Almost a Bride

by Jo Watson

  “Sure.” My skin felt sticky and salty from the sea and slimy from the sunscreen—I could definitely do with a rinse in the pool.

  “Sounds good.”

  We made our way to the pool, picking up cool drinks from the bar as we went. The hotel pool was impressive—although by now I wouldn’t have expected anything less from this place. It was a rather large infinity pool that looked out over the beach, surrounded by tables, chairs, and comfortable loungers. We spotted two free ones and headed over.

  I sat for a while, taking in the beauty of my surroundings and reflecting on the day I’d had with Chris, when suddenly…Tess was emerging from the pool.

  Bloody hell.

  I pulled my glasses down and eyed Tess over the top of them. She looked like she was climbing out in slow motion and moving to the imaginary beats of a sultry exotic song with a saxophone. Her tanned, toned body was squeezed into a white bikini, and her long wet black hair clung to her. She lowered her head and flicked it back. Her black locks flew through the air, again, in slow motion. She shook her head and her boobs bounced and wobbled in the tiny bikini top. She reached up and ran her fingers through her hair.

  It was like a scene from a shampoo commercial, where the woman casually flicks her long, luscious locks over her shoulder, sending little water drops shooting in all directions. Slow-motion droplets that shimmer and shine when caught in the sun’s rays.

  I looked at the reactions of the other pool-goers. Her no doubt very deliberate and calculated display was having the predicted effect. Men were scraping their jaws off the ground. Wives looked seriously pissed off, and even the birds on the grass looked like they’d stopped eating and turned to watch. Trevv was glowing with pride and smirking with ownership. The kind you might have if you drove around in a new, shiny red Lamborghini.

  Tess waved at him, blew him a kiss, and then winked seductively. I swear every man in a five-mile radius got an involuntary hard-on. She picked up a towel. The little tart then bent over to dry her legs, causing her boobs to squish together and her bum to protrude. (Make that a ten-mile radius.)

  I looked back at Chris and I could see he was thinking the exact same thing I was.

  “Have you ever?” he said.

  “I know!”

  “She’s such a cock-tease, that one. If Trevv thinks she’s going to be Little Miss Doting Wife, he’s got another thing coming…”

  “Really?” The thought of Tess cheating on Trevv made me giddy with happiness. Hopefully she would do it publicly. Hopefully someone would take a photo of it and post it on social media only for it to go viral for all Trevv’s friends and family and colleagues to see. He would be so humiliated. “Tell me more.” I was excited and Chris was only too willing to indulge me.

  “Yup. I’ve seen her type before. I understand them. She’s the kind of woman that uses her sexuality to get what she wants, but if you had to strip it all away, she’s probably deeply insecure and actually thinks that her looks are all that people respond to. Her biggest fear is losing her looks—because then she would just have to be herself. She would be ordinary.”

  “Jeez, Mr. Psychologist. Where the hell did that come from?”

  Chris shrugged nonchalantly. “I’m a writer, it’s my job to know people. Know what makes them tick. Otherwise I wouldn’t be able to write about them.”

  “Really? But you don’t need to know and understand love in order to write about it? You are contradicting yourself, mister.” I pointed a finger in his direction and waggled it. “In fact, you’re constantly contradicting yourself. Why?”

  Chris shook his head. “Annie Anne, this is all far too deep for casual poolside banter.”

  I eyed him suspiciously. “You just don’t want to answer because I caught you out, didn’t I?”

  “Caught me out at what?”

  “The biggest lie you tell yourself.”

  At this Chris whipped his head around and looked at me. “And what’s that?”

  “I don’t think you really don’t believe in love. I think it’s all just a defense.” I launched into it. “You believe in love, you just don’t allow yourself to feel it.”

  “Now who’s the psychologist?”

  “Chris, seriously, it doesn’t take a person with a degree to see it. When you were younger and you were—” It felt hurtful saying the words.

  “Fat. Chubby. Chunky.” Chris said it nonchalantly, but I could tell there was real pain in his voice.

