by Natasha Boyd
His eyes earnestly searched mine.
I wondered how much Joey had told him about Jack.
“I wish you’d tell me who this chump was who broke your heart so I can—”
A loud disturbance broke our attention and we turned just in time to see people gaping and pointing as a figure, storming across the room, managed to push the last person out of his path and come like a hurricane at Colt. For a moment I thought it was Joey, but the burgundy ball cap and the voice ...
“Get your fucking hands off her,” it snarled.
Oh God ... Jack.
T H I R T Y – T H R E E
All of a sudden a fist flew at Colt, landing square on the side of his face. His head snapped back at the blow, and he fell to the ground.
I was frozen and not even really processing, but within seconds Colt was hidden beneath not only his attacker, but also Joey and one of the suits who had been circling Jazz and me earlier. The suit, with his focused face barely containing his glee, looked like he had been waiting for just such a violent interlude all night. A burly security guard and a scared looking Vern were already on the scene.
The insistent noise and gasping of everyone around me finally broke through as Jazz grabbed my arm and grounded me. Whispered variations of “oh my God” and the name “Jack Eversea” ricocheted around my skull not finding purchase. My eyes were glued to Jack, as Joey and now the security guard, hauled him off Colt.
Jack’s strength broke him free of his handlers within seconds, although they managed to get him back in hand, his hat tumbling to the ground. His eyes swung wildly around and homed in on mine. I was pinned. I was vaguely aware of heads, and now smartphones swinging between us, but most of my attention was on Jack. Jack’s eyes, Jack’s absolute fury, Jack’s ticking jaw, Jack’s heaving chest. Just ... Jack.
Jack.
Jack. But where was Audrey? Why was he here? His eyes left mine and I looked around expecting Audrey’s haughty face to appear at any moment. Instead, I caught Jazz’s nonplussed expression and I followed her eyes in time to see Vern nodding tightly, and obviously against his better judgment, at something urgent Jack said to him. Vern turned and looked at me with undisguised curiosity.
Then Jack, in front of all the stunned onlookers, strode forward and grabbed my hand, jerking me forward. I stumbled slightly in my stilettos.
I swung my head at Jazz in time to see her restraining a fired-up Joey, who was about to come after me, and pointing to his best friend who was still lying on the ground. Oh no ... Colt. I hadn’t even checked he was okay.
Vern was leading us down a dark wood-paneled side hallway by the end of the bar and into a small dark room.
He turned on a lamp that washed the small office in low light before turning to me. “Are you okay?”
I nodded, dumbly.
Then he brushed past me, pausing for a moment to hiss in my ear, “Tomorrow, you talk,” before leaving and closing the door firmly.
I was fine. I mean, I had just been kissed in a nightclub, had two guys fight over me, and now had the most famous and beautiful man on the planet drag me into a dark room. Oh, and I was in damn stilettos. I was totally fine. I would be on TMZ tomorrow, but I was fine.
Fine, fine, fine.
My focus shifted to Jack and the look on his face. I almost wanted to bring my arms up to protect myself against the physical onslaught his eyes were inflicting as they bored into mine. I settled for crossing my arms across my chest.
Oh, Jack. Jack. Jack.
I didn’t recognize my yearning self, and hated myself for it, but I wanted to throw myself across the three feet of air between us.
No wait, I was not doing this. I was not this person, this pathetic girl who would fall at his feet. He should never have continued seeing me. He should never have slept with me. And he’d been right, I did look back and regret it. He’d said it all along, and I had chosen to ignore his warnings. My God, I pitied myself in that moment. You stupid, stupid girl.
“Keri Ann.” Jack’s voice was a choked whisper, his face a mask of anguish that made me waver. But, there was something not quite right. I realized suddenly, as I should have right away, he was drunk.
As his body started toward mine, I threw up a hand, and it landed in the center of his chest. His heart pounded beneath my fingertips.
Jack stopped, a shutter closing down across his face.
