True Calling

by Siobhan Davis

  I open both tubes and release the syringes. I pull the skin taut on my left inner arm and push the plunger on the anti-truth serum. I then similarly inject the information tube, which seems to glide easily into my body, as it seeps down into the muscles in my arm and becomes invisible. I hold my arm up under the flashlight, but there’s no evidence of its existence. I run my fingers forwards and backwards over the skin, but I can detect no movement at all. I turn my attention back to my father’s letter.

  “Keep safe until the rebels make contact. Trust that there are people watching over you. In the meantime you need to remain strong and vigilant, and protect the others. I hope you can understand what I’ve done and forgive me. I tried to do the right thing for my family. Never forget how much I love you.

  The last two things I have to say will come as a shock, but it will become obvious shortly. Zane IS real and he will protect you. Cal Remus is not to be trusted.”

  CHAPTER 14

  I am rocked to my core. My father knew who Zane was all along but never confided in me! I try not to get angry, he evidently had good justification for keeping it quiet. Anyway it’s pretty pointless being mad at a ghost, but I can’t help the rage that’s gathering inside me. I wonder if he organized my dreams, was that his way of confiding in me in a more secure manner? I’m unsure; it seems pretty far-fetched to me, and it’s not like the dreams conveyed anything specific anyway. I also don’t think my father had access to manipulate my Vita, there must be another explanation.

  And why doesn’t he trust Cal? I don’t understand, he barely knew him. I remember his blatant hostility towards Cal that time I brought him home, clearly there was some basis behind it. But how could he dislike or distrust him, when he’d never even met him before? It makes absolutely no sense. Cal was the one who told me about the resistance movement and it seems like his information was bang-on. Why would he confide in me, if he weren’t to be trusted? My head hurts from all the mental contemplation, but I can’t spend any more time analysing the situation, I need to get out of here.

  Using my hands, I dig down in the muck and bury the wooden box and the two tubes. I cover it over with the soil and smooth it back, loosely placing some twigs and leaves over it, in an attempt to make it look as natural as possible. I can’t risk leaving the letter, so I stuff it in my underwear, and resolve to burn it once I’m back home. I sprint through the woodland until I’m back at the screen. I brush down my clothes and shake out the soles of my shoes in order to rid my clothing of all traces of the forest. I peel back the screen, hop out and secure it after me. The road is eerily empty and quiet. I jump into the rovercraft and speed back home.

  Once inside the house I click the screens shut on all the windows and switch on the fire. I reluctantly throw the letter into the flames, destroying the last link I have to my father, but I know it’s what he would want me to do.

  I try to sleep, but it’s totally futile. At this late hour there’s no point in putting on a patch, besides my stash is running low and I know I should keep them for when I need them more urgently. I nuzzle my pillow; I can faintly smell the lingering remnants of Cal’s scent. Was it only last night that he was here with me, cradling me to sleep? It seems like I have lived a lifetime in just one day.

  I switch on the commiboard and check out the updates on the pageant portal. There are numerous preets discussing the unfairness of Cal’s imprisonment, and the sadness at our forced separation. We’re both back up to number 1 on the male and female ratings, respectively. The public are clearly caught up wholeheartedly in our tragic romance and the underlying concept of the pageant is starting to backfire on the authorities; I bet they don’t love that. The thought actually makes me laugh out loud, until I remember my father’s solemn words, and a spike of terror plunges straight through my heart. If my father’s mission failed, it must be because the authorities caught wind of it. This means that anyone associated with him are top of their suspects list, it’s only a matter of time before they come for me. If I was on their radar before, then I’m clearly their number one target now. I repeatedly shiver under the covers and I cannot find any warmth.

  I get up, wrapping the quilt snugly around me, and head downstairs to the dying embers of the fire. I stoke it, and build it back up, and eventually manage to heat up my frozen bones. I watch some of the other suitor videos and note that there is considerable competition for the ‘Amor Regale’, Cal and I are by no means the only couple to have fallen in love over the last few weeks. The authorities are surely giving themselves obligatory pats on the back for how well ‘The Calling’ has worked. How predictable us teenagers are, I think unfairly.

  Dr. Zousa drops Deacon and Lily home the next morning on her way to work. She says there’s no change in Mom’s condition, but it’s as expected. It will be several weeks before the therapy and medication begin to make a difference. She thinks it’s best for her recovery if we don’t visit for a few more days.

  ***

  I help Lily and Deacon choose outfits to wear to the commemoration ceremony. We all dress in sedate black, in keeping with tradition. I really wish Mom was coming with us, but I quickly banish the thought before it upsets me. One of my father’s last requests was for me to be strong, to protect our family, and that’s what I intend to do. There will be plenty of time to deal with my emotions later.

