Can't Let You Go: A Wheeler Brothers Novel

by Allie Everhart

  I draw mostly freeform designs, and some of them are pretty good. When Bryce turned 18, he took one of my designs and had it inked onto his right shoulder. That one tattoo started an obsession, and now Bryce has inked practically his whole upper body with my designs. My friends have told me that's a sign that Bryce loves me, and maybe that's true, but if so, he won't admit it. In his mind, I'm only a friend. He loves me as a friend. That's it.

  "Hold off on the tile," he says to whoever's on the phone. "I want to be there before you rip it out." He nods. "Yeah, I'll be there soon."

  "Problems at work?" I ask as he puts his phone away.

  He shrugs. "Just the usual shit. I swear I leave those guys alone for an hour and the place falls apart. They stand around not knowing what to do."

  "Is this a new crew?"

  "Yeah, and they suck. We won't be using them again. I texted Jake to have him stop over there quick. He's at a job just a few miles away."

  Jake is Bryce's older brother. Then there's Nash, who's the oldest, and Austin, who's the youngest. They all work construction for their dad's company.

  "Sounds like you need to get going," I tell him, but I don't want him to leave. I haven't seen him for a few days, and as pathetic as it sounds, a few days is too long.

  "I'm in no rush," he says. "Jake can handle it. Besides, I needed a break from that place. I've been working there nonstop for days."

  So that's why I haven't heard from him. He's been busy with work, although sometimes I think he uses that as a reason not to call or see me. He's so weird that way. Sometimes he makes excuses to see me, and sometimes he makes excuses not to see me.

  "You look cold," he says, rubbing his hand up and down my arm. I'm wearing a thin sweater and when the breeze blew I shivered.

  "I'm fine, but I think it's getting colder out. I heard we might get a snowstorm next week."

  "Really?" He takes his hand off my arm and I instantly feel colder. "That sucks. It's supposed to be spring."

  "It seems like we always get a winter storm in March. Remember that storm we had when we were in seventh grade?"

  He chuckles. "When we had no school and you wanted to spend the day in front of the fire watching chick flicks and I wouldn't let you?"

  "Yeah. That's the one." I kiddingly punch his hard-as-a-rock shoulder. "I practically broke a bone on those sledding hills you made us go down."

  "You had fun and you know it."

  I did have fun. I always have fun with Bryce. So why can't I have fun with other guys? Why do other guys bore me after just a few hours, but I can hang out with Bryce all day and not get bored?

  The wind blows again and I reach into my car and grab my jean jacket. I leave the door open, standing beside it as I put my jacket on.

  "See?" Bryce helps me get my arm in the sleeve. "I told you you were cold."

  "Well, yeah, did you feel that wind?"

  His large hand braces the top of my car, his other hand holding the door as he leans toward me. "There. I'll block the wind."

  His massive body, 6'4 and all muscle, does just that. He's positioned himself just like Chad did, and yet when Chad did it, my heart wasn't thundering in my chest like it is now. Chad was standing just as close to me as Bryce is, and yet I felt nothing. No response. Dammit. Why does Bryce do this to me?

  "So who was that guy?" Bryce asks, his deep blue eyes locked on mine. His tone has a possessiveness to it that annoys me. He has no right to act this way. I'm not his. I can date whoever I want and he can't say a thing about it. He's had numerous chances to ask me out or make a move that would indicate he wants to be more than friends, but he hasn't. Correction. He did make a move. But only one time.

  It was the night of our high school graduation. After a party at his dad's house, Bryce and I drove out to a field and laid in the bed of his truck and talked while looking up at the stars. I turned toward him to say something and he kissed me. Just like that. Completely out of the blue. I was so shocked I couldn't speak. Then he kissed me again, longer that time. And it was the best damn kiss I've ever had. Talk about sparks. The sparks were so intense I could practically see them. And there was definitely tingling, throughout my entire body. I wanted the kiss to continue and turn into more. I would've given myself to Bryce that night, but then he pulled away and laid on his back, staring up at the sky as if the kiss never happened.

