Loosen Up: Up Series Book 3

by Robin Leaf

  “That is precisely why you can’t use him, Allison. It’s not right.”

  She stood and walked toward the bedroom. “Forgive me for not taking advice from a hypocrite.”

  As soon as I heard her door slam, I felt it. The wave washed right over me.

  It was pure.

  It was absolute.

  Relief.

  I waited for the guilt that usually accompanies it, but the guilt never showed.

  I was free.

  You and I will never be over.

  I hoped he was right.

  Grabbing the bag I kept under my bed, I walked out the door to my apartment, climbed on the elevator to go up a floor, and knocked on his door.

  “Darby…”

  “I need a ride, and we need to talk.”

  Forty Four

  “Pictures of You” – The Cure

  “I know what you’re going to say,” Bryan began after he backed out of the space. “I am fully aware what Allison’s up to.”

  “And what do you think…”

  “She trapped you into catching us to see if you would get jealous.” He tapped the steering wheel with his fingers. “Drunk Allison let some things slip the night of your party. I put it all together after I left your apartment today.”

  I took a minute to swallow down the surprise at his admission.

  “She told me that you said you love her.”

  He ground his jaw. “Did she, now?”

  “So you didn’t?”

  “No, I did,” he glanced my direction. “I just never thought she would use it against you. But I also never thought she would set you up, either.” He took a deep breath and let it out slowly. “I honestly didn’t know you were there today. I am not happy with what she did, and I’m going to make that clear, but I will support her through it.”

  My jaw dropped. “You’re okay with being used?”

  He sighed. “No, but… Look, Darby, I’ve never met a woman like Allison. I meant it when I said she challenges me, makes me a better man. We’ve grown closer since this baby thing started. She’s shown me a lot of her vulnerability. One of the things she so desperately needs is to be loved… to be put first.”

  He fidgeted in his seat. “She admitted she always felt like she came in second with you, so I swooped in.” Reaching over, he grabbed my hand. “I never would have done that if I didn’t see what she saw that night… the thing that set her off.”

  I must have looked confused, so he stated quietly, “You and Jase are meant to be, Darby. She gets that.”

  I squeezed his hand and let go. “I’m afraid that she doesn’t return your feelings, B.”

  He nodded. “That may be true. Honestly, I admitted my feelings for her to benefit you, too.” He smiled. “You both deserve to be happy… just not with each other.”

  “Why not tell me right after you had sex with her the first time?”

  He looked shameful. “She asked me to wait. The baby stuff just broke in the news. She didn’t want to add to your stress.”

  “Yeah, well, today wasn’t any better,” I muttered under my breath.

  He drove up to the curb of my destination and stopped the car. I sighed and looked out the window, not wanting to tell him what I had to say next. “I noticed you didn’t use a condom, B. You know she’s taking the fertility drug, Clomid, right? She should have taken her last pill last week, which means she could get pregnant very easily right now.”

  He jerked his head in my direction. “No, she did not tell me that.”

  “Now you know why I’m so angry at her. It’s not just about cheating on me, for setting me up, or for taking advantage of you. I fear she may be using you to get her pregnant. And with her erratic behavior, possibly from the meds…”

  “Yeah,” he grunted. “I got it.”

  I grabbed the handle to get out of the car, but I turned back to him.

  “I really like you, Bryan. You are still my family, and I don’t want to see you get hurt.”

  “Darby…” he almost whispered, his voice pained. “For what it’s worth, I am sorry for today. We should have told you before…”

