Cashmere and Camo

by Erin Nicholas

  Brynn caught her breath as she thought back to what Noah had said about taking care of things—like the old blue truck—sooner rather than later. That things that had been neglected for a long time were harder to put back together.

  He’d been talking about MJ and their relationship as much as the truck.

  Brynn’s heart was aching. For both Noah and MJ. But, of course, he’d kept going to MJ’s house. Just like he kept taking care of Penn even when the cat didn’t seem to want him or need him. Noah was just there. Solid, unmoving, stubborn, but in a way that made those around him feel secure. Even if they were annoyed.

  “Why are you mad at him now?” Brynn asked. She wasn’t about to tell MJ that she’d handled it wrong or that she shouldn’t have let Noah keep doing these things. She had no idea about grieving a son, or a best friend, or MJ and Noah’s relationship in the past. Or what Jared had said to Noah.

  And honestly? She wanted to. And it hurt a little that he hadn’t shared all of that with her. He knew about her past with her dad, the awkward dinners, her weirdness, the ways Rudy had failed as a dad. He knew about her past, most painful relationship, but she didn’t really know about his. Because they didn’t really talk about that stuff much. It felt like they’d gotten closer to some of that. Closer to each other. But Noah wouldn’t voluntarily share any of this. Because it was painful and sad. And he didn’t want her to feel those things.

  She frowned. That wasn’t good. You couldn’t have a relationship with someone if they didn’t share the good and the bad. He couldn’t spend a lifetime only giving her the good, shielding her from the bad. That would be exhausting for him. Frustrating even, because there was always some bad in life. There just was. And not only could he not save her from all of it, but he wouldn’t allow her to help him with his bad stuff? That wouldn’t be a relationship. That would be…what they’d had since they’d met.

  “I’m mad because, I walked into my bathroom yesterday, and realized that I didn’t need anyone doing any of this for me. Not Noah. Not the other guys. I can take care of this stuff myself. I didn’t for a long time, I’ll admit that. But—” She sighed. “I want to do it now. It’s good for me to do it. I want to take it away from Noah to show him that he doesn’t have to feel this obligation. I want to show him, somehow, that I’m okay.”

  Brynn sucked in a breath. She knew exactly what MJ was talking about. She’d just experienced it with her sisters. She’d shown them that they didn’t have to always lead the way, and it had been so great. There was more to do, but it was a great start. Now she needed to do the same thing with Noah. She wanted to be happy. Now. Not in five months. And she wanted Cori, Ava, and, most especially Noah, to see it. Up close and personal.

  * * *

  “Is there something he could do that would make you happy?” she asked MJ. “That might make him happy too?” She knew how amazing it had felt the other night to just be there for Noah and make him feel good. Sure, it was physical but…no, it had been more than that. She was sure of it.

  MJ looked at her for a long moment. Then she nodded. “Yeah. He could just be there. And talk to me.”

  Brynn sat forward in her chair. “Really? That’s what you want?”

  “No one knew or loved Jared as much as Noah and I did. For a long time, Noah reminded me of Jared and it hurt. But now…I’d like to remember him with someone who knew him too. I’m sure there are stories I haven’t heard that Noah knows. There are stories I know that I could tell him.”

  Brynn nodded.

  “I don’t need my vanity put in,” MJ said. “I can do that myself actually. I want to do it myself. But I can’t talk about Jared with myself. And I haven’t had a big guy who loves my meatloaf over for dinner in…” Her voice caught again. “In very long time.”

  Brynn reached out and grabbed MJ’s hand. “You have to tell him.”

  MJ shook her head.

  Brynn squeezed her hand. “Yes. You do. I know exactly what you’re feeling. Noah needs to realize that people want him, not that they only need him for the things he can do.” Her mind was suddenly whirling ,and she realized that she’d let Noah take care of her for too long. Had it made him happy? Yes. For a while. But following that checklist, doing Rudy’s bidding, completing all of that like a work order at the shop, wasn’t what he really needed. He needed to be happy. For once, he needed to put his happiness in front of what someone asked of him.

