Spring Fling

by Sean Ashcroft

  Now? Spencer texted back within a minute.

  Jesse’s fingers shook as he typed in his reply. Yes, now.

  Another minute went by, then two. Jesse’s stomach clenched, his palms sweating. He needed it not to be too late. It had taken him too long to realize what he could do, what would allow him to have what he really wanted out of life.

  Spencer loved him. He had to cling to that. They’d be okay if they just remembered that they loved each other.

  Okay, Spencer’s response finally came.

  The rush of relief was enough to make Jesse dizzy, but he shook it off in favor of getting dressed.

  Everything was going to be okay.

  Chapter Twenty-Five

  It had taken Spencer a moment to remember where the center of the universe was—or where it was to him and Jesse—but once he had, he’d been touched that Jesse remembered as well.

  It was pitch black when Spencer arrived, forcing him to get a flashlight out to see by. The weather had warmed up a little in the two months or so since he’d last been here with Jesse, but it was still cold enough that his breath turned to mist in front of his face.

  Where are you? Spencer texted. Jesse’s car was in the parking lot, a few spaces away from his own, but Jesse himself was nowhere to be seen.

  The cold forced Spencer to zip up his jacket while he waited. He couldn’t help wondering why Jesse had brought him here.

  At the top, Jesse responded. Spencer glanced toward the trail, then shoved his phone in his pocket and headed over to it.

  He remembered their conversation from the last time they’d been here. It had taken a lot for him to confess his feelings for Jesse in the first place, but he’d never regretted doing so.

  Whatever Jesse wanted to say, Spencer had to hear him out. Perhaps it was wishful thinking to wonder if maybe he’d had a change of heart. It seemed more likely that he’d be about to apologize, explain himself to Spencer, and maybe even ask for forgiveness.

  Spencer wouldn’t begrudge him that. He felt too deeply for Jesse to want him to feel as though he’d done something wrong. The worst part of it all was that Spencer understood. He could see where Jesse was coming from, see why he wouldn’t want to get tangled up in their mess of a relationship again.

  It had never been either of them that was a mess. They’d fit together perfectly every step of the way. The universe just hadn’t lined up to let them be together.

  The climb up the trail seemed harder than usual tonight. Spencer’s heart had been beating hard in anticipation before he’d even started, which was probably why. His breath was coming in short gasps, his face hot despite the cool air.

  It wasn’t that he was nervous about seeing Jesse, exactly. It was just that he was afraid that this was really the end for them, that he’d have to listen to Jesse tell him they’d be better off apart again. Closure was good in theory, but what he had right now was hope.

  When Spencer got to the top, he looked out over the clearing and saw Jesse standing a few yards away from the edge of the cliff, looking out to the stars. For a moment, Spencer was breathless. There was Jesse, a black silhouette against the backdrop of the stars, and he’d never been more beautiful.

  Spencer’s heart ached to go to him, kiss him until he was breathless and rest in his arms until sunrise, but he knew he couldn’t. Jesse had been clear in his wishes, and until and unless Spencer heard otherwise, he was off-limits.

  “Hey,” he called out, not wanting to startle Jesse by getting closer unannounced.

  “Hey.” Jesse turned to look at him. “Nice night,” he said, taking a few steps toward Spencer.

  Spencer’s heart pounded in his chest. He was so close to Jesse now. So close, and so far away from anyone who could possibly see them. He wanted to reach out and touch him so badly his arms ached from not being allowed to.

  “Yeah.” Spencer looked up at the sky. It was a clear night, the stars twinkling like a sea of shattered glass. Like they always did up here.

  “You came,” Jesse said. He sounded like he hadn’t been sure Spencer would.

  “Of course,” Spencer responded. “I-”

  He swallowed. He shouldn’t say it. But he was going to. “I love you, Jesse. I couldn’t have stayed away.”

  Jesse took another half-step toward him. There was only a few feet of space between them now. Up here, among the stars, it felt like they were the only two people in the universe. To Spencer, sometimes, Jesse was the only other person in the universe.

