Lost Pirates

by Jamie Hawke

  “Don’t worry,” Esmerelda said. “I’ve… tried before.”

  “Tried?”

  An uneasy look crossed her face, but Milly nudged Frank.

  “Be sensitive,” the larger woman said. “Think about it.”

  “Oh… shit.” He turned back to Esmerelda, who was nodding.

  “Tried, meaning—I was married. We wanted kids, my body wouldn’t let me. We even attempted other options, such as involving someone else, but… no luck. Of course, it was too much for my husband to handle, so he left me.”

  “Fuck. I’m… sorry.”

  “All in the past,” she said, waving the comment off. “I was barely eighteen when I wed, twenty by the time he left. Now I look at it as a blessing—to live up to my full potential, or a different potential, anyway.”

  “The rest of us… might want to keep the final moment to the mouths,” Milly said. “Not tested yet, in that regard.”

  “Noted,” he said, grinning.

  “What’s up with the smile?”

  “Believe it or not,” he said, “this is kind of too good to be true.”

  “Wait till you’re captured by a pirate who pries your toenails off and then castrates you. Then tell us what you think.” Mary was already starting to walk, the rest of them ready and about to follow. She looked back when they didn’t. “What? It could happen.”

  “Fuck, don’t scare him away,” Milly said. “I finally found one who’ll let me stick a finger in his ass.”

  “About that…” Frank started, but shut his mouth at the look she gave him. “Ah… right.” Maybe it had felt good, though he wasn’t sure he was okay admitting that yet.

  They started walking again, and found Keisha at the next bend, where another hill rose up to their right. She looked like she was holding back something she wanted to say, but Frank wasn’t sure if he should ask what yet, so didn’t. Esmerelda took the lead, heading to the lake where she undressed again and then waded in, yelping at the cold. Milly only knelt to wash her finger, while Mary walked on ahead saying she wanted to think for a bit alone.

  “Shouldn’t we be worried about retaliation?” Frank asked as he stood there, debating whether to go into the lake or not. He was dirty, and probably needed a good wash, but suddenly felt shy in front of Keisha again.

  She looked contemplative, then said, “Yes.”

  “Wow, no easing me into it, huh?”

  “Sorry, but that’s the life we live. We should be very worried about backlash, especially if there’s any way they could’ve followed us back. But let’s hope they didn’t. That’s what we’re out here for though, isn’t it, so that we have weapons and are ready when the fight comes.”

  Frank nodded, glanced over at the lake, then back at her.

  She chuckled. “Are you seriously being shy? I just saw you full-on getting head. Your dick is exactly this big when hard,” she held out her hands, though he wasn’t sure if she was holding back an inch, “and you have a couple of small moles or freckles or whatever here,” she indicated her lower left side. “So… what exactly might I see that I didn’t already?”

  “Ah… right.” He dropped his jacket and weapons, then took off his shirt and glanced down at the moles.

  She raised an eyebrow, not looking away.

  “Do you have to watch?”

  “I don’t have to, but maybe I want to. Is that okay?”

  He nodded.

  “You need a little help? I can do that.” She leaned over, went to her knees, and undid his pants for him. As relieved as he was, he couldn’t help but imagine her taking it out right there and going down on him. When she tucked her fingers in the top of his pants and looked up at him, he actually thought it might happen.

  She laughed.

  “What?”

  “The look in your eyes right now. I’m sorry, but as easy as they might be, it’s not my style. Not so fast, anyway.”

  “I wasn’t—”

  “Yes, you were.” She laughed again, then went behind him before pulling off his pants so his dick wouldn’t be in her face. She gave his ass a light slap and said, “Now go wash off. You smell like sex.”

  He stepped out of his pants and took off his shoes, then joined Esmerelda as she exited the lake.

  “Getting cold?” she asked, but laughed when he looked down. “Clearly, I’m joking.”

  “Funny,” he replied, and then dipped into the water, coming right back up with a shout of surprise. This water was freezing—nothing like before. He’d forgotten what a lake could be like, and how that cold water felt like a kick to the nuts.