  We didn't talk about it. In fact, after that night he hardly talked to me at all for almost a year. When we finally started talking again, neither one of us mentioned the kiss. We just went back to being friends.

  But I never forgot that night and how it felt when he kissed me. After it happened, I told myself I was making it up, imagining something I wanted to feel but that wasn't actually real. But it was real. I felt it. I felt that Bryce loved me that night. And I know he still does. He just won't act on it.

  "What guy?" I ask, knowing full well what he meant.

  "The one you were talking to before I came over here."

  "He's just some guy from class. Chad."

  "Chad." He bites down hard on the word. He glances to the side and inhales through his nose, then looks back at me as he exhales. "So what did Chad want?"

  "He's in my group. He was just walking me out from class. And he um...wanted to know if I'd go to dinner with him."

  I could've left that part out, but I said it to give Bryce yet another chance to do or say something that would tell me he wants more than a friendship with me. I know deep-down he does, but he won't admit it. He keeps denying it and I don't know why. His brothers are constantly telling him to make me his girlfriend, but he refuses. He won't even ask me out on a date.

  "And what did you say?" he asks.

  "I told him I had things to do," I say casually. "But honestly, I'm not that busy. I could probably have dinner with him."

  I look Bryce in the eye and he stares back at me, his chest moving in and out as he breathes. He's angry. Jealous. And completely turned on. So am I. The attraction between us is so intense, there's no way Bryce could deny it. But he tries to hide it. He always does, and it drives me crazy.

  "You shouldn't go out with him," he says.

  "Why? Chad's a nice guy. And I've known him all semester. It's not like he's a stranger."

  "You're leaving soon. Why would you waste your time getting involved with some guy?"

  Bryce assumes I'll take a job out of state after I graduate. It's possible, but I'm really hoping to stay in Chicago. I can't leave my mom here alone. She's a mess, and needs me to keep her in line. And then there's Bryce's family, who I'd miss terribly if I left. The Wheelers have been my surrogate family since I was a kid. Bryce's parents practically raised me. And my main reason for not wanting to leave Chicago? Bryce. I know we don't have a future together, but I still don't want to leave him. I love him, and not just as a friend. Which explains why my dating life has been so unsuccessful. How can you have a relationship with a guy when you're in love with someone else?

  "I never said I was leaving," I say to Bryce.

  "Still. I don't think Chad's the guy for you." He says 'Chad' like it's the dumbest name he's ever heard.

  "Oh, really?" I say, crossing my arms. "Then who's the right guy for me?"

  There it is. Another chance for Bryce to say how he feels about me. Another chance for him to ask me out. But does he do it? Of course not.

  He shakes his head. "I don't know who the right guy is, but I know it's not Chad."

  I sigh in frustration. "I have to go." I get in my car. "I'll see you later." I pull on the door until he moves enough for me to close it.

  "Hey." He taps on the window as I start the engine.

  I roll the window down. "What?"

  "Are you going to dinner with him or not?"

  Now I'm angry. Bryce always makes me like this. Loving him one minute, hating him the next. Well, it's not hate, but it's complete and utter annoyance and frustration.

  "Not that it's any of your business, but yes, I am going to din
ner with him. Goodbye, Bryce." I roll my window up and pull out of my parking space and drive off. When I glance in the rearview mirror, I see Bryce still standing there, his head hung down, his hands wrapped around the back of his neck. He does that when he's mad or frustrated. So he feels the same way as me. Good. We can both be miserable.

  But why is that good? Why can't we just be happy? Why can't we be together like we want to be? And if we're not going to be together, why aren't we able to move on and be happy with other people?

  Because we're Jen and Bryce. That's why. We're best friends and we love each other and we're meant to be together. But for some stupid reason we can't.

  And that stupid reason is Bryce.

  CHAPTER THREE

  Bryce

  I walk across the street to my truck. I yank the door open, get inside, and slam it shut.

  "Fuck." I bang my fist on the steering wheel, then rest my head back against the seat, taking deep breaths to calm down.

