Outside

by Sewell, Nicole

  But now I have written unto you not to keep company, if any man that is called a brother be a fornicator, or covetous, or an idolator, or a railer, or a drunkard, or an extortioner; with such a one no not to eat.

  My eyes flicker up to hers. There’s a question in her eyes. Do I understand her message?

  “Let’s read another one.” The conversational tone is gone. Her anger bubbles just below the surface as she flips to another scripture in 1 Corinthians. She taps the page with an agitated finger. “Maybe you should read this one aloud for us.”

  My voice is small, wavering as I read. “Be ye not unequally yoked together with unbelievers: for what fellowship hath righteousness with unrighteousness? And what communion hath light with darkness?”

  I get it now. Her message is plain as day.

  “I saw you,” she hisses, leaning across the table. “I saw you touching that sinner boy. Wearing men’s clothing with your hair braided like a harlot.” She’s so close she peppers my face with saliva as she speaks. “Parading around like one of them. Holding hands and kissing! You’re a sinner’s whore!”

  My stomach drops and my eyes flood with tears before spilling down my cheeks onto my whore skirt. The realization sinks in. It was Mother in that white car.

  “Excuse me!” Ms. Jackson is on her feet at the other end of the table. “This is not what these visits are for. We do not call our children whores and harlots. I think we’re done for today.”

  Mother stands up from her chair, knocking it back with a loud bang that makes me flinch. Pointing at Ms. Jackson, she says, “I’ll tell you when I’m done!”

  My stomach threatens to empty itself on the table. My teeth bang together as a noisy sob escapes me.

  “Come on, Alaina,” Ms. Jackson says, holding her hand out to me. “It’s time to go.”

  Mother reaches across the table and clamps her hand around my wrist. “Don’t listen to her, Alaina. I am your mother. You do as I say.”

  “Unhand her!” Ms. Jackson’s voice echoes off the ceiling. “Now, or I’ll call security!”

  Mother’s wild eyes bore into mine. “Repent, Alaina,” she hisses. “Repent of your sins.”

  I open my mouth to beg her forgiveness, to repent, but what comes out instead shocks us both. “I can’t.”

  Mother’s eyebrows pull together. “You can’t?”

  Before I can attempt to explain, two men in police uniforms come in and grab Mother, forcing her to release my wrist.

  “Let’s go,” Ms. Jackson says, waving me toward the door. Through the doorway, in the hall, I see Beth standing there, her face full of concern, her eyes glassy with unshed tears.

  Without looking back at Mother, I rush from the room and straight into Beth’s open arms.

  I’m going to die and then I’m going to hell. There’s no way around it.

  “Alaina,” Beth says, softly knocking on my bedroom door.

  I’ve been in here for several days, refusing to eat with Beth and Holly, and only using the bathroom when I know everyone else is downstairs.

  “Alaina, please talk to me.”

  Holly’s voice comes next, but she’s speaking to Beth. “Just open the door. Pick the lock.”

  “I can’t do that,” Beth says.

  “I can.”

  The door rattles. “Holly, don’t!”

  It swings open, but I don’t get up from my place on the bed.

  Beth sighs. “Holly…”

  Holly ignores her and crawls up on the bed with me. “You got fired from your paper route,” she says. “Jacki’s older brother took it over.”

  When I don’t react, she leans over so she can see my face. “And everyone is asking where you are. I mean, it’s crazy. Serena came by with that whole series of faerie books you like. Jacki keeps asking me if you’re coming to her birthday party next month. Adam…”

  I flinch and roll away from her, my eyes landing on the phone on my dresser. It hasn’t stopped buzzing and I refuse to read any of the messages.

  “Jesus Christ, Alaina! For real? You’re like, breaking his heart! He thinks he did something wrong! He thinks you hate him!”

  The urge to respond is so strong, I clench my jaw. I don’t hate him. That’s the problem.

  Beth’s voice comes from the doorway. “Holly, give me a minute with her, please.”

  Holly huffs and pushes herself off the bed. “Fine.”

