Blow

by McLaughlin, Heidi

  Once we both look presentable, he tells the driver that we’re ready to get out of the car.

  The door opens and Bodhi steps out first, leaving his hand extended for me to grab. I carefully place both my legs out of the car first before standing, knowing that if I step out with one leg, people can see right up my dress.

  Questions are thrown at him in rapid succession, but he doesn’t answer any of them. My heart misses a beat when I hear the name Aspen, but I try not to let my steps falter. The last thing Bodhi needs to know is that I looked him up on the Web and know about Aspen. By all accounts, she was his girlfriend, even though he never admitted it. Maybe it was a contractual thing that he not have an official girlfriend, but I’m almost certain they were a couple and now they’re not.

  We enter the nightclub, which is packed. Bodies everywhere are making it hard to move. I cling to his hand, refusing to let go even though I’m jostled by people trying to get by.

  “The guys are over there,” he says, almost yelling in my ear, and pointing toward one side of the club. I nod and squeeze his hand, letting him know that I’m following him.

  I breathe a sigh of relief when I spot Natalie sitting with Brayden.

  “Man, what the fuck took you so long?” Carson asks.

  “Traffic,” Bodhi replies.

  “What traffic?”

  Bodhi shrugs and looks at me. I’ve got nothing. I was too busy having an orgasm to care.

  “I need to go use the restroom,” I tell Bodhi, and ask Natalie to go with me. She does, and the guys laugh, saying something about chicks and the bathroom. Natalie flips them off, then grabs my hand so we don’t get separated.

  Thankfully there isn’t a line and I take the first stall that I come to. Natalie is chatting up a storm with someone she seems to know, and I’m trying not to listen. By the time I’m finished, she’s waiting by the door for me.

  “Let me just wash my hands.”

  “No rush. The guys won’t go anywhere without us.”

  “That’s good. Do you come with Brayden a lot?”

  She shakes her head and fixes her hair in the dingy mirror. “Only when I’m not working or he can give me enough notice to ask for the time off.”

  “Do you like being a nurse?” Earlier in the day she told me about her job, which involves really long hours; sometimes she has to rely on Brayden to pick Maggie up from preschool.

  “I love it, just not the hours.”

  We leave the bathroom as a swarm of girls come in. A few call out the guys’ names, but Natalie keeps walking, dragging me behind her. Then she’s stopped by someone else she knows, and I’m left standing there awkwardly. Natalie introduces me, but I’m more focused on spotting Bodhi. When I do, my heart drops.

  “Excuse me,” I say. “Natalie, who is that talking to Bodhi?”

  Natalie stretches to see, standing on her tiptoes. “Oh, that’s Aspen Lawrence.”

  Dread washes over me as I take them in. He’s standing with a drink in his hand, and she’s close to him—too close for my liking. When her hand touches him, I just about lose the contents of my stomach because he doesn’t push her away. She leans into him, saying something in his ear, and he laughs, keeping his head angled toward her.

  It takes me a while to make my way over to him, trying to squeeze past the bodies. People jostle me, others call my name, and I’m even groped as I try to get by them. I hate this place and I want to leave. This life isn’t for me.

  I walk over to our reserved table, but Bodhi and Aspen are so into each other they don’t even know I’m here. I open my mouth a few times to say something, but nothing comes out. Aspen finally looks at me, smirks, and goes right back to talking to Bodhi.

  I’ve been cheated on before, and it’s not something I ever want to experience again. I tug on his arm, hard enough that he spills his drink on Aspen.

  “Shit,” he says as he starts to wipe her dress off. She, of course, is enjoying the fact that he’s touching her.

  “Bodhi,” I yell, shoving him to get is attention. When he looks at me, his blue eyes are dull and his pupils dilated. He’s high. I cover my mouth to keep from crying out, but my reaction means nothing to him. Not a single thing.

  I turn and leave, weaving my way through the crowd until I’m outside. As soon as my feet hit the pavement, I slip off my shoes and hail the first cab I can. The driver laughs when I give him the address, but I tell him to take me there anyway. I’m assuming I’ll be let in; if not, I’ll call my father and ask him to come get me.

