Of Smoke & Cinnamon: A Christmas Story

by Ace Gray

  His whispered confession should rip me in two. I should be turned inside out at the admission that we broke up for nothing, but I’m not. My idiotic heart is somehow soaring and knitting itself back together properly all at once. After all these years, I feel right.

  “Really?” I manage despite the whirlwind blowing through my insides.

  “Yeah, really.” He rolls his head on the wheel to look at me.

  “So…?”

  “So all these years of pain were unnecessary. Yeah, yeah they were.” His eyes fall back to the floor of the truck.

  “That’s not what I was going to ask,” I say, almost teasing.

  That pulls his gaze back to mine. “Oh?”

  “So you really did love me?” It’s only part question. For the first time in years, I’m thinking it may just be fact.

  “Don’t hate me, but I think I still do.” He can’t look me in the eyes when he says it, instead he covers his head with his arms, twisting himself up completely with the steering wheel.

  Right then I make a decision—I’m going to kiss him the way he kissed me. I don’t know how we’re going to fix this, I don’t know if we can, but for the evening, we can kiss each other like it’s all we know. It’s all I care to know anyhow.

  I pull at his arm and he drops it dramatically, his forehead stays lodged against the leather until I shove at his shoulder too. That gets him upright but he still won’t look at me. If he did, he’d see the smirk I can’t hide.

  For the first time around AJ, I pull off graceful and smooth as I slide across the console to straddle his lap. His breath catches as his hands move automatically to my hips. It doesn’t bother me in the least that the steering wheel is pressed into my back every bit as hard as it was pressed into his forehead.

  I snake my arms around his neck and pull him swiftly to me. Our lips are back against each other, tracing the trails they both know too well and have to learn all over again. I can taste the rich pasta AJ had for dinner on his lips but also his sweet, familiar flavor. Then there’s the smoke lingering on his skin from the cedar he works with.

  He’s firm but soft, his lips dance against mine until he stops to nibble my bottom lip. I gasp but it’s cut short by him returning to full kisses. He swallows breath after breath until my chest may actually burst. In the back of my mind, I wonder if I can keep up with him.

  AJ’s hands move from my hips up between my shoulder blades, crossing and hugging me in a way that makes everything inside me melt. Never have I felt like two bodies could become one before. But now, kissing like this, I’m sure it’s a possibility.

  He breaks away from my lips and tucks in under my ear. Those perfectly delectable, firm confident kisses trail down my neck toward my collarbone. When my jacket gets in the way he starts back the way he came and I can’t help but roll my head to the side. He doesn’t need more encouragement. He kisses harder, then snatches my earlobe between his teeth before biting down to pull.

  I moan downright explicitly.

  “Fuck, Lamb,” he whispers against my lips before he takes them again.

  I can’t help but start rolling my hips against him. His erection grows obvious between my thighs and he kisses me even harder than before. But then he pulls away.

  “Trust me?” he breathes as he leans his forehead against mine.

  I nod because more than anyone in my life, I trust AJ. I always have, it just took this trip and our mistakes being laid bare to remember that.

  He carefully deposits me back in the passenger seat and starts the car. He pulls out of the parking lot with a priceless smirk on his face. He’s painfully handsome with disheveled wavy hair and happiness oozing from his pores.

  I’m watching him so intently that I don’t realize where we’re going until we pull between an old pump shed and a giant snowbank. We’ve parked in this spot a million times before and I can’t help but smile.

  “No.” I try to be firm.

  “Oh, yes.” He’s beaming and it makes it impossible to be serious.

  “Jay, come on. We’re adults. If we get caught they won’t chalk it up to childish shenanigans.” I’m shaking my head at him but I’m pretty sure it’s the only thing telling him no. The rest of me...

  “Did you just say shenanigans?” He laughs loudly and I find myself joining in.

  “I don’t have my swimsuit,” I say between giggles then bite my lip to hide the flush of my cheeks.

  “You know what? I think I forgot mine too.” He’s being playful but there’s a deep husky undercurrent in his voice.