  “And you know,” he continued, not giving Jesse a chance to speak. “This whole thing is so stupid. Not you, not being here, but… everything before this, all the crap with the college. I can’t stop thinking about how we’ve never even really touched, you know? All that’s happened between us is our atoms have applied force to each other. You know you can never really touch anything, right?”

  Jesse nodded, obviously content to let Spencer speak. That was good, because Spencer wasn’t done.

  “Right. It’s all just signals and forces. Everything that’s happened between us, the things that are real, they’ve happened in our brains. I have fallen in love with you because you’re funny, and kind, and you don’t look at me like I’m nuts when I start talking about, y’know, not actually being able to touch each other ‘cause of physics. I love everything about you, and that’s something that’s happened solely within the confines of the collection of particles that I think of as myself. All my protons, my electrons, my neutrons. All the things I’m made up of. They all love you so much, so much that it hurts. And I don’t think anyone should be able to take that away from me.”

  Jesse opened his mouth to speak, then paused to smile. Spencer could barely make out the expression, his flashlight pointed at the ground, but he could feel it. He always knew when Jesse was smiling, even if he couldn’t see his face.

  “You’re a huge nerd, you know that?” he said. It wasn’t cruel at all. People had called Spencer a nerd—and worse things—cruelly for most of his life. Coming from Jesse, it was an endearment. It was something Jesse liked about him. That was part—just one, small part—of what made Jesse so special to him.

  “I’ve been told as much,” Spencer said. His tight shoulders loosened a fraction, his body relaxing. It was just him and Jesse. He had nothing to be afraid of. Jesse was never going to hurt him.

  He was hurt, but Jesse hadn’t been the one doing the hurting. Jesse had just been reacting to circumstances. Neither of them, as far as Spencer knew, had ever tried to do the other any harm.

  “My atoms like being around your atoms. They get all tingly,” Jesse said.

  “You can’t feel your atoms,” Spencer corrected automatically, though he knew Jesse didn’t mean it literally. He’d taken a few metaphorical liberties as well, so he was hardly in a position to tell Jesse not to.

  “I want a future with you, Spence,” Jesse continued, his tone suddenly soft and serious. “If I could make that happen… if I had a way to make it okay, would you want that, too?”

  “Yes,” Spencer said without a moment’s hesitation. “Yes, unequivocally.”

  Jesse smiled again. He pulled his phone out of his pocket, tapped on it a few times, and then handed it over.

  Spencer stared blankly at the screen for a few moments before starting to read the words.

  Notice of resignation, it said.

  Spencer looked back up at Jesse. “You can’t!”

  “Why the hell not?” Jesse raised an eyebrow, barely visible in the small amount of light provided by the phone screen. “This isn’t my calling, Spence. Not like it is yours. My contract only goes until the end of the semester anyway. I figure I had a pretty good chance of renewal, but… I don’t want it. Not if I’ve gotta trade it for you. I want you so, so much more than I want what is basically a dead-end job for me.”

  Spencer swallowed. He’d thought to himself before that he’d give up his job for Jesse if that would solve everything. Now it looked like Jesse was actually
going to do it.

  “If you tell me you want to make this work, I’ll send in that letter right now. And I won’t even be mad about it. It’ll free me up to start looking for a job I actually do want. It’s not worth losing you over. I can’t believe I didn’t think of it before.”

  “You’d do that for me?” Spencer asked quietly. It was all so overwhelming. He’d never felt this important before in his life.

  “In a heartbeat. I know it's a risk, but you’ve taken a ton of those for me. You’re worth it.” Jesse held his hand out for the phone. “Was that a yes?”

  Spencer considered for a moment. He wanted Jesse. He wanted Jesse more than he wanted anything else in his life.

  If Jesse was willing to do this, he wasn’t going to stop him. Jesse’s fingers brushed against his as he handed the phone back to him.

  “That was a yes,” Spencer said.

  Jesse nodded, tapped on the phone screen a few times, and then slipped it back into his pocket. “Done.”