  And she did too.

  She’d let her sisters guide the way. She’d taken the path of least resistance. She’d put her head down and just gone with everything.

  But now she wanted to be happy. She’d always thought she was. She’d been content. But now she’d been given a taste of what more she could have. She could be happy. Ecstatic. Joyful. Fulfilled. If she opened herself up. If she took a couple of chances.

  “MJ, I never give people advice,” Brynn said. “I stay out of things. I listen, I don’t talk. But I’m going to make an exception here.”

  MJ gave her a small smile. “Okay.”

  “You need to put that vanity in yourself. And then when Noah comes over to do it, you need to invite him for meatloaf.”

  The other woman didn’t respond for nearly a minute. Then she said, “Will you be offended if I make a pie too?”

  Brynn felt her eyes stinging. “You make pie?”

  “Really good pie,” MJ said with a nod. “Noah loves my key lime.”

  “I wouldn’t be offended at all,” Brynn said, sniffing. “And I just won’t tell Cori.”

  MJ laughed and squeezed her hand back. “You should consider giving advice more often.”

  Brynn just smiled. She didn’t know about that. But she could give herself some more good advice.

  “You said you’re a beer drinker, right?” Brynn asked.

  “Sure. Love it.”

  “Would you be willing to taste test something for me?”

  MJ looked intrigued. “Of course. What are you up to?”

  “Pie themed hard ciders and beer.”

  “Pie themed?”

  Brynn couldn’t help but grin. “This whole liquor and pie thing started me thinking, and now I’m experimenting with apple cider, of course, then cherry and peach too. It’s actually pretty fun and—” She shrugged. “Well, I’m a science nerd. This is all basically chemistry.” Jeffrey had been right about that.

  “And you’re doing beer too?”

  Brynn nodded. “Trying it. I’m not a beer drinker so it will take some playing around. But beer takes longer than cider so I’m not sure how it’s going to turn out. But if you wanted to taste the cider, I’d love to know your thoughts.”

  “Sure. Is it here?”

  Brynn looked around. Her sisters were occupied, so she nodded. “Ava and Cori don’t know I’ve been making it here, but I’ve got it stored back in the storeroom and they don’t go in there much.”

  MJ laughed. “Bring it on.”

  Brynn got up, excited to be sharing this with someone other than Jeffrey. He’d given her some pointers on how to get started and then they’d brainstormed a few tweaks. But she really wanted people here to be in on it with her.

  “I’ll be right back.” She could easily fill a glass and pass it off as one of the liquors or the wines they were using tonight.

  She felt a flutter of butterflies as she let herself into the store room. They’d barely used this room even before Ava had connected the pie shop and the diner, and now they shared Parker’s store room for the most part so it was easy for Brynn to stash her equipment and supplies in here without Ava and Cori knowing about it.

  She hadn’t wanted to tell her sisters in case they thought she was getting ahead of herself. Or ahead of all of them. They needed the pie shop to be running well, and turning a profit and the kitchen duties were supposed to be all Ava’s. There was a good argument to be made for them focusing on the pies alone at this point. But Brynn couldn’t help but feel excited about this. For one, it was a very fun application of
everything she knew about chemistry and lab work. She didn’t miss the lab actually, but she kind of missed the science. For another, if they could make a cider, beer, and wine that was pie themed and carried their name, it would be another income source and further their brand. And well, if nothing else, Brynn definitely saw the value for the town in turning Blissfully Baked into a bar at night. Did it seem strange to have a pie shop/bar? Maybe. But this was just extending the hours and putting their pie in a different form.

  She really thought it was a good idea. In fact, she already had a name and logo in the works.