  “Yes. Girls didn’t like you for who you were. They only started getting interested when you were someone else, successful and good-looking—so of course you don’t believe in love. In your experience, love is conditional. So how can it be real?”

  Chris nodded. “Interesting observation.”

  “And then your parents got divorced, you thought it was your fault, and then you saw what a broken heart did to your mom and you just switched it off. I may not be great at relationships and choosing the right guys—in fact, I’ve started to realize that I had terrible taste in men—but at least I’ve loved, even if I lost.”

  “You really believe that? It’s worth all that inevitable pain.”

  “The pain is not inevitable. When two people are right for each other, maybe they can live happily ever after.”

  “Unlikely,” he said dismissively, but I wasn’t going to let this go until I was satisfied with the answer.

  “You don’t not believe in love. You just choose not to let yourself fall in love, because you think you’ll just get hurt. You wear all your humor and witty retorts like some protective padding. You’re terrified that if you allow yourself to fall for someone, they’ll abandon you like your dad did or you’ll be abandoned for being the ‘fat kid.’”

  Chris was silent for a while. I could tell he was thinking about what I’d said. “Ordinarily I might agree with you, hell, a first-year psych student would agree with you, but…” Chris looked up at me, and every muscle in my body tensed. For a moment I felt like I couldn’t breathe; there was something in his look that had rendered me useless. “I’m starting to think that maybe I just haven’t met the right girl yet. And maybe when I do, I will eat my words and have to admit that I was wrong all along. Maybe I’m just a lame, thirty-three-year-old bachelor-cynic character who hasn’t met his perfect heroine yet.”

  His gaze intensified and my heart forgot to beat. What was he trying to say?

  “Annie…” Chris spoke softly and it gave me a queasy feeling in my stomach.

  “Yes…”

  “Since we’re being all deep and making observations about each other, do you mind if I reciprocate?”

  “Sure.” But I wasn’t so sure actually. I wasn’t so sure I wanted to hear it at all.

  “Do you have any idea how much you put yourself down?”

  “What?” I asked, feeling truly baffled.

  “If I had a dollar for every time I’ve heard you call yourself lame, or pathetic, or told me how much you dislike this new Annie, I’d be able to retire.”

  I felt my throat close.

  “Trevv cheating had nothing to do with you being inadequate in any way. In fact, there is nothing even vaguely inadequate about you, Annie. Because the truth is that you have nothing to feel insecure about. You’re smart, funny, gorgeous, and you’re obviously a very talented designer.”

  “How do you know that?”

  “That’s a pretty interesting, unique piece if you ask me,” he said as he pointed at my bag. “And judging by the way you kiss, I’m also pretty sure that you’d be a pretty good lay.”

  “What?” I burst out laughing. “Did you just say ‘lay’?”

  If it were anyone else saying it, I would have been highly offended. But for some reason, Chris could get away with saying things like that. “And how would you know that?” I asked.

  “Because you’re a very sexy woman.”

  “Not like her, though.” I pointed at the poolside hussy who was still entertaining the masses by wiping the water droplets
from her breasts.

  “Being sexy is also about maintaining a bit of mystery. That…” Chris pointed at Tess, who was bending down again. “There’s no mystery there. Her swimsuit is borderline transparent. She might as well be participating in a wet bikini contest.”

  I looked over at Tess and her bikini bottom had slipped a little, exposing a large chunk of her pert bum.

  “I would choose you over her any day of the week.”

  My heart missed about ten beats. Adrenaline combined with surging hormones, and I felt physically uncomfortable. I was uncomfortable, frustrated, and confused. So confused. One minute he was saying the nicest things in the world to me, and kissing me, and then he was joking and I was losing it, trying to figure out how much of this was real.

  Chris reached out and grabbed me by the arm. “Seriously, Annie Anne. It’s time to get your confidence back!”

  But before I could reply, T-Squared were right beside us.

  Fuck! They were really starting to piss me off, especially now that they were interrupting a pivotal moment here. They were like poisonous shadows, always two steps behind us or two heads behind a palm.

