by Jamie Conner
The DJ seemed excited that people were starting to dance and put on a fast, base driven EDM song. Brandi could feel the beat thumping through her body as she moved. It only took her a moment to get lost in the music as she moved her hips in rhythmic circles and lifted her arms in the air as if giving the song permission to lift her out of the room.
Brandi's eyes were almost closed, but she could see a few woman — first Janice, one of Renee's co-workers, then Yolanda, Sophia's sex crazed cousin — step close enough into her dance space as if waiting for an invitation to join her. She tolerated their proximity but didn't acknowledge them. One by one they drifted away to find a less elusive dance partner.
Brandi submerged herself even deeper into the music hoping that no one else would try to bother her. More than once a thought of Megan slipped into her mind. As much as she wanted to resist it the thought blossomed into a daydream. She imagined what it would be like to press her body close to Megan's, feeling their hips gyrating together on the dance floor. She knew the thought wasn't helpful given their current situation, but she couldn't help herself. Something deep inside of her wouldn't let go of the image.
She got so lost in her own rhythmic world that she didn't even notice the woman inching toward her until she felt hands around her waist. Her heart leaped with a little bit of surprise — and even more than a little bit of hope — but when she turned around and opened her eyes it wasn't Megan smiling back at her.
Leah!
Without thinking she drew her into a big hug, only pulling back when she realized her enthusiasm at seeing her ex might read as inappropriate to her ex's wife.
"Well, I'm happy to see you too," Leah said with a smile.
"I'm sorry. I didn't mean to…"
Leah pressed her finger to Brandi's lips.
"It's okay. I know it was a friendly hug." She winked at Brandi and then took her hand, lifted it over her head and turned Brandi in a spin.
Brandi allowed herself to be lead — something she rarely did — but there was something about Leah's presence in this moment that made Brandi feel better. Leah standing there smiling at Brandi was proof that someone could forgive her after she'd screwed up royally.
"Wow! You look great." Brandi said, checking Leah out from head to toe.
"Not bad for a mommy to be, huh?" Leah patted her stomach discreetly.
Brandi froze in her tracks.
"Wait. What?"
Leah reached up and took Brandi's shoulders in her hands to get her moving again.
"Don't stop dancing now. I haven't told anyone else yet."
Brandi nodded, acknowledging the secret between them.
"Leah, that's great news," she whispered close to Leah's ear. Then she pulled back. "Is your wife here? I guess I should congratulate both of you."
"No, Gina had to stay home. She got called in for an emergency surgery."
Brandi couldn't help but notice how calm Leah was about Gina's job taking her away from a family trip. She would never have tolerated that back when she and Brandi were dating six years ago. The amount of time Brandi had spent at work was one of the main reasons they'd broken up — well, that and the fact that Leah found out that Brandi had cheated on her during one of her business trips.
"We all change a little I guess," Leah said looking at Brandi as if she'd read her mind.
"Yeah, I guess we all do."
Brandi's eyes drifted over to the table where Megan was still sitting.
The question in her mind was how do you convince someone you've changed when they're determined to be mad at you for your past mistakes.
Chapter 5
Megan woke up Sunday morning feeling a little groggy. When she left the restaurant last night her mind was all jumbled with thoughts of Brandi in the arms of that other woman. She didn't know who she was, but it was obvious from the way they touched each other the two of them were very close.
Since Megan couldn't afford to call Angie and moan about her troubles she'd decided to pull out her laptop and try writing a few pages. The anxiety she was feeling about Brandi must have been a great source of inspiration because by the time she finally closed her laptop at 1 am Megan had written almost three full chapters. Maybe what she'd heard about misery being a good motivator for creative expression was true. She'd certainly never written that many words in one sitting before.
Megan glanced over at the empty bed across from her. Brandi hadn't even come back to the room last night. She probably spent the night in that woman's room. A pang of jealousy cut through Megan as she imagined Brandi wrapped in the other woman's arms.
This is ridiculous, she thought, as she forced herself out of bed. I am not going to waste my whole vacation moaning about the likes of Brandi Turner.
Megan didn't have much planned for the day. There were still a few streets on the other side of town that she'd not explored and of course there was the invitation to attend Sophia and Renee's wedding at 2 pm. She still hadn't decided if she was going to go. Even though she knew Sophia would pout if she'd turned down the invitation in person, Megan doubted that either of the brides would notice her absence if she just didn't show. She couldn't help but wonder if Brandi would notice or not.
As Megan walked toward the bathroom to brush her teeth she noticed a slip of paper sticking out from under the hotel room door. She figured it was probably a receipt for the complimentary night's stay since later today she and Brandi would be able to move to separate rooms.
She reached down and picked up the paper but to her surprise, it was a hand written note — from Renee.
Please call me on in my hotel room when you get this. I have an IMPORTANT favor to ask.
Megan's curiosity got the best of her and she picked up the phone and asked to be connected to Renee's room.
"Hello?" Renee answered after only one ring.
"Hi Renee, it's Megan. I got your note. How can I help you?"
