Fake Love (For Now)

by Penny Wylder

  Erin smiles at me then. I definitely don’t deserve the way that she’s looking at me, given that I’m the one that got us into this mess in the first place. But she’s still nervous. So I take her hand. Throughout breakfast, I’ve been touching her. Partially because I know that it will help sell the story to her parents. And partly because I want to.

  I can’t help myself.

  After last night and this morning…there’s no way to explain it. But I’ve never felt anything like it. Not to mention that this is probably the most words I’ve said at once in more than a year. I never used to be so quiet, but as things changed and I withdrew, I just spoke less and less.

  But I didn’t realize that until now.

  Running my thumb over the back of Erin’s hand, I realize that I’m still staring at her. Earlier, I lied. I know that I should have told her parents that we were just dating. It would have been much easier to get out of. But the real truth is that for whatever reason, saying that we were dating didn’t even cross my mind.

  The idea of being engaged just popped into my head, and it felt so right that I couldn’t stop it coming out of my mouth. There’s no explanation for it either, because marriage hasn’t been on my mind. Or anything like it. I haven’t even been looking for a relationship.

  I’ve had the occasional one-night stand for fun, but that’s all it was. Fun.

  What happened with Erin didn’t just feel like fun. It felt like something indescribable and is also mildly terrifying because of that. But I’m in it. I meant what I said. I’m going to see it through.

  “I’m sorry that I didn’t tell you,” Erin says softly. “It’s just…I wanted it to be just mine for a while.”

  Her mom smiles. “I understand.

  “Thanks.”

  “Okay folks,” Leo says, poking his head into the room. “If you’re with me for rafting, start heading over to the launch site so we can go over safety protocols and get you guys into vests.”

  The whole group starts to break up, and I look at Erin. “You guys are all scheduled for that, right?”

  “Right,” she says. She doesn’t look panicked, but she still looks nervous. Should I get her out of it? “How long are the rafting trips?”

  “A few hours.”

  Erin smiles. “Then I’ll be back soon enough, I guess.”

  I lean in and kiss her gently. The whole time I’m telling myself that it’s for her parents sitting across from me. But it’s not. It’s because I want to taste the strawberry jam that she put on her pancakes and feel the way her breath catches when our lips meet. Kissing her is like waking up. A hit of pure oxygen to my lungs.

  “See you later,” I say with a grin, fully aware of her parents staring at us from across the table. Erin’s cheeks are bright red, and she practically flees the table, the senior O’Neills following after I smile at them. They don’t know what to do with themselves, and honestly neither do I. What the fuck am I doing?

  As soon as the entire family is out the door, I head to the office. Asher is there. Thank fuck. I don’t bother stopping before I walk in and shut the door. “I need to talk to you.”

  He barely looks up from his computer. “What’s up?”

  I pause for a second. “I might have fucked up.”

  Asher does look up then, eyes scanning me from head to toe. “You don’t seem drunk, and I don’t see any broken bones, so what exactly have you fucked up?”

  “I slept with Erin O’Neill last night,” I say.

  Asher just stares at me, his mouth slightly open in shock, so I keep going.

  “And again this morning. Her parents might have walked on in on her screaming my name, and I might have told them that we’re engaged in order to make it seem less bad.”

  Another agonizing silence. And then Asher bursts out laughing. Not a little laugh, a deep laugh that’s so forceful he’s nearly lying down on his desk. “Oh my God.” He can’t stop, and I have to smile a little. I know that he’s not actually laughing at me. It’s just a little ironic considering the way he met Rose.

  He slept with her when she was on a tour, found out she was actually here to spy for her scummy father, and married her to blackmail her into doing the right thing. In the process of all that, they fell in love, and they stayed married. Now they’re the most sickeningly happy people that I know. Besides Leo and Diana.

  “I know.”

  “This is perfect. Does Leo know?”

  I shake my head. “Haven’t had the chance to tell him.”

  “He’s going to laugh too.”

  “Probably louder than you.” I roll my eyes.

  Asher is actually tearing up, and he wipes his eyes before gathering himself. “You know I can’t scold you for shit. But seriously, man, go for it. After Rose, I don’t doubt that when love hits, it hits, and we all want you to be happy. Besides, when it does hit, that’s the end of it.”

  “Wait a second,” I say, holding my hand out. “This isn’t love. I just told you so that you and Leo and the girls don’t let the cat out of the bag the rest of the weekend while I’m pretending to be engaged to her.”

  My friend smirks. “Whatever you say, man. Rose and Diana are down in the city. I’ll let them know when they get back. And Leo, when he’s not on the river.”

  “Thanks.”

  “Sure thing. And Hudson, if you need anything from us, just tell us. We’ve been there. We know how it goes.”

  I shake my head again. “It’s not the same, Asher.”

  “Okay.”

  “It’s not,” I say as I open the door and leave the office. “It’s not.”

  I say the words to convince myself, but I’m not sure that I believe them.

  9

  Erin

  How my parents ever really believed that I came here to do outdoor things is amazing to me. Hiking? Sure. Maybe archery. But white water rafting is definitely not my speed. It’s too chaotic and too loud, and by the time that the three-hour trek down the river is done and we’re driving back to the launch point, I’m exhausted.