  He washed, then turned to see all eyes on him, so put both hands down to cover himself as he emerged.

  “Is this a zoo?” he asked. They stared in confusion. “Sorry, I mean—what’s up with the staring?”

  “We’re still trying to figure you out,” Milly said. “Mary here still thinks you have to be supernatural or know magic, but I’ve had my finger in your ass—once that’s happened, you can rule that stuff out, I say.”

  “That’s weird logic,” he pointed out, trying to shake dry as there were no towels, but that only made them have to stifle laughs as they watched. He gave up and started dressing even though he was still damp.

  “Plus, I got the first-hand sight of your balls, and one’s clearly larger than the other,” Mary said. “So, as nice as they might be… that rules out angel. Who ever heard of an angel with unequal balls?”

  “Is balls an angels thing?”

  She shrugged. “It depends on your beliefs, I suppose.”

  He laughed, then turned to Esmerelda and Keisha. “You two as well?”

  “I think you’re a nice man,” Keisha said. “With a cute, paler than pale ass.”

  That made him grin, and he gave her one final view of it before pulling up his pants.

  “Me,” Esmerelda said, also finishing dressing. “I’m not sure. You’re a man, and a mortal one… Though your sex drive certainly points to being a bit different than some out there.” That earned more grins and laughs from the ladies, along with nods. “But there’s definitely something about yourself you’re holding back.”

  “I don’t like green beans,” he said, tying up the drawstring at his waist and pulling on his coat and weapons. “And I’m ready to go.”

  “You’re not giving us anything more?”

  “What do you want?”

  “How about where you’re really from.” Esmerelda folded her arms. “We’re getting pretty damn intimate for you to be keeping secrets.”

  “And if you didn’t believe me?” He pulled out the compass, displaying the map to get his bearings. “Wouldn’t it be smart to get on the move, make these weapons and go after the enemy?”

  “Smart, yes.” Milly actually looked like she was getting annoyed. “Which means the faster you talk, the sooner we get the mission done.”

  Frank stared at them, at the way Keisha’s gaze moved to the ground and Mary only looked at him out of the corner of her eye. The attitude toward him had changed mighty fast, and the last thing he wanted was for them not to trust him. He got it, too, thinking about how he would feel in their shoes.

  With a sigh, he said, “So, would you rather think I’m crazy, or go on not knowing?”

  “Given what you’ve shown us with that thing,” Milly said, gesturing to the compass, “there’s a lot you could tell us that we’d believe.”

  “She has a point,” Keisha said, finally making eye contact with Frank. “And we’d like to know. You know about us, right?”

  “I was married, you know that,” Esmerelda said. “What else? My parents abandoned Teddy and I long ago, but we were born to an affluent family, went crooked along the way and only later, when the Pirate King came along saw our errors.”

  “Never married, more into pussy than dick but I love it all, honestly,” Mary said. “Now you know. Oh, and I think green beans are delicious but don’t hold that against me.”

  “I won’t,” Frank said, f
inding this confession stuff annoying but also endearing.

  “What don’t you know about me?” Milly said. “Killed my first man when I was ten. Some fucker who was trying to have his way with my mom. Ran off then, killed more in the streets, did my share of killing and less violent means of making allies until I had a little gang.”

  “They joined up with us,” Esmerelda said. “An alliance with Teddy.”

  “An alliance that gave me power, so that I could live life my way. I owe a lot to her brother, and her.” Milly smiled at Esmerelda, then added, “but to be clear, that first night—that was all us. Her idea, our desire.”

  Mary blushed. “I was curious. Hell… it didn’t disappoint.”

  He was now both intrigued and embarrassed, so turned to Keisha. She was looking at the others, frowning, and said, “I’m not playing this game. You know me well enough for as short a time as we’ve known each other—are you going to let us know you, or not?”

  “Fuck.” Frank ran a hand through his hair, debating it, but decided he had no choice. “I’m not an alien, not a god or angel or anything like that. But…” He pursed his lips, hand resting on his sword hilt, eyes moving across them as he wondered how they would handle this. “But…”

  “We’ve discussed your butt already,” Keisha said. “Out with it.”

