Decorated in a suit and tie, Dan took a few steps into my view. He smiled, his winsome eyes dimmed by the soft glow of the room. I stood with my hands at my sides, looking at his gorgeous face in the perfect atmosphere for a proposal. Otis Redding sang, “That’s the glory of love. Cry just a little bit, yeah. Sigh just a little. And let that old wind cast blow right on by a little, yeah. That’s the story of … good ole glory of love.”
Dan stepped toward me and held out his hands. I took them as water formed in the corners of my eyes. He pulled me into him, caressing my back as he led me in a slow dance. Otis continued to belt out a beautiful melody, “When this whole world gets through with us, we’ll have each other’s arms. Cry just a little….”
My forehead fell to his shoulder and a tear dropped to my eyelashes. He stopped dancing and held my face in his hands, then knelt down before me. I tried to pull him back up, but he held my hand and said, “Nora, my dear Nora. I know you’ve been hurt a lot in the past. I know this is soon and maybe unexpected,” he said, tripping over his words. “But every second I spend without you is a second I don’t want to be alive. I love you, Nora, and not because I need you. I need you because I love you.” He pulled out a tiny box and opened it, revealing a diamond ring the size of my head. “Will you be mine for the rest of our lives? Will you let me love you until we’re old and tired?”
I trembled and rubbed the wrinkles in my forehead as the song ended and left us alone with a silence that screeched louder than a broken record. “Dan … I …” My heart broke for him. “I can’t.”
He looked at the ring, then back to me. I knelt in front of him and closed the box. “I’m sorry.” I pushed it back toward his chest. “I’m so sorry, Dan, but I’m not good enough for you.”
He held the box against his tie, staring down at our chests expanding to the climax of the song. I fought tears and tried to look as serious as I could. He nodded, understanding why I was doing it, but not wanting to speak it into the air. Not wanting to say the name that haunted our relationship from the beginning.
“So, this is it?” He looked at my lips. The pain in his eyes was unbearable. “Is this the end?”
I closed my eyes and nodded, hoping he’d be gone when I opened them, but he still knelt before me, looking into my eyes. I wanted to tell him that he was amazing and special, that someone else would be thankful to accept his ring one day, that I wasn’t rejecting him because of him. I was letting him go because I loved him, because it wasn’t right and because the other one still had his face painted on my heart.
I stood. After a few seconds, he did too. I hugged him tightly, then walked to the door as rose petals scattered beneath our shoes. Head down, he opened the door. The record player popped and hummed throughout the room. I tried to speak, but gave up. I walked outside without looking back, wanting to smile and cry at the same time.
The Otis Redding song I loved since a child would never sound the same. I’d probably never be able to listen to it again.
A new beginning, I thought. And perhaps music was exactly what I needed in order to show Sawyer how I felt. I was finally ready to empty every last piece of me into him.
Here we go….
CH. 37 - Sawyer
Chris and Leslie came over to visit. I had a rough few days thinking about Nora. She never called again since that one time. Her big award’s show was coming up so at least I knew I’d get to see her face on my television screen tomorrow night. I tried to get over it and think about other things, but every single second of the day held some temptation to pick up my phone and call her. Chris told me not to give in, to keep my cool and wait for her to choose me, if she ever did, but when they came over to keep me company he seemed different.
“Why are you looking at me like that?” I said as they both stared at me, their faces more brilliant than a Christmas tree. “You guys have something to share?”
Chris shook his head without wiping the smile off of his face. Leslie sat on his lap, kissed his cheek, then continued to flash her pearly whites in my direction.
“Okay … can I have some of the happy pills you took?” I walked over to my record player, once again a reminder of her, and put on an old Beatles album, once again … a reminder of her. When I looked at them again, they were smiling even more. “Well.” I clapped my hands and rubbed them together. “Want to go get lunch?”
They stood up and walked to the door, looking back at me as I followed. Weirdos, is all I could think, hoping they weren’t about to tell me they got married already or were expecting a child. I wanted them to be happy, but man….
