by Natasha Boyd
“It’s a job,” Vern defended. “And actually, I like it.” He shrugged and cocked his chin up.
Jazz rolled her eyes. “It’s fine, Vern. I always thought you were too pretty to be a boy anyway.” Vern did, indeed, have doll-like and fragile features that didn’t always add up.
We all chuckled as he threw a straw, followed by a wadded-up napkin at her.
“I’m not a cross-dresser,” he huffed. “I just dress up for work. Think—emo rock star—without the band, of course.”
“We need to get you a band, Vern,” I said firmly, and everyone nodded. And maybe a boyfriend, but I didn’t voice that out loud. If he wasn’t ready to talk about it, we would all wait patiently.
I was thankful for Jazz’s intervention in heading off the group outing to Savannah. I wanted everyone else to go though. They would have fun, and the chances of meeting Jack Eversea were slim to none anyway.
Using that logic, a part of me wanted to say screw it, why shouldn’t I go out and have fun with my friends, especially if I wouldn’t run into Jack? But I knew that the mere proximity and inkling of a chance of bumping into him and Audrey was too much of a risk for my fragile psyche right now.
“Oh guys, pleeeeease,” begged Liz, her hands clasped together in prayer, her big eyes pleading with us one by one. “Please? I never get to go out. My mom would be totally cool with watching Brady tomorrow night. Please? Please? Pretty please.”
Jasper cleared his throat. “Um, I’m up for it, Liz, I’ll—”
“Yes! That’s one. Come on, Jazz and Keri Ann, please?”
“Sorry. No can do guys.” I shook my head and stood up to head back to work, leaving Jazz to make up her own mind. I hoped Jasper would have the courage to follow through anyway. If it had been any other time, I would have rallied to help him out, but no, not this time. I felt bad, but I couldn’t do it.
I turned around and bumped straight into the broad chest of my brother.
“Joey!” I yelped and threw my arms around him.
Taking a step back under my enthusiasm, he laughed and tucked me in tight for a hug.
“Hey, kiddo,” he said, kissing my hair.
I squeezed my eyes shut, hanging on, and suddenly I was not alright. I didn’t care why he was here, just that he was. The dam burst inside me and I pressed my face against him, knowing if I stood back I’d embarrass myself in the middle of the restaurant with a huge, desperate sob.
Either Jazz saw, or Joey felt my heaving shoulders because I was instantly in the back of the kitchen being held tight in Joey’s arms while huge gasping convulsions wracked my whole body. I couldn’t stop. Jazz stood off to the side rubbing my back soothingly. All at once, I was a small child crying her heart out.
Somehow they got me home, and as I walked through the door into the house with the newly varnished dark brown floors, I just couldn’t take it anymore.
“Oh, God, why?” I wept. “Why me? Why did he have to come here?”
“Shhh. It’s okay, sweetheart,” Joey tried.
“No, it’s not fucking alright,” I yelled. “I was fine on my own, I was doing fine, I didn’t need this shit. I didn’t ever want to feel this shit.”
As I looked around the house, a thought suddenly occurred to me. “Nana!” I shouted. “Nana! Can you hear me?” My voice built in hysteria until I was almost screaming, “Nana! Was it you, Nana? Why? WHY? Why him, Nana?”
My voice broke over my high-pitched wail. I was so angry. “You knew I wouldn’t be able to say no. Why did you do it?” I screamed again, my voice cutting off into a whisper as the last of my vocal chords gave up. I went boneless and sank to the floor at the foot of the stairs, out of the grasping hands of Joey who was trying to cage me into submission.
And all the things Jack had told me guaranteed that this orphaned girl would take pity on him and fall in love with the poor wounded boy. And, by all accounts he had shared it all with Audrey too, and who knew who else? And what if it wasn’t even real? I wasn’t that special, it was all just fodder for the perfect lay, to make sure I was fully there, heart and soul. Suddenly, I was so terribly sad for the pathetic man who was Jack Eversea—the man who had to use his past to play on the emotions of others and make girls fall in love with him to feel secure.