  The cabdriver laughs again when I hand him my money and get out. It’s late and I have no choice but to push the button for the intercom.

  “Hi, it’s Kimberly Gordon, Bodhi’s . . . friend. Can you let me in? I forgot something.”

  The gate swings open and I slip in, running up to the house. Before I can knock, the door opens. I breeze past the staff member and up the stairs. Once inside his room I strip off the dress and lay it neatly on the chair. I don’t want it; maybe his mom can give it to someone.

  I pack hastily, fighting the tears, and make my exit. Aspen is his trigger, and being clean wasn’t important enough for him. I was just a toy he was having fun with until he saw her again. I throw my bag in my car and drive toward the gate, asking to be let out. They do so without question. They can be the one to tell Bodhi that I left in the middle of the night.

  The moment I hit the street, the tears start flowing. I call Daphne and tell her everything. She listens to me cry and berate myself for being so damn stupid as to fall for his game. She tells me to come to her house and that we’ll eat ice cream until we’re puking our brains out. The thought doesn’t appeal to me, and the only thing I want is the comfort of my own bed. We talk until I reach the mile-long driveway for Serenity Springs.

  I park and turn the car off. I’m holding my phone in my hand, waiting for a message from Bodhi that I know isn’t going to come before I shut it off. Inside my apartment, it feels empty. When I left, I left with so much love and promise in my heart. Now that I’m home, I regret going.

  Twenty-Four

  Bodhi

  I startle awake when my door is abruptly opened and slammed against my wall. My name is yelled by a voice sounding much like my father’s.

  “Get up, Bodhi!”

  The blankets are pulled from my bed and ice-cold water is poured over my head.

  I gasp for air and cough, trying to clear the water from my mouth. “Fuck, I’m awake. What the hell?”

  Kim moans beside me, and I look over to make sure she’s covered up. My dad stands in front of me with his hands on his hips and his face red. I glance at my clock; it’s just after nine. I think we rolled in from the after-party about five. Fuck, I’m going to have a headache.

  “What part of ‘no drugs’ wasn’t clear to you?”

  “What are you talking about?” My head is pounding and I don’t know why. Usually lack of sleep won’t do this to me, but I feel hungover and I know I drank only water last night.

  “Wake your guest up and tell her to go home. She’s not welcome here.”

  I look at my father incredulously and stand to face him.

  “Kimberly has been here all weekend. I’m not booting her out of the house because you have some stick up your ass. If you want her gone, I’ll go too.”

  “It’s not Kimberly, Bodhi, and if you weren’t so fucking high, you would’ve known that.”

  “What the fuck are you talking about?” I point at Kim, who is still asleep. “That’s Kim. Her dress is right there from last night.” I gesture toward the chair where her

  dress is lying.

  My dad rips the rest of the covers from my bed, exposing Kim. I start to protest, but then I see it—a tattoo on her foot. Kim doesn’t have a tattoo. My eyes continue to travel up her body. The same small figure, blond hair, but there’s something different, something I can’t pinpoint.

  “Holy fuck,” I say, running to the bathroom and expelling the contents of my sto
mach. My dad steps in behind me but doesn’t offer assistance. “What the fuck happened?”

  “That’s what I’m asking you. I received a very unpleasant phone call this morning from my friend Bruce Gordon, a man who helped you out, about how inappropriate my son is and how his daughter is distraught because you relapsed. What he couldn’t figure out is why she cared so much until she let it slip that you two have been dating since you checked out. But what I don’t understand is why that’s not Kim in your bed. I thought you really liked her.”

  I flush the toilet and then shift to the sink to rinse my mouth out.

  “Dad, I don’t know what happened. The last thing I remember before you woke me up is taking Kim to the after-party.”

  “Why would you ruin what you’ve accomplished by getting high?”

  “I didn’t,” I tell him, running my hands through my hair. “I didn’t, Dad. Kim . . . she means a lot to me. I wouldn’t do that to her.”