We picked up a few sandwiches at a local deli, then went to a park and spread out a blanket. Felt strange to be smashed between two cheery faces disrupted by love, but I tried to ignore their giddiness and enjoy the afternoon. Gretzky chased balls and frisbees as I ate my sandwich, stopping to throw it back into the grass for him. Finally, I couldn’t take it anymore. “What is going on with you two?” I said. “Starting to freak me out with this incessant smiling. A little Tim Burton-like, if you ask me.”
Chris laughed. “I can’t tell you.”
Leslie shook her head. “We’ve been sworn to secrecy.”
“I swear, if you guys are fixing me up with Melody again I’m going to be pissed.”
“Nope,” Chris said. “This one’s even better than Melody.”
“I think you’ll really like her,” Leslie said. “She’s, well, she’s a lot like Nora.”
“No. No. No.” I waved my hands like a referee. “Absolutely not going to happen, guys. I don’t want someone like her. That’s not the point.”
“Eh, trust me on this one.” Chris slapped my hands down. “You’re gonna flip when you open this.”
“I thought you were sworn to secrecy?”
“Messing with ya.” He shoved the large envelope into my hand. “Open.”
“Why?” I handed it back. “Is this a folder of a bunch of people I’m supposed to choose from?”
“Open the damn envelope and stop asking so many questions.” Chris laughed and handed it to me again.
I felt around to see if I could figure out what was inside.
“Open.”
“Fine, fine.” I opened it and peered inside. It was just a CD staring back at me in a paper sleeve. I pulled it out and looked at the cover. It was a picture of our bridge, Bow Bridge, and the title of the CD was “When the City Sleeps.”
I looked at Chris, who was smiling like a child, and Leslie, who was tearing up and holding her hand over her mouth while squeezing the life out of Chris’ hand.
“What’s this?” I said, looking at the back and inside. “From Nora?”
“The only thing we can tell you,” Chris said, “is that you need leave tomorrow morning to get to Bow Bridge by midnight. You’re supposed to listen to this CD on the drive. No plane. Specific orders.”
“Is this … is she …” I rubbed my face. “She’s….”
Chris laughed. “Hang in there, buddy. It’s gonna be a fun ride.”
CH. 38 - Nora
My driver pulled up to the red carpet and my ears rang as my pulse played an upbeat rhythm, which I could feel all the way to my toes. Cameras and fans and reporters lined the carpet, while beautiful people donned in fancy evening wear graced the walkway with their smiles and confident poses. I don’t belong here, I thought as I pulled the lever on the door handle and stared at my reflection in the tinted window. My dress was sure to shock the masses and a few pangs of fear shot through my chest. Fear of their reactions. I pushed the door open and set one foot on the ground. Cameras already pointed toward me, ready for action. I shoved the door a little more and stood, turning back to the car and waving to Phillip, the driver who cared enough to keep me company during the trip. I shut the door and faced the million and three flashes, attempted a confident smile, and began walking along the glamorous strip.
My black and yellow dress, representing The Bruins colors, grazed the floor, hiding my feet
as I stepped up a few stairs. The number 23 was custom embroidered on a black strip of satin that stretched across my chest, creating an empire waistline. I waved to the cameras and smiling faces, trying my best to be graceful and not fall. I didn't stop to talk to reporters this time and barely stopped for pictures and posing. I got inside as fast as possible, avoiding anyone who knew me and found my seat at a beautiful table in the middle toward the left. I sat down, overwhelmed with gratitude, but shaking so bad I wasn’t even about to attempt to pick up the wine glass in front of me.
Never in a million years did I think I'd be nominated for an award so soon. I didn't really care if I won, but I hoped so because I had a speech written on my heart that I really wanted to share with the world. My table soon filled with other supporting actors and crew members from the film I did with Spencer, but thankfully they seated him a few tables to the right. A new girl was wrapped around his shoulders like a scarf. I shook my head and made small talk with the people at my table. A few of them eyed the empty seat next to me and the 23 on my dress, but no one said a word. I liked speaking without words. I liked not caring what people thought of me.