  It’s not like I got the best sleep last night either.

  The entire time that we were on the river I could feel my parents watching me. But they didn’t ask me anything because I’d asked them to keep things quiet. So now that we’re back, I’m completely unsurprised when they pull me aside to speak with me alone. Hudson isn’t here, and I can tell that they’ve been dying to talk to me alone since the moment they left my guest house this morning.

  “Are you okay, Erin?” Mom asks.

  We look a lot alike. We’re about the same height and both have red hair. When I was younger, there were a couple times that we were mistaken for sisters. But right now she’s looking at me with genuine concern. “Why wouldn’t I be okay?”

  She just looks at me, still shellshocked. “I’m just so surprised. And I don’t understand why you felt that you couldn’t tell us. Did you think that we wouldn’t be supportive?”

  I don’t know what to say to that because of course they would be supportive. When I didn’t get into vet school, they weren’t disappointed at all. They said that it would be nice to have me home for a while and that maybe we could plan a trip during the gap year. They said they knew how hard I’d worked and that I needed time off.

  And I didn’t know how to handle it. I was so devastated and so disappointed. I didn’t know how to take a break. I still don’t. That’s why I’ve been at the clinic, hoping that the extra time and effort on my résumé will help me if my test scores are still too low next time.

  It doesn’t matter that I’m speechless because my parents have plenty to say. “Of course it’s unexpected,” my dad says. “But I have to say that it’s not entirely unwelcome.”

  Mom reaches out and takes my hand. “We’ve seen how unhappy and overworked you’ve been this last year. And all we want is for you to be happy. Even if you keep going and become a vet, we hope that this will make you happy.”

  “I—”

  “Hav
e you and Hudson set a date? I think this could be a really beautiful place for a wedding if you wanted to do it here.”

  “Obviously we don’t know Hudson well and we want to spend some time with him,” my dad says. “But so far he’s struck me as responsible and kind. That’s something that I can live with.”

  We’re walking back towards the main lodge, and Mom slings her arm over my shoulders. “When we get back, should we schedule appointments to look at dresses? That could be fun, right? Maybe we could go to a few places. And the minute that he gets you a ring, you have to show me.”

  Dresses? Rings? Oh my God, my mother is more excited about this fake wedding than I am. But she doesn’t think that it’s fake. She thinks that it’s real. Oh fuck, what’s going to happen when Hudson and I ‘break up’? Is she going to be so devastated that she hates me? Hates Hudson?

  My heart is pounding in my chest. This can’t actually be happening right now. I should tell them the truth, but I can’t seem to make my mouth open. If I tell them the truth, they’re going to be so disappointed and I’m already a disappointment to them because of my failure, no matter if they say so or not.

  We break out of the trees and into the large grassy area surrounding the lodge. The rest of my parents’ friends break off toward their guest houses to change out of river gear, but my parents don’t leave. My mom is still chattering in my ear about plans for the wedding, and I think that my dad says something about paying for it and not to worry, everything will be taken care of.

  I feel like I’m about to pass out.

  On the porch of the lodge, Hudson is sitting in one of the chairs reading a book. He looks up when he hears my parents’ voices and smiles at me. And then he’s not smiling anymore. He can probably see my panic. I know that I’m only going to dig myself deeper into this hole if I ask him for help, but I’m about to lose it.

  He’s down the stairs and crossing to me in seconds, pulling me away from my parents and spinning me so his back is to them. And then his mouth is on mine. Kissing me just like a fiancé would. Instantly my head feels clearer. His hands on my arms and the way that he has to lean down to read my lips. The fact that he’s touching me shouldn’t calm me down the way it does. His confidence and steadiness shouldn’t sink through me and ground me to the earth so that I feel like I can breathe again. But they do.

  When he pulls back an inch from the kiss and looks at me, I can’t look away. He whispers the words low enough so I’m the only one that can hear them. “Do you need to get away?”

  I’m embarrassed that my eyes flood with tears. But the relief is so sharp and so strong that I can’t hold them back. “Yes. Please.”

  Hudson doesn’t need to be told twice.

  “Sorry to steal her away like that,” he says, turning to my parents and tucking me underneath his arm. “I can’t seem to stay away from her.”

  They’re looking at the two of us with full smiles on their faces. I can’t really fathom how quickly they’ve become okay with this.

  “That’s okay,” my mom says.

  “I actually planned a surprise camping trip for me and Erin tonight,” Hudson says, looking down at me with a question in his eyes. “But if we’re going to get to the place before dark, we have to leave right away. What do you say?”

  “I’d love that,” I whisper.

  Out of the corner of my eye I see my mom put one hand to her heart. She’s nearly swooning. Now that she’s on the marriage train, she’s really on the train.

  “Where are you headed?” Dad asks.

  “There’s a place on one of the river outlets a couple of hours out. It’s got a really good view of the stars, and it’s supposed to be clear tonight.”

  I have no idea if he’s actually telling the truth, but I’m grateful to him. Taking his hand in mine, I weave our fingers together. It feels more natural than I ever could have hoped. And my parents notice that too. They notice everything.