  Spencer’s heart soared. He grinned, unable to stop himself, laughter bubbling up in his throat. He closed the gap between them, wrapping his arms around Jesse and letting happy tears flow as he squeezed him tightly. Jesse hugged back, a sigh of relief making his whole body rise and fall.

  “I love you,” Jesse said.

  “I love you, too,” Spencer responded. He turned his head up to face Jesse, eager to kiss him again. He’d missed kissing him.

  Jesse put a finger against Spencer’s lips. “Technically, I’m still working at the college for another two weeks. So I can’t kiss you until then. And we can’t go home together, and we definitely can’t have sex. But just until then. Okay?”

  Spencer sighed, disappointed, but glad that he’d only have to wait two weeks. He could handle that.

  He could have waited until the inevitable heat death of the universe for Jesse, as long as he knew he could have him in the end.

  “We’re completely alone,” Spencer said, deciding to push his luck. “No one’s going to see one kiss.”

  “I guess you’re right.” Jesse smiled slowly. He reached out, taking Spencer’s glasses off gently and tucking them into the pocket of Spencer’s coat.

  Spencer gasped as their noses touched, then closed his eyes as Jesse moved closer, a soft, happy sound escaping him as their lips finally came together.

  It wasn’t a forceful kiss. Just a simple connection between two people, confirmation that they were in love with each other, that they were going to make it together.

  Spencer moved his hand up to Jesse’s jaw, stroking along it with his thumb as the kiss deepened. His toes curled in his hiking boots, his stomach clenched. Everything about this felt so good, so right.

  They were going to be okay.

  Spencer sighed contentedly as the kiss broke off. “Two weeks?” he asked, biting his lip.

  “Two weeks,” Jesse confirmed.

  “I can wait that long for more of that,” Spencer said. “Thank you. For everything.”

  “Thank you for giving me a second chance,” Jesse murmured, reaching out to brush Spencer’s hair back. He stepped away, taking Spencer’s hand instead. “You think we could just… look up at the stars for a while?”

  Spencer smiled at that. “I think we could.”

  He let Jesse turn him around so they were both a safe distance from the edge of the cliff, looking out over the valley below. Up here, it really did feel like they were alone in the universe, surrounded by the stars. Spencer shifted his grip, linking their fingers together.

  He could definitely wait two weeks.

  Chapter Twenty-Six

  The weather had finally picked up by the time the second-last week of semester rolled around. Montana was a whole lot colder than California, but there were some things that made up for it.

  Spencer, for example, who was waving at him from across the campus café. Cassie was sitting with him, but she got up as Jesse approached, winking at him.

  “I’ve just remembered I have somewhere else to be. You two try to have fun without me.”

  “You really don’t have to go,” Jesse said, not wanting to scare Cassie away. She was important to Spencer, too, and he was happy to share his good news with her.

  “I actually do have someone I’d rather see than you two,” Cassie said, blushing faintly.

  “Ooh, Cassie’s got a boyfriend,” Jesse teased, grinning at her. He didn’t know her well yet, but he liked her a lot and wanted her to be happy.

  “Actually, Cassie’s got a girlfriend,” Spencer corrected.

  “Right, and she’s way prettier than either of you.” Cassie put her coat on and grabbed her laptop bag. Jesse laughed at that, glad to hear that Cassie was happy. The more happiness in Spencer’s life, and in the people he loved, the better.

  Once Cassie was gone, Jesse took her seat and settled himself into it, sighing contentedly. He’d just given his last lecture ever, so he was almost free.

  “So, I have exciting news,” Jesse said, pouring himself a glass of water. “You remember how I really, really wanted to go into conservation?”

  “I do.” Spencer sipped his coffee. He looked so calm and content at the moment that Jesse couldn’t stop looking at him, taking in every inch of his face.

  “Well, one of my old professors got in touch yesterday about a project he’s doing up here, and he’s asked me to be a part of the team. There’s a lot of office and lab work involved, instead of fieldwork, but it’d be a start and it’s with someone I know and stuff.”

