Breaking Matthew

by Jennifer H. Westall

  “Not if I’m with her,” I said.

  Chapter Eighteen

  Matthew

  By the time everyone arrived back at the Graves farm, I’d left the barn and was chopping wood at the back of the house. The sky was dark and fat spots of rain were beginning to fall. I welcomed the damp coolness on the back of my shirt as I swung the ax, and swung again. Ruby’s uncles continued to discuss possibilities, while I satisfied my anger by envisioning all those people who’d stood against Ruby—Cass, Father, Mr. Adams at the paper, Mr. Garrett. I saw their faces as I swung away, and it appeased my anger, but it didn’t calm my nerves.

  Ruby didn’t say anything to me. Asa came out to check on me, but left me to do my killing on my own for a while. When I’d exhausted myself and came inside, Ruby was asleep on the sofa, and Mrs. Graves was preparing supper. I looked around for something else I could do, some measure of help I could give, but I found nothing. So I went outside to draw water from the well and wash up.

  As we took our seats around the table for supper, Ruby didn’t even look at me. She kept her head down as we all took hold of our hands, and Asa prayed over the meal. “Heavenly Father, we thank You for all the blessings You’ve bestowed upon us, especially this meal. Please allow it to nourish our bodies, just as You nourish our souls. We ask Your favor as we face the days ahead, and peace in knowing that we are safe in Your hands.”

  There was anything but peace in my spirit. God seemed to have no interest in keeping Ruby from going to prison, which I could not understand at all. I’d prayed for understanding, prayed for His help, but He didn’t speak to me like He did to Ruby. I was at a total loss.

  None of us spoke much during the meal, and I noticed Ruby pushed her food around the plate more than anything. Within a few minutes, she declared herself full.

  “You’ve hardly eaten a thing,” her mother said. “You need to keep your strength up.”

  “I’m all right,” she said. “Just tired, and not very hungry. Please excuse me.”

  She left the table without even cleaning up her plate, something I’d never seen her do, and headed straight out the door without another word.

  “I’m going to go talk to her,” I said, leaving my plate as well. I hoped Mrs. Graves would forgive me this one time.

  Ruby was making her way toward the path into the woods, and I ran to catch up with her. “Where are you going?” I asked as I caught her near the edge.

  “Just for a short walk,” she said, her gaze bouncing from one thing to the next, but never falling on me.

  “In the rain?”

  She looked down the path and then back at the house. “I suppose. It’s only a little drizzle.”

  She folded her arms over her chest and started down the path. The sun hung low in the sky, casting a rose-colored glow beneath the clouds. As soon as we entered the shade of the trees, the temperature dropped. She pulled her coat tighter around her shoulders.

  “Are you cold?” I asked.

  She shook her head.

  I continued beside her, unable to bear the silence, but unable to form the words I so badly wanted to say. “I know you’re angry with me for telling Mr. Oliver your secret, but I can’t apologize. I can’t stand you being angry with me either. So you’re going to have to find a way to forgive me, even though I’m not sorry.”

  She still said nothing, pushing my frustration to near madness.

  “Ruby, talk to me.”

  “You broke your promise,” she finally said. “I shouldn’t have trusted you.”

  It killed me to hear her say that. I’d worked so hard to earn back her trust. “I’m sorry I hurt you. But please try to understand. I just…I can’t lose you.”

  She stopped walking and looked up at me with indignant eyes. “That’s the most ridiculous thing you could’ve said. Lose me? I’m not yours to lose. If anything, you should be more concerned about losing your fiancée.”

  “My what?” I stepped back, completely taken off guard. “What are you talking about?”

  “I saw Vanessa, and her ring. You gave up a job and a home in Nashville, and now your family is falling apart. You shouldn’t even be here. You should be at your parents’ house, working things out with them. You’ve sacrificed everything. For what? Because you felt guilty? Because you owed me something from five years ago?”