  He’s gotten better at the seduction thing. Way better.

  Without waiting for another protest, he gets out of the car, ducks down to hide his keys in the wheel well and I burst out in wild, ringing laughter. We learned the lesson of keeping car keys and clothes separate in case a speedy retreat was necessary years ago. When AJ pops up from tucking them away he has crooked eyebrows and a seemingly innocent look. My laughter doubles.

  He comes the rest of the way around the car and pulls open my door. I’m about to get out when he leans in and kisses me. This one is far too brief but somehow just as passionate as the parking lot five minutes ago. It leaves me hanging, literally, my lips poised in a pout where he’s pulled away.

  “Get on,” he says as he turns around in the doorframe.

  I don’t argue, I just climb out and onto his back. I’m wearing the stilettos again so navigating the snow would be pointless anyhow.

  Just like so many winters so many years ago, AJ cuts through the knee-deep snow toward the thick iron bars. Unlike so many other times though he sets me down by the fence rather than encourage me to stand on his shoulders.

  “Jay,” I whisper, “you have to help me over.”

  “Learned a trick or two since the last time we did this, Lamb.” He leans over and kisses my temple then digs in his pocket.

  He pulls out something that looks like a key but not quite. The head isn’t formed right. He shoves it in the lock and with a simple click, it opens. I can’t believe we don’t have to scramble over the top. I’m quite sure somewhere Dr. Garcia is relieved. A botched attempt would have made for the third time AJ rushed me from here to the ER.

  “How did you…?”

  “I work with metal, ya know?” He chuckles then grabs me by the crook of my elbow and pulls me in.

  The giant pool of The Alpine Lodge is exactly as I remember. It snakes around half of the front of the lodge then wraps around to the back corner. There are only one or two lounge chairs near the emergency exit we slip in, most guests choosing to be close to the heaters and the bar. It’s a long-standing tradition for high school kids to cut the wire to the lone camera that monitors this hidden nook. If the current GM is anything like the one that reigned when we were kids, he’s given up fixing it unless corporate is coming to town.

  I kick off my heels knowing that the stone deck is heated and will feel downright blissful on my feet. I only pause for a moment to curl my naked toes into the warmth before frantically working at my clothes. Last I saw, AJ’s dash read eleven degrees.

  AJ has a childish grin plastered on his face, every bit the goofy boy I loved in high school. He’s whipping off layers, revealing the flooringly gorgeous man he’s grown into.

  I’m wearing nothing but matching lace underwear when I tiptoe to slip into the water, but he grabs me, pulling me back. His front is pressed to my cotton covered back before I realize I’m up against bare naked skin not boxer briefs.

  “Please?” he murmurs into my hair and his hands dance on my tattoo.

  I would never agree to skinny dip in high school. Getting caught was one thing, getting caught naked was something else entirely. But now…

  Before I can think too much about it, I nod and reach for my bra but he catches my hand. With a surprisingly strong grip, AJ pushes my hands back to my side. His fingertips brush up my arm and every inch of me goose bumps. It has nothing to do with the chill.

  He unhooks my bra wi
th one hand then reaches up to crook a finger in each strap and slide it down my arms.

  “Oh, Lamby,” he whispers before planting an ardent kiss on the nape of my neck. The soft plop of my bra on the deck is followed by AJ’s knees. Ever so gently he encourages me to twist. Seeing him bent before me is enough to make my mouth drop open. And when he slowly peels my thong down, my heartbeat starts stuttering. I try not to fidget when I realize that he’s staring at the naked apex of my thighs.

  I can’t stand still, though, and my ankle folds ever so slightly. His hands come to my hips and he steadies me. My hands naturally fly to his hair and weave in.

  He starts moving at the same time I start pulling. Not one moment later, his tongue is between my thighs. I can’t help but yank on his hair as he purrs. His tongue leisurely traces every inch between my legs and my nipples respond, sticking out hard and straight into the starry night sky. My eyes flutter shut to relish the way his hands feel on me and his tongue in me. Part of me can’t believe that it’s AJ’s mouth on me. All of me thanks God for it as he works downright devilish magic.