  The looks they were giving him reminded him that, although they were generally treating him like some sex god and one of their own, they were still hardened pirates.

  “I’m from the future,” he blurted out.

  A long moment of silence followed, and then Keisha smiled, followed by Esmerelda laughing. Milly joined in, but Mary glared, more pissed than ever.

  “What the fuck is this?” she said.

  “The future?” Esmerelda shook her head, still laughing.

  “Yes, the future.” Frank held up the compass. “Which is where I got this, in my grandpa’s old room. I’m a college kid, learned fencing to impress a girl and because there was a related club based on an awesome movie series—which you don’t know, but is basically moving pictures and is kick-ass. And…” They were all staring at him with pity now. Still smiles and glares, but mixed with pity.

  “He actually believes it, I think,” Milly said.

  “Of course I actually believe it!” he replied, voice rising. “Didn’t you see the clothes I arrived in? This crazy compass thing? What about… what about the future—ask me! Ask me anything.”

  “But… how would that prove it?” Keisha asked. Shaking her head, she added, “It wouldn’t.”

  “Okay, okay,” he held up the compass again. “But, if this weapon thing works out. Won’t you believe me then? That rifle I made for Teddy, you haven’t seen anything like it.”

  “Except from the Pirate King,” Mary pointed out. “He doesn’t have that, but he has other strange weapons. I didn’t think so before, but this? It’s so stupid, I’m beginning to wonder if you might be with him.”

  “What the fuck?” Frank said, motioning the way they’d just come from. “A few minutes ago we’re all wrapped in each other’s arms—almost all—and now I’m being hung on the cross? Are you fucking kidding me right now?”

  “Frank—” Esmerelda started, stepping toward him.

  “NO!” He held his hands up, away from the sword. “Hear me out. I opened up to you, as you asked. I don’t see trust or faith or loyalty right now in any of your eyes. So I sound like a madman. I did warn you. So here it is, ready? Because you better hold on—it’s a wild fucking ride. Honestly, I didn’t ask to come here. I sure as shit didn’t know I’d be landing in a land of pirates and horny pirate ladies when I picked up my grandpa’s compass and started tinkering with his old map. All I wanted was to find a way to remember him, to reconnect with him, in some sense. Fuck…” Frank wiped his eye, realizing a tear had formed. “That’s all I wanted. Now I’m here though, okay? I’m here and that’s not changing, and somehow I’m supposed to help win this crazy war that would otherwise be a suicide mission. You know it would be. So pardon me if I want to tell the women I’m fucking the damn truth, okay? Pardon me!”

  He stood there, chest heaving and realized he had been pacing but wasn’t anymore. His hands were balled up in fists, but he slowly relaxed them.

  Nobody said a thing.

  He laughed. Then laughed again, turning away from them and watching a bird fly just above the water. Steam or something rose from the far side of the lake, and the palms blew in the breeze.

  “Something’s funny?” Keisha asked.

  “Not at all,” he replied. “But sometimes there’s just too much stress built up, that the only way to let it out is with a good laugh.”

  But that wasn’t the whole truth, he realized, as the image of his grandpa and him came into his mind. After how they’d reacted when he’d opened up to them about time travel? He didn’t feel very obliged to speak up. He was remembering going around the backyard with this same compass, his grandpa helping him look for the treasure he’d bury from time to time for those occasions. The way the old man had told him stories of sailing to islands, following a map to hidden treasure but lamenting at the fact that they’d never found it. Stories of great battles, of… Holy fuck, he thought as he turned back to the ladies. “My grandpa…”

  “We didn’t know,” Keisha said, and Frank saw affection there, a sense of humility. She felt bad about how they’d attacked him. They all did, it seemed, but his mind had already moved on.

  “No, no. He knew about all of this! He… well, maybe he didn’t have the full picture, or you all would have better weapons already, but he at least knew something about it.”