  “No! This is crazy. I…I’m not engaged. I broke it off with Vanessa over a week ago. How did she—? I don’t understand. I’m not marrying Vanessa. And I don’t want a life in Nashville. I’m here for you. Not because I owe you anything, even though I do.” I stepped closer and reached for her face, unable to stop myself any longer. “I owe you more than I could ever repay, Ruby. But that’s not why I’m here.”

  I hesitated, afraid to say what I’d wanted to for days now. Her eyes teared up, and she covered my hands with hers. “So, you’re not getting married?”

  “No.” I rested my forehead on hers. “I could never marry anyone else. I love you, Ruby. Only you.” I lifted her face to mine and looked into the most beautiful eyes I’d ever known. “Can’t you see that? With all your talent for seeing the needs of others, for seeing right through me…How could you not see how much I love you?”

  “But Vanessa said—”

  “She’s hurt, and she lied to you. I’m sorry about that. I wish I’d known she was there. But I promise you: I’m not sacrificing some imaginary future you’ve concocted. I would gladly give you every dime to my name. I’d walk away from my family in a heartbeat. All I want is to be with you.”

  I touched my lips to hers, my whole body aching with joy when her lips moved with mine. I was gone, for good. Completely ruined. I pulled back and looked down into her eyes. “Ruby, I won’t lose you. There’s still time to fix this mess. Just get on the stand tomorrow and tell the truth.”

  “I’d be sentencing Samuel to death. Maybe even Hannah, if they couldn’t get their hands on him. I can’t do that.”

  “Then let’s run away. Your uncles can help us. We’ll leave tonight, and we can make a new life for ourselves. Just you and me.”

  She stood on her tiptoes and kissed me again. “I love you too. I do. But—”

  “No, no. No ‘but’. Just say yes. Choose me.” I kissed her again. “Choose me, Ruby. We can go to Texas or California. Start over. I’ll be with you forever.”

  “I believe you,” she said, stepping back and taking my hand in hers. “But it’s crazy. And if we got caught…and my mother would just die…”

  “Forget everyone else!” My voice shot up louder than I’d meant it to. “We can make it work.”

  “You’d be miserable. When would we ever see our families again?”

  “I’d be with you. I’d be the happiest man in the world. And believe me, as long as we were together, and you were safe, I wouldn’t care if I ever saw my family again.”

  “You don’t mean that. What about Mary? Your mother?”

  I had to admit, I’d miss Mary and Mother, but I couldn’t even think about them when it seemed that this might be my last chance to save Ruby. She was so close to agreeing. Saving her was all that mattered.

  “Listen to me,” I said. “I don’t care about everything I’d leave behind. Don’t you get that? I just need you.”

  “No, Matthew. You need to listen to yourself. I’m not all you need. We have to trust God, that He’ll work everything out for our good. Just because things seem bleak now, doesn’t mean our faith should waiver. I know this is hard for you, because you want to make things happen just as you think they should. But God has a bigger plan for both of us. More than just loving each other.” She reached for my face, touching my cheek so gently. “Don’t give up your faith to be with me. In the end, it won’t be worth the cost.”

  I pulled her to me once more, wishing I could stand there forever holding her against me. Some part of me knew she was right, because she was always right. But I couldn’t accept it. All I could do was hope and pray that God would stand up for her in
that courtroom, that He would use her words to work in the hearts of those men on the jury. I hoped that Ruby’s faith was enough for both us, because all I could find in my heart was fear.

  As I sat on the pew, exhausted from a sleepless night and waiting for Ruby to take the stand, it felt like I was sitting on a pincushion. I didn’t know how I was going to be able to sit still through her testimony. I hadn’t tried to convince Ruby again of either telling the truth or making a run for it. She’d made up her mind, so I tried to keep my focus on praying for her.

  Father sat in the back of the courtroom once again, this time with Mother beside him. It pained me to see her looking so upset, but I didn’t go to them. I also spotted Vanessa this time, just behind Mother and Father. I planned to confront her about her lies, but that would have to wait. I couldn’t think of anyone else but Ruby.