  “Who’s in your bed?”

  “Aspen Lawrence,” I grit out. I don’t need to see the look on his face to know he’s disappointed in me. Hell, I’m disappointed in myself right now.

  “Get her out of my house, Bodhi, than meet me downstairs.”

  “Yes, sir.”

  My father leaves, slamming my bedroom door. I jump at the sound even though I was expecting it. I’m so fucked. My life as I know it is over as far as Kimberly is concerned. She’ll never listen to me when I tell her that I didn’t fall off the wagon. God, what the fuck happened last night?

  Stomping back into my room, I try to rouse Aspen. At first she doesn’t budge, but she wakes up fast when I start pulling her off my bed. She smiles and reaches for me, but I bat away her hand.

  “Asshole, what’s your problem?”

  “How the fuck did you end up here?”

  “You brought me home.”

  “Bullshit. The last thing I remember is showing up at the after-party with my girlfriend. You’re not my girlfriend, and for some fucked-up reason she’s not here. What did you do to me?”

  “Nothing you didn’t want done.” Aspen sighs and pulls her hair into a bun.

  I sit down in the chair, careful to move Kim’s dress. The smell of her perfume washes over me, reminding me of what we did in the car.

  “Aspen, I need you to be serious with me because I’m about to lose my shit. I worked my ass off in rehab to get clean and found a nice woman that I want to spend my time with, yet somehow you end up in my bed and I don’t remember how it happened. You can tell me the truth, or I’m going to call the cops and tell them I have an intruder in my house. And I’m willing to bet that once they search your bag, you’ll be spending the night in jail.”

  She looks around my room, likely contemplating her exit, but there isn’t one. I won’t let her leave without the truth.

  “I’m waiting.”

  “Why couldn’t you just love me, huh?”

  “Because I never saw you like that. Tell me what happened last night.”

  She picks at her skin, making her fingers bleed. That’s something Kim would never do. Aspen’s sunken eyes and stringy hair are a far cry from the beauty that Kimberly has.

  “I saw you come in with her, and when she left I came over to talk to you. You were drinking water, like a good boy, and I was pissed. You fucking hung me out to dry and with no place to live, so I thought I’d have a little fun.”

  “What kind of fun?”

  She shrugs as if this is no big deal. To her it probably isn’t, but to me, it’s my life. “I put a little GHB in your water when you weren’t looking. I didn’t think it’d work, but as soon as she came back you wanted nothing to do with her.”

  I fight back the tears as my heart breaks, not only for myself but for Kimberly. “What happened between us?”

  “Nothing.”

  “No sex?”

  “Nope. I tried, but you passed out.”

  I sit there, unable to look at her, as my stomach rolls. I can’t even imagine what Kimberly is feeling right now. If it’s half of what I am, it’s crippling. “You’re a fucking bitch, Aspen. I used to feel sorry for you, but now I feel nothing but hatred. Get the fuck out of my house and my life. Don’t come around, don’t show up at any VeeP events. If you think I’m going to be there, don’t go. If I see you, I will ruin you.”

  She calmly gathers her things and exits my room. I should walk her out, make sure she leaves, but the only thing I want to do is get to Kimberly before it’s too late.

  I dress quickly in shorts and T-shirt, slipping on my shoes and grabbing the essentials. I run into my dad at the bottom of the stairs as he’s shutting the front door.

  “Where are you going?”

  “To San Diego.”

  He shakes his head. “I don’t think that’s such a good idea.”

  “I appreciate the concern, but I have to go.”

  He doesn’t try to stop me, for which I’m thankful.

  I punch the code into the panel and the garage door opens. In my bay is my car and my motorcycle. The car is the smart choice, but right now I don’t want to be smart. I want to be reckless and stupid. And I want to get there faster. My mind is made up when I see my helmet hanging from a peg on the wall. I slip it on over my head and straddle my bike. It’s been far too long since I’ve ridden, and the roar of the engine excites me.