  “Why don’t you go grab some clothes and whatever else you need,” Hudson says, “and you can meet me at the archery range in fifteen minutes?”

  He’s buying me time. “Sounds good.” I look at my parents. “You guys are okay?”

  “We’re fine,” my dad says. “We’ve got more s’mores to make.”

  I roll my eyes but laugh too. It’s their anniversary. They deserve to have fun. “I’ll see you tomorrow then!”

  Hudson pulls me away before we can go our separate ways. “Thank you,” I say.

  “Don’t mention it. But we are actually going camping now.”

  I laugh. “I figured. But is it really two hours away?”

  “That spot is real,” he shrugs. “But we don’t have to go to that one. There are spots that are just as beautiful that are a lot closer. But I wanted to make sure that we could leave.”

  “Good thinking. Okay,” I say and straighten my spine. “I’ll grab my stuff and meet you.”

  “Hey.” Hudson catches me around the waist and pulls me in. His arm is so far around me and he’s so strong that my feet nearly lift off the ground when he kisses me again. Soft. Teasing. A promise that there’s more to come, and a burst of confidence. “Fifteen minutes,” he says when he sets me down.

  It’s not until I’m walking in the door to my guest house that I realize he kissed well out of view of my parents.

  10

  Hudson

  Of course I didn’t have a surprise camping trip planned, but I do this so often it doesn’t take me long at all to pull everything that I need together. The look on Erin’s face…I knew that she needed to escape, and that she needed to do it right now. I know the feeling. Usually when I’m pulling together camping gear this quickly, it’s to get some space to myself or to get away from the over the top displays of affection from everyone else who lives at Blue Mountain.

  But now? With Erin?

  I’m excited about the prospect.

  For sure it will give her the getaway she needs, but I’m also excited to just spend time with her. Breathe her in. Actually get to watch her while she hikes. And, if I’m lucky, get to put my hands on her again. Because I would be lying if I said that I didn’t think about this morning every five minutes and want more.

  I’m glad that I have the practice for pulling all this together. It takes me ten minutes because I already have almost everything packed. Just a few minutes of adjustment because Erin is coming with me, and a stop by the kitchen before I head over to meet her.

  She’s waiting at the archery range for me, teeth worrying her lower lip. All that panic that’s in her hasn’t gone away. That’s fine. We’ll get there. I have plans for her. “Ready?”

  “Sure.”

  Erin has changed out of the clothes that she wore rafting and is now in tight-fitting hiking clothes that show off her ass. It’s a pity that I have to lead us, because it’s tempting to watch her ass in those pants. And the thought has me adjusting mine. Damn it.

  We head through the archery range and underneath the empty ropes course.

  “Have you ever thought of making a Halloween haunted house type thing in here?” Erin asks.

  “In the ropes course?”

  “Yeah,” she says. “Last night when I left the fire, it looked a little eerie when it was getting dark. Thought it would be a good place for something creepy.”

  I look up and take in the swaying bridges and ropes. She’s not wrong. “That’s definitely something to think about. Maybe you can give me some more ideas for it.”

  She laughs. “I don’t know about that.”

  “Well, you had the first one, what kind of creepiness did you want to see?”

  Erin tilts her head to the side as we walk. “I think mummies might be good, considering the way things could drift around.”

  “Maybe you could be a mummy,” I say with a grin. “Then I could unwrap you.”

  I watch as she blushes and then I reach for her hand. It feels perfect in mine as I pull her toward the back of our property. This isn’t the pat
h that I usually take guests on. It’s a little wilder and rougher. But in my opinion, it’s far more beautiful. And it’s a more direct shot to where we’re going.

  The woods are turning into the colors of fall, the entire place around us feels like it’s just on the edge of breathing in the new season. It doesn’t take us that long to reach our destination. It’s a bend in the river, a short hike downstream. Our rafting trips do go past this spot, but it’s easy to miss.

  It’s a bend in the river where the water pools lazily before moving on. It’s deep enough to swim, and just beyond the tree line, there’s a little clearing with a perfect view of the sky. Since I first discovered it, it’s become one of my favorite places. And with the rafting trip over for the day, we won’t be disturbed.

  “We came past here?” she asks as we step into the clearing.

  “You did. But I make a point of not telling anyone about this little place. I like thinking of it as mine.”

  “You told me,” she says, looking at me carefully.

  I nod. “I did.”

  Erin ducks her head with a smile.

  It’s still early in the day, but I want to get the fire started while I can. I’ll set up the tents too. On second thought—“I’m going to build the fire and everything. But I need to ask…I brought two tents with me. Do you want separate ones?”

  Erin stares at me for a moment. I can almost feel the thoughts spinning through her while she works through everything that’s happened between us and why we’re on this excursion in the first place. What it might mean if we only have one tent. Then she shakes her head. “No. One is fine.”

  “Okay.”

  We stand silently for a second, and there’s nothing that I want more right now than to haul her into my arms and lay her down on the grass. But if I do that, I won’t be able to stop. Tent first.

  “The river here is slow and deep enough to swim, if you want.”

  She looks behind her. “And the chances that someone is going to come paddling by?”