The Last Time I Saw You

by Liv Constantine

  “How’re you doing?” she asked.

  He ran to her and pulled her into his arms. “Thank God you’re okay. I almost lost you.”

  Surprised, she began to return his embrace, but then she remembered Sabrina and pulled away. “Simon, we have to talk.”

  “I’ll be in the lobby,” Harrison said. “Just call if you need me.”

  Simon and Kate sat down, and she began. “I’m so sorry for the way I behaved. I just sort of lost it. The anxiety really took over, and I wasn’t myself. Can you ever forgive me for believing that you could have hurt my mother? I think I always knew deep down that you could never have done that.”

  He visibly relaxed. “I forgive you. These have been the worst days of my life. Sitting in that cell, knowing that you believed I had done such a horrible thing. Thank God Randolph came forward.”

  Kate thought of what Randolph had said. “He intimated that you’d been good to him. What was he talking about?”

  Simon shrugged. “His grandson’s financial aid for college fell through. He came to me for help in arranging for another loan. I remembered how hard it was for my mother after my father died, and we can well afford it. I knew Hilda would want to help her brother, and I didn’t want her to deplete her savings.”

  Kate was touched. “Why didn’t you tell me?”

  “He asked me to keep it between us. Speaking of Hilda, your father said you fired her?”

  Kate groaned. She’d really messed that up. “I’m afraid my paranoia got the best of me. I wrote her a long letter, apologizing and letting her know about my history with anxiety. I haven’t heard anything from her yet. I can only hope she’ll forgive me and come back.”

  “I think she will.”

  Kate was still bothered by one thing. She had to know the truth about Simon and Sabrina once and for all.

  “Just tell me. Are you in love with Sabrina?”

  “Of course not.”

  She wanted to believe him, but she was struggling. “Why did you tell her about what happened to me in college?”

  He looked confused. “What do you mean?”

  “She went to Anderson. Told him I was crazy. That I’d had a breakdown in college, and that you were worried about me.” Kate felt herself getting angry at the memory. “How could you do that? Discussing such intimate details of my life with her?”

  “Kate, I never . . . your father and I spoke after Annabelle’s birthday party. He stopped by the office to see me. She must have overheard.”

  Kate narrowed her eyes. She could ask her father about that later.

  “What about the night you said you had a client dinner? Blaire saw you and Sabrina. She showed me pictures of you and Sabrina together.”

  “It was a client dinner. He was over an hour late. Stuck in traffic behind an accident. That’s why the dinner went so late. But, still, I should have given more credence to your concerns. I guess because I knew nothing was going on, I just couldn’t understand why you didn’t believe me.” He shook his head. “But you were right about her. She came to see me in jail. Went on and on about starting a life together. Said she didn’t blame me for getting rid of Lily. Told me she’d find a way to get me out, all the time believing that it was true, that I’d done it. Can you believe that?”

  Kate was stunned. “She really is crazy.”

  “I don’t pretend to understand. I loved her father so much. I didn’t want to break my word to him. It would break his heart to know the way she’s turned out. She changed when he got sick. I think because I was the only other person that had been so close to him, in a way, being with me was a way for her to hold on to her father. You don’t know how hard it was when my dad died. My mother fell apart, and I was pretty much on my own from the age of thirteen. If it hadn’t been for Sabrina’s father, I really don’t know where I’d have ended up. I didn’t want to let him down after everything he did for me.” He put his hand up. “I’m not making any excuses, Kate. I was wrong to defend her, to ignore your concerns. I see now that she had no regard for your feelings, and I shouldn’t have let her treat you that way. My loyalties were divided, but they should have been with you. I’m so sorry.”

  “What now?”

  “I’m going to tell her she needs to resign. I’ll give her a good severance package and a glowing letter of recommendation. I’m sorry for everything. I should have nipped this in the bud a long time ago.”

  “Did my mother call you about Sabrina?”

  Simon nodded. “Yeah. She was upset that we were separating. She told me that it didn’t matter if I was innocent if the appearance of impropriety was going to ruin my marriage. So that’s when I told Sabrina she couldn’t travel to New York with me.”

