Falling Hard

by HelenKay Dimon

  “But it wasn’t.”

  “No.” She remembered those days and the numbness that flooded her, turning the world gray. Her father’s flat voice on the phone.

  Then the paranoia set in. She didn’t want to leave her room, and when she did she felt eyes on her all the time. The staring sent her running back to the safety of her bed. She’d rock and hum. She didn’t realize how many days had passed or that she’d locked the door to her room until her father stormed in with the landlord, a police officer, and a bunch of other men.

  West slipped a strand of her hair around his finger. “So, you dropped out.”

  “Not exactly.” Failing out of school would have been a failure to her father, but she took it one step further. “I had a mental breakdown. Agreed to go to a facility for a while and then I never went back to med school.”

  He didn’t even flinch. He sat there, nodding and listening. “Understandable.”

  “How so?” Maybe he could explain it to her. Before that day her life had run so smoothly. School and activities. She’d overhear the occasional fight as her mother complained about what she called Dad’s wanderlust. Then her mother was gone and Lexi’s brain shut down.

  “You were a kid.”

  She’d love to take that out, but she couldn’t. “It wasn’t that long ago. I was twenty-one.”

  “And you felt guilty. You lost your mom. Your dad was grieving.” West made a humming sound. “Add in the pressures of medical school and something had to break. Seems pretty human to me.”

  “You don’t break.” She’d barely seen him bend.

  “If I break, people die.”

  She wanted to lean into him. To close her eyes and enjoy the touch of his hand. Maybe run her palm over his leg. Anything to drink in his warmth. “That makes you strong. You have this laser focus.”

  He gave her a quick look before returning his gaze to the road. “Lexi, I’ve been shoved to the edge. Those long hours trying to dig my friends out of the ice, the days when I was sure I was going to die . . .” He didn’t say anything for what felt like minutes. The silence ticked on. “They changed me.”

  His admission stopped the ball of anxiety that had been bouncing around in her stomach. Since the minute she met him she viewed him as unbreakable. She couldn’t wrap her mind around any other version. “But you face death without blinking.”

  “Now. I learned to.”

  “You’re invincible.” It sounded stupid when she said it, but in her head that’s how she felt.

  “I’m a man. A fucking tough one, way deadlier and competent in danger than most, but still a man.” His hand stilled against her neck. “Is that what this is about? You think you’re weak or incapable or something?”

  “My dad does. He never says it, of course. He just treats me like I’m going to shatter.” He’d made a life out of being in dangerous places and helping climbers and others who thrived on adrenaline. People who were the exact opposite of her.

  Some time in therapy helped her see her choices now stemmed from what happened then. The need to show she could take it, whatever “it” might be.

  “He’s probably afraid of losing you.”

  “Years have passed and he refuses to see me as whole again.”

  West shook his head. “That’s his thing, not yours.”

  West made it sound so simple. She knew from experience it wasn’t.

  She twisted her hands together tight enough to make her knuckles ache. “Meaning?”

  “You risked your safety to track trucks and call in reinforcements. You faced me down with a gun and threatened to blow my balls off.”

  God, did she really say that? “I didn’t.”

  “Trust me, I remember those types of threats.” His hand shifted to her shoulder. “My point is, you are not weak. Human, yes. But I like that about you. It’s easy to lose your humanity in this job. To always see the worst, but you remind me good is out there.”

  Guilt smacked into her. She’d pinned him as a killing machine and stuck him in that box even though every tough decision showed him to be a decent man. “You are human.”

  “My point is, you are strong in ways you don’t realize.” He shot her a heated look. “Most men shrink away from me, but you don’t let me get away with shit.”

  “Do you like that, too?”

  “It’s sexy as hell.”

  Acceptance. She didn’t realize she’d been craving it or missed it until West handed it to her. The words to form the right reply jammed up inside her. She had no idea what to say or how to say it. A simple thank-you seemed insufficient.

  She cleared her throat and said the only thing that jumped into her head. “We’ll be locked in there all day.”

  She thought she saw West’s lips twitch in a smile, but he held it back. Probably a good thing.

  “Yes. Javed said it’s an outpost for specialized training, but with everyone mobilized to hunt us down, he doesn’t think anyone will be out here. Even then, not until late afternoon.”

  “So, we’ll be safe now.” New possibilities rumbled around in her head. Things that had nothing to do with her past or the danger that swirled around them.

  He moved back over to his seat and put a hand on the door handle. “For a while.”

  Before he could open the door and jump out, she said the one thing that had been playing in her mind since he came back from his look at the encampment. “You should know I don’t go back on my promises.”

  The intensity of his stare switched to white hot. “I remember a promise about a kiss.”

  “It’s going to happen.” She wanted it more than she’d ever wanted anything.

  He nodded. “You bet your sweet ass it is.”

  “Well?”

  “Let me lock the door.”

  14

  ANOTHER HALF hour passed. West locked the door and checked the building. Despite the need revving inside him, he didn’t ignore his usual safety procedures.

