess at what this quote means? Because we’ll go a little more in-depth into it in a second, but I’d like to hear your thoughts.”
Spencer waited, but as usual, not a single hand went up. That was fine. It was the first ten minutes of the first class. They’d get more confident as the semester progressed.
He realized a second later that there was one hand raised. Jesse’s.
In the absence of anyone else trying to give an answer, Spencer figured he might as well roll with that.
“Okay, stand up and introduce yourself to the class,” Spencer said, nodding to Jesse. Surprise flashed across his face, but he stood and turned to the rest of the lecture theatre.
“Uh, hi,” Jesse waved. “I’m Professor Scott, and I’m a new visiting professor. If you’re taking any plant sciences classes, you might just meet me later in the week. I’m also sharing an office with Professor Harris, so you’ll probably see me around anyw
ay.”
“Thank you, Professor Scott. Now, tell us all about the quote.”
“Well,” Jesse started. “Obviously I’m more of an Earth Sciences kind of guy, but I’ll tell you what I know. As of today, there are one hundred and eighteen elements known in the universe. Of those, hydrogen is the most common by a long shot—it’s what fuels stars. But it’s also in your lungs right now, bonded to the oxygen that circulates in your blood and keeps you alive.”
Jesse glanced at Spencer, and Spencer nodded to him to keep going. He was curious to see what Jesse had to say on the subject.
“The point is,” he continued, “the universe is small and made of only a few building blocks. Less than a good Lego set, honestly. So we’re really all the same. And not only are we the same, but the entire universe is the same. You don’t have to be afraid of physics or chemistry or biology, because it’s already really, really familiar. And you’re all gonna do great. I’ll shut up now.”
Jesse sat back down, and Spencer couldn’t stop himself from staring at him. That was the kind of response he dreamed of getting from one of his students.
He’d thought Jesse was sexy from the moment he’d met him, but never more so than in that moment. Jesse was much smarter than Spencer had initially given him credit for, and it was really hot.
Not that he was allowed to think that anymore. He really needed to stop thinking like that, but it wasn’t exactly easy. No one who’d met Jesse could have avoided falling a little in love with him.
Not that he was in love with Jesse.
It was just that he could imagine that being true, one day, more easily than he was entirely comfortable with.
“I think that deserves a round of applause,” Spencer said, wanting to see Jesse blush. He wasn’t disappointed when the whole room started applauding, more enthusiastically than he’d expected. Apparently, they’d been stunned into not reacting.
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