  Kate studied him for a moment.

  “She didn’t think you were cheating?”

  He shook his head. “No. She said she knew I loved you too much to do that.” He put his head in his hands. “I miss her.”

  Kate thought about that for a moment. Maybe Lily had seen something in Simon that Kate had never been able to see. “I’m sorry that my mother had more faith in you than I did.” She pulled a pillow onto her lap and wrapped her arms around it. “I’ve been doing a lot of thinking after all that’s happened.”

  Simon shifted in his chair.

  “I’ve walked around all these years tortured with guilt, regret, grief. I’ve cheated you of the kind of love you should have had from a wife. After the accident.” She stopped. “After Jake died, I never got over it. It didn’t matter that the other driver was drunk, that the accident was his fault.” She was crying. “I’d been drinking too. I was acting crazy, playing with the radio. It’s my fault that Blaire didn’t see that car coming until it was too late.”

  He sat quietly, waiting for her to go on.

  “I’ve always regretted it. It’s crippled me, made me feel like I was always hiding this horrible secret, that I was an awful person. That’s why I never drink now. I was too ashamed to tell you the real reason. Every time I thought about Jake, he became this tragic hero, a bright light I had snuffed out.” She studied Simon’s face.

  “He’s always been there, between us.”

  She nodded. “You’re right. I never gave myself all the way. I never allowed you to become to me what I thought Jake had been. I made him larger than life after he died.” She paused and looked at Simon with tenderness. “You would never have been able to live up to the ghost of Jake.”

  They were both quiet for a few moments.

  “I tried, Kate, but you were always so strong, so self-sufficient. Don’t get me wrong,” he hurried to add, “I admire that about you. Your strength and determination.” He gave her a half smile. “I knew the moment you walked into Philosophy 101 that day that you were the one. Before we even spoke. That’s why I asked you to be in my study group, before anyone else could ask you.”

  “Simon, I––”

  “No, let me finish,” he said. “You’ve always been the one, Kate. I fell in love with you from the very beginning. I knew there would always be a place in your heart for Jake, and I didn’t resent that. I really didn’t. But he took up so much of your heart that there wasn’t enough room for me. You kept me from getting too close.”

  Kate hung her head and wiped away silent tears.

  Simon put a gentle hand under her chin and lifted her face to his, looking into her eyes. “You’re an incredible woman. I so respect and admire your dedication to your work, the mother you are to Annabelle, the amazing person you are. The only thing I’ve wanted all these years was to be the person by your side, supporting you, loving you. I wanted to take care of you. Letting someone take care of you doesn’t mean you’re weak. We have to take care of each other.”

  “Can you ever forgive me? I’ve thrown away so much while I’ve stayed mired in the past, in the mistakes I’ve made. Punishing myself. And you. Our family. I’m so sorry.”

  “I love you. I hope one day you’ll understand how much, and that we can begin again.�
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  “I hope so too, Simon.” She squeezed the hand holding hers. “I hope so too.”

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  34

  FOUR YEARS LATER

  It was the premiere of Blaire’s movie debut, and she was putting the finishing touches on her makeup. Her husband, Seth, was already waiting in the limo for her. She smiled inwardly, thinking of him. He was the king of Hollywood, its most prolific producer and director, and founder of the biggest studio in town. She’d met him at a party thrown by the producer of the Megan Mahooney series. He’d been married at the time, one of the few Hollywood icons to still be with his first wife. But Blaire knew that meant that his wife took him for granted. And once he’d met Blaire, he was a goner. He told her that she was the perfect woman, the one he’d waited for all of his life. At forty-two, Blaire was smart enough to realize that no matter how well she could act—and let’s face it, she’d been acting her whole life—she’d never break into films without a little help. Once she was married to Seth and he’d cast her in his latest movie, no one was going to argue. And she’d been brilliant. Everyone had told her so. It was lucky too, because she’d had to leave New York and the literary world.