  “Is this the professor you had a crush on?” Spencer raised an eyebrow.

  Jesse’s face heated up, and he looked down at his glass of water. It was definitely the professor he’d had a crush on, which was part of why he’d been so excited to get the email. “Maybe.”

  The other part was that it really was a great opportunity. Much better than teaching, which, while an important and noble profession, wasn’t really his thing. Not the way it was Spencer’s, or any of the other career professors he’d met.

  “So yes,” Spencer said. Jesse glanced up at him to see that he was grinning. For a moment there, he’d thought Spencer was going to be jealous. He was really relieved that he wasn’t. “I think you should take the opportunity, regardless of who you might or might not have a crush on. It sounds like exactly the right thing for you.”

  “Well, I’ve got a crush on a different professor now, anyway.”

  Really, Jesse should have known that he’d end up with a professor. He’d always had a thing for them. It was just that he didn’t want to be one himself.

  “Oh? Who?” Spencer asked, feigning ignorance.

  “I don’t know if you’d know him. Cute smile, kinda short…”

  “I’m not short!” Spencer said, indignant. Jesse laughed.

  “So you do know who it is.”

  Spencer shifted in his seat, sipping his coffee again. “Well, you haven’t kissed me in two weeks, so…”

  Jesse glanced up at the clock. Technically, his contract wouldn’t be terminated until 3pm. It was 2:58 right now.

  “You’ve gotta wait another two minutes,” Jesse said. “I don’t make the rules.”

  Spencer narrowed his eyes, not convinced. “They can’t fire you in the space of two minutes,” he said.

  “No, but they can fire you tomorrow. I’m waiting until three. If you wanna leave me before that happens…”

  “Unfortunately, I’m kind of in love with you,” Spencer said. “I’d only miss you if I did.”

  “Hmm, guess you’re stuck with me.” Jesse smiled to himself. He was going to make Spencer wait every second of the next two minutes, because he could.

  Because he was sure Spencer would wait. They’d made it through this much already.

  “You're not the worst person to be stuck with,” Spencer said. He looked up as the café door opened, then groaned.

  Jesse raised an eyebrow, waiting for Spencer to tell him what he was groaning about.

&nbs
p; “Watts,” Spencer said. “Coming this way.”

  Jesse glanced up at the clock, and then smirked. 3pm.

  Leaning over, Jesse raised one hand to cup Spencer’s jaw. He turned Spencer's face toward him, smiling as he watched realization dawn over Spencer's face.

  Spencer let out a soft sigh as their lips connected, his shoulders relaxing and his eyes closing. It was a gentle kiss, just the barest touch of lips, but more than Jesse would normally have done in public.

  This was for Spencer, though. There wasn't a whole lot he wouldn't have done for him.

  It was all worth it, too. Having Spencer at the end of the day made all the crap they’d been through seem like it was completely worth having gone through.

  Behind them, Jesse heard someone trip over a chair. The way Spencer’s eyes lit up told him exactly who it had been.

  Jesse turned just in time to see Watts storming out of the café, and everyone else staring after him. It was only a small victory, but it felt good.

  He’d considered filing a complaint against Watts for harassment, but he knew well enough that things like that never went anywhere, and it would only make life harder for Spencer. He was satisfied that people like Watts always got their comeuppance, somehow.

  Maybe this time it was just that he hadn’t won. That circumstances had stolen his petty victory away from him.

  Jesse was pretty happy about it, in any case. Watts hadn’t gotten his way. Spencer still had his job, and a promising career ahead of him. Jesse had stumbled into an even better opportunity than the one he’d left behind, as though the universe had smiled down on him for doing the right thing.

  He really couldn’t have asked for a better outcome.

  “So when does this new job start?” Spencer asked.

  “Not for a couple of weeks.” Jesse sipped his water. He would have gotten up to order a coffee, but people were still staring at him. That, and he didn’t want to leave Spencer’s side.

  People could stare all they wanted. For once, he was okay with being stared at.