  The door clicks a few moments later and Beth goes to the closet before she sits on the edge of the bed.

  “Sweetie,” she says. “I want you to see something.”

  I can’t refuse Beth and sit up. She holds a large black book in her lap. When she opens the cover, I inch closer. The page is full of photos.

  “This is your grandmother and grandfather.” She points to a man with rust-colored hair in a brown suit with his hand on a blonde woman’s shoulder. She’s wearing white gown and they’re both grinning. “This was on their wedding day.”

  Turning the page, she says, “Here’s me and your mom on Christmas Day, 1992. Leah wouldn’t shut up about that Totally Hair Barbie she got.”

  I lean closer, studying the two blonde girls that vaguely resemble Beth and Mother. They’re both grinning, holding up pink boxes with blonde dolls inside. “Which one is Mother?”

  Beth points to the girl wearing a green nightgown with a ruffled collar. I sit up straighter and she turns the page. The next picture she points out is Mother wearing a long, body-hugging dress in a deep purple color. “Prom,” Beth says. “She went. I didn’t. Not my thing.”

  The next picture shows Mother in her purple dress with a dark-haired, tan-skinned boy. “And that, Alaina, is your father.”

  My eyes boggle. “No.”

  “Yes.”

  Leaning in, I take a closer look. Slowly, things click into place. “But, they said I was dark-haired and freckled because I was conceived in sin.”

  Beth laughs. “That’s absurd! Your parents’ marital status has no impact on your physical appearance. It’s all determined by genetics.”

  I can’t take my eyes off Mother’s smile and the way the boy has his arms around her waist. “She’s…happy.”

  “She was. Leah was always happy,” Beth says, turning the page.

  I look up at her. “Until I came.”

  “Leah was especially happy when she found out she was pregnant with you.” She blinks and the end of her nose starts to turn red. “It was those people, those Shiloh people. They changed her. Took advantage of her.”

  I furrow my brow. “How? Mother wanted to join them. She says the Lord called her to Shiloh.”

  Beth shakes her head. “No, Leah joined because she didn’t have anywhere else to go. Dad gave her the same ultimatum he gave me: Get married or get out. Michael wouldn’t marry her, so Leah left. And when those Shiloh people came recruiting, offering her a home and food and stability, Leah saw it as a way to give you a better life.” Beth turns the page and I recognize her and a baby version of Holly right away. “This was taken around the time you were born. Holly was about a year, maybe a year-and-a-half old. We’d just moved back into this house after I divorced Holly’s father.”

  Glancing up at her again, I ask, “Why are you showing me this?”

  She sighs. “Because the woman who allowed someone to whip you is not my sister. The woman who called you a whore and made you feel bad for making friends and having fun is not the Leah I grew up with. They did something to her, Alaina.”

  I shake my head in confusion. “What did they do?”

  She shrugs, her eyes getting watery again. “I don’t know. But I don’t want it to happen to you.” She sets the book aside and takes my hands. “I saw how happy you were the other night when you came home. I’ve seen that smile you get when Holly braids your hair. Don’t let anyone take that from you. Not even your mother.”

  My shoulders slump and I pull my hands from hers. “But, the bible says-”

  She shakes her head, interrupting me. “The b
ible says a lot of things. Most of them can be twisted to apply to things that are totally out of context. Think about it.” She taps the side of her head. “That man, that Elder Berman. He was lying about who he is. He lied to get everyone to do what he said. What makes you think he didn’t lie about what the scriptures mean?”

  I open my mouth, ready to defend him, but she’s right. Even Mother said he was a liar. He was a false prophet.

  After a moment she says, “If you really don’t want to be friends with Jacki and Adam and everyone, you don’t have to. If you truly believe that they’re evil and that I’m evil and that Holly’s evil-”

  I shake my head vigorously. “I don’t think you’re evil. You’re the nicest person I know.”

  She smiles. “Thank you. That’s very sweet.” Her smile fades and she hesitates. “You know, you’ve been in here a long time. A week.”

  Has it really been a week? It doesn’t seem like it’s been that long.

  “I cancelled your visit with your mother today.”