  After Blaire and Daniel split up, the Megan Mahooney books were finished. Daniel had offered to buy her out so he could keep writing the series on his own, but there was no way she was going to let him bask in the glory of her fans. It hadn’t taken him long to go back to writing solo again, and she’d been furious to see that he hit the Times list immediately. She’d tried her hand at writing solo too, a book about a friendship gone wrong, and waited eagerly for it to surpass Daniel’s in sales. The first few weeks it sold well on her name alone, but then it slipped further and further down the lists, until it disappeared altogether. The crowds at her signings began to dwindle as well, until she pleaded exhaustion and put a stop to her tour. But the worst were the reviews. Scathing one-star reviews filled with vitriol and criticism. Every morning she’d go online and read them, skimming over the positive reviews and ruminating on the bad ones. One particularly bad day, she’d had enough, and she began to respond. She’d read the review out loud, her heart beating faster with each word.

  Total garbage. I guess we know now who had the talent. Blaire Barrington’s solo debut should be her finale. Clunky sentences, clichéd characters, and meanderang prose. Take a pass.

  Blaire had hit the comment field and started typing. When you learn how to spell, you can criticize my work. It’s meanderIng you idiot. Go back to English class.

  It felt great. She’d gone to the next.

  Totally unrealistic! I have lots of friends and none of them has ever behaved like the protagonist in this book. And the ending was so predictable. Hated it.

  Blaire’s hands were poised over the keyboard while she thought.

  Maybe your friends are as stupid as you are. Or maybe you don’t have any friends. How could it be unrealistic and predictable too? Go screw yourself.

  She was laughing, really enjoying herself. She spent the rest of the day answering the bad reviews. That would show them. Who did they think they were? Had they written tons of books? They were probably frustrated writers who were jealous of her. It was about time someone stood up for authors.

  Her agent called the next day.

  “Blaire, what’s going on? Please tell me that you’ve been hacked.”

  “I wasn’t hacked. It’s about time someone did something about those trolls.”

  There was silence on the other end.

  “Are you still there?” Blaire asked.

  He sighed. “Yes. Blaire, the publisher is threatening to cancel your contract. Everyone’s buzzing about this. It’s bad.”

  “Oh, come on. What’s the big deal? Why is it okay for them to say horrible things about me, but I can’t say anything about them? That’s not fair.”

  “Because it’s just not done. You’ve stooped to their level, and it’s made you look insane and vindictive.”

  A few weeks later, her publisher had indeed dropped her, then her agent, and no one would touch her after that. But none of that mattered now. Being a movie star was way better than being a best-selling author. She couldn’t wait to see herself on the silver screen. She looked at her Cartier watch. It was almost time.

  There was a knock at her door.

  “Come in.”

  “It’s time for your medication, Ms. Barrington.”

  Where was her assistant? Who was this woman?

  “What are you doing in my bedroom? It’s time for my premiere. Where’s my assistant?”

  The woman smiled at her. “You’re right. It’s almost time for the movie to start. But you need to take your pills first, remember? They make you feel better.” She wheeled in a cart and took a little white cup from it and a cup of water, handing them to Blaire.

  It wasn’t a bad idea to take something to calm her opening-night jitters. She took the cup and downed the pills. “Please call down to the limo and tell my husband I’ll be right there.”

  “Yes, Ms. Barrington,” the woman said as she left the room.

  Blaire took a final look in the mirror. She could only see herself from the waist up. Why hadn’t Seth gotten her a full-length mirror yet? How was she supposed to see she how she looked in this crappy little mirror? She opened the door and went out into the hallway.

  “Blaire, come on. I’ve saved you a seat.”

  A young woman in a robe grabbed Blaire’s hand and pulled her toward the next room, where folding chairs had been set up in front of a television set.

  “I have to go now—it’s my premiere, Isabel. They’ll be waiting for me on the red carpet.”

  “Come on, the movie’s about to start,” Isabel said.