  Was she getting ahead of herself? Maybe. But she’d never done that before. She’d never done anything like this before. Something creative, something a little crazy, and a little outside the box—her box anyway. She’d let Cori be the outside-the-box sister, the slightly crazy sister, the sister that didn’t worry about if things made sense, but went with her gut, and her heart. Ava, too, had pushed boundaries and gone outside the box in growing Carmichael Enterprises, and Brynn knew her sister got a thrill from taking a risk and coming out on top.

  Brynn, on the other hand, had just followed the path that had been laid out in front of her. She’d never done anything that wasn’t someone else’s idea first. Yes, Mitch had mentioned that Bliss needed a bar. But everyone knew that. And yes, Kayla had said a ladies’ night would be a big hit. But Brynn had taken those comments and made them into something real.

  It was what Noah did, wasn’t it? People had to tell him there was a problem with their car before he fixed it. She felt a ripple of excitement and nerves go through her. What would Noah think of her plan? He was the most supportive of her being appreciated and involved. She didn’t think all of that came from Rudy. Maybe before they’d met, but now, she felt like Noah really wanted her to be happy.

  But what if he’s not happy? Rudy told him to send you back to New York. And will it matter if he’s not happy?

  It would. She wanted him to be happy as much as he wanted it for her. But… Brynn took a deep breath. She was going to do this anyway. And that was a huge change for her. She was the easy one for the people around her. Her going back to New York would be easier for Noah. It would be easier for her too.

  But she wasn’t going to do that.

  The butterflies swooped and dipped in her stomach, and she had to take another big breath. She could do this. And more, she wanted to do this.

  She was excited about the idea of doing something for the community that was fun and would bring people together. She needed to focus on that. That was definitely outside of her box. As Cori had said, the least social one was suddenly the one hosting parties?

  Wait until they all found out she wanted to be a bartender.

  She knew that the idea of opening a bar as a community service might seem like a stretch to some, but she loved the way the pie shop would fill up and people would chat and laugh together, exchange stories, even give advice and find ways to help each other out. Yes, she’d facilitated some of that, but some of it just happened naturally too. She loved it. Being a hub, a place for people to gather, made her feel warm and… a part of something.

  There was no debate that what she and her lab did was important and she would, for the rest of her life, support the lab with funding and use her last name however she could to advance the research they were doing. But she didn’t want to go back to the lab.

  She wanted to open a bar in a pie shop instead.

  And how she felt and what she wanted mattered. It mattered the most. She needed to remember that.

  She squatted in front of the shelving unit in the storeroom and leaned to reach to the back where her mason jars of cider were hidden. She grabbed the first she could touch, deciding that it didn’t matter which MJ tried first. But as she was stretching back up, her eyes caught sight of the mason jars on the third shelf down.

  She paused. They were the jars of pie filling their dad had made and stored here. Each jar had a hand-written label that said apple, cherry, or peach.

  Brynn reached out and ran a finger over one of the cherry labels and felt a sudden sting in her eyes. Her dad had picked the fruit, made the pie fillings, and canned them. Right here in this kitchen. He had been a billionaire. Billion with a B. He’d had three houses. Knew CEOs and world leaders. He’d dined with politicians and princes. And then he’d come to Bliss, Kansas and started making pies. And canning his own pie filling.

  “Wow,” she whispered out loud as she studied his handwriting on the jars in front of her. “We finally have something in common, Dad.”

  In the strangest twist yet, Brynn realized that of all the people in her life, her father would have understood her wanting to make cider and beer in Bliss better than anyone.

  13

  “What’s this?” Noah reached hesitantly for the paper bag Parker had just slid across the Carmichael triplets’ dining room table. The guys were settled in for game night—sans any other dates for Brynn—while the girls got the food and drinks ready in the kitchen.

  “That, my friend, is a thank-you gift,” Parker said.

  Noah opened the bag and peered inside. It was a jar. He pulled it out. It looked like salsa or jelly. He lifted it up and looked at Parker questioningly.