I ignored the fact that my feelings had been there before he told me about his childhood. I would work out the why’s there too, just not now. It didn’t fit right now.
I subsided into staccato gasps and hiccups as the stupidity of how I was acting hit me, and I felt pure and pathetic shame. And tiredness. I was so damn tired. I lay down at the foot of the stairs and closed my eyes.
T H I R T Y – T W O
“My God, you look unbelievable!” Joey stood at the bottom of the stairs as I teetered down. The sound of merriment came from my kitchen. I angled my body to the side as I took each step in the pair of gold Chinese Laundry stilettos I had bought on a whim one day and never worn. My tight black spaghetti-strap dress threaded with gold was a tad short. And by short, I mean it was like wearing a belt. I’d bought it with the idea of branching out from my usual Keds and jeans and pairing it with leggings. But no, not tonight. If I dropped anything, it was going to stay on the freaking ground.
My hair was ironed straight, sleek and smooth, falling about an inch longer than usual without all the waves. My eyes were rimmed with just the right amount of eye make-up to accent and look slightly smoky without making me feel vampy, and a sheer slick of gloss on my lips flecked with gold matched the shimmer Jazz had added all over my body. I felt like a goddess ... or at least a hollow statuette of one.
The look on Joey’s face told me he almost didn’t recognize me. And I liked that very much.
Tonight, I was going to don the façade of a young girl out on the town with a life full of promise. That’s what I was. Or at least, should be.
I reached the bottom step, perched above the same spot where I had fallen apart on the hard wood two nights ago. My eyes flicked there for a moment, and then I took the last step slowly and deliberately, sticking my stiletto heel on the exact spot. A phoenix rising from the ashes, that’s what I was. I would survive this stupid, stupid boy.
* * *
The idea of a night clubbing and drinking in Savannah had taken on a life of its own among my friends. I’d been back at work again after my embarrassing breakdown the night before, and bringing Jazz another drink, when something caught her eye on the screen. Jazz pushed her chair back and I turned to see what she was looking at. My stomach dropped.
A smiling Jack Eversea with his arm around Audrey Lane, her head nestled lovingly on his shoulder, both unaware of the camera, filled the screen. I tried to convince myself it was an old picture of the two of them from the archives, and not something recent. Except right at that moment, a breaking news banner scrolled along the bottom of the screen as the picture faded to Billy Bush mouthing the exclusive and breaking news that Jack Eversea had been spotted in Savannah.
Billy Bush was a handsome guy, but right then I wanted to punch his jaw as my eyes were pulled in by the closed captioning that was stabbing me word by word.
Jazz reached me and pulled me toward the kitchen forcing my eyes to drag away from the screen.
“You okay?” she asked, as the door swung shut.
I nodded, numbly. “I feckin’ hate Billy Bush.”
“Yeah, well, he’s also on my laminated list so don’t shoot the messenger.”
“He’s married.”
“Oh well,” she shrugged. “Dreams are free.”
I saw she was holding her phone, so I took it and quickly pulled up the Access Hollywood app I knew was on there.
“Are you sure you want to see this?” Jazz asked, concern all over her face.
I nodded, and we both hunched over it.
Jack Eversea spotted in Savannah at the swanky Mansion on Forsyth; cozied up with Audrey Lane as they try to repair their relationship.
“Ugh,” said Jazz.
A source close to the couple says they have been in constant contact since Audrey Lane’s heartfelt public statement and apology several days ago and they finally decided to meet on neutral ground to get away and sort things out. Still no word on where Jack disappeared to while nursing his broken heart or whether he will pull the plug on the rapid sale of his home they shared in California.
I hadn’t known he was doing that.
A spokesman for Peak Entertainment said all of their current scheduled appearances for the upcoming Erath movie premiere are still going ahead, and it would take more than a few bumps in the road to keep these two apart.
How sweet. I wanted to gag.
“I need to get obliterated,” I said to Jazz.
She nodded. “Brenda, love,” she said, poking her head out of the kitchen door to the bar. “I know you covered for Keri Ann the other night, but would you mind very much if she had a shot of tequila right now?”
