Can't Let You Go: A Wheeler Brothers Novel

by Allie Everhart

  "And risk ruining our friendship? Not gonna happen."

  "If she moves away, you guys won't be friends anymore anyway. She'll get a boyfriend, and I guarantee he isn't going to let her come back here to Chicago to hang out with you."

  "She's not going to let some guy tell her what to do. She'll come back and visit."

  "Maybe. Maybe not. But why would you risk it? I'm telling you, Bryce, if you told her to stay, she would."

  "I'm not telling her that. This is her decision, not mine."

  "She's making a decision based on the fact that she thinks you don't want her and never will. Why the hell do you want her thinking that when you know it's not true?"

  "Just stay out of it. This is between Jen and me. Not you, or Dad, or Nash, or anyone else. All of you need to just stay the hell out of it."

  "Jen is like family. We're not just going to stand by and let you hurt her like this."

  "What the hell? I'm not hurting her. She's staying at my damn apartment. I'm fixing her car. How the hell is that considered hurting her?"

  "You're lying to her. That's what's hurting her. You won't tell her how you feel."

  "She already knows how I feel."

  "She knows you love her? As more than a friend?"

  "I don't love her like that," I mutter as I tap my thumb on the steering wheel, waiting for the light to turn.

  He lets out a laugh. "Yeah, okay. Whatever you need to tell yourself to explain why you're making the biggest mistake of your life."

  "Like you would know. You've never even had a relationship."

  "I've had girlfriends. Just nothing serious. But if I was in love with a girl, I sure as hell wouldn't let her move away without telling her how I feel."

  "We're done talking about this. I swear, I can't take it anymore. At least when she's gone, the lectures will end."

  "Even if you tell her, it's still Jen's decision to stay or go."

  We're at Jen's apartment now and I park on the street behind her car. A cop approaches my truck as I turn off the engine. I get out and he stands in front of me, his eyes narrowing when he sees the tats lining my neck. Cops always do this to me. They assume I'm trouble because of the ink.

  "You need to move your truck by noon," he says. "There's no parking on the street from noon today until Wednesday because of the winter storm. Supposed to get up to ten inches of snow."

  "I'll have it out of the way," I say as Austin comes up beside me.

  "You know who owns that one?" the cop asks, motioning to Jen's car.

  "It's my girlfriend's. I'll make sure it's moved."

  He nods. "Have a nice day."

  Austin waits for him to leave, then says, "Girlfriend?"

  "What?"

  "You just called Jen your girlfriend."

  "I said FRIEND, not girlfriend."

  He chuckles. "Sorry, dude, but you said girlfriend."

  "You heard me wrong."

  "Uh, no. You definitely said girlfriend."

  Shit, did I really? Why would I say that? It must've just been a slip after hearing Austin lecture me all the way here about my relationship with Jen.

  "Whatever. Let's get to work. Can you grab the flashlight from the back?"

  He goes to get it while I open Jen's car and pop the hood. Out of the corner of my eye, I see the cop watching me from across the street. He probably thinks I'm trying to steal Jen's car.

  "Think it's the battery?" Austin asks, holding the flashlight over it.

  "Dad already checked it. Said it was fine." I take the flashlight from him and run it along all the wires and cables. I stop when I see the corrosion. My dad must not have noticed it. "It's the battery cables," I say to Austin. "Can you get me some rags?"

  He goes to my truck and comes back with the rags. He hands them to me, then holds the flashlight while I clean and tighten the cables.

  "Go try to start it," I say.

  Austin gets in Jen's car and it starts right up. Good. Now I won't have to tow it or spend the entire day trying to fix it.

  Austin gets out of the car. "That was easy."

  "Yeah. Let's head back." I toss him my keys. "I'll take Jen's. You take my truck."

  As we're driving back, I keep trying to replay in my head what I said to that cop. Did I really call Jen my girlfriend? And if so, have I done it before and not realized it? If I have, I'm not aware of it. It must be my subconscious talking, expressing what I want but can't have.

