Super Sales on Super Heroes

by William D. Arand

  “Oh, aye, just pop him in.” He couldn’t see her, but her response was clear enough.

  Shrugging, Felix eased Lily back from the body and then lugged the whole thing up and into the chute.

  For whatever reason, Felicia, thankfully, had attached a rubber flap that swung back into place after the body passed it.

  There was a grinding noise to start. Then the wet squishing that sounded like hamburger meat when you were turning them into patties. Followed by the sick crunch and pop of bones being splintered.

  Felix raised both his eyebrows. “It really is a wood chipper.”

  Lily pressed a hand to her mouth. “That’s awful.”

  “You’re one to talk, you damn prissy princess. You rip out a man’s soul and then get all doe-eyed when we dispose of the corpse? Pah.” Felicia came back into view and pulled another switch.

  “For what it’s worth, Felicia, I appreciate it. If it does what I asked, I’ll never say a cross word about the dispose-o-matic,” Felix said.

  The Dwarven women grunted and then pulled a third lever.

  “Does more than you asked. It’ll turn their body into a paste. Thinking it’ll look like blood sausage. Should improve the body or power of whoever you feed it to.”

  Felicia pointed an accusing finger at Lily. “I doubt the princess has ever had a sausage in her mouth, so she’s probably out.”

  “Right,” Felix frowned. He wasn’t quite sure he wanted to force someone to eat the ground-up paste of a dead person. “I’ll… make everyone aware of what it is and that they can have it if they choose. Good work, Felicia.

  “Wait. He had clothes on, and a tarp? Where does that go?”

  “It gets ripped off and flamed. We only lost a little bit of mass with it, so it’s fine.”

  He managed to not shudder at the idea of what had just happened as a whole.

  Right up until the point that the dumpster made a noise like a toaster. Then a metal plate slid upwards, and a rack of what looked like sausage swung out on a shelf.

  Then he shivered, his throat clenching up.

  She’s an evil genius. A brilliant one.

  In the end, Miu volunteered to eat it, and Felicia convinced Ioana to try it.

  Chapter 11 - Places to Be -

  Felix checked himself over to make sure he had everything he needed.

  Money, papers, Pit, portable work terminal… I think that’s everything.

  That wasn’t quite true, though. He didn’t have any money on him at all. He’d pre-arranged everything with the bank so that he could make large electronic payments tonight.

  Having met with the bank manager directly, it’d only been a matter of explaining the situation, and that it was a government-funded event.

  No-Name had taken care of the other side of the equation and gotten the information they needed to make everything ready to go.

  Setting aside three months of mortgage payments, since that was the one thing he wasn’t willing to default on, they’d put together roughly two hundred thousand dollars.

  They were leaving from the rear loading bay that Felicia had converted into a garage.

  Felix looked to the dark-windowed, black-colored, powerful sedan next to him.

  The car was a recent acquisition. One of the nice things about owning a pawn shop was people brought in all sorts of things to sell you.

  Like broken-down or accident-destroyed cars. This one was especially bad.

  A luxury sedan, last year’s model, that had been twisted into a heap of nothing.

  Felicia had spent some time ironing it out when she was bored. She’d done the majority of the work and had left the irreparable bits to him to tidy up.

  It had cost him two days of points, but they’d brought it all the way up to mint condition, and then improved upon it.

  Felicia had treated it more as hobby, since she spent most of her time doing the basement work with Andrea.

  “Your tie is sloppy,” Lily said angrily, walking over to him. She was dressed in a black jacket, blue blouse, and black skirt with matching heels.

  Her hair was loose and bounced around her neck and shoulders freely.

  She looked beautiful and immaculate.

  “I hate ties,” Felix said disdainfully. Turning around, he looked into the reflective surface of the rear passenger window and began to fix it.

  “That’s a shame, since you actually look presentable in a suit and tie,” Lily said dryly.

  The window slid down to reveal Andrea staring at him with a smile from inside the car.