* * *
I’d resolutely stuck to my guns about not going, but on Saturday morning Liz texted Jazz with the disappointing news that Vern had called to say Jack Eversea and Audrey Lane had checked out. No doubt in response to the fact they’d been swarmed.
Jazz pinned me down after my lunch shift. “You need this,” she said seriously. “Look, it’s safe now. He’s not there. You need to be out with friends, having fun. Pretend if you have to, but you need to get dressed up, feel good and God knows, you need to be flirted with.”
“He’s not there?” I hated my question, but part of me had felt a small bit of peace knowing exactly where he was. Now, he was gone to God knows where with her and their bundle of baby news. For a moment my heart wondered how Jack was coping with the news. It had been a shock to be sure, I had seen that clear as day. But I imagined, once the shock wore off, he would be ecstatic. And so would the rest of the world when the news went public. I would have to live with their joy on a daily basis. For Jack, I would be a distant memory.
I shuddered. “I can’t stomach the idea of any sleazy guy coming on to me.”
“Just take the compliments and brush them off nicely, but you need this. You need to know you are admired and desired and you need to just have some carefree fun.”
“Don’t you think I’ve had enough of boys’ games of trying get me into bed to last a life time?” I asked. “That’s not the kind of male attention I need.”
But the small seed was planted and started to grow and unfurl slowly as we talked. I wanted to do something, anything, to eclipse the dull empty gnawing ache in the pit of my belly. Perhaps it would feel good to practice the art of flirting a little. And maybe Jack wasn’t such a good kisser ... maybe I just hadn’t kissed enough boys.
* * *
Now, as Joey’s eyes left me and travelled back up the stairs to where Jazz made her way down, I felt an inner satisfaction with my decision. She looked amazing; all soft curves and spun gold hair. Her black pumps were about as impossibly high as mine, although her blue dress wasn’t quite as short. She looked breathtaking, and Joey was trying to remember how to do that most basic human function. A flush crawled up his neck as he took in Jazz’s outfit. This alone was worth it. I could do this for them, I could do it for Jasper and Liz, and I could do it for me.
“Holy shit!” came a familiar deep voice as Colton Graves wandered out of the kitchen, beer in hand. “Joseph, my man, we are going to be busy fending off the dudes tonight. You girls ... just, wow.” He whistled appreciatively. Dressed in black jeans and a blue dress shirt outlining his broad athletic frame, he hadn’t changed much from what I remembered, and he was still handsome in that cropped hair, quarterback kind of way.
“Hey, Colt,” I said, giving him a winning smile. May as well start now, right? “Good to see you. You look great.” He’d moved back to Savannah after college and was working in a bank, although clearly trying hard to keep his high school physique, too. Joey had called to invite him on our outing which had taken on epic proportions.
“Well, you sure did grow up about as pretty as I thought you would,” he said, winking at me. “And by that I mean, absolutely stunning.”
A small fifteen-year-old teenager inside me who crushed on Colton Graves did a little backflip. The current Keri Anne gave him a small smile and a nod.
“Knock it off, Colt,” said Joey. I glared at my brother.
Colt switched his raking gaze up and down the length of Jazz. “And Jessica Fraser, you are a vision of sexiness.”
Jazz blushed appropriately, just as my brother’s jaw got hard. I smirked. Against all odds, I may actually not have to pretend to have a good time.
“You’d better give us our space tonight boys,” said Jazz haughtily. “We’re looking forward to the attention of strange men, aren’t we Keri Ann?”
Once everyone got over the laughable fact that we were heading for a night of drinking, and hopefully just a bit of sinning, in the church van that Jasper had appropriated from his father, we found ourselves forty minutes later being ushered up the steps of the old mansion in Savannah.
In the dimly lit interior, we were greeted by a version of Vern I hardly recognized. His dark hair was brushed and straightened low across one of his kohl-rimmed eyes. A small slash of emerald green eye shadow matched his green satin shirt collar that was popped up over a tailored black jacket and skinny black pants. A silver diamond glinted in one ear. Amazingly, I had never seen him look more perfect.
“Vern!” I clapped a hand over my mouth.