  CHAPTER NINETEEN

  Jen

  "You're back already?" I ask when Bryce walks in. Austin is right behind him. I'm sitting at the breakfast bar with my laptop set up.

  "It didn't take long," Bryce says, dropping his coat along the back of the couch. "The battery cables were loose and corroded. It only took a few minutes to fix."

  "So you got it started?" I slide off the barstool and hurry over to him.

  "Yeah. Starts great. It's parked downstairs."

  I hug him. "Thank you. You just saved me a ton of money."

  "Which is why you need to stop taking it to a mechanic. Next time it needs to be fixed, let me do it."

  Whenever my car breaks down, I take it to a garage near campus, which drives Bryce crazy. He wants to be the one to fix my car, but I don't let him because I don't like depending on him for stuff. I like being independent.

  Austin clears his throat and I notice I'm still hugging Bryce. I quickly let him go, then go over and give Austin a hug. "Thanks for helping with my car."

  "I didn't really do anything. I was just there to drive the truck back."

  "Want something to drink?" Bryce asks. He's in the kitchen now, holding the fridge door open.

  "What do you got?" Austin walks over there and checks out the drink selection, which includes pop, energy drinks, and beer. "Why are you drinking all that sugar? I told you to lay off that shit."

  Austin is a fitness fanatic so he's super careful about what he puts in his body. He drinks alcohol now and then, but he doesn't drink pop. And he tries to stay away from carbs and eat mostly protein. His healthy diet pays off. He has an amazing body; lean with almost no body fat, and ripped muscles.

  Even though Austin is super hot, I've never liked him that way. To me, he's always been like a brother, not someone I would date. But Bryce? I've never felt any kind of brotherly connection to him. Out of all the Wheeler boys, there's always been something different about Bryce. A spark, an attraction between us, that I've never felt with his brothers.

  "Don't start with the nutrition lectures," Bryce says, handing Austin a glass. "Here. Get yourself some water."

  "You'll never be ripped like me if you keep eating like shit."

  Bryce lifts his shirt up, exposing his abs. "This is pretty damn ripped and I still eat what I want."

  He's right. He has an eight pack, just like Austin. It's just not as defined. Austin's muscles are chiseled, with sharp lines, because he has zero body fat to cover them up. But personally, I like Bryce's abs better. They're still defined but not so harsh. He's so freaking hot. No wonder I keep having sex dreams about him.

  "You can eat that way because you're only 22," Austin says. "When you get older, you won't be able to eat like that and still have those abs."

  "Well, I'm not old yet so I'm not going to worry about it."

  Austin fills his glass with water. "We going to the gym later?"

  "Not tonight." Bryce leans back against the counter. "I'm tired. Didn't get much sleep last night."

  "And why is that?" Austin laughs.

  Why is he laughing? Does he think Bryce and I were doing something last night? Does he think we had sex? Even if we had, I wouldn't want Austin to know.

  This is embarrassing. I feel my face heating up.

  Bryce smacks Austin's arm. "Because I slept on the COUCH, idiot." He smiles at me. "And because I was up late beating Jen's ass in hockey."

  I huff. "You barely beat me. You won two more games than me. That's it." I turn to Austin and lower my voice. "And honestly, I le
t him win."

  Bryce is behind me and captures me in his arms, holding me against his chest. "You did NOT let me win. Admit it."

  I laugh. "I admit I let you win."

  He holds me tighter, his fingers tickling me. "Admit that you lost."

  "I didn't lose. That would be lying and I—" I'm laughing from the tickling and I can't finish what I was going to say.

  "I should probably go," Austin says, watching Bryce tickle me. "Leave you two alone to, um...whatever." He laughs to himself as he walks away.

  "No, wait." I squirm away from Bryce and catch up to Austin. "You want to have lunch with us? We went grocery shopping last night."

  "Grocery shopping, huh?" He smiles at Bryce. "You two are just like an old married couple."

  "Shut up," Bryce mutters.

  "So you want to have lunch?" I ask Austin.

  "And eat the shit you two eat? I don't think so."

  "We could go out." I glance outside. "Or is the weather bad? I can't tell."

