by Mary Smith
She drops her hand. “This top is too tight. If I bend over these pants may split. The heels are already hurting my feet. This is a huge mistake, right?” Suddenly, the buzzer goes off. “Oh God.” She begins to shake out her hands. “He’s here. He’s here. He’s here. What am I going to do?”
I go to her and hug her. “You’re going to be outstanding!”
“I’ll get the door,” Hamilton says. “And if he even takes a step out of line, I’ll kick his ass.” He pats her back and goes to the living room to buzz Teo up.
“You’re going to be fine.” I hold her tight. “Just be yourself. He’s going to love you.”
Nova groans. “I’m a fat girl who loves to cook and eat cake.”
“You’re not fat.” I sigh. “Now, go be sexy.” I order.
“Let’s hope I don’t drop any of the food,” she mumbles, and I follow her into the living room.
“Hi, Teo,” I say as I see Hamilton whispering something to him.
Teo is in a pair of dark jeans and a light green polo. His eyes are very pale blue. If you look at them quickly it’s almost as if his eyes are white with black pupils, but for some reason, they’re almost mesmerizing.
“Hi, Janan.” Teo’s Swedish accent isn’t deep but you can hear it.
“Well”—I squeeze Nova’s hand—“You both enjoy your night.”
Hamilton reaches out for my hand and we head out to his big truck. Now there are large trucks and then there’s Hamilton’s. He can hop in and out of it without a problem. Mind you, I’m not short by any means, but even I need to use the rails on the side to get up.
“Where should we go?” he asks when he starts the truck.
“Shouldn’t you have a plan? You did come to me, so I figured you had a plan.”
“Oh I have a plan.” He mutters under his breath and my cheeks heat up slightly.
I’m fully aware how much Hamilton wants me. Trust me. I want him so much more. After our date, we made out a little bit. I tried to move to the next step, but Hamilton stopped me before I went too far. He’s being sweet to me.
“Let’s drive around a bit until something hits us,” he suggests.
“Sounds good.” I scoot over until I’m right next to him. I slide my hand up and down his thigh until I rest it close to the top of his thigh. “Hey.” An idea pops into my head. “How about we run through a drive-thru, grab some extremely unhealthy food, go to your place, climb in your expensive bed, watch a stupidly funny movie, and chill?”
He stares at me for a few seconds, skeptically, and then nods. “Okay.”
He drives us to a local burger place and orders our food. Normally, it would piss me off, but he knows exactly what I want. I’m not sure if I’m just predictable or if he’s trying to be sweet? Either way we’re now sitting on his bed with two huge burgers, a massive bag of fries and onion rings, and we’re sharing a big cup of pop. Hamilton picked some silly movie and now we’re sitting crossed legged, laughing at the TV screen.
“I wonder how Nova and Teo are doing.” I pop in the last bite of my burger.
“I’m certain they’re fine.” He shoves several fries in his mouth.
“I’m certain you gave him a stern talking to already.” I joke.
He has a devious smile on his face. “I may have said a few things to him to help him out.”
“Ha.” I chuckle. “You mean you threatened bodily harm if he hurt Nova.” I call him out because I know he loves her as a little sister. Nova’s always been more sensitive than me. Sharon’s evilness worked differently on us. For me it taught me to fight. Although I have my insecurities, I hide them. Nova is shy, homebound most of the time, and isn’t one to put herself out there. I always hoped she’d grow out of it since Sharon was dead, but she’s still sweet, caring Nova. I know if Teo hurts her, I’ll kill him as well.
As the movie ends and all that’s left are some random fries, I cuddle up to Hamilton. I know it’s silly but being near him makes me feel safe. Like there’s nothing in the world that could hurt me. He’s always made me feel this. I remember the day he found out about my home life.
I close my eyes as the memory hits me…
“Sharon,” Daddy screams as the baseball bat comes swinging at him, but he ducks out of the way.