  Blaire didn’t want to miss it. She sat in the front row. Where was Seth? Oh well, the opening credits were rolling. They’d have to start without him. There she was. She had to give it to the makeup artists. They’d done a spectacular job. She barely even recognized herself. She sat, entranced, as the movie played. Her favorite part was coming up, the one in the department store where she and Bette Midler had the big fight. Bette was a great actress, but Blaire had held her own. Beaches was going to be a smash hit. She would probably even win an Academy Award.

  Wait till all her friends heard about it. They’d be sorry they’d turned their backs on her.

  UNCORRECTED E-PROOF—NOT FOR SALE

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  ....................................

  35

  Kate’s flight had gotten into LAX late the night before. Simon was initially concerned about her plan, but in the end, he’d understood. After all, Blaire was her sister, and Kate knew that, despite everything, Lily would want them to move past everything and begin again. And Kate wanted it as well. Kate had worked hard, with the help of a therapist, to control her anxiety. She and Simon had spent that first year after Lily’s death in counseling. They had learned that secrets were poison to a marriage. But the first hurdle that Kate had to overcome was her anger. She was still struggling to come to terms with the fact that her mother’s oldest friend had been the one to end her life. Kate wanted vengeance, and the few years Georgina got for involuntary manslaughter seemed paltry in comparison to what she’d taken away. Her sentence had been reduced, and she’d already served her four years. She was out now. Free and alive. Unlike Lily.

  Kate had severed ties with Selby and all the Hathaways. She thought about the last time she’d spoken to Selby, a few days after Georgina was arrested, when she’d stopped by the hotel where Kate was staying.

  “Kate, I’m so sorry. I don’t even know what to say.” Selby had reached out and embraced Kate, both of them in tears.

  “Come sit,” Kate said, struggling to come up with something to say to the daughter of her mother’s killer. “I assume you know everything?”

  Se
lby wrung her hands and shook her head. “Yes. Your father and my mother. I don’t understand. I’ll never understand. How could she do that to my mother?”

  Kate was surprised that Selby was completely missing the point. “Let’s talk about Blaire. She’s related to both of us.”

  Selby’s eyes flashed with anger. “I hate her! Because of her, your mother is dead, and mine might go to jail. It’s all her fault.”

  “Her fault? How is it her fault?”

  “If she hadn’t come here, snooping around, doing all those crazy things, all this wouldn’t have come out. She should have just paid her respects and left. But instead, she led the police right to Mother. It was an accident. Kate, you have to do something. Tell them to let my mother go.”

  Kate felt the anger surge through her like hot lava. She stood and looked down at Selby. “Your mother killed mine! Let her go? I hope she never gets out of jail. She pushed my mother and smashed her head in. You have the nerve to blame Blaire for that? Your mother would have let us live the rest of our lives not knowing what happened.”

  “She didn’t mean to do it. They argued, and your mother fell!”

  Their loud voices brought Simon into the main room of their suite. “What’s going on?”

  “Get her out of here!” Kate could feel the hysteria taking over. “Before I do something I’ll regret.”

  Kate had done her time in the therapist’s office over the past several years, and she could truthfully say that life was good again. It was as if the guilt she’d carried for all those years had finally lifted. She was a better partner, a better mother. And she, the fixer of hearts, had finally opened her own.

  And then there was Blaire. How many hours had she spent in therapy talking about Blaire? Kate had come to realize that she bore some responsibility for Blaire’s progression into madness. She wasn’t taking the blame for Blaire’s actions, but she did have to admit that she’d never considered what taking Lily and Harrison from Blaire would do to her. Even if Lily hadn’t been her biological mother, she was more of a mother to Blaire than anyone in her life had ever been. Kate had known all about Shaina. Blaire had told her about the way she’d waited day after day to hear from her. How she would run to the mailbox after school every day, looking in vain for something, anything, to prove that her mother hadn’t forgotten about her. Blaire suffered in all those years before Kate ever met her, coming up with excuse after excuse for her mother never having come back for her. And then, just when Blaire had started to move forward, Enid had come into her life and taken the only stable person left—her father. Kate’s family had become Blaire’s family. But in the end, they’d all thrown her away—even Lily. It was no wonder Blaire went over the edge when she found out the truth.