  "It's just rain right now," Bryce says. "We can go out to lunch. Austin, you're coming with us, then we'll drop you off at home when we're done."

  "Sounds good. Let's go to the Asian place down the street. I'm craving stir fry."

  "Works for me," I say. "Just let me shut down my laptop." I go back around the counter and close it down.

  "How's your paper coming?" Bryce asks.

  "It's almost done. I'll read it over tomorrow, then email it to my group."

  "So you're free for the rest of the day," Austin says, smiling. "And so is Bryce. Wonder what you two will find to do."

  Bryce shoves Austin's shoulder. "Shut up. You're being rude."

  "I just wondered what you guys were going to do with all that free time. You don't want to go out when the storm hits. You'll have to stay here. Do something to stay warm." He snickers.

  "You're such an idiot." Bryce walks to the door. "Jen, you ready?"

  "Yeah." I put my coat on as I meet them at the door.

  We go to lunch, and Austin keeps making jokes about Bryce and me. He does it all the time so it's not like this is new. It always angers Bryce, but I don't mind. Austin's not trying to be mean. His jokes are just his way of trying to get Bryce and me together, but it just ends up annoying Bryce.

  By the time we're done with lunch, there's a light snow falling. And by the time we drop Austin off at the house, the snow is really coming down. The roads are slick and Bryce's truck fishtails a little as we go up a hill.

  "You want to go anywhere else?" he asks.

  "No. Let's just go home. I don't like being out in this weather."

  "You working on the job search this afternoon?"

  "Maybe a little. What are you doing?"

  "Following up on some job leads. It won't take long. I just need to make a few calls."

  "Job leads? You mean like sales calls?"

  "Yeah. Mrs. Peterson told all her friends how happy she was with the kitchen and we've already had three referral calls."

  "Bryce, that's great."

  "I don't know if we'll get any jobs out of it but I'm going to try. I told my dad he should have Jake follow up, but he's making me do it since the referrals were because of me."

  "And you don't want to?"

  "I do. I've just never worked on the sales side before. That's Jake's thing. Not mine. I tend to turn people off."

  "Bryce, that's not true."

  "Yeah it is. Once people get to know me, they're fine, but I don't make a good first impression. People are scared off by the tats."

  "Then they need to get over it. And maybe if you weren't..."

  "Maybe I weren't what?"

  "It's just that sometimes I think maybe you bring some of that on yourself."

  "Bring what on myself?"

  I feel nervous just bringing this up. I don't want Bryce getting defensive and this turning into an argument. "Just forget it."

  "Jen, just tell me."

  "You'll get mad if I do."

  "I won't get mad."

  "You promise?"

  He smiles. "No, but go ahead."

  "I'm not telling you unless you promise to not get all defensive. I'm only saying this to help, not criticize you. You know how much I care about you and how much I want you to do well."

  "Yeah. So go ahead." When I don't respond he says, "I promise I won't get mad. Now just hurry up and say it."

  "I was just going to say that I think sometimes you use your tattoos as an excuse when you're afraid to do something."

  He clenches the steering wheel. "Like what?"

  "See? You're mad. I'm not telling you anything else."

  "I'm not mad. I just don't agree with what you're saying. And what does this have to do with making sales calls?"

  "You said you think your tattoos turn people off, and maybe that's true for some people, but like you said, they get over it once they meet you. You told me Mrs. Peterson is old. If an old lady can look past your tattoos, then anyone can. But I think you keep telling yourself they can't so that you don't have to try doing stuff you're afraid to do. Like go on sales calls." He doesn't say anything so I continue. "Jake isn't any better than you, Bryce. You could get new business just as well as he could. But you don't have enough confidence in yourself to go out and do it."

  "What the hell? I have confidence." He sounds angry, then sighs. "Sorry. Go ahead."

  "You have confidence when it comes to things you're good at, like fixing cars and doing construction. But when it comes to things you're unsure of, you avoid doing them, and you use your tattoos to explain why it's not worth even trying."