“You look amazing,” echoed Jazz.
Vern preened. “Likewise, ladies, likewise.”
Cooper nodded at him. “Dude.”
Jasper laughed and clapped him on the back.
“Hey, no touchy,” said Vern taking a step back, all business. “Now, I have the perfect table for y’all upstairs. If you’ll follow me.”
I looked around and took in the lavish refurbishment of the historic mansion. Dark wood floors gleamed and ceilings towered above us at about fourteen feet. The molding was brushed with metallic silver and on the walls hung large eye-catching pieces of exotic art.
We followed Vern through the restaurant set with linen tablecloths and gleaming silver. Drawn by a deep thrumming beat to a staircase carpeted in leopard print, we ascended into an exotic harem. Lush and opulent jewel-toned silk curtains framed windows and small intimate areas. The music was hypnotic and sensual as was every surface ones eyes could rest upon. The music, a cover of Alabama Shakes, was coming from a quartet set up in the corner, barely visible through some closely pressed and undulating couples.
A long mahogany bar lined one end backed by antique mirror panels reflecting the glittering and beautifully dressed people littering the space.
Vern led us to a corner room set into a turret with deep burgundy silk curtains swagged across the entrance. The room itself was lined with low, plush, curved benches, pillows and seats, a small low cocktail table with a Moroccan looking lantern holding a candle in the middle. The entire place was a feast for the senses.
Joey and Colt, who had driven separately in Colt’s BMW, had headed straight for the bar. They soon joined us with a bottle of Champagne in an ice bucket and seven shots of something vile, and we all got comfortable. After toasting to friendship, the future, world peace, and anything else we could think of, we were feeling suitably liquidated and Jazz dragged me out to the dance floor. I didn’t want to get more buzzed than this as I knew the melancholy would set in and my internal protections to keep Jack out of my mind would melt down.
Heads turned to watch Jazz and me as we made our way across the room and it wasn’t long before we had accepted offers to dance and declined offers for drinks from several earnest looking business types. A few songs later, Jazz caught my eye with a twinkle, and I dropped my head back in a carefree laugh, capturing for a moment, how fun this actually was.
I was just turning nonchalantly out of the lecherous grasp of our latest admirer when Colt caught me around the middle and pulled me in close. For a
moment, my belly fluttered in remembrance of how it felt to be dancing with him at his senior prom. I looked up into his handsome square face. He leaned down to my ear, swaying to the music. The house band had taken a break and Muse, with their deep rhythmic and grinding guitar, had come over the system.
“Hey, beautiful,” he murmured. “You doing okay?”
His large hand, splayed on my lower back, was a bit too intimate but not unwelcome. Maybe it was the alcohol or maybe it was the yearning void inside me but perhaps I could just try and forget Jack with Colton. Jazz always said it was the best way to get over someone.
I nodded against his cheek and let myself sway with him. Why couldn’t I have picked a nice normal boy to date? What had I been so afraid of? Staying in Butler Cove with a nice, safe boyfriend who worked somewhere like a bank sounded absolutely ideal. There was no fizzing in my veins and warmth pooling inside me at his touch, but that was a good thing.
The music worked itself into a sensual frenzy, and Colton’s hands roamed my back, bringing me closer. I looked briefly over to see Jazz and Joey dancing together, although not quite as close as Colt and I.
Jazz winked at me and I gave her a small smile back as Colt’s hand came up and sifted my hair, tilting my face up to his. Jazz towed Joey off the dance floor at Colt’s move. There was no way he’d stand around and watch his best friend kiss his sister, and I guessed Jazz knew that.
It didn’t seem like that thought had even occurred to Colt as he lowered his lips to mine. I took in his sandy brown hair and his kind blue eyes. And then I closed mine so I didn’t have to finish the thought ... It’s not Jack.
His lips were warm and firm and not unpleasant. They moved over mine gently. It was a curious feeling to be so detached from the sensation, to really be able to analyze it.
I felt his tongue coaxing me to open to him as he tilted my head further. I pulled away gently, not wanting it to seem like a rejection, more of a slowing down.