“How dare you?” I whispered. Yes. I was proud of myself, because what I really wanted to do was throw myself into his arms and beg him to tell me it was all a nightmare, that he wasn’t leaving, that Audrey wasn’t pregnant, and that what we’d had was real.
Jack’s eyes got hard. “How dare I? What the fuck does that mean? I wasn’t the one letting some stranger stick his tongue down my throat.” He leaned in toward me, pushing against my hand, his beautiful Jack scent polluted by the sickly sweet smell of whiskey. “Who are you? Coz I sure as shit don’t recognize you. Is this how you spend your weekends, dressed like a hooker, picking up strange guys in bars? Was sweet, innocent, virginal Keri Ann some kind of—”
My hand connected hard against his face, the slap reverberating around the small room. I was shaking with fury.
To his credit, his head listed a bit to the side, but he didn’t grab his cheek. He just stopped and dropped his head, not meeting my eyes. Then, he slowly reached for my stinging hand and placed it back in the center of his chest where I’d had it seconds ago. He covered it with his own.
I swallowed, trying to ignore the feeling of my hand in his and the way he was pressing it so hard into his chest it was like he was trying to push it through to his heart. I hung onto my indignation by a thread. “Was that my appeal, then? The sweet virgin who would make you feel like a man?”
For a split-second, I debated lying and telling him he was right. That it was all an act he fell for. I could look on him with pity and pretend I didn’t care. But I wasn’t a liar. Jazz always said I sucked at it.
“God, no.” Jack said, his voice sounding strangely strangled. He raised his eyes to mine. “Sorry ... I’m so sorry.”
“What for, exactly? Or should I say, which part?”
“For it all.”
No. Not that. Please don’t be sorry for everything. Just the part where you forgot to tell me you may have impregnated your girlfriend and that it obviously wasn’t as over as you had intimated. Please, just the part where you leave me, not the rest of it.
“All of it?” I whispered.
“God, Keri Ann, what do you want me to say? I’m sorry I’m so fucked up I sold my life, my soul, and my future to the devil?”
His hand left mine, and he pressed it palm down in the center of my chest. “If I’d known you were in my future, I would have chosen differently.”
His skin was hot against mine, and we both stood, each of us pressing a hand on the other’s heart. It could have been ridiculous and childish if it hadn’t been so Goddamn tragic. Not he may have chosen differently, he would have chosen differently.
I hung onto his words like a life raft. I felt a tear slide out of the corner of my eye. No! I would not cry now.
Jack stepped forward, our arms folding up to allow his advance, and I held my breath as his face came close to mine. His breath was cold where it touched my wet cheek, and then his warm tongue and lips were on my skin just like when we’d made love. I gritted my teeth against the onslaught of emotion the tender move caused, but my breathing hitched, giving me away. I gave in and turned my face, meeting his lips with mine. They were salty from my tears, tangy from whiskey, and hungry for me. The taste of bittersweet.
I accepted the slide of his tongue and returned it, pouring into my kiss words I would never say. I took his beautiful soft hair in my hands, trying to capture the memory of it, and then slid them down his muscled back, memorizing every nuance. Finally, breaking my mouth away from his, I pressed my face to his neck and kissed his throat. My mouth moved over the Adams apple I had been so focused on the night he had almost kissed
me. I tasted his skin and heard and felt the vibration of his groan beneath my mouth. And I inhaled the scent from his skin, deeply.
Then I brought my mouth close to his ear. “If you had chosen differently, you would have never found me,” I whispered. That was the worst irony of all. And there was only one thing to do.
“Good bye, Jack,” I said and stepped sideways out of his arms.
Jack watched me, wordlessly. I eased open the door and slid through the opening into the arms of Joey, who had obviously been waiting for me.
One last look saw Jack closing his eyes and sinking to his knees before Joey took the door and closed it behind me.
T H I R T Y – F O U R
I couldn’t believe it was possible to wake up and feel any worse than I did the day Audrey Lane arrived in Butler Cove and bomb shelled the snugged up little love fest I had going with Jack. But, it was. It wasn’t like anything had changed or gotten worse. Jack was still gone. Knowing he was suffering because of it should have given me a small amount of gratification, but all it really did was make the pain keener. Made the situation more tragic.