  My eyes widen. Mother will be furious! I start to tell her as much.

  Beth shakes her head. “Ms. Jackson wants to talk to you later, when you’re up for it. She’ll come by for a visit here.”

  Nodding, I stare at my lap. After a moment, I look up. “Mother?” I cringe, my stomach twisting with embarrassment for calling her Mother. “Sorry.”

  She smiles. “It’s okay. Don’t apologize.”

  “You look like her,” I explain.

  She nods. “I know. It’s okay, really.”

  “Did I really get fired from my paper route?”

  This time, she cringes. “I’m afraid so.”

  “But, I owe you so much money.” My forehead wrinkles with worry.

  “Alaina, I told you, you don’t owe me anything. I never intended to take money from you for the clothes. In fact, with school just weeks away, you should probably focus on catching up instead of worrying about making money.” She nods at the books stacked on my dresser beside my phone. “And we really need to go buy you some more clothes. Three skirts and a pair of jeans won’t cut it. And you’ll need school supplies, and a bag…” She’s smiling. “It’ll be fun. I’m sure the girls would love to take you again.”

  School. I forgot all about school.

  I nod. “Okay.”

  She lets out a breath. “Good! Now, will you come out of this room?”

  Pressing my lips together, I nod again.

  CHAPTER FOURTEEN

  ADAM

  I shouldn’t be here. This is by far the stupidest, most pathetic thing I’ve ever done. So pathetic, in fact, I can’t bring myself to get out of the car.

  Go home, Adam. She’ll call you if she wants to talk to you. If not… Well, whatever.

  No. I drove all the way over here. I’m going to at least try to talk to her.

  It’s been a terrible week. I’ve been baked all day, every day since last Friday. This morning when I woke up covered in Dorito crumbs with the world’s worst case of cotton mouth, I decided enough was enough.

  Getting out of the car, I head up the front steps, hesitating to ring the doorbell.

  Holly says Alaina had a bad visit with her mom last Saturday and that she’s been avoiding everyone, not just me.

  I’m not convinced. I believe her about the bad visit thing, but I’m not sure I buy the whole “locked herself in her room for a week” thing. It seems a little extreme.

  Fuck it.

  I ring the doorbell. Seconds tick by. They might as well be hours.

  Finally there’s movement in the living room window. Someone peeks out through the blinds. After that, nothing.

  She could have just punched me in the stomach at the end of our date. I think that would’ve probably hurt less.

  Oh well. It’s not like we were together really. And I haven’t known her that long. Like, a month, maybe. And we’ve only really been talking for the past couple of weeks. Still, this sucks. Really fucking blows.

  Just as I’m turning to head down the steps, the front door opens.

  “Hey, Adam!” It’s Holly with Jacki right behind her.

  “Uh, hey.” Okay, now this is taking on epic levels of awkwardness. Having Holly and Jacki here to witness Alaina giving me the brush off? Kill me now. “I was just leaving,” I say, lamely.

  Holly rolls her eyes and reaches out, grabbing my arm. “Come on.” She pulls me inside and shuts the door.

  I’m trapped.

  Jacki grins with her hand on her hip. “So, what’s up?”

  She knows what’s up. “Just testing doorbells in the neighborhood. This one seems to be working.”

  Holly narrows her eyes. “Smartass.”

  I sigh. “Is Alaina here?” Might as well get it over with.

  “Yup,” Jacki says, grinning.

  “Can I talk to her?” They’re messing with me on purpose.

  Before either of them can answer, I see her over Jacki’s shoulder coming down the stairs with a massive stack of books in her arms.

  “Adam?” Alaina’s eyebrows pull together.

  So much for locking herself in her room. “Hey.”

  A smile edges at the corner of her lips as she descends the last step. “What are you doing here?”

  I push my hand through my hair, nervously. “Came to see you.”

  Jacki and Holly whisper to each other in front of me.

  Moving past them, I stand in front of Alaina. “Can we talk?”

  She nods and I follow her into the living room.