  I pull out of the garage and onto the street. It’s only a matter of minutes before I’m on the highway, heading toward San Diego. The day is going to be hot, and the farther south I go, the warmer it is. In hindsight, my car would’ve been smart for the air-conditioning.

  You might think this is the time to go through my thoughts and figure out what I’m going to say to Kim, but all I can come up with is “I’m sorry.” It’s not going to be enough, I know that, but everything else is failing me right now. I never should’ve left her side last night. I weave in and out of traffic, pissing off other motorists, but I’m determined to get to her before it’s too late.

  Too late for what? That’s what I don’t know. I thought professing my love for her would be enough to prove to her that I want to be in a relationship with her and only her. If it’s not, I don’t know what else I can do.

  When I see her exit ahead, I accelerate, willing to push the speed limit. I have to try to find the ranch from memory, since I really don’t want to stop and ask for directions. After half an hour of searching, I finally find the road that leads to the center.

  The parking lot is full; it must be family day. I can only hope that her patient has someone visiting. I park my bike, remove my helmet, and head in.

  “I need to see Kimberly, please,” I tell the receptionist, who asks me to give her a minute. I tell her I’ll be outside waiting, and she nods. I look up at the bright blue sky and think about how Kim and I could be somewhere out on the boat, having a good time, but no, I’m here trying to win back the woman I love because of a mistake that I didn’t even make.

  “Bodhi, you shouldn’t be here,” Kim says from behind me, as if I’m not welcome or I’m breaking some sort of rehab law. I’d laugh at the ridiculousness of such a law if her voice wasn’t flat and nothing like the sound I’m used to.

  I turn and look at her, but she’s focused on the ground. “You have to let me explain, Kimberly,” I plead.

  “I need to work,” she says without looking at me.

  I step to her and gently lift her chin so she’s looking at me. “You had today and tomorrow off. Don’t try to lie to me.”

  “I’m not the liar.”

  “I’m not either.”

  “I don’t date drug users.”

  “Good thing I’m clean.”

  She sighs and says, “I don’t date cheaters.”

  “Well, it’s a good thing I’m not a cheater, then. Kim, that shit you saw last night wasn’t my doing. When you went to the bathroom, she used that as an opportunity to put GHB in my water.” I step closer and grab her hands. “Kimberly, look at me.”


  She doesn’t, and I know there isn’t anything I can do about it.

  “I wouldn’t hurt you. These past few days have been the best days of my life, and I wouldn’t trade those for anything, definitely not drugs. You’re my high, baby. I don’t need anything else as long as I have you.”

  “Did you sleep with her?”

  “I did not, except she slept in my bed last night. I thought she was you, and when my dad was yelling at me this morning I kept telling him that you were sleeping—until he pulled the blanket off her and I saw that it wasn’t you. I threw up just from the thought that I hurt you. Please say you’ll come back with me.”

  Tears well up in her eyes, and as she blinks they start to fall. She shakes her head, telling me everything I need to know. Slowly I step away from her, putting enough space between us so that an onlooker would think we’re acquaintances and nothing more.

  “So this is it? You don’t believe me, and you’re not willing to accept the fact that the only mistake I made last night was not following you to the bathroom?”

  When she doesn’t say anything, I have my answer.

  “Thanks for nothing, Kim.”

  “What’s that supposed to mean?” She follows me to my bike. “You cheated on me.”

  “The fuck I did. I was fucking drugged by a damn sociopath, and I came down here to tell you that. If I wanted her or wanted to be high, I would just do it.”

  She blanches at my words, but at this point I don’t care. She doesn’t trust me, that much is clear, and once trust is broken there really isn’t a way to get it back. I can’t live a life where she’s second-guessing everything I do, and she shouldn’t live that way either.

  Twenty-Five

  Kimberly

  The dust from Bodhi’s bike blocks my view of him as he speeds away. The second I heard his bike start, I second-guessed everything I had just said to him, and I called out to him, but he couldn’t hear me. My head tells me I shouldn’t believe him, but my heart tells me I should. Even while he was a patient here, he never gave me any reason to think he was a liar.