I wanted him to walk through the door and tell me I had rocked his world and that he’d never be the same. I wanted him to tell me that while he’d be there for Audrey and his child, it was me he wanted to be with. I hated myself for thinking that. For wanting that baby to grow up wondering where his daddy was all the time.
I was the other woman. I never wanted to be the other woman. Nana always said at the end of a day, a person’s integrity was all they had to recommend them. I’d knowingly participated in every moment with Jack, and I hated my weakness. And what? Was I expecting him to move to Butler Cove, or me to California?
After Joey hustled me out of the room at the club, and away from Jack, we found Colt sitting on a barstool, next to Jazz, a bag of ice on his face. He handed his keys to Joey, and the four of us left in his BMW.
We dropped Colt home at his townhouse, Joey promising to return his car the next day. Colt didn’t say a word to me.
Now Joey sat at the foot of my bed as I wallowed.
“You need to follow me to Colt’s so I can drop his car. And we need to check on him.” He pulled at the blonde tufts of his hair. “Dammit, Keri Ann. Is Jack Eversea always like that? I mean, I know he’d been drinking, and he saw you with Colt, but that’s no excuse to hit someone.”
I just shook my head without answering. The truth was I didn’t know. The night I’d met Jack, he was drinking whiskey. But I’d never seen him drunk, apart from last night. His father was violent. I shook my head again to clear that thought.
Joey pursed his lips at my silence. “What? No? He’s not like that, or you don’t know?”
“I don’t know,” I croaked. My tongue felt like wool.
“Well, either way, you shouldn’t have any contact with him. I know I’m not really entitled to tell you not to, I’m just asking you. Please, as your brother. He’s not good for you. That kind of intensity is just ... it can suck you down.”
I watched as Joey struggled with his overbearing personality. Even if I wanted to refute him, I didn’t have the energy.
“Look, this probably doesn’t help, but ... ” He placed a hand on my foot over the covers, presumably to soften the blow he was about to deliver. “I mean, even if his girlfriend had never shown up or whatever, I don’t understand the two of you. Were you going to try and do the whole girlfriend of a movie star thing? Going to his premieres, parties, and not seeing him while he does God knows what on location?”
I flinched. “Stop, Joey. I don’t need to hear this right now. I didn’t think about it, ok?” Stupidly, I hadn’t. I didn’t know what I was expecting when Jack invited me to see him in California. I thought we were both kind of taking it one day at a time.
“I mean, that’s just not you. I can’t imagine you in that environment. And what about your plans? What do you want to do with your life?”
“Why are you going on about this now, Joey?” I couldn’t keep the irritation and defensiveness out of my tone. “I feel like shit already. Why are you making me feel worse?”
“I’m sorry, kiddo. I guess I only realized last night how serious this was. I mean, he doesn’t have the best reputation. I knew you were upset before, but after seeing the two of you together last night, and the way you looked at each other ... ”
“How did he look at me?” I whispered, suddenly craving validation of Jack’s feelings from anyone but myself and my subjective imagination.
Joey sighed, resigned. “Like you were the last chopper out of Baghdad, the last IV in the field hospital, the last funnel cake at the fair, Jesus, I don’t know.”
I held my breath. Joey was usually more prosaic. His words were soothing my battered pride. It felt good.
“I just know that the way he was looking at you, he’s coming back someday. I need you to be prepared for that and to know I won’t let him mess with you again.”
I swallowed. What would I do if Jack came back? Joey was right. I wasn’t cut out to be a sometime girlfriend to a movie star and sometime mother to his baby. I needed to be me. Discover who I was. Jack’s invasion into my life had at least shown me that. I had no direction, and I needed to find it.