  “Hey.” Trevv’s voice was nauseating.

  “Hey.” I hoped my reply was demonstrating adequately the nonenthusiasm I had for them right now.

  “Have a good day?” he asked as if he actually cared.

  “Very. Thanks.” I wanted to scream, “Fuck off, Chris and I are in the middle of a very important conversation, you slimy toad of a man.”

  “So glad. So glad.” Trevv nodded with sincere insincerity. And then he knelt and looked me straight in the eye.

  “I’m happy that you’re happy,” he said. I wanted to throw up right there and then. “I know how happy Tess and I were when we got engaged. Oh, that reminds me, you never did tell us how you met?” His smile melted away for a brief moment, revealing the arrogant douche bag behind it and the real reason for the question. He was still trying to catch us out.

  “I would love to hear that story, too,” Tess piped in, and then they actually pulled up a lounger and sat, as if they’d been invited. As if we were all friends.

  “Well”—Chris put his arm on my leg—“that is a very interesting story.”

  “It is, is it?” Trevv leaned in.

  “Oh yes, definitely.” Chris sounded very confident and I was glad. He was the storyteller after all, not me.

  “It was about five months ago, hey, baby?”

  “Really.” Trevv’s eyes lit up. “But didn’t you come round to my house and tell me about Boyden over six months ago?”

  “Did I say five months, I meant six. Definitely six,” Chris corrected like a pro. “I had just arrived in South Africa, we were looking at locations for a movie, and I bumped into Annie in the airport. Literally. Isn’t that right, honey?”

  “Yes, sweetie.” I faked an awful-sounding laugh.

  “And what were you doing at the airport, Anne?” Trevv asked as if this was a cross-examination.

  “Um, I was…I was…” Fuck. What was I doing?

  “She was picking up Stormy-Rain. Weren’t you?” Chris quickly saved me by cleverly throwing in one of my friend’s names.

  “But I thought Stormy didn’t fly. Doesn’t she not believe in air travel or something stupid like that?” Trevv rolled his eyes. He and Stormy hadn’t ever clicked.

  “Exactly!” Chris clicked his fingers. “She thought she was going to fly, but chickened out at the last minute and phoned Annie to pick her up.”

  Trevv scrutinized my face, and I tried to hold the knowing nod and smile that I was currently attempting.

  “I saw her before she saw me. I mean, you of all people should know how she stands out from the crowd.” Out of the corner of my eye I saw Chris look at me and felt his hand tighten its grip on my thigh. “She was the most beautiful woman I’d ever seen and, I’m not afraid to admit, I was staring.”

  My body stiffened next to him as he began to shift closer to me.

  “And cute. She looked so cute. All her hair was piled up on her head except for those adorable little strands that are shorter than the rest.” His voice had taken on a different quality now, and I instinctively brushed one of those strands away from my face. I couldn’t believe he’d actually noticed such a small detail about me.

  “I was trying to get the courage to talk to her, but couldn’t. And just when I was mentally kicking myself for being such a coward, I walked into her outside the airport. We collided and both fell onto the floor.”

  “How romantic,” Tess said.

  “It was, especially because she was lying on top of me.”

  “That’s so sweet, don’t you think, Trevv?” Tess poked Trevv in the ribs with an elbow and he grunted.

  “It was fate, because then something very strange happened between us. Our eyes met and it felt like we were looking into each other’s souls. It was electric and I just knew.”

  “Knew what?” I turned to look at Chris.

  His eyes met mine and it did feel like he was trying to look into my soul. “I knew that she was the woman I wanted to be with…so I just kissed her.”

  “You kissed a total stranger at an airport on the floor?” Trevv sounded very unconvinced.

  “Yes. We didn’t need to say a word to each other, either, because in that moment I could see she knew, too. It was perfect. I couldn’t have written a better scene into a script if I’d tried.” Chris moved even closer. “It was the kind of kiss you get lost in, you know?”