"Well," Renee said with a little hesitation in her voice. "You know the wedding is at 2 and it's not like I haven't been thinking about this for weeks, but expressing my feelings isn't as easy for me as it is for Sophia. I'm more of an action person, you know what I mean?"
"Uh, yeah. I guess," Megan said totally clueless as to what Renee was trying to say.
She heard Renee let out a deep sigh before she spoke again.
"It's just that Sophia wanted both of us to write our vows. And I've tried. I really have."
Renee's voice was starting to sound panicky like Sophia's which was just odd.
"I just can't come up with the right words. Nothing I wrote seemed to truly capture how I feel about her — then I read one of your poems."
"What?" Megan asked with surprise.
"Your poems. I looked at your blog last night and when I read the poem titled If Only I Could all I could think was that's exactly how I feel about Sophia!"
Megan couldn't respond immediately. She was astonished and her heart started racing a little. She'd written If Only I Could more than ten years ago — about Brandi before things between them went bad. She remembered almost not posting it on her blog, but Angie told her it was too beautiful to leave it off.
"It doesn't matter who it's about," Angie said. "The words are beautiful and everyone can get something from it."
Obviously, Angie was right because the poem had moved Renee so much she sounded like she was almost in tears.
"Megan, I know this is kind of last minute, and I know you don't really know me — or Sophia — but would you please read your poem at our wedding?"
Megan pulled the phone away from her ear and stared at it.
She'd been prepared to hear Renee ask if she could read the poem to Sophia herself. Never in a million years had Megan expected Renee to ask her to read it. Megan felt sweat begin to pool under her arms. She didn't really like standing in front of strangers. She managed to do fine if she knew her audience or if she was standing in front of a room full of children teaching but to read her poem in front of a room ful
l of people she didn't know — and Brandi! Megan gasped.
"Our ceremony is really simple," Renee promised, although Megan found that hard to believe given what she'd experienced of the other bride. "You've met most of the people who will be there and I just know everyone is going to love your writing."
"Renee, I'm really honored that you like the poem that much," Megan began fully intending to tell Renee no. But before she could finish her thought Gerard's voice popped into her head.
"Don't just dream your dreams, live your dreams!"
If Megan's true dream was to be a writer and share her words with the world wasn't this a small step in that direction? Wasn't the whole point in coming all the way to St. Amelia to face her fears and push the boundaries of her discomfort? If she passed up an opportunity to do so at the beginning of her trip what other serendipitous encounters might she miss?
Megan took a deep breath. "Okay, Renee. I'd be happy to read my poem at your wedding."
"Oh, Megan! Renee exclaimed with more enthusiasm than Megan had ever heard from her. "If I could reach through this phone I'd hug you right now! You already know the wedding is at the winery just down the road from the village. If you can get there by 1:30 that would be great. Just ask for Gerard when you get there. He's a local artist and he can show you where you'll be sitting and where the mic will be set up so everyone can hear you."
Megan had to giggle when she heard Gerard's name. He'd definitely get a kick out of this for sure. Suddenly another thought popped into Megan's mind.
"Renee, I'm not sure if I have anything appropriate to wear to a wedding — more-less to wear in a wedding."
"Don't worry about that. Our ceremony is really casual I promise. Sophia and I are both wearing white and everyone else in the wedding party is just wearing their own clothes. Do you have anything with pastel colors?"
Megan immediately thought of the soft pink maxi dress she'd tossed in her bag at the last minute. She'd packed it on a whim just in case she needed something a little more formal than shorts or jeans.
"Ok, Renee. I think I have something that will work. I'll see you at the winery."
"Thanks so much Megan! You know, Brandi was right about you. You really are a kind and generous person."
Renee's last words left Megan stunned. A wave of thoughts flooded her mind.
When had Brandi said that to Renee and in what context? What else had the two of them talked about? Had Renee told Brandi about the poem? Had Brandi read the poem?
Megan clutched her chest at the last question. She pictured her blog site in her mind. There wasn't anything on the site that indicated who Megan had written the poem about, but there was a 2007 copyright date at the bottom of the page.
Then something hit Megan like a flash. It had been over a decade since she'd written the poem and at least six years since she'd posted it on her blog. Megan didn't know the poem by heart and she wouldn't be able to read it off of her cell phone — as Renee had obviously done — because she didn't have international internet service. Not only was she going to have to find a way to log onto her blog site, but she needed to print the poem out as well.
Maybe the hotel has a business center downstairs?
Megan quickly threw on a pair of sweats and headed for the door. When she pulled the door open Brandi was standing there about to put her keycard into the lock.
"Oh. Hey," Brandi said. "I was just coming in to take a shower and get dressed for the wedding."
Megan stepped back from the door giving Brandi enough space to enter without the two of them touching.
"Speaking of the wedding," Brandi continued. "Did Renee call you?"
"Yeah," Megan said timidly. "I just got off the phone with her. She wants me to read one of my poems at the wedding. I was on my way downstairs to see if I can find a computer with internet service and a printer."