  When the clerk called Ruby’s name, it seemed like everyone in the building went completely still. Here was what they’d all been waiting for, a chance to hear from the one person who’d actually been in the barn when Chester Calhoun died. The courtroom was even more packed that day than it had been the previous, with folks lining the walls and spilling into the hallway outside. Even Judge Woods had looked around in surprise as he’d called court in session.

  Ruby took her seat, closed her eyes for the briefest moment, and moved her lips in what was most likely a prayer. Then she placed her hand on the Bible and swore to tell the whole truth. Everything in me wished she meant it.

  “Miss Graves,” Mr. Oliver said, standing just in front of her. “There have been many accusations laid against you from this witness stand. I’d like to take you through each one, and give you the opportunity to respond. Let’s begin with your brother’s injury when you were a child. How old were you at the time?”

  “I was ten.” Her voice was steady, calm. She didn’t seem fazed in the slightest by being in front of all those people.

  “And did you, in fact, throw a knife at your brother?”

  “Yes, I did. I was washing up the dishes after dinner. He’d been picking on me, and I got angry at him. I had it my hand ’cause I was washing it, and I threw it. I don’t think I actually meant to strike him. But it did. And I felt horrible about it.”

  “Have you ever physically attacked anyone in your life, other than that one moment of anger?”

  “No, sir. I learned a valuable lesson that day about controlling my temper. I gave it up to God, and asked Him to take it from me. From then on, I never lost control of my temper again.”

  One of the men on the jury, a black-haired man near the back gave a slight nod. I clung to that small grain of hope. How could anyone listen to Ruby for more than five minutes and not see that she wasn’t capable of murder?

  Mr. Oliver walked toward the jury box. “And how about the incident at the soup kitchen? Were you stealing cans of food?”

  “No, sir. I spoke with Mrs. Doyle, who had invited me to work there each Saturday, and I explained to her that I knew of a family in desperate need of help. I asked her about the extra jars of food in the pantry, and she agreed to let me take them to the family in need. The incident Brother Cass is referring to happened on a Saturday when Mrs. Doyle wasn’t there. He jumped to the conclusion that I was stealing, and never let me explain otherwise.”

  “Very well. Now let’s get to the events that took place in the fall of 1931. It’s your claim that Chester Calhoun attacked and savagely beat you. Can you describe that event to the jury please?”

  Ruby swallowed. Although she seemed outwardly calm, I noticed a slight tremor to her fingertips. “It was a Saturday afternoon, and I’d gone down into the woods behind the fields at the Calhoun place. I was walking down the path when I heard something behind me. I turned around and Chester was standing on the path.”

  “Now, had you had any dealings with Chester up to this point?”

  “Only a little. He was in charge of all the workers and sharecroppers, so he oversaw my work most days.”

  “Did you ever witness him being cruel to other workers?”

  “Yes. Especially the colored workers. I gave a dead chicken to a colored boy once, and Chester tried to beat him for it. Accused the boy of stealing, and told me he’d be watching me.”

  “Did he ever show any signs of aggression toward you after that?”

  “Not until the day I saw him in the woods.”

  “And what happened when you saw him?”

  Ruby fidgeted in her seat. I could see she was working out how to tell the truth and leave out Hannah and Samuel at the same time. “He told me I shouldn’t be helping colored folks, that he was going to have to teach me a lesson. And that it was better that lesson come from him than from a bunch of men in white robes coming after my whole family.”

  Mr. Oliver fell silent. He must not have been expecting that answer. Several seconds passed before he continued. “Then what happened?”

  “He came at me. I tried to run, but I stumbled. He kicked me. In the ribs, in the head. He swore at me while he kicked me. Called me awful names I’d rather not repeat.” Ruby’s face flushed pink, and from what I could tell, hers wasn’t the only one.

  Mr. Oliver cleared his throat and shifted his weight. “Why didn’t you report the attack to the police?”

  “’Cause I knew nothing would happen to him, and I was afraid if he attacked me again, he’d kill me.”

  I took a quick survey of the jury. Most of them looked on Ruby with sympathy. Maybe it was working. Maybe God was answering my prayers.