I’m in the corner trying to nurse Nova’s broken nose. The blood keeps coming and doesn’t seem to be slowing down. I keep an eye on Sharon and Daddy as they battle it out a few feet from us. Well, she’s battling, while Daddy is trying to protect us. I never understood why Daddy just never slugged her back to knock her down a few notches, but he never raised a hand to her. Only in self-defense.
“Enough.” Daddy orders, but Sharon’s eyes are in crazy mode. She’s not going to back down until all three of us are hurt.
“Your stupid fucking daughter is a bitch. I am going to break her jaw.” Sharon seethes.
“She broke a dish, Sharon. I’ll buy another one.” Daddy tries to reason with her.
It had been my turn to do the dishes, and I was rushing because I only have fifteen minutes to get it done, according to Crazy Sharon’s time schedule bullshit. The plate slipped from my hand and fell, smashing onto the floor. Nova tried to explain that to her, but Sharon clocked her in the nose. That’s when Daddy came in.
“I hate those girls. I hate them more than I hate you. I am going to kill them someday because they’ve ruined my life.” Sharon continues to yell. It’s nothing new to me to hear her about hating or killing us. It’s practically the one memory I have of her constantly saying those things to me and Nova.
“Coach?” Hamilton’s voice calls from the living room and Sharon freezes mid-swing toward Daddy.
“Get out of my house!” Sharon bellows as loud as she can. “No one is allowed in my house.”
Hamilton’s face is full of confusion as he walks in and takes in the scene. Suddenly, as if he’s pieced all of it together, he stares at Daddy.
“Take the girls out of here, Hamilton. I’ll come get them later.” Daddy orders.
“They’re evil fucking idiots. I hate those fucking girls. One’s so fat she can’t fit into any clothes and your daughter is so stupid. She’s stupid.” Sharon swings the bat, cracking the kitchen table almost in half.
Daddy lunges for Sharon and holds her arms down. She’s fighting him hard. “Get the girls!” Daddy keeps yelling at Hamilton.
Hamilton grabs Nova and picks her up as if she were a small child and grabs my hand. He rushes us out to his truck and gets us both inside. He speeds away from our house, and I hold Nova in my arms trying to calm down her hysterics. When we get us to his place, he leads us both inside.
“I have a first aid kit,” Hamilton says as he leaves us in the kitchen, holding onto each other. A moment later he comes back. “Here.” He takes Nova gently by the arm and helps her onto one of the barstools at the breakfast bar. He opens the box and begins to clean and patch up Nova.
“It doesn’t hurt,” she says bravely. “It’s not my first broken nose.” She grips my hand tight because I know she’s lying. Nova doesn’t have the highest pain tolerance, but she’s trying to put on a good show for Hamilton.
“All fixed.” Hamilton grins, stepping back and admiring his work. “How about you put this on?” He hands her a clean white shirt. I didn’t even see him bring one in.
“Thank you.” Nova nods and he directs her to the bathroom.
“Janan, are you okay?” Hamilton asks me softly.
“I’m going to check on Nova.” I brush past him and head to the bathroom.
For the next few hours, Nova and I remain tight together in the living room, attempting to watch a movie on the largest TV screen I’ve ever seen. Finally Nova fell asleep. I carefully lay her down, trying to make sure she doesn’t bump her nose or anything of the such. Hamilton brings me a couple of blankets and I cover her up. Nova loves a lot of blankets. I never understood why but she does.
Once she’s covered up, I turn to Hamilton and ask, “May I h
ave something to drink?”
“I have the perfect thing.” He nods with a small smile and I follow him to the kitchen. “Sit down.”
I sit at the breakfast bar and keep my head down as Hamilton makes his way around the kitchen. I know he has a million questions. I can see it in his eyes, but he doesn’t ask any of them. Instead, he sets a large cup of hot chocolate in front of me.
“I thought you were going to fix me a cocktail.” I half-joke.
“Well, for one, you’re under age. For two.” He sets a tall glass of iced cold chocolate milk in front of me. “That’s the hard stuff for me.”
“Really?” I pick up the glass and inspect it.
“Yep. When I’m having a hard day I come home and have one of these bad boys.”
“Hitting the sauce hard, eh?” I giggle and he smiles.