  “Everything about you is better than I remember.” His voice is ragged and it forces my eyes open to find his.

  He’s looking up at me and his hand is reaching for my breast as if it’s a moth to a flame. When just the prospect of having his hands on me makes me shiver, he remembers himself. “Shit. I’m an ass. It’s freezing out here.”

  Without making too much of a splash he grabs me and places me in the water. I turn to watch him slink in after me.

  There are muscles on AJ that I didn’t know existed highlighted by moonlight. Everything bunches and flexes as he lowers himself to the deck. He has next to no body fat, a few gnarled scars, and some chest tattoos. Every inch of him is perfection. And I’m sure it’s my imagination, particularly because it’s freezing outside, but a few of those inches have gotten bigger. Or longer. Or thicker. I shove my hands over my mouth to stifle a girlish giggle.

  “What?” he says as he stops, casually sitting on the edge instead of getting in.

  “You’re freaking gorgeous,” I sputter.

  He laughs louder than he should and reaches for my arm to pull me toward him; I wade in between his legs.

  “I’m gorgeous? Look at you.” He bends to kiss me.

  That’s when I see it. A tattoo inked on the inside of his thigh. A single number that I know has to do with me. I’m afraid to ask, to burst our bubble, but I can’t help myself.

  My fingers move to his thigh and I whisper, “Why the number thirteen?”

  “All I Want for Christmas is You” Mariah Carey

  I hadn’t ever considered that Cam would see the tattoo. Not even in my wildest dreams was she really between my thighs, with her gaze skimming from the tattoo, up my body, and back again. But here we are, and there it is.

  “It hurt,” I answer simply.

  “I’m guessing you don’t mean the tattoo,” she says as her finger lifts from the water to trace the ink.

  The warmth is blissful. Cam’s long finger close to my dick is even better. It’s my turn to close my eyes and relish her touch.

  “No, though that didn’t feel great either.” I’m almost shaking under her delicate touch.

  “I’m sorry,” she breathes.

  The moon has disappeared but in that moment my whole world lights up. “Me too.”

  “Is it a reminder to never speak to me again?” she asks with a tremor in her voice.

  I have to pry my eyes open to look at her. “No. I honestly don’t know why I wanted it.” And that’s the truth. “But sitting here, now, I think I picked it so I’d never forget.”

  She smiles and I slide into the pool with her. I gather her in my arms and crush her against my chest, forcing the water to rush around us. The warmth of the pool is nothing compared to the warmth spreading inside of me, fueled by the feel of her skin.

  I effortlessly carry her over to the most hidden corner. A very small part of me is disappointed there is no moonlight to dance on her perfect tits but the gentle squeeze and roll of her hips quickly makes me forget.

  “Tell me about your tattoo.” I lean in to kiss her.

  “Funny, for a second, I didn’t think you noticed.” Her giggle turns into a groan the longer I tongue her neck.

  “I noticed the first night when you hugged Trigg over the bar.”

  “Bet you didn’t want to see it then.” Her fingertips dig into my shoulder blades.

  “Actually, I did. I wanted to punch myself for wanting it, but I jerked-off at the thought of it the next day.” I’m immensely pleased when she groans again and halfheartedly smacks my shoulder.

  “So, you gonna tell me or should I put you up on the ledge and take a look.” I push my hands under her ass and start to lift.

  She scrambles to stay in the water and squeals. “It’s smoke. It’s smoke,” she repeats frantically.

  I sink back down into the water with her. “Why smoke?”

  “My entire business is built on smoke. On how I handle the barrels and the flavors I get from them.”

  Just when I think I have my shy girlfriend back, this mysterious woman in front of me says that. Words that remind me I can’t have that Cam back, that I may not want her, but Camilla…

  “You think it’s weird we both ended up working with wood?”

  She quirks her head to the side for a moment, the telltale sign cogs of her brain are whirring.

  “I think it’s kind of awesome.”