The show finally started after an eternity of meaningless conversation. Spencer lost the Best Actor award to Brad Pitt. I smiled inside, but tried not to have a reaction as a cameraman focused on me from only two feet away. A few awards later there was a brief break for music. I nearly jumped out of my seat when Jack White took the stage. He tipped his hat as he approached the mic and played his heart out. I stood the entire time, clapping, dancing, and singing along to "I'm Shakin'" without caring about the cameras on me and the other people still in their seats, who were most likely staring at me. I thought of Sawyer on the road and wondered if he put the CD in yet. Jack finished his song with imperfect precision as usual. I applauded him as a few others gave him a standing ovation. He had yet to win his own award, that I knew of, which only proved that they meant nothing. Best musician of our time without a trophy on his mantle and the greatest thing about him was that he could care less.
I sat down as he exited the stage, then waited knowing that my nominated category would be next. Julia, one of my favorite actresses, came out with an envelope in her hand, wearing a beautiful classy black dress that fell to the floor and highlighted her curves. She announced the nominees and my name sounded like a whisper among thunderclaps. Did I really get nominated with women I admired for years? I watched Julia and the screen and waited for the envelope to open, for my name not to be pronounced. She slipped her finger along the edge with a huge smile on her face, opened the card, and said, "And the winner for Best Supporting Actress is ... Nora Maddison." The crowd didn't erupt in applause, but my ears nearly drowned in the lack of noise. My name? She just said my name? Someone tapped my shoulder and urged me to stand. I did, but couldn't force my feet to move.
Looking around, I held my hands to my chest to slow the excessive thumping. "Go on, Nora," someone said. "You deserve it."
I walked forward, still in complete shock, and lifted my dress to make my way up the stairs. Julia greeted me with a comforting hug and ushered me toward the microphone while handing me a trophy I absolutely did not deserve to have. "Wow, um..." I looked around the packed room at all of the faces I grew up watching in my favorite movies. Tom Hanks, Angelina Jolie, Leonardo DiCaprio, Kate Winslet, Orlando Bloom, Johnny Depp. "I ... I don't know what to say. I mean, I really don't deserve to be up here. I'm so new and inexperienced compared to so many of you." I turned back to Julia, then faced the crowd again. "I want to say first of all, thank you to Jack White for showing me that this trophy isn't as important as the desire to produce good art . And ... I want to use this as an opportunity to say that I am in love with a man who has given his life for me in so many ways. It's time for me to do the same. So ... I guess what I'm saying is ... thank you for this award”—I held it up—“but it will be my first and only. I've realized that love is a simple thing, you know. We make it complicated, but it's so simple. I want to spend the rest of my life with my best friend, the one who makes me experience life with a deeper appreciation for beauty and art. I want a simple life. So ... thank you. Thank you everyone, but this is my goodbye." A shaky smile stretched across my face as I linked my arm with Julia's and walked off the stage.
"That was beautiful," she said as a camera snapped pictures beside us. "Thank you for that."
I smiled. "Thank you. I was so nervous up there. Really didn't expect to win."
"Sometimes it's the ones who don't expect to win who deserve it the most." She hugged me. "I hope you come back one day and we can work together. It would be an honor."
"It would be amazing to work with you, but I don't know if I'll be back." I looked at the clock on the wall. "I gotta go. There's something I need to do."
"Good luck," she said.
We said our goodbyes and I ran out of there, my dress flowing behind me. Phillip was outside exactly where I asked him to be. A few rows of fans remained near the car behind a rope. I handed one of them my award and hopped into the car. "Let's go," I said to Phillip.
"I thought you wanted to meet on Bow Bridge at midnight?" He looked at me through the rearview mirror. "It's only 10."
"I can't wait that long, Phillip." I leaned forward and smiled. "He's probably on his way. I'm going to text his friend and try to surprise him on the way. Head toward Jersey. That's the way he's coming."
"Yes, ma'am." He pulled away and I texted Chris to ask if he could figure out where Sawyer was.
He responded a few minutes later: Maryland.
K thanks. Tell him to put the CD in now. I'm gonna try to meet him halfway from here and there. I'll text you again in an hour to see how close he is.
Sounds good.
"Hey, Phillip," I said. "Let's head toward Delaware area. When we get closer I'll see where he is."