  “Jalapeno, raspberry jam,” Parker told him. “Homemade. Of course.”

  Which meant, homemade by Parker. “And…why?” Noah asked.

  “It goes great on turkey sandwiches,” Parker said.

  Evan nodded. “It really does. Spread some cream cheese on there too. And we should definitely try it on a peanut butter sandwich.”

  Parker nodded. “I might glaze chicken with it. But I was really thinking a grilled brie with this as a spread would be amazing.”

  “Oh, let’s do that.”

  “What the hell are you two talking about?” Noah broke in.

  “Trying some new things,” Parker said. “When you get the right blend of sweet and spicy, you kind of want it all the time, you know.”

  Noah stared at his friend. Was Parker making an analogy with jam? “So you’re changing up the menu at the diner because of Ava, and somehow you’re getting around to telling me that I need to change something too?” Noah asked.

  “Oh, hell no,” Parker said shaking his head. “You bring that stuff into my diner, and I see it, I’ll confiscate it.”

  Noah rolled his eyes. “What if I sneak it in?”

  “I fully expect you to sneak it in,” Parker said. “That stuff’s amazing.”

  “So do you have a point here, or am I going to get lucky and find out that this is really just jam and you like me enough to share it with me?”

  “I told you, it’s a thank-you gift,” Parker said.

  “For?”

  “Well, since you’ve been sleeping over here with Brynn every night for the past three weeks, Ava’s been at my house every night for the past three weeks. And I really appreciate that.”

  Noah couldn’t help his smile at that. He had, in fact, just come down from showering upstairs after work. The past three weeks had been amazing. They’d spent the time exploring lots of sexual firsts for Brynn, but they’d also spent it getting to really know one another. They’d talked about favorite childhood memories, their grandparents, foods and movies and songs they loved and hated. He’d told her all about Jared. They’d talked more about Rudy. And they’d dated. They’d gone to two movies, a concert, and a football game. And they’d eaten dinners, one-on-one, sitting across the table from one another. Noah had made a couple of those dinners at his house, in fact. Just two nights ago, they’d eaten steaks on his back deck.

  “Happy to help. And glad Ava knows Brynn’s safe and sound with me.”

  “Well, that, and the fact that apparently the quietest of the triplets is also the loudest in bed,” Parker said, giving Noah an atta-boy grin.

  Noah didn’t even try to deny it. Brynn was definitely gaining confidence in the bedroom and she was surprisingly, and amazingly, vocal about it.

>   “But I’m also trying to make a point,” Parker said.

  Noah’s smile died and he sighed. He supposed that he deserved this. He’d given unsolicited advice to both Parker and Evan when they’d been figuring things out with their girls. But man, they’d been such dumbasses.

  “So, let’s hear it,” Noah told him.

  Parker looked at Evan, then back to Noah, and Noah knew that whatever was coming was from both of them.

  “This raspberry jalapeno jam is amazing. But it’s also kind of different. Not your typical mayo and mustard, you know?”

  Noah lifted a brow.

  “So if you start putting it on everything, that must mean you really love it.”

  Jesus. The metaphor definitely wasn’t subtle. Noah motioned with his hand for Parker to keep going.

  “It would be pretty hard to go back to just grape jelly without noticing the huge difference,” Evan decided to add.

  “I’m sure you’re right,” Noah said. “But maybe you just decide to go without any jam or jelly. Maybe you just resign yourself to plain peanut butter.”

  Both of Evan’s brows went up. “You’re just going to be done with… jam, entirely after this…jam, is gone?”

  Noah almost smiled at Evan’s attempts to stick with the analogy instead of just coming out and talking about Brynn. But he was talking about Brynn. And that eventually she was going to be gone.

  He nodded. “Can’t imagine anything else ever measuring up.” Was he resigning himself to a life without women? Without ever settling down? With just making a couple of trips here and there to New York when his craving got too strong?