  He’d crawled up into the loft space. The faint scent of gasoline still hit him, but he shoved the loosened ceiling board and created an opening to the roof. Not the most romantic spot for foreplay ever, but he had to know she was safe.

  “What are you doing up there?” She stood about twenty feet below him on the garage floor.

  Satisfied she could fit through the opening, he balanced the boards on the beams again. “Making an escape hatch.”

  “I don’t even know what to ask next.”

  He climbed down the cross beams and jumped the last few feet to land in front of her. “If anyone storms in here, you climb up and out as fast as you can and without being seen. There are lower hanging tree branches. Grab one and hide up there until Josiah or someone from my team comes to get you.”

  She crossed her arms in front of her. “And where will you be during all of this?”

  “Creating a diversion.” He thought that would be obvious, but then she didn’t have the training he did.

  “In other words, dying.”

  She was really stuck on that point. “I do win some battles, you know.”

  He walked around her to the bags he’d grabbed out of the back. Crouching down, he did another informal inventory. They had additional weapons and ammo. A few cold weather supplies and food basics. Javed had provided enough to set them up for the night, maybe two, but no more.

  Footsteps thudded against the floor. She walked over and stood right in front of him. “If I climb up there, you are climbing with me.”

  He glanced up and saw shoes and her legs. The tour ended at the grim line of her face. Looked like he wouldn’t be able to laugh this off. “We’re not arguing about this.”

  And there was no way he was agreeing to whatever contingency plan she’d devised. He knew the best way to ensure her safety might be to sacrifice his. He was fine with that.

  “West, I’m serious.”

  “Me, too.” Time for a diversion.

  He stood up. This close, his body skimmed her as he rose. He end
ed with his arms around her waist and her body hugged tight against his. “I can think of better things to do with our few minutes of open time.”

  Not needing another second to think about his next move, West leaned down. He caught her sharp inhale of breath as his mouth covered hers. Sealed up tight in this building with warning bells ready to ring if someone came by, he felt safe touching her.

  His hands roamed over her trim body and his lips covered hers. The kiss went deep fast. Heat rolled over him and his common sense took a sharp nosedive. He couldn’t get close enough. The need drove through him rough and sharp. He had to lift his head to bring his mind back into focus.

  She glanced over at the open gym bag on the floor. “Any chance you have a condom in that bag?”

  He should say no and limit this to kissing. Locks or not, they were not safe. All of his training pointed to walking away. If they got through the next twenty-four hours they could reassess . . . ah, fuck it. “One.”

  Her eyebrow lifted and amusement filled her voice. “You brought birth control with you?”

  West wasn’t sure how to answer that without sounding like a dick. He went with a shortcut version of the truth: “It’s part of the ‘go’ kit.”

  “You have a kit?”

  It also included supplies for convincing people to talk, but he kept that gem to himself. Talking torture tended not to charm the ladies. “They teach you that in spy school.”

  “Funny how you throw out that word when you want to avoid a question.”

  Maybe humor would help get this conversation back on track. “You mean teach?”

  “So, this happens a lot on your assignments? You need to reach for a condom.” She stared down at the bag as if trying to search through it without touching it.

  So much for humor. “If you’re asking if I bed a woman on every job, the answer is no.”

  The idea of that made his dick shrivel. On assignments, he thought about the briefings and the breakdown of duties for the team. Usually that meant him using force. For him, sex and violence didn’t generally mix.

  He understood the punch of adrenaline. He’d run that high before, but putting down a gun to pick up a condom wasn’t really the way he operated.

  Since she kept staring and not talking, he tried to narrow his answer down. “It’s never happened, actually.”

  “Hard to believe, coming from a guy with an emergency condom.”

  West didn’t see how this moment could go worse. Emotionally stepping away seemed like the only solution. “We don’t have to have sex.”

  “I know.”

  “Okay.” But, really, she could have at least fought him a little bit. He knew the attraction moved both ways. He’d find her staring at him, and the way she worried about his safety and tried to keep him safe.

  He let his hands drop then because holding her felt weird. Good, excellent even, but ill-timed. It was hard to think about kissing her when she was busy wondering how many assets he’d screwed.

  He put a few feet in between them. Almost fell over the damn bag while doing it. He bent down to move it out of the middle of the open space not sucked up by the truck.

  “What if I want to?” Her question came from right behind him.

  He turned and nearly fell over. Him, the guy who once snuck up on a higher-up in the Taliban and slit his throat before the man could call out to the two bodyguards in the room.

  She steadied him, then left her hands on his chest. The light touch ignited a firestorm inside him. Common sense battled with need until the need to be inside her overwhelmed his need to keep watch.

  The lower half of his body sparked to life. His brain took a few extra minutes to catch up. “The way this conversation is going, I’m afraid to answer that.”

  “Let’s try this again.” Her hands went to his shoulders as she balanced her body against his. “Do you make it a habit of sleeping with the women you’re rescuing?”

  Easy one. “No.”

  “Women you’re questioning?”

  Those were often the same thing, but he didn’t point that out after her earlier panic about being interrogated. “No.”

  “I’m just the lucky one?”