  So Jen's going out with some guy tonight. Hopefully, it's just dinner and nothing else.

  Chad. What a dumbass name. It matches his dumbass haircut. He looks like one of those guys on the nightly news. Jen said he's in her class, which means he's a senior, so probably 22, same as me, and yet he looks like a 50-year-old with that hair and those old-man khaki pants.

  Why would Jen go out with that guy? I know she's attracted to me, so how could she be attracted to him? We're complete opposites. Maybe that's why she likes him. Maybe she wants someone different. Someone who doesn't remind her of me.

  I do that with girls. I go out with girls who are nothing like Jen, hoping it'll make me not think about her. But I still do. Jen is constantly in my head. She has been for years, despite all my efforts to stop thinking about her. And now I'll have that idiot, Chad, barging into my thoughts as I imagine him with Jen. He better not touch her. What am I saying? Of course he'll touch her. They're going out.

  "Fuck," I say, taking another deep breath.

  I can't do this again. Watch Jen be with some other guy. It nearly killed me the last time. But that was because she didn't just go out with the guy for dinner. He was her boyfriend. They dated for over a month until she finally broke up with him. She said it was a mutual break-up but I can't imagine any guy giving her up that easily. I sure as hell wouldn't, but I'll never have a chance to because I'll never date her.

  But I love her. I love Jen so much it literally hurts to be around her. Whenever we're together, I ache to touch her. To hold her in my arms. To kiss her.

  I haven't kissed her since graduation night but I've wanted to every day since. I've thought about it. Dreamed about it. Imagined how it would feel to kiss her again.

  But I can't do it, for so many reasons, one of which is because I can't risk losing her as a friend. Aside from my family, she's the only person who really knows me and understands me. I trust her enough to tell her things I wouldn't tell anyone else.

  When my mom died of a heart attack a few years ago, Jen was the one I talked to. She was the only one who saw me cry. She was the one who got me through that time. My brothers were there for me too, and I love them and get along with them, but when I really need someone to talk to, I go to Jen.

  She's the same way with me. When she needs someone, I'm the one she comes to. Over the years, I've helped Jen get through some really tough times with her mom. I've listened to her, held her when she cried, and dropped everything to be at her side whenever she needed me.

  Jen's had a shitty life. Her mom is a con artist and a semi-functioning drunk who has made Jen's life hell for as long as I've known her. When I met Jen she was only six, and her situation was bad. Her mom was always out with a guy or at a bar. Jen was left to fend for herself. She had to feed herself and get herself to school every day. She did her best, but as a kid, she needed help, so my parents stepped in and ended up practically raising her. Some weeks, she was at our house more than her own. My parents even turned the guest room into a room for Jen so she'd have a place to stay whenever she needed to.

  Our senior year, Jen got accepted to colleges in Minnesota, Indiana, and here in Chicago. She picked the college in Chicago. I was sure she'd go somewhere else. I wanted her to. I wanted her to get away from her mom and go somewhere new. Get a fresh start. But she didn't, and I knew I was part of the reason for that.

  So when I kissed her on graduation night, I decided it was a goodbye kiss. The first and last kiss we would ever have. I was letting her go. Not just her, but the idea of her and me ever being together. It was the hardest thing I've ever done, but I did it because I love her too much to let her make the wrong decision because of me. She deserves so much better than being stuck here, babysitting her mom for the rest of her life. She needs to go away, get a good job, make lots of money, buy a new car and a house, and live happily ever after. I purposely left out the husband and kids that she'll likely have because I don't want to think about that. But I'm sure someday she'll have those things too, and she'll be happy.

  As for me, my life is here in Chicago and always will be. When my dad retires, my brothers and I are taking over the business. So I can't move, and honestly, I don't want to. Chicago is my home, and I like being close to my family and working for the family business, helping make it a success.

  If I left here, I'd end up doing construction somewhere else and wouldn't get paid shit. I'd constantly be looking for my next job and would likely be unemployed for a good part of the year.