  A strange, giddy, electric feeling rushed through me again as he continued his approach. “The kind of kiss that says so much in total silence…the kind of kiss that makes you forget the world even exists.”

  Oh God, he was going to kiss me…again! His eyes moved down to my lips and I readied myself.

  “A kiss just like this…” In my stupor I thought I heard his Australian accent falter, and then totally disappear. He leaned in and as soon as his lips touched mine, I melted.

  “It’s the kind of kiss that makes you finally believe in love.”

  CHAPTER NINETEEN

  The second Trevv and Tess got up to leave, Chris pulled away and gave me a truly million-dollar smile.

  “That was amazing,” he said.

  “I know.” I was still in a half-dreamy state.

  “We totally fooled them there. I couldn’t have written more perfect dialogue if I’d fucking tried.”

  “What?”

  “Annie and Boyden just scored!” He held his hand up in the air for me to high-five. I didn’t. Instead I got up, grabbed my bag, and started walking back to the room. I needed to get a grip on my emotions. One minute I was on cloud nine, succumbing to the bliss of the best kiss I’d ever had, and the next minute the cloud was being ripped out from under me and I was plummeting to the ground.

  “What’s wrong?” Chris shot up and started following me.

  I kept walking. I was furious with him right now, even though I knew it was completely misplaced. He was just doing was what expected of him, and he was playing the role perfectly.

  “Why are you getting so upset, Annie?”

  I stopped walking and turned around. I stared at him and wanted to say something, but I couldn’t. How could I tell him that I was falling for all his perfect dialogue? I was falling for each and every one of his perfectly created scenes in this giant movie he was so expertly writing and directing.

  “Nothing. I’m just tired, I want to get back to the room.”

  After that he didn’t press me anymore, and we walked back to the room together in total silence. As soon as we walked through the door, I made a beeline for the stairs but Chris blocked me.

  “Are you going to tell me what’s wrong?” he asked.

  I shook my head. “Nothing is wrong.”

  “Oh please, ‘nothing’ is women speak for everything is wrong.”

  I paused and took a deep breath in. “I’m just confused. That’s all. This…” I gestured between
us. “Is confusing.”

  “What about it is confusing?”

  “Why did you kiss me on the boat?”

  “Because you told me I needed a distraction.”

  “Exactly,” I said. My point had been proven once again. This whole thing really was in my head, and I’d been projecting my own fantasy onto it the entire time.

  “And because I wanted to,” he quickly added.

  “You wanted to?” I shook my head. “But what does that mean, Chris? I don’t get it. What are we doing here? Why are we kissing each other and why are you saying all these nice things to me and…” I stopped when I realized how I sounded. Vaguely desperate and pathetic.

  “I’m confused, too,” Chris said, moving toward me.

  “About what exactly?”

  “This, us, what’s happening. I like spending time with you and I really, really like kissing you but…” He stopped talking.

  “But what? You think you don’t believe in love because it’s cheesy and you’re all cynical and writer-y and hate romance and sweet stories about old people who are in love and people with amnesia?”

  “Let’s have dinner,” he said suddenly, totaling derailing my line of questioning.

  “Huh? I thought that was the plan. We’ve got to eat.”

  “No, I mean, have dinner with me.” He stressed the word me like I’d forgotten that we were doing everything together at the moment anyway.

  “I was going to include you.” I was irritated now.

  Chris stepped forward and placed his hands on my shoulders. “I mean a date. Go on a date with me, Annie.”

  “A date?”

  “Yes, it’s a very normal form of courtship for most couples.” He smiled at me playfully, but I couldn’t reciprocate.

  “To what end, Chris?” I asked him. “We live in different countries, I’m leaving in a few days. I’m going to go back to my crap life and you’re going back to your glamorous one in LA. So what’s the point of going on a date?”

  Chris shrugged. “All I know is that I want to be able to hold your hand tonight and look at you across the table without pretending that I’m not.”

  I went silent for a while. This wasn’t making me as happy as I thought it would. Perhaps it was the reminder that this was finite and had a very definite end.