  And that does me in. This woman, the one who makes bourbon and has a smoke tattoo and will skinny dip with me is my soulmate. She’s the other half of me split away and somehow returned. I don’t need to ask more questions or hear more stories. We’re something as steadfast and certain as my declaration that I would have married her.

  That I will marry her.

  I think she feels it too. The way she looks at me, the way she holds me, the way she melted into me this morning and stayed there all day.

  “I think you’re kind of awesome.” It’s corny as hell but I mean it.

  Her only response is reaching down for my dick and grabbing it. Without hesitation, she guides me into her. She was never forward, never sure in bed, but this is another one of those changes I’ll gladly embrace. I laugh and moan all at the same time, and she seems to understand perfectly, giggling, as she starts to rock her hips against me. Water sloshes around us as she pins her shoulders back against the wall and uses the leverage to screw me.

  And as if God or the universe or maybe even my dad has heard every prayer I’ve ever murmured, the clouds shift and the moon shimmers across the pool, casting a crisp silver light onto the swell of her breasts.

  We’d stayed in the pool for hours. She’d let me have her twice in between the best conversations I’ve had in my life. They weren’t positively illuminating or deep philosophical ones, but they were with Camilla.

  And Camilla Collins is something else. She’s absolutely flooring in business and in bed. Okay, it was a glorified hot tub, but still.

  Her parents’ house is coming up and the thought of turning right flips my stomach. I can’t drop her off. God, I hate that she’s even over in the passenger seat.

  “Come home with me,” I beg. “Stay with me tonight. All I want for Christmas is to wake up with you.” I sound like an idiot and I don’t give a damn.

  “Do you really think a line that cheesy is going to work on me?” Her smirk is tugging on the corner of her lips.

  “Fine, would you prefer something along the lines of I’m locking the doors and taking you home, whether you like it or not.”

  I reach over and squeeze her thigh. She swats at my hand but it’s only half-hearted. She’s not going to make me pull over, she’s not even going to protest.

  My hands quake a little when we pull into my driveway. Not once have I had Cam in my bed. Outside, backseat of her car, my car, on the quilt, and in a hotel but never in mine. Never have I had the distinct pleasure
of waking up next to her without twenty-five of our classmates nearby.

  She reaches over and laces her fingers into mine, squeezing as if she can interpret my jitters. If anyone can, it’s Camilla. Silently I put the car in park and shut it off. The moment the electricity fades from the dash, it crackles between us.

  “Stay there. I’ll be right over.”

  I kick myself for not kissing her before jumping out of the car. I kick myself for not kissing every inch of her since she walked into The Barn a few days ago. The moment I throw open her door, I do my best to fix that, leaning in and cradling her cheeks, I pull her lips to mine.

  When I’ve taken a few more delicious kisses, I breathe, “Best. Gift. Ever.” She brings the whipped out in me, but when she throws her arms and legs around me, I’m more than okay with it. If more guys got girls like Camilla, they’d be moronic cornballs too.

  It takes every ounce of control I’ve ever had to keep myself from kicking in the door. But more than getting her in the house, I want to keep her there and doors generally work well for that. I set her down just inside and study her. She’s gorgeous. Almost too gorgeous. I turn, needing something to steady myself, something like a beer. I need a moment to adjust to this…fantasy coming true. I’ll come in five lousy seconds otherwise.

  When I walk back, she’s playing with the edges of her sweater and rolling around on one of her tiny little heels. God, those heels make my head spin. I lean back against the white wood trying to steady myself. I reach a beer out to her as my eyes wander over her body. She blushes furiously beneath my lazy gaze.

  “What are you doing over there?” she asks shyly.

  “Watching you.”

  She smiles but tries to sink down into her coat collar.

  “No, Camilla, don’t hide.” I push up from the wood and take the two steps to hold her. “I want to remember everything the first time I get to have you.”

  “You’ve had me. Plenty. Twice tonight…” But then her voice fades off. She realizes what I’m talking about and burrows her head into my shoulder shyly. “You called me Camilla.”