  “Hi! As your personal assistant,” she said, slapping his hands away and immediately trying to fix his tie, “I can do this.”

  “Andie, you’re making it worse,” Lily said, watching the Beastkin trying to fix the tie. “Stop, no, pull it through there.”

  Felix grunted as Andrea pulled him to one side.

  “No, no. Other way,” Lily said, indicating to something Felix couldn’t see.

  “Like this?” Andrea asked, tightening the tie to the point that Felix was uncomfortable.

  “Here, wait.” Lily roughly pushed Felix to one side and then yanked on his tie. After three swift jerks, jostling him around while doing so, she stepped back to view her handiwork.

  “Better. Don’t touch it. Get in the car. I’m driving,” Lily said, dismissing him with a wave of her hand.

  “I thought I—” Felix was interrupted when Andrea opened her door suddenly. She managed to even hit him with it.

  “Get in! We can talk in the back while they get us there.”

  Andrea’s hands snapped out at him as he stumbled backwards and dragged him into the car by his jacket.

  She pulled him bodily across the seat before letting him go. Then she leaned over him, sticking her knee into his shoulder as she shut the door.

  “This’ll be fun!” Andrea said, getting back to her own seat and grabbing her seatbelt. “Put on your seatbelt, Felix. Don’t just lay there.”

  Felix grumbled, getting his feet placed and then sitting up. Adjusting his jacket, he pulled the seatbelt down and clicked it into place.

  Lily was adjusting the mirrors from the driver’s seat. The passenger door popped open and Kit slid in.

  “Ready when you are,” Kit said, looking to Lily

  “All the runes are up, just need a trickle of power. Are we all set, Felix?” Lily asked, looking at him in the rearview mirror.

  “Ah, yeah. You, Kit, and Andrea are all at one hundred percent. Ioana, Miu, and Felicia are at twenty percent each.”

  He hadn’t been happy to give over so many points, but Kit had convinced him it’d be for the best.

  “Good,” Kit said.

  Lily made a gesture with her hand and the interior of the car flashed white for a second.

  Between himself and Felicia, the luxury sedan had been turned into a racecar-level monster with the durability of a tank.

  Unfortunately for him, Lily had found out about its driving performance and refused to drive it at anything less than full speed.

  To her, the brake pedal didn’t exist.

  Felix looked to the back of the seat in front of him as Lily turned the engine over and revved the monstrous engine twice, making the whole car shudder.

  Felix distracted himself and focused on his point allocation screen.

  Received

  Spent

  Remaining

  Daily Allotment

  150

  0

  150

  Miu Miki

  1,000

  200

  800

  Ioana Iliescu

  1,100

  220

  880

  Kit Carrington

  2,250

  2,250

  Lilian Lux

  2,600

  2,600

  Andrea Elex

  1,400

  1,400

  Felicia Fay

  1,550

  310

  1,240

  + L
oyalty Bonus

  460

  0

  460

  DAILY TOTAL

  10,510

  6,980

  3,530

  Kit, Miu, Ioana, and Felicia had all gone up in point values. Kit because he’d upgraded her power, Lily through her soul snatching, and Miu and Ioana through their continued eating of the “power sausage,” as it had been termed.

  They’d only had to eat it once, then been told of the increase, for them to request it going forward.

  Everyone else, while intrigued about the increase, declined.

  Even Felix had his limits.

  “Are you looking at our points?” Andrea asked, pushing up next to him. She stuck her hand through the space that held his view and then moved it back and forth.

  “I am. Even with all of those points missing, I’m sitting at roughly three thousand five hundred points.”

  “That’s great! Maybe I should start eating the power sausage.” Andrea clapped her hands together through his points screen. “I can’t feel it.”

  “I imagine not,” Felix said, looking up at the odd girl.

  “Such a strange thing. It almost speaks of something more. One wonders about your power. It seemingly changes at your whim, functions at a level on which no one has ever heard of, and seemingly has a mind of its own.”