I was like a piece of that sea glass lying forgotten in a jar upstairs. A discarded shard that had been washed and tumbled back and forth by the momentum of the sea, only to wash up in Butler Cove and stay stuck and forgotten without any hope of becoming something more. Something more beautiful. I needed to find my potential. Jack wasn’t going to help with that. If anything, he would have completely eclipsed any chance I had of discovering what I was meant to do. The feelings I had for Jack were so strong they would have sucked me into a whirlpool straight down to the ocean floor.
* * *
Colt looked terrible. I apologized profusely. But what could I do? It wasn’t me who threw the punch. He said he wasn’t pressing charges. Mostly I think it was to keep me out of any publicity, and I think Joey had something to do with that. After saying our goodbyes, and promising to keep in touch, Joey and I headed back to Butler Cove in my truck with the windows down, the wind whipping through our hair. Both of us had too many thoughts and not much to say.
“When are you going back?” I finally asked Joey as we pulled onto the crushed oyster shell parking pad outside our historic home.
“This afternoon.” He looked over at me. “Are you going to be okay?”
I nodded. “Jazz will keep me out of trouble.”
His brow furrowed at the mention of Jazz’s name. “Fine. Just call me if you need to. Columbia is only about a two and a half hour drive. You can always come up there and see me.”
We sat for a moment. “I’m sorry I haven’t been here for you, kiddo. I can see how selfish I was by continuing on with my plans for school. I didn’t think about how being left alone must have felt to you.”
“It’s fine, Joey. I’ve been fine.” I put a hand on his arm.
He shrugged. “I know you have. I just thought if I could get done first, then I could support you.”
“Joey. This is nothing new. That was always the plan, and I was okay with it. I’m still okay with it—”
“I know! It’s just that you shouldn’t be. This is the prime of your life. You should be studying and figuring things out and making new friends. And dating. You should be dating! As it is ... you were a sitting duck for the likes of Jack Eversea strolling into town.”
I scowled. “Thanks a lot. Way to cheapen the entire thing and make me look like a fool.”
“That’s not what I meant. You know that. Just ... please. I can’t believe I’m going to say this, having been vehemently against it since I can remember, but Colt—”
“Do not finish that sentence, Joey.”
“He really likes you, always has. And he’s successful. Not Jack Eversea successful. But he has a good job, and he’s doing really well.”
“Stop it, Joey!”
“He’
s a normal guy. A nice guy. He wouldn’t dare mess you around—”
“I thought you called him a man-whore because of all his one night stands,” I reminded him. That should shut him up.
“That’s just because he’s never dated anyone like you.”
I snorted. “Please.”
“Okay. That sounded dumb. I guess what I mean is, just let him take you out. Take you on a few dates, or something. You never know.”
“Joey. I can’t, ok? I just ... can’t. I’m ... raw. I just want to go back to it being only me for a long while. I don’t want that giddy roller coast ride of highs and lows. I’m in the low right now, and it’s crushing me.”
“But you wouldn’t have that with Colt, it would be steady. He’s steady.”
“Joey.” How did I explain how truly terrifying that sounded. “That would be worse than nothing at all.”
He slumped in his seat. “I know that, I guess. I just—”
“Look, I get it, you’re saying all this because you’re worried. But, Joey, I’ll be fine. I know I’ll be fine. I felt like I’d never be fine again after mom and dad, but I was. And then after Nana. But I was. I still miss them every day, but I’m alright. I know I’ll think about Jack every day for the rest of my life. He changed me. He made me want more. Made me want to be more. Those are good things. I’m hanging onto them. And regardless of what you think of him, and also how mad I am at him for how everything went down, he’s a good guy. I have to believe I didn’t fall for an asshole.” I clenched my fists. “But I’ll be okay. Not right now. But I will.” And so I’d keep telling myself until I actually believed it.
We climbed out of the truck and headed up the porch steps.
With his hand on the railing, Joey stopped and looked about him a moment before fixing his eyes on me. “Okay, kiddo, one last thing. Don’t wait on me. Please. Go ahead and look into some colleges or art schools, maybe even do something online for now. We can deal with the loans later. And fuck the town, they can just freakin’ wait on the house. This is your life we’re talking about.”