“Exactly.” He grabs a glass for himself and takes a large gulp.
I do the same.
“See? Doesn’t it make it somewhat better?”
“It does.”
“Sweetheart.”
I open my eyes and I feel the tears burning behind them, but I refuse for them to fall.
“Sweetheart, what’s wrong?” The concern is deep in Hamilton’s voice.
“Nothing.” I cough away the lump in my throat.
“Hey.” He pulls me close and raises my chin with two fingers making our eyes connect. “You look sad. Talk to me.”
I shake my head. “I’m not sad. I promise.”
“Then what is it?”
“I was thinking about the time you walked in on us for the first time and then brought us here.” My voice cracks.
There’s a sadness overtaking his eyes as I’m sure the memory hits him.
“Sorry.” I try to pull away from him.
“No.” He brings me closer to him. “You don’t need to apologize for anything. I love you and I’ll protect you every day of the week.”
I nod because I don’t trust my voice.
“I’m the one who should be apologizing to you. I hurt you and I never should have.” He kisses the tip of my nose. “You mean so much me.”
“You’re still an ass.” The corners of my mouth twitch.
“I am. And you’re still the most beautiful, smartest being I know.”
I smile as his lips grab mine. I rotate my hips closer to his and our bodies our flush with each other. I remember the first time we did this and my heart is still fluttering. The weight of his body on mine brings me comfort. I open my mouth wider letting our tongues entwine with each other. I push on his shoulder making him roll onto his back as I straddle him. Being on top of him gives me a sense of control, and it turns me on even more.
My fantasy has always been about being powerful, but a lot of times it’s hard, fast, rough. Caryn and I need to discuss this more. I believe there’s some underlying issue, but she thinks it’s nothing more than my sexual appetite and nothing to do with Sharon. The night I spent with Hamilton in the hotel, I wanted every spank, bite, hair pull, and thrust he gave me.
But more…
Just like now.
I grab his belt buckle and tug at it as Hamilton runs his fingers through my hair and tugs. The tingles run deep down my spine. I’m able to open his belt, and I’m trying to pull down his zipper when he suddenly breaks away from my lips.
“Stop. Stop. Stop. Stop. Stop.” He rushes out his words.
I growl loudly in frustration. “Why?” I sit up on my knees. I’m pissed off. “I’m not a damn child. I know exactly what I am doing. I know I’m a virgin and not experienced, but you’ve told me before it didn’t matter you just wanted to wait until I was ready. Well, dammit, I’m ready!” I throw my hands up. “I’m ready to lose my virginity to a man. And you’re the man and I love you. Now, stop treating me like some priceless doll.”
Hamilton softly clears his throats and is trying to keep a smile from forming. “I love you and thank you for making it clear I’m a man. However, I’m laying in ketchup, which is now all over the bed and my back.”
I look around and I see the red condiment spread out under him. I suddenly begin to laugh. “This isn’t what happens in the movies.” I snort and Hamilton smiles brightly, shaking his head.
“Let me up,” he says, and I lift off his hips but not without glancing at his hard dick.
“Janan, I’m hard enough to cut steel and you staring at me isn’t helping.” He groans and gets off the bed.
Together we strip the bed and remake it and Hamilton cleans himself up. I make sure everything is in order as I go down to the living room and relax on the couch. I want to text Nova and see how it’s going but I don’t want to interrupt anything that may be happening right now. I’m hoping it all goes well. I want Nova to be happy.
Happy?
There’s a word I don’t use often, except for when I’m with my friends at the rallies, in school, or with Hamilton. Giving him a second chance is the right thing to do. We both love each other, but we both are hard-headed. However, at the end of day, I want to be with him.
“Hey, are you okay?” He comes in and sits next to me, putting his strong arm around me.
“Yes, I am. Well, a little worried about Nova but overall I’m good.” I snuggle up to him. “You still smell like ketchup.”
He chuckles.
“I think it’s time for me to go home.” I look up at him.
“Okay.” He kisses me fully on the lips.