Brandi reached over and pulled one of the bags on her bed closer to her. "You don't have to do that."
"Oh. No. I want to," Megan said quickly, thinking Brandi was talking about taking part in the wedding. "I'm actually really flattered that she liked my work that much."
"No, I mean you don't have to go downstairs to print it." Brandi lifted her computer from her bag. "I've got a portable printer too. You're welcome to use them both."
Brandi stepped over to the desk in the corner. Once she'd connected the laptop and the printer she waved her hand and bowed slightly in Megan's direction.
"Wa La! You can print whatever you need," she said with an unsure smile.
"Gee, thanks, Brandi."
Megan stood frozen to the spot where she was standing as if she was afraid to step closer in Brandi's direction.
"Well, I'm going to jump in the shower." Brandi whizzed by Megan, grabbed a small toiletry bag, stepped into the bathroom and closed the door.
A moment later the door opened again and Brandi stuck her head into the room.
"Oh, the computer password is Ivan The Tiger."
Megan couldn't help but giggle.
"Really? Your password is our high school mascot?"
Brandi smiled and shrugged.
"I've got some fond memories of Eastwood. I guess I just like to keep them close."
Brandi closed the bathroom door before Megan could respond.
Megan just stared at the closed door for a minute. When she heard the water start in the shower the sound made her think of a certain pool, but this time the memory stirred up more curiosity than pain.
Was Brandi implying that Megan was one of her fond high school memories? Was the poolside fiasco really just the result of teenage angst and insecurity instead of malice?
Megan shook her head unable to answer the questions in the moment. She needed to focus on the task at hand. She sat down at the computer, logged on to the internet and found her blog. A minute later she was staring at a printed page with her poem on it.
It had been ages since Megan had read it and she certainly never imagined she'd be reading it while the woman it was written for was in the other room naked and wet. The thought was too much for her.
She closed the computer, wrote Thanks on a piece of hotel stationary and darted out the door. Brandi hadn't taken any clothes into the bathroom with her and Megan definitely didn't want to be in the room when she stepped out to get dressed.
***
Megan found a comfortable spot on the outside patio of the hotel restaurant and placed an order for a cappuccino, grateful that it was still early enough for her to do so without being chastised by a waiter. She was savoring the milky frothiness of her drink when she saw Gerard strolling by with his art supplies stacked inside a wheeled cart.
"Good Morning, Gerard!" Megan called out, waving to get his attention.
He stopped and leaned on the edge of his cart.
"Ah. There's that lovely smile. What a wonderful way to start my Sunday."
"Would you like to join me for some coffee?" Megan asked hoping for a conversation that would distract her from her thoughts of Brandi.
"I wish I could Mademoiselle. But I'm on my way to the winery to set up my wares and meet my friend Mrs. Leroux. There's a wedding taking place this afternoon and I've been commissioned by the happy couple to do some sketches of their guests and Mrs. Leroux is the local piano virtuoso who'll be playing for the ceremony."
"Wow. Well, I guess I'll see you in a few hours then. One of the brides has asked me to read a poem I wrote during the ceremony."
A huge smile washed over Gerard's face.
"That's wonderful," he exclaimed. "I am very much looking forward to hearing your words. Will this be your first public appearance as a writer?"
Megan hadn't even thought of it that way.
"I guess it is," she said a little bashfully.
"Well, then, I'm certainly glad that I'll be present as a witness. See you soon young lady!" Gerard waved and continued pushing his cart down the street.
My first public reading, Megan thought. Wow!
Ch
apter 6
Brandi wasn't really surprised when she got out of the shower and found the hotel room empty. Although Megan seemed a little less angry she still didn't seem to want to spend any time in close proximity to Brandi.
Oh, well. Brandi had done all she could to patch things up. Once the wedding was over she'd be too focused on work to think about it anyway.
She threw on a t-shirt and a pair of shorts and packed up the rest of her things. She'd take her bags back to Leah's room and get dressed and do her hair there.
Reconnecting with Leah had done a lot to settle Brandi's nerves about the whole Megan situation. The two of them had stayed up most of the night talking and rehashing things they'd been too young or too prideful to talk about when they broke up years ago. It was proof that they had matured far beyond what they'd even knew was possible back when they were dating.
The talk wasn't all pain-free though. Listening to Leah talk about her wife, soon coming child, and the life they'd built together made Brandi's heart ache the same way watching Renee and Sophia sometimes did. It was a lot easier for her to convince herself that she didn't want a relationship when she wasn't looking into the reality of ones that were working. The problem was Brandi wasn't sure she even had what it took to have a healthy relationship.
Maybe the scars of losing her mother, watching her father's shenanigans — or just being single for so long — were too deep for her to master whatever the magic recipe was for building a happy relationship. Maybe she just needed to focus on her career and stop fantasizing about the impossible.
By the time Brandi arrived at the winery she was convinced that keeping her mind on work was the best solution to her current woes. Of course, that didn't mean she couldn't have a little noncommittal fun along the way, she thought as she walked down the aisle noticing a few new — and very attractive — faces in the crowd.