  “All right, Miss Graves, let’s move on to the events that took place in the Calhoun barn a few weeks ago. Now explain to us in detail, what happened that day?”

  “Well, I was at the Calhoun place to help their daughter, Emma Rae, deliver her baby. She’s married to my brother James, and he’s the foreman for Mr. Calhoun. When they were resting, I decided to take a walk and get some fresh air. As I came around the side of the barn, I saw James talking with Chester Calhoun, and I froze. It was as if no time had passed at all, and I was standing on that path again.”

  “So you were afraid?”

  “Yes.”

  “What did you do?”

  “I got away from them as quick as I could without Chester seeing me, at least I thought I had. I went out into the fields to gather my thoughts and calm down. All I wanted to do was get away from there. So I looked around for James to see if he’d drive me back into town. I couldn’t find him, so I checked in the barn. When I turned around, Chester had come into the barn after me and was standing behind me, just like he’d been on that path.”

  Ruby stopped talking, and her gaze drifted off. She closed her eyes, and her shoulders pinched up. Pain spread over her face, and all I wanted to do was grab her and run her out of that courtroom.

  “He came at me again, just like before, saying I still hadn’t learned my lesson. I tried to run, but he grabbed me by my hair and threw me down. Then he kicked me in the ribs again. I was able to roll away from him, and I ran across the barn, but in my panic I ran toward the corner that didn’t have a door, so I had to turn around. I tried to get past him, but he threw me against the bales of hay. Then I saw he had a knife in his hand. He stabbed at me, and I leaned back on the hay bale and kicked at his hand as hard as I could. He hollered pretty loud. That was when I saw that the knife had gone into his chest.”

  She was doing great. The jury hung on her every word, and I could see that they believed her.

  “He fell to the ground,” she continued, “and he pulled the knife out of his chest. I jumped off the hay bale and tried to help him, but he wouldn’t let me.”

  “What do you mean, you tried to help him?” Mr. Oliver asked. “What did you do?”

  “He fell onto his back, and he was hollering something awful. I knew he was bleeding to death, so I kneeled over him and pressed my hands over the wound. But he slapped me across my face and told me to get away from him. That he was going to finish the job.” She looked over at
Mr. and Mrs. Calhoun, tears coming into her eyes. “I really did try to help him. I didn’t want him to die.”

  The stillness in the room was absolute. There were no sounds and I couldn’t even hear anyone breathing around me. She’d done it. She’d convinced them. I was sure of it.

  As soon as Mr. Oliver took his seat, Mr. Garrett popped from his like he’d been waiting on this moment his whole life. That made me more than a little nervous. He approached Ruby with a an eager stride and leaned against the rail around the witness stand.

  “Miss Graves, do you believe yourself to be a faith healer of some sort?”

  “Objection!” Mr. Oliver called out. “Miss Graves’s faith has nothing to do with the facts of this case.”

  Mr. Garrett put his hands out like he was baffled. “Your Honor, they have everything to do with it. Miss Graves’s faith guides all her actions.”

  “I’ll allow it,” Judge Woods said.

  Mr. Oliver had been expecting to lose on the ruling, but he’d wanted to make his point. At least that was what he’d said the day before and it explained why he hadn’t brought Ruby’s faith into his own line of questioning. I could only hope his decision helped Ruby instead of making it look like she was afraid to talk about it.

  Mr. Garrett repeated the question, and Ruby gave him a polite smile. “I’ve been witness to a few miraculous healings, Mr. Garrett. But I don’t claim to be responsible for them. Only God can heal.”

  The black-haired man nodded again. I was certain he was on our side. Mr. Garrett considered Ruby for a moment before he turned and walked toward the jury box. “When you went to Mrs. Doyle to ask about the extra food from the soup kitchen, you said you were taking the food to a family in need, correct?”

  “Yes, sir.”

  “Did you tell her the family you spoke of was actually a Negro woman and her illegitimate son?”

  Ruby’s brow furrowed, and she sat up a bit straighter. “No, I did not. Because that shouldn’t matter—”