  Felix didn’t respond to that. It wasn’t something he hadn’t already considered.

  The sudden acceleration of the vehicle as Lily gunned it pressed him into his seat.

  Closing his eyes, he did his best to tune out the world.

  Kit and Lily could get them there safely.

  Felix wasn’t sure if his breakfast would make it there with them, though.

  Lily got them there with time to spare. This auction was certainly more secretive than the previous one. Cars were being routed into a parking complex. Each car was privately directed into sectioned-off parking spaces.

  They were asked to wait in their private parking space for their pickup.

  In their case, it was No-Name. No words were exchanged, though a handshake was.

  They were escorted quickly and quietly to a private room that thankfully wasn’t an office this time. It was a large conference room. On one side of the wall was a series of buffet tables that were laden with appetizers, small meals, snacks, and drinks.

  A table with a number of chairs around it sat in the middle of the room. Several monitors were set up around the room, all presenting the same feed. Everyone would see the same thing without having to strain.

  “This is great, No-Name,” Felix said, looking around.

  No-Name shrugged his shoulders with a casual, smooth smile. “My pleasure. Auction should start in—” He paused to glance at his watch. “—twenty minutes or so. They managed to get some info from a few people, but not much.

  “The ones with information will be later in the auction, so I’d save your money till then if you’re feeling unsure.”

  Felix only nodded his head, Kit, Lily, and Andrea going straight to the buffet table.

  No-Name glanced to them and then back to Felix.

  “If you hand me your Pit, I’ll make sure they all get registered with you as we go. Oh, and here,” No-Name said, holding out a tablet to him and taking the cube Felix offered. “This will act as your bidding tool, and confirmation of payment. Take a few minutes and get all your information in so it’ll go quick.”

  No-Name stopped talking, and looked like he was mulling over his next thought.

  “You sure you’re alright with those three? Augur, Mab, and Myriad, of all people. More blood spilled than most from any one of those, let alone combined.”

  “Huh? Myriad?” Felix asked, looking back to No-Name.

  “Myriad? The Beastkin solitary PMC? Takes more or less any contract that suits them and drowns the opponent in bodies all of her?” No-Name asked.

  “Uh… nope. Did she live somewhere else?” Felix asked. His eyes slowly went back to Andrea. “Never really paid attention to whole thing.”

  He’d known about Kit and Lily. They were rather well documented, and he’d seen or heard of their exploits.

  Never heard of Myriad.

  “Huh. Guess that could be why you don’t know. Yeah, she was. She killed a number of people for whatever reason she came up with. Almost as coldblooded as they come.”

  No-Name followed Felix’s gaze.

  “Whatever, your problem. Catch ya later, Felix.” No-Name turned on his heel and left right after that.

  Felix frowned and scratched at his chest. “Hey, Myriad,” he said finally.

  Andrea’s head whipped around. Her eyes unfocused for a second, then she realized he’d been the one who called her.

  A smile bloomed across her face. “What is it?” she asked.

  “Nothing. Anything good over there?” Felix asked, walking over. He didn’t particularly care who she’d been before she had become his.

  Her smile grew even wider. Without responding, she picked up a second plate she’d been filling that he hadn’t noticed.

  “Here! As your personal assistant, I was filling you one.”

  Kit laughed and shook her head, dropping into a chair. “He didn’t realize you were Myriad, Andie.”

  Andrea’s smile fell, the plate in her hand outstretched and forgotten. “Oh.”

  “And I don’t care. To me, you’re Andrea. Now, as my personal assistant, can you guarantee I’ll like this plate?” Felix asked, taking the plate from her. He leaned over it and poked at a few things with a finger.

  Andrea’s face nearly split into two with the grin that came over her. “Yes! I can’t find any candy, though. Always need candy. Do you think there’s a vending machine nearby? That’d have candy.”

  Lily sat down next to Kit and said something under her breath to the telepath.