  So staying here in Chicago is the right decision for me. Just like leaving here is the right decision for Jen. I don't want either of us making bad decisions because of each other. That would just lead to regret and resentment and eventually, the end of our relationship, and our friendship.

  That's why I made the decision that would keep us from getting to that point. But keeping myself from crossing that friendship line is nearly impossible. I don't know how I've done it all these years. Every time I see her, I want to tell her how much I love her. How much I care about her. How beautiful she is, both inside and out. But I can't tell her those things. So I just continue on, trying to be her friend but wanting so much more.

  My phone rings, jarring me from my thoughts. It's Jake.

  "What's going on?" I ask.

  "You need to get your ass over here."

  I rev up my truck. "Yeah, I'm on my way. What's the problem?"

  "When I got here, I found your crew out back, drinking beer and smoking weed."

  "Fuck, are you serious?" I whip my truck out of the space and speed down the road.

  "We have to fire them but you need to be the one to do it since it's your crew."

  "Shit. I hate firing people." I've only done it once but I didn't like it. It was an older guy and, physically, he just wasn't able to do the work.

  "It's part of the job, Bryce. You gotta get used to it."

  I sigh. "Yeah, I know. I'll do it. Are you still over there?"

  "Yeah. I'm in the house. I've got the guys out in the garage cleaning up. They know they're being fired so just hurry up and do it."

  "All right. I'll be there in a few." I end the call and drop my phone in the cupholder. "Fuck," I mutter, rubbing my jaw. This is turning out to be a shitty day. First seeing Jen with that guy, and now I have to fire people. If I hadn't stopped by to bring Jen that binder, I could've avoided all this. I wouldn't know about Chad, and I would've been supervising my crew so they wouldn't need to be fired.

  But I had to see her. It's been days since I saw Jen and I couldn't take it anymore. I don't know how I'm going to survive if she moves away.

  When I get to the house where we're doing the kitchen remodel, I pull up to the garage and park. The guys slowly walk out, shuffling their feet, their hands in their pockets. They couldn't look more guilty if they tried.

  "Hey, boss," Carl says as I get out of my truck. "We were just cleaning up."

  Carl's a troublemaker. He's probably the one who encouraged the other guys to smoke and drink whil
e I was gone. And then he tries to turn on the charm, as if doing so will save their jobs. His charm might work on the ladies, but it doesn't work on me.

  "So Jake said there was a party going on while I was gone." I look at the five of them but only Carl will look back at me. The rest of them look down at the ground or off to the side.

  "We were just kicking back on our break." Carl gives me a smart-ass grin. "You know how it is, boss. Sometimes you just need to chill."

  "You can chill when you get home. I'm not paying you to drink and smoke weed."

  "So we're fired?" Cody mumbles, his eyes on his work boots as he kicks at some loose stones on the driveway.

  I hate doing this. They're making it easy on me, but I still hate it.

  "Sorry, but yeah," I say. "Go pack up your stuff and go."

  They must've already packed up because they all walk past me to their cars.

  "See ya around." Carl waves at me and laughs as he walks off. He doesn't even care he got fired.

  I go inside and see Jake in the kitchen. He points to the new counters I installed and the new tile backsplash. "I'm guessing you did this."

  "Yeah. Most of it. I had Cody and Tyler working on it, but they fucked it up so I just did it."

  He shakes his head. "You can't do that, Bryce. If they can't do the job, they can't work for us."

  "They're only 22. They're still learning."

  "This shit's basic. They should know how to do this. Age is no excuse. You're the same age and you're a million times better than them. So is Austin, and he's only 21."

  "It's different for us. These guys didn't grow up doing construction like we did."

  "Bryce, you can't make excuses for them, or any of our workers. We're running a business here, and if one of them fucks something up, we're the ones who'll have to pay for it, not them."

  "Yeah, got it." I walk over to an outlet on the wall and see the cover is missing a screw. I had Carl putting those covers on and he couldn't even put both screws in. Total incompetence. Or laziness. Or both.