CH. 39 - Sawyer
Chris sent me a text and told me that I should put in the CD Nora gave me. The only thing I knew at this point was that I needed to be at Bow Bridge by midnight. So far, it looked like I'd be a little early, maybe not. I wasn't the best with time. Chris used to say I had horrible depth perception with time. Not sure if he knew what he meant, but I got the point. I could be certain that I'd show up early and end up an hour late.
I popped the CD into my player, which had been unused for as long as I could remember. If I listened to music in my car it was mainly through my phone or iPod. Gotta love Apple. Sometimes I felt like a walking advertisement for their company. Probably exactly what they wanted.
The CD had a few seconds of silence, then Nora's voice swept across my car and gave me chills. Last time that happened I was standing on NHL ice for the first time.
"Okay, Sawyer, so you should be about halfway to the bridge by now. Maybe it's about 10pm or so. I'm going to be your DJ for the next hour and a half or so, then leave some time for you to think before you get to me. You have realized that you're going to get to me, right?" She laughed a little. Felt so good to hear her voice ... and to hear her voice saying my name. "I'm going to take you on a little journey and it starts here. See if you can guess what significance this song has."
The song played about halfway through and I couldn't figure out what it was, much less the significance. A woman's voice. Lyrics that seemed to make sense for what we went through together, but I still couldn't figure it out. The song ended and Nora came back. "Chances are," she said, "you didn't get that one. I didn't expect you to. It was the song playing at the restaurant when I first saw your face. I guess it's fitting. I guess you know by now that we'll meet again somehow." I could hear the smile in her voice. "Okay. Next song. You'll know the rest, I think."
Michael Jackson sang Tabloid Junkie. The song I always referred to about the media and its lies. Then it went right into Coldplay's Fix You, which I played for Nora one night on the phone when I was in a funk about Quin. She started talking again after it ended. "When you played that song for me," she said, "I felt like I was fall
ing into you. Maybe it sounds cheesy, but I felt like I was beginning to melt into you. Do you know what I mean?" She paused and sighed. "You were opening up to me and because of that I wanted to know you more. I wanted you to know me. I wanted to love you."
Another song began to play. Jack White, of course. Hip (Eponymous) Poor Boy. Nora's favorite song. At least for now. Her favorite song had the ability to change weekly, but she loved Jack White like no other. I did too, but maybe not quite as much as she did. After that, the acoustic version of Ed Sheeran's I'm a Mess played, then Hallelujah by Rufus Wainwright. That one surprised me. I didn't remember telling her that it was one of my favorites, but somehow she knew. She came back on after that one. "You may not remember, but one time your phone rang when we were together. It was so brief because you turned it off, but this was the song playing. You never mentioned it before, but I figured it has to be one of your favorites and it happened the night we were on the bridge. I don't know why, it just sticks with me." She paused, leaving the car in an awkward silence, then continued, "You'll know this next song. And the one after that made me cry when we stopped talking."
The Taylor Swift Everything Has Changed song played and I hate to admit, it almost made me choke up thinking about her, picturing her face, and knowing I was about to see her again—hold her, touch her, kiss her. The next song was a little depressing and I wanted to skip through to hear Nora again, but I let it play. Don't tell her, but I turned it down a little. Another Taylor Swift song, something about keeping a scarf and knowing all too well. After the first song I wanted to stay on the happy note. Next she played Jack White again. This time it was Would You Fight for My Love? And after that John Lennon's Instant Karma came on. I wasn't exactly sure why she played that one, but hoped her voice would come back next. It didn’t. Grass Roots did, with their song Let’s Live for Today. When that came to a close, she said, "So, the Jack White song is obvious and yes, Sawyer Reed, I want to fight for you like you've fought for me. The Lennon song meant a lot to me during a tough night. So did the Grass Roots. They got me off my feet after surgery, after that time you kissed me in the hospital. It helped me tell Dan the truth. It helped me feel alive again for the first time in a while. I think it was a step in the right direction. In the direction that leads to you." She paused again, then said, "This next one, my Sawyer, is for you."
Marilyn Grey - [Unspoken 06] Page 20