  I leaned over the console and kissed his cheek. “No hard feelings, B. I hope it all works out for you.”

  ~~~

  Twenty one hours. The eleven hour trip took twenty-one fucking hours.

  Three plane changes. Four stops. I had a throbbing ass, a crick in my neck, and swollen feet.

  My big romantic gesture was spoiled by my inability to plan. Lesson learned: never try international travel spontaneously. I was cold, sticky, and let’s face it, stinky, holding a dead cell phone in one hand and my survival bag in the other. With no mirrors to be found, I couldn’t even touch up my makeup.

  My single focus was to get here.

  And now that I was here, I wondered if I should go try to find a hotel room so I could freshen up.

  If I’m being honest, standing in front of Jase’s townhome felt a bit… intimidating. I worked out what I would say during the inordinate amount of time in the air, but I… I can’t really say I had second thoughts. No. I just kept playing the “what if” game.

  What if he was away on business?

  What if I had the wrong address or he moved?

  What if he met someone?

  What if he was out on a date?

  What if he had… company?

  What if I was too late?

  What if he rejected me again?

  Not once did I think of this shit while I was on any of the three different airplanes, but now, standing in front of his little wrought-iron gate, about to pee my pants, smelling like a grimy terminals and a vodka cranberry (spilled on me by my seat-mate who wanted to discuss every episode of Transcendental, her favorite show), I was not feeling too confident.

  “You must be Miss Flurkey,” a sweet young voice from behind me said, interrupting my thoughts and plans to flee.

  I turned to see a petite woman, probably in her fifties, her voice contradicting her age, with greying blonde hair and a kind smile, approaching, her arms filled with one too many reusable grocery bags. I rushed to help relieve her of the one giving her a hard time.

  “Thank you, dear.” She reached to open the gate and motioned for me to follow. “Mr. Reed called and told me to expect you. I should probably call him to let him know you’ve arrived safely.” She pressed a code to open the door and turned to face me. “You’ve had everyone in a bit of a panic.”

  I felt kindly reprimanded.

  “I’m sorry. I took the scenic route.”

  Her giggle lightened my heart.

  “Yes, dear. I guess you did.”

  I lifted my hand. “And my phone’s dead.”

  “Ah,” she nodded as I followed her to the kitchen.

  “And I really need to pee.”

  She dropped her bags and showed me to the restroom. When I came out, she was disconnecting the call to Noah.

  “Well, he knows you’re okay. And I apologize for not introducing myself. When we spoke on the phone before, I never got a chance to tell you my name.”

  “We’ve spoken…” I then recognized her voice. She’s the one who answered Jase’s phone so late that night almost ten years before. I slapped my forehead. “Oh my goddess…”

  She bustled around the kitchen, putting up all the items she had purchased from the market. “Yes, and you used some mighty colorful language back then.”

  “I thought you…”

  “I know right well what you thought. And I will concede that it did look bad, since Mr. Heywood explained that he never mentioned he had a caretaker to you.” She smiled kindly and wiped her hand on a cup towel on the counter before holding it out to me. “I’m Tillie.”

  “Nice to meet you. Please, call me Darla.”

  After several minutes of explaining my harrowing experience getting here, I asked. “Is Jase not home?”

  She pursed her lips. “No, dear. He won’t be home for another hour or so. I was given strict
instructions not to inform him of your impending arrival.”

  Well, looky there, Noah has my back.

  She looked me over. “Oh, my goodness, dear, I’m sure you would like a shower, especially if you are here to put this man out of his misery and profess your love.” She winked. “I’d like to think you would care to do it without that big stain on your blouse and sticky hair.”

  “A shower would feel fantastic.”

  “I have some things upstairs, and if you are hungry, I can fix you a snack.”

  “No, I’m good. Thank you.”

  After disappearing upstairs for a moment, she hurried down them carrying a shopping bag and led me past the staircase to a room that took up the entire back of the house. When she opened the door, it smelled achingly familiar… like home.

  Like Jase.

  I followed her through the darkened room to the bathroom off to the left of the suite.

  “Mr. Reed asked me to supply you with a few toiletries and some clothes.” She handed me the bag. “He wasn’t sure if you came with any luggage and feared you may be ill-prepared. I had the devil of a time hiding these items from Mr. Heywood, and I hope they will suffice.”

  “I’m sure it’s fine. Thank you, Tillie.”

  “You’re welcome, dear.” She turned to leave and stopped. “Oh, I’m just so glad you’re finally here.”

  I really wanted to snoop, but that would have to come later. A shower was the priority.

  Even though the water pressure was a bit weak and it didn’t get as hot as I like, the shower felt so good, I didn’t want it to end. I was forced to quit, though, when the water turned too cool.

  I dried off and dressed in the cute dress Tillie had provided. It was a little too big, but the scoop neck and flowy skirt were perfect. At that point, I wouldn’t have cared if it was a potato sack; as long as it was clean, I would have worn it.

  I entered Jase’s dark bedroom and found a lamp. I turned it on, the light bright enough to illuminate the entire room. It didn’t look like his apartment in San Francisco at all. This one was decorated with frames and small knickknacks, I assumed from Tillie’s influence.

  I was wrong.

  The frames were filled with pictures. Most were of Jase doing things he never admitted to me that he did: standing at the top of the London Eye, a beautiful view of the Thames River behind him; standing on a track in a racing jumpsuit with a racecar helmet under his arm; sitting on the top of a mountain. In another frame, he had two pictures side by side of him in Paris, one outside the Moulin Rouge and the other at the top of the Eiffel Tower. More and more pictures commemorating fun things he’d done, and all seemed to be taken recently.

  Then, there were the pictures of me as well, pictures he stole off the internet. One of me at the Golden Globes, where I wore that white Grecian dress with the rhinestone clasp in between my breasts. I loved that dress, and I’d never seen this picture of me. All the ones I’d seen had Riley standing next to me. Jase must have searched long to find this one. A few others I’d seen, but there were some that he obviously took without my knowledge, like the one of our last movie night where I was asleep on his dick, complete with drool.