  Kit snorted and turned to her to reply.

  Felix smiled and looked to Andrea. “I dunno. But I don’t think we’re supposed to leave. We’ll get some on the way home.

  “Now, how about you tell me how you and Felicia did yesterday? I haven’t had a chance to look.”

  Andrea nodded excitedly, moving over to the table and seating herself by dropping into the chair.

  “We finished up the second basement floor. We need you to smooth it all out and make it pretty, but they’re mostly there,” Andrea said.

  Then she frowned and stuck her hands on her hips. “‘That daft fool we call a master can make this a place we can all live.’ I don’t think you’re daft. You’re really nice.”

  “Felicia is welcome to her opinion of me. She’s done all she promised and more, so far. She’s done her job,” Felix said. The monitor on the wall came to life, catching his attention.

  A timer flashed up on it and started to tick down.

  “Speaking of job, when do I get my first paycheck?” Andrea asked, stuffing a French toast triangle into her mouth.

  “Huh? Paycheck?” Felix said confusedly, his eyes flicking back to Andrea.

  “Well, I’m your personal assistant. I was wondering when I’ll get my first paycheck. Actually, I don’t even know how much I’m being paid.” Andrea lifted up a chicken leg and began devouring it, her elongated canines making an appearance.

  “Huh. Honestly, I hadn’t even considered it. What would you need money for?” Felix asked.

  “Clothes. Things. You’re not really providing us with much so far.”

  Felix couldn’t argue that. Giving them a salary would probably cost less than trying to provide them with everything.

  “Lily, let’s set up a payroll function and get salaries for everyone,” Felix said, looking toward the woman who he was quickly thinking of as his chief operations officer.

  Lily blinked and raised her delicate eyebrows. “Of course. I’ll make sure it’s taken care of.”

  Everyone fell silent after that. They ate, drank, and more or less waited, watching the clock wind down.

  At some point, Andr
ea got bored and laid down in a corner, falling immediately asleep.

  As the timer hit zero, Kit took the chair on his right, and Lily the one on his left.

  “Felicia had her up late. It’ll be easier to be quiet if we’re closer together,” Lily explained, taking the electronic pad from Felix. “Ah, good. You set it up.”

  Lily set it back down in front of Felix.

  There were no introductions, explanations, nothing on the monitor.

  It was a black screen with a clock, and then it was a live stream of what looked like a lobby.

  “What’s our goal here?” Lily asked.

  “Kit reads their mind, while I pull up a hypothetical on them, and we figure out their power. Then we determine if we want them and could be useful.” Felix drummed his fingers on the table.

  “Okay, but what are we looking for?” Lily pressed. “Powers are as unique as people.”

  “Errr, well…” Felix drew out his answer. He hadn’t consulted them, but his thoughts had been running down corporate lines. Felicia, Ioana, Kit, and Lily all becoming supervisors for relevant or similar powers that they could work with. “I was thinking that we’d discuss them as they came up. As far as what kind… Any? I’m not that picky.”

  Saved from further questions, a group of four men were pushed out in front of the camera.

  Looking to the pad, he saw the opening bid was set for four thousand dollars. No information on them whatsoever.

  “They’re brothers,” Kit said, before Felix could even think of opening his own power. “They’re all strength-type powers. They’re good at fighting and have practiced a fair amount of martial arts. They’d make good security forces or front liners.”

  Lily grunted and crossed her arms in front of her midsection. “I’d say worth at least eight thousand, then. Worst case, I can take their souls, and we turn them into sausage.”

  Felix tapped the bid button with a shrug of his shoulders. She was right. “Good point, Lily.”

  “This is… incredibly easier,” Kit said, scratching at the table with her index finger. “I’m not sure I’ve said it yet, but… thank you, Felix. The… upgrade… really changed things. It’s like working with a scalpel instead of a machete. I can still use it as if there was no change, but it’s at my choice now. So… thank you.”