We hold hands the entire ride home and he walks me to the door. Our kisses are hot and long and when he goes to walk away, I can feel the loneliness.
I’M STRETCHED OUT on Caryn’s couch as she jots down some notes. I’ve already told her about Hamilton and me. She seems to be pleased about it.
“Are we going to discuss the sex thing again?” I ask her, still staring up at the ceiling.
“Do you mean your sexual fantasy?”
“Yes. Don’t you find it strange that when I masturbate it’s to rougher sex acts?”
“I don’t find it strange at all. Do you find it strange?” Caryn asks.
“Yes. Shouldn’t I be more susceptible to kinder, sweeter acts of lovemaking and such?”
“No.” Caryn adamantly offers. “You told me you’ve had those thoughts since the first time you masturbated. I truly don’t think it’s an issue. It’ll be a huge issue if it involves murder or things around those lines. It doesn’t, does it?”
I giggle at her question. “The only person I thought about murdering was Sharon and she’s gone. I don’t have any other murderous tendencies.” I turn my head and see Caryn is glaring at me. “Okay, I won’t make fun about murder and such.”
“Thank you. What else do you want to talk about?”
“I think that’s it.” I swing my feet over and plant them on the floor. “I’m good.”
“I’ll see you next week.” Caryn stands and shows me out the door.
I drive over to the shelter and get to work with the kids. I enjoy this more and more. I never thought I would be a teacher, but I’m loving my classes. Everything in my life seems to be falling into place. It seems like a lifetime since anything in my life seems to be going well.
“Janan, when you finish up come to my office.” Miss Kathy smiles at me as I’m working with the girls math homework.
Once I finish up I head over to her office. I like Miss Kathy. She’s so selfless and puts everyone before her. “Miss Kathy, is everything okay?” I can see the sadness in her eyes.
“No, Janan, I’m certain it’s not.” She closes the folder in front of her. “We lost one of our grants and the funds aren’t here to keep you around. I’m sorry, but if I want to keep this shelter open, I have to stop paying you. The purse strings are going to be super tight here. I wish there was a way I could raise more donations, but it’s hard to do when you don’t have connections.”
My mouth hangs open for a moment. I don’t want to leave this job. I love it here. I feel as if there’s some purpose in my life. Sur
e, I have a little money in my trust from Sharon, but I don’t want to touch the bitch’s money. Hell, I always could find another job. I bet Uncle Oliver—a lightbulb goes off.
“Miss Kathy, what if I did a fundraiser for you? I could help raise money for the shelter. I know people who would be willing to donate.”
“You do?”
I never told Miss Kathy about my family. She has no clue who I’m related to.
“How about I make a deal with you? If I raise enough money to keep the shelter going for one year, then I can keep my job.”
“Janan, I never wanted to let you go. The kids adore you here. I’ll help you in any way I can but that’s a lot of money.”
“How much?”
“To run a year, with the grants and little donations I already have, you’re looking at a million dollars.”
“Okay. Challenge accepted.”
“HI, PEGGY.” I smile at my Uncle Oliver’s secretary and right hand woman. I don’t know if he can eat without this woman.
“Hi, Janan. Wow, you look great. How are you?”
“I’m good. Is Uncle Oliver in?”
“He’s in there with your dad and Hamilton. Let me buzz him.” She speaks into the intercom and Uncle Oliver’s booming voice tells me to come in.
“Thanks, Peggy.” I wave to her and head in.
My uncle is sitting at the head of the table, Daddy next to him, and Hamilton is next to him. They all have serious faces on when I come in, and I can feel the tension.
“Um... hi,” I say. “You three look like someone pissed in your cheerios.”
“Small issue we need to handle.” Uncle Oliver stands and hugs me. “But you’ve come to brighten my day.”
“Actually.” I take a step back. “I’ve come for a favor.”
“Favor?” He sits back down and nods to the seat next to him. “You never ask for anything. What is it?”
I take a deep breath and tell him everything happening at the shelter. I tell him about Miss Kathy losing the grant and my job ending, and I don’t want to lose it.
“What do you need?” Uncle Oliver asks.