  He had some keepsakes from our time together, and they mirrored the ones I kept in my box: a menu, a matchbook, a figurine of Spongebob, a ceramic pineapple… He, too, kept a candle from the night in the hotel room. I picked it up to sniff it, and behind it was a small pile of lace. Curious, I lifted it… it was the underwear I wore that night. Sneaky.

  I turned my attention to the bookshelves, running my fingers over the spines of unmarked books. I was intrigued to learn what he read, so I took one of them off the shelf and thumbed through it.

  All the pages were handwritten… his handwriting. I stopped at an entry close to the beginning and read it.

  May 28, 2003

  Darla Maize Flurkey came on to me tonight. She wanted me. ME.

  All the years I’ve noticed her… all the time I’ve circled around her, liking her. Loving the way she is so comfortable with herself.

  And she wanted me.

  God, I was tempted.

  I would have risked everything for a taste of her. To know what it’s like to be with her. Inside her. FINALLY touching her. Making her mine.

  God, just to kiss her…

  But I can’t. I couldn’t do that to her. I can’t risk my health for one night of pleasure.

  I told her the truth, more or less, of why I walked away from her. I really can’t suck her into my life, my drama. She can’t know.

  She’s the only one who treats me like a person, not a freak show.

  She’s the only one who doesn’t act like I’m made of glass.

  If she knew, she would look at me differently. When I’m with her, I feel… normal.

  I want her in my life, always. I always want to feel normal.

  Being with her tonight… talking to her, watching her smile at me, holding her, makes me something I have never been… happy.

  Um… What?

  I skimmed page after page, looking for clues as to what he was talking about in this first entry. I just found entry after entry about me, mostly his thoughts after our dates. I slowed down, looking through the words, reading a timeline of how he fell in love with me and was so pained about how he couldn’t tell me.

  But he never came out and truly admitted why.

  It was so heartbreaking to read.

  I caught my tear before it landed on the page and ruined his beautiful words. Shutting the journal, I placed it back on the shelf, counting seven more books with similar bindings. As I reached for the next one, I heard the front door open.

  My heart pinged in my chest as I furiously wiped my eyes and willed myself to stop crying.

  I heard voices, Tillie’s and Jase’s. He was home.

  Showtime.

  Forty Five

  “Feels Like the First Time” - Foreigner

  I waited, frozen to the spot in the corner of the room where he would likely see me right when he entered. He didn’t immediately run in here, so I assumed Tillie wanted to keep me a surprise. I found myself holding my breath, listening for words or footsteps, but hearing only murmurs, tone and inflection changes.

  I gathered that she was feeding him, but I sensed urgency in her voice. Something about going to take a shower. I heard their voices grow closer, and a tiny shot of nerves hit me, forming a knot in my stomach.

  “Now, I will be at my quilting circle, and I’m just going to spend the night with my sister, Tara. It just makes it easier than driving home at night. I won’t be back until late tomorrow afternoon, so I’ll see you then, Mr. Heywood.”

  “Have fun, Tillie, and for the love of all things holy, please stop calling me Mr. Heywood.”

  I let out a noise from my mouth, then covered it, hoping I didn’t just alert him that an intruder was here.

  I heard his footsteps, and the knot grew. I took a deep breath and let it out slowly and heard him touch the doorknob.

  Holy fucking shit, it’s about to go down.

  The door swung open, and Jase entered. He was dressed in sweats and a white t-shirt stretched beautifully across his chest, a gym bag over his shoulder. Distracted by something on his phone, he had yet to see me. He turned to set his gym down bag and froze. Slowly (seriously, the tectonic plates moved faster than he turned) he faced me, eyes closed. Once they opened, he dropped his bag.

  “Hi,” I said, waving.

  He didn’t move; he just open-mouth stared.

  “I hope it’s okay that I’m here.”

  Nothing.

  I shifted nervously.

  “So in the past thirty six hours, I lost my job and I walked in on Allison having sex with Bryan, so if you’re going to kick me out, it would actually be a perfect trifecta of shitty circumstances.” I smiled, but his expression didn’t change; he kept staring. “Before you say anything, know that my eleven hour trip took ten hours longer than it should have. A chick spilled a drin
k on me and wanted to talk about my first series for seven of those hours. I haven’t slept. I’m running on crappy airplane food and adrenalin. So I’d really like for you to say something one way or another because I don’t think the adrenalin will last much longer.”

  In three strides, he stood in front of me and cupped my cheeks. “Are you really here?”

  I grabbed his wrists and held his hands to my face. “Yes… if the offer still…”

  He cut me off by attacking my mouth and backing me into the wall. His hands lifted mine to above my head, silently urging them to stay there, before his roamed everywhere… my shoulders, my breasts, my stomach, my ass, like he didn’t know what to touch or to feel. Ten years of pent up sexual energy released in that one kiss… ten years of anticipated joy and past heartache were celebrated right there against the wall of his bedroom.

  His hands floated down my thighs, grabbing and bunching my skirt, only breaking the connection between us to pull my dress over my head quickly before diving back in. Both of his hands worked their way between us, one pulling my underwear to the side, the other releasing his cock. He grabbed the back of my knee, lifting my leg, and before I could agree or protest, he found my opening and entered me.

  I broke the kiss to gasp at the welcome intrusion, mostly to replace the oxygen he was stealing from me. He sunk in deeper with each slow thrust, desperate to get as deep as possible.

  “This… this is where I belong, Darla.” He hooked my leg over his forearm, and his hand moved slowly up my thigh while his eyes locked on to mine. “Where I’ve always belonged.”

  I cupped his cheeks and brought his mouth back to mine. We kissed languidly as the movements of his hips matched the rhythm of our mouths. He thrust slowly, deeply, rotating his hips when he was at his deepest, hitting all my good spots. His free arm wrapped around my lower back so that he could pull me closer to him with each thrust.