  "People judge me because of how I look. So yeah, the tattoos ARE a reason why I avoid certain things. I'm not using them as an excuse. It's just a fact. Like today, there was a cop outside your apartment and he looked at me like I'd just gotten out of prison. He kept his eyes on me the whole time I was fixing your car, like I was trying to steal it."

  "Maybe he was just watching you because he was bored."

  "No." I let out a harsh laugh. "That wasn't it. He was making judgments about me because of how I look."

  "Then why'd you get all those tattoos?"

  "Because I wanted them. I like them. And they're the only piece of you I—" He clears his throat and grips the steering wheel tighter. "Damn, these roads are slick." He slows down as we approach a stoplight.

  Why wouldn't he just finish his thought? He got the tattoos because I designed them. Because they're a permanent mark on his body, a connection to me that he'll always have. That means something. It shows how strong his feelings are for me. So why won't he just freaking tell me?

  We're both quiet for the remainder of the ride back to his apartment. The parking lot is slick so he holds my hand and helps me to the door, but neither of us says anything. I'm annoyed with him for not telling me how he feels and he's annoyed with me for pointing out something about him that he knows is true but won't admit.

  Bryce lives in a state of denial. Denial about his potential. His strengths. His weaknesses. And me.

  We're quiet on the way up the elevator, and when we get in his apartment, he drops his coat on the chair and says, "I'm going to go call those referrals. My dad wanted me to do it today."

  "Okay." I hang my coat up in the closet while he goes in the bedroom to make the calls.

  I take my laptop from the counter and go sit on the couch and start searching for jobs. I really need to get serious about this and start applying for positions. Up until now, I've mostly just been doing searches. I applied for a few jobs, but they all required experience so I knew I wouldn't get a call back. But with graduation just two months away, I need to apply for jobs I might actually get, or find a paid internship that could lead to a job.

  An hour later, Bryce is still in his room with the door closed. There's no way he's been on the phone the whole time, so what is he doing in there? He better not be hiding from me. He said he wouldn't get mad but now he won't talk to me.

  My
phone rings and I pick it up. It's Ivy. "Hey, what's up?"

  "Have you seen all the snow?"

  I look out the window and see the big white flakes. "Yeah, it's really coming down."

  "Jake and I left work early. We just got home. I was calling to let you know the roads are really slick, so stay home if you can."

  "Yeah, I wasn't planning on going anywhere."

  "What about Bryce?"

  "He's here. He's in his room."'

  "In his room? Doing what?"

  "Making phone calls. I'm on my laptop searching for jobs."

  "So what are you and Bryce doing this week? Jake said Bryce has the week off."

  "I don't know what we're doing." Maybe nothing if he keeps giving me the silent treatment. I hope this doesn't continue or it's going to be a very long week.

  "I was hoping we could go out sometime this week but I really need to work on that carving for that lawyer guy."

  In addition to being a carpenter, Ivy carves pictures into slabs of wood. She's so good at it that some lawyer commissioned her to do a picture of his lake house in Wisconsin.

  "That's okay," I tell her. "We'll go out later when you have time."

  "Jen, my sister's calling. I have to make sure she got home all right."

  "Yeah, go ahead and answer it. We'll just talk tomorrow."

  "Okay, bye."

  It's now after two and Bryce is still in his room so I continue my job search. There's a job in upstate New York I'd quality for but I don't really want to move to New York. I'd like to stay in the Midwest, if possible. There are entry-level accounting jobs here in Chicago but it's nearly impossible to get one because there's so much competition from all the colleges in the area. And a lot of the other applicants have internship experience, which puts them ahead of me. Working at the restaurant, bookstore, and library shows I'm a hard worker but doesn't win me any points if a hiring manager is looking for someone with accounting experience.

  Maybe I should apply for the job in New York, just to see what happens. I also bookmarked a job in Florida and one in California. I should apply for them too.

  "How's it going?" Bryce says from behind me. His tone is back to normal, not the angry tone he had earlier.

  "Fine. Did you make your calls?"

  "Yeah." He comes around the couch and sits down a few feet away from me. "The one lady wasn't home, but I talked to the other two."