  Jacki and Holly don’t take the hint, hovering in the doorway while Alaina sets her books on the blue velvet couch and takes a seat beside them.

  “Can you go away?” I say, waving Jacki and Holly off.

  Jacki giggles and pulls Holly toward the stairs. I’m sure they’ll sit at the top of the steps and eavesdrop, but I don’t care.

  I take a seat on the striped couch across from Alaina. “So…”

  “I was going to text you,” she says, running her fingers over the spine of what looks like an American History book. “I just didn’t know what to say.”

  “Hi is usually a good start.”

  She winces. “Are you mad? You’re mad. I knew you’d be mad.”

  I shake my head. “No, I’m not mad. I’m just…confused, I guess.”

  “I’m sorry,” she says, her voice quiet. She stares at the book beside her and then glances up at me. “My mother saw us leaving the movie, and she saw us on the porch.”

  My eyes narrow. “How?”

  She shrugs, becoming interested in the book again.

  Taking a deep breath, I stand and move to the blue couch, shifting the books to the far end and take their place beside her. “How?” I say, tilting my head to meet her eye.

  “I think she followed me.”

  I sit back. “That’s…disturbing.” Scary, actually. A bible-thumping psycho following us around all night? “So, she’s stalking you?”

  Alaina’s eyebrows pull together. “I don’t know what that is.”

  “Following you around, spying on you, showing up places she isn’t invited, all for the sake of intimidating you.”

  She shrugs again. “I think it just happened the one time. The night we went to the movie only.” Her eyes drift away from mine, like she’s remembering something else.

  I raise my eyebrows. “You sure?”

  She sighs. “No. She might have been watching me this whole time. I don’t really know. I just… There was a car when we were in the parking lot after the movie. A white car. And then the same car was parked down the street here when you dropped me off.”

  I’m on my feet and at the front window within seconds, pushing the blinds aside, scanning the street. There’s a white Altima a few houses down. “Is that the car?”

  Alaina edges between me and the window, peering out at the street. “No,” she says. “The car I saw was kind of beat up. That one’s too new.”

  Letting the blinds fall back o
ver the window, I take a step back. “Take a picture next time you see it. Get its plates if you can.”

  “Why?” she asks, turning to face me.

  “Stalking is illegal, Alaina. If you can get a picture of the car and the plates, you can file a complaint.”

  She lifts one shoulder. “It’s just my mother. She-”

  I shake my head, cutting her off. “Don’t matter. It’s still illegal.” As an afterthought, I add, “You should talk to my dad. He knows all about this stuff.”

  She lowers her eyes, staring at the patterned rug under our feet. After a moment, she nods and looks up. “So, you’re not mad?”

  Smiling, I let out a short laugh. “Mad? No. Worried? Yeah.”

  “Do you still want to go places together? Like we talked about before?” She twists her fingers in front of her and I realize she’s as nervous as I am about being rejected.

  “Absolutely,” I say, reaching for her hand. “We can go somewhere right now, if you want.”

  Her eyes light up and then her face falls. “I can’t. Ms. Jackson’s coming over in an hour to discuss Mother.”

  I’m not sure who Ms. Jackson is but I nod anyway. “Okay. Later then. Tonight.”

  She grins. “Okay.”

  I get home just as Christine is pulling out of the driveway. Thank god. Dad’s in his office, on the phone as usual, bitching someone out about a misplaced file.

  When I get up to my room, my bed is made and all the Dorito crumbs have been cleaned up. I make a mental note to leave Judy an extra twenty next time she comes. She’s technically only supposed to vacuum my room when she cleans. Making the bed and cleaning up the mess from my weeklong pity party is on me.

  I have no idea where I want to take Alaina later. Especially knowing her mom followed us last time.

  My phone goes off in my pocket and I pull it out, expecting it to be Drew or even Alaina. Instead, it’s a text from a number I don’t recognize.

  Please talk to me.

  Brittany. It’s has to be. She goes through these phases of annoying the shit out of me, thinking we’ll get back together. It usually lasts anywhere from a few days to a few weeks and then she drops off the face of the planet again for a few months.