  She stuck. She mattered. Little time had passed but she’d wound her way through his defenses. She was not the battlefield sex type, but neither was he. He couldn’t explain why he wanted her so much, but he did.

  And forget fighting it. She just had to say the word. He said, “I’ll do whatever you want here.”

  She stepped back. “Find it.”

  They were either experiencing a mixed message problem or he’d lost all ability to read a situation from one minute to the next. “What?”

  She rolled her eyes and somehow managed to look sexy doing it. “The condom.”

  That was the word he’d been waiting for. “Done.”

  West set a speed record tearing through the bag and coming up with the small packet. Satisfaction soared across his face. Lexi half expected him to throw her over his shoulder and take her on the truck’s hood.

  Not that she would hate that.

  When he stood back up again, every line of his body was pulled taut. Tension thrummed off him. He held the packet between two fingers, right in front of her face. “Here.”

  “So romantic.”

  He winced. “Sorry.”

  She was pretty sure they could do better than a few thrusts and grunts. But he was not in a position to get them there. The burning in his eyes clued her in. He’d pushed right to the edge and was ready to go.

  She took the condom and folded it in her hand. Her arms wrapped around his neck. “Tell me what you want.”

  Those strong hands went to her waist. “You.”

  The man could not be more specific than that. But she gave it a try. “How?”

  “On the ground, against the wall, in the truck bed. I don’t care so long as you’re naked with me inside you.” There was a soft growl to his voice as he said it. The promise went from his tone to the spark in his eyes.

  Her heart did a little spin. She tried to downplay how happy the comment made her and how it sent a kick of life through her . . . and failed.

  But she could not get lost in the moment. Not fully. “The danger?”

  His fingers tightened on her hips. “I can handle it.”

  Interesting. “How?”

  “I’ll keep my pants on.”

  His sweet talk needed some work but she knew the comment came from the right place. No matter what, he’d protect her. She couldn’t ask for more than that.

  She leaned in until her mouth brushed over his ear. “Do it.”

  A shiver. She felt it under her hands as it moved through him. She was going to say something but his mouth covered hers and the ability to do anything but feel abandoned her. Sensation bombarded her. Want and need, hunger and desperation.

  She felt as if she’d waited for this moment forever. Never mind that she didn’t know him two days ago. In a way, she’d been in a holding pattern. She talked herself into wanting one type of guy—safe for her. But she needed the thrill. The guy who loved quiet but wouldn’t hesitate to spar with her.

  He backed them up to the wall he’d climbed earlier. One dip and he grabbed a blanket out of the bag and threw it over his shoulder. “Up.”

  He had to be kidding. Her legs barely held her when she stood on the ground. “We could—”

  “I’ll guide you.”

  She had a feeling there would be a lot of that over the next few minutes. Diving in now made sense to her.

  She turned in his arms and started to climb. With each step his hand would brush against her. At first almost impossible to detect. A brief moment of contact, then his hand was gone. The higher she went, the more he touched. And when he cupped her ass, she flew up those last two ladder steps.

  The loft had just enough clearance for her to stand. That likely meant he would be bent over. Preferably, lying down.

  As if he heard her, he stepped onto
the loft. Without a word he spread out his blanket and dropped to his knees. With a hand in hers, he tugged and her body fell. She ended up straddling his thighs with her chest pressed against his.

  So many moves and all of them taking them right where she wanted to be. “Impressive.”

  He ran his palm up and down her back. “I told you, I have many skills.”

  Apparently seducing the panties right off a woman was one of them. “Show me.”

  The room spun. When she opened her eyes again he loomed over her. He balanced his weight on one elbow as he bent down and traced her collarbone with the tip of his tongue. She didn’t know that part of her was even sensitive until her nerve endings burst to life.

  “You have too many clothes on.” He pulled down the zipper to her jacket and pushed it off her shoulders.

  Next came the sweater. He pushed it up far enough to kiss her bare stomach. The light touch had her inhaling. When he repeated the kiss, she relaxed into him.

  She thought to grab his shoulders and drag him up her body, but he was already moving. His mouth traveled over her. Everywhere his fingers touched, his lips followed. He burned a trail from her chest to the area between her thighs.

  He kissed her through layers of clothing, rubbed his cheek against her in the most sensual caress she’d ever experienced. When he hummed, she felt it to her core. Her hips lifted off the blanket and her fingers slipped into his hair. She knew what she wanted and used her body to ask for it.

  Forming tiny circles, he pressed the heel of his hand over her zipper. An ache formed deep inside her. Heat built and an inner clenching took hold. A flush covered her body as she fought the urge to rip off her pants and drag him even closer.

  Her hand fell to the blanket beside her and her fist opened. The condom lay there. West picked it up and put the corner between his teeth. Then his hands went to work.

  The sound of her zipper screeched through the room as he dragged it down. His fingers slipped under the elastic of her underwear. With one swift swoop, he had her bare to the knees, then the pants and panties were gone.

  “I thought we were keeping them on.” Not that she missed the clothing one bit. She just wanted him to take a turn.