  “That doesn’t make sense,” Esmerelda said, brow furrowed in confusion. “If there was an old man here with a compass looking for stashes of weapons, we would’ve known about it.”

  “Unless…” Frank’s eyes grew even wider. “Oh shit, oh shit!” The ladies were staring at him with a mixture of confusion and actually being scared now. His mind was spinning, and it had landed on something. “What if, and don’t hate me if this is true, what if my grandpa was on the other side?”

  “With the Pirate King?” Milly’s eyes were wild like a boar about to charge.

  “Yes! What if they were friends or became friends here, and my grandpa didn’t know… he didn’t know that the Pirate King would do what he’s done. But they went and found weapons, or whatever it took to build that steam engine tank thing I destroyed—stuff like that. Oh, shit! Then, somehow the Pirate King removes my grandpa from the picture, but stays himself to create his army and change the world!”

  A long silence followed… again.

  Finally, Keisha spoke up. “Ladies, I think he’s telling the truth. And even stranger, I think I believe him.”

  “I think we all do,” Esmerelda said. Nobody contradicted her.

  “We’re sorry,” Milly said.

  “It still doesn’t make sense though,” Mary chimed in. “I mean, I’m with them—or, at least as best I can. It’s a bit hard to follow, but… assuming it’s true, and that your guess is correct, can’t you just travel back to your time with that compass?”

  “Maybe not?” Frank said. “Or, at least, I don’t know. When I first got here, or when I first had a chance, I tried figuring it out but only got the map and stuff.”

  “And stuff?”

  Frank grinned. “I can, oh dammit, you wouldn’t understand… but I can level up. Like, it helps improve me.”

  “That explains the…” Esmerelda made a hole with one hand, sticking her finger in it as she added, “amazing fucking.”

  He giggled, actually giggled! Then, blushing even more because of the giggle, said, “No, not like that. It helps me with a gun—to aim better. And there’s some awareness thing, like if I have it on I can see if there are enemies nearby.”

  “Shut the fuck up,” Milly said, but for the first time in this little spat, she looked excited again. “Try it now.”

  He frowned, but then nodd
ed and blinked, focusing on that skill. Glancing around, he said, “We’re clear.”

  “I didn’t see anything happen,” she said, let down.

  “You wouldn’t,” he admitted. “But… watch this. Tell me if you can see the light.” He turned, pulled out his double-barreled flintlock pistol, then loaded each barrel with powder and shot. Done, he aimed—sure enough, the green light showed a line for his aim. When he selected a rock on the other side of the lake, he said, “That rock, okay?”

  “No way in hell can you—” Keisha started, but he pulled the trigger.

  BAM!

  A piece of the rock chipped off as the round hit it. They stared at him, confused.

  “You didn’t see the light then?” he asked. “Green, shooting out to show my aim.”

  Mary frowned, stepped up next to him and took the pistol, using the second shot to try and hit the rock. As Keisha had said—no way in hell. It missed by at least two feet, spraying up dirt. He reloaded in case they came across more problems as he spoke.

  “Okay, so you can’t see it. But the point is, it levels me up. My guess is my grandpa escaped, or that the Pirate King pushed him out and didn’t realize he had the compass. Either way, this is making a whole lot of sense all of a sudden.”

  “For you,” Mary said. “For us, it’s like you just told us we can walk on the moon.”

  Frank pursed his lips, not going there. “You know what this means?” He said, doing his best to ignore the shaking in his arms and legs as the excitement took over. “The Pirate King is the key to all of this. He has the answers and my ticket home.”

  “Home?” Esmerelda asked, her voice cracking as she said it.

  The other ladies had the same expression as her. Mere minutes ago they had been furious at him, throwing accusations and worried he worked with the enemy. Now the idea that he would leave them so soon after arriving, so soon after growing intimate to different degrees with each of them… it was too much.

  When he motioned for them to continue, leading the way, they followed, but slowly. He kept turning, trying to get them to move faster, but the combination of confusion over all of the information he’d just dropped on them combined with the fact that they might be working to help him leave in the end wasn’t the best motivation.