  We’ve just finished eating breakfast when the announcement is made over the commiboard. The authorities have introduced a new ‘Wildcard’ addition to ‘The Calling’. The public can vote to add an additional suitor onto anyone’s list, and this number 11 will be considered within the final matchmaking part of the process. Lily gets it before I do. “Ari, the public can vote Cal back onto your list and you onto his!” she says excitedly. I’m immediately suspicious, why would the authorities make this decision, knowing that there’s a strong possibility that what Lily says might actually become true? They seem hellbent on keeping Cal and I apart, so what could possibly have changed to alter that? I can’t put my finger on it, but nothing about this adds up.

  ***

  As we approach the NSAF building I feel the sweat beads start to form on my brow, and my dress is sticking to my clammy back. My dad’s letter said the tube was coated in an invisible membrane, but I don’t know if it’s been tested. What if it doesn’t work? I think in sheer panic as I mount the steps. The Ranger scans my Vita and motions for me to walk on to the body scanning unit. I hastily wipe my palms against the side of my dress and urge myself silently to count to ten. I’m up to seven when I’m called. I step forward unsteadily. I wait anxiously, for what seems likes an eternity, but in reality is no more than a few seconds. Then I’m waved forward to the Medicet screening station. I make a mental note to kiss the inventor of the invisibility membrane if I ever get to meet him or her.

  We join the families of the rest of father’s crew in the front pews of the military church. There are wreaths placed underneath pictures of all the fallen crew members. I fight hard to resist the tears as I look upon the photo of my father in his full Commander’s uniform. Deacon clutches my hand tightly throughout the service; this is especially hard on him. We accept one condolence after another until finally it’s over and we can go home.

  Back at the house, we’re at a loss; going back to school is an easy option, and it would be a welcome distraction. Yet it feels like we’d be doing a huge injustice to our dad, to go about our day as if nothing monumental has happened. Lily suggests we go through our old photo albums. These were Mom’s only indulgence at the time of the move. I go up to her room and retrieve the two boxes from under her bed.

  We reminisce as we pore over the photos, laughing and crying in equal measures. Mom and Dad on their wedding day, Dad holding us proudly the day we were born, family vacations, birthday parties, me at the running track, Lily at her ballet displays, Deacon playing soccer, Dad receiving his medal of valor—the memories keep flooding back. It’s also a painful reminder of the authority’s control, every album
contains blank spaces where photos have been removed. In some group photos, it’s evident that individuals have been erased from the picture. I scrutinize our family photos more closely and it looks like a sixth person has been wiped out, in some photos. The doctoring has been done extremely cleverly and you wouldn’t spot it unless you were looking for it, which is why I’ve never noticed it before. My sixth sense is on fire. My brain is struggling to connect some mental jigsaw puzzle, but the pieces won’t click into place. I push the thoughts away, I want today to only be about Dad.

  I help Lily as she prepares Dad’s favorite dinner. It’s clear that my cookery lessons are having minimal impact; I’m as hopeless as ever in the kitchen, so I give up and set the table instead. Setting three places instead of five is a sore reminder of our double loss. We listen to Dad’s favorite music as we eat dinner, and then we watch his favorite movie, snuggling up together under a blanket on the sofa.

  “Ari?” Lily asks as we’re getting ready for bed, “do you think Mom will ever come back home to us?”

  “I hope so. We have to do everything we can to help the doctors to nurse her back to health. The moment we give up is the moment we accept she isn’t coming back, I refuse to think like that. She was getting better before, it can happen again,” I say with real conviction.

  “I miss her Ari,” she says tearfully.

  “Me too.”

  We decide to sleep in Mom and Dad’s room together. Lily falls asleep quickly and I hold Deacon tight until his crying subsides.

  Zane is in an awful way, throwing things around the room and screaming. He is pointing at the map and furiously clicking buttons on the keypad as others watch him in alarm. “This is all my fault,” I hear him shout out, before he buries his head in his hands and sobs unashamedly. Then he abruptly stops, stands up, turns around and moves forward. It’s as if he’s directly facing me, looking right into my eyes. With a show of fierce concentration on his face he whispers, “Ari, I’m so sorry.”

  My consciousness immediately drags me out of my dreamworld. It’s 5 a.m. and I’m wide awake now. My mind is fully alert as I try to connect all the pieces. Zane looked like he was trying to speak directly to me. How does he know that I can see him in my dreams? Is he guessing? Or did my father say something? I know that I’m missing something vital, something that’s literally just out of my reach. Aah, I feel totally frustrated. I really want to head to the running track—it’s where I do my best thinking, but I’m afraid that Lily and Deacon will wake while I’m gone. Rightly or wrongly, I decide to put one of my sleep patches on each of their arms and safe in the knowledge that they’ll be asleep for at least another few hours, I pull my gear on and head out of the house, into the herald of the dawn.

  I have a lot to think about. An idea has been forming at the back of my mind, about Zane. I know now that he’s real, but what exactly are the dreams? The implausible now seems like the only plausible explanation; I see snapshots of his life back on Earth. Why, is still a mystery, but at least I’ve formed some type of cohesive answer to the question that has perplexed me for weeks. I will worry about the why, and the how, some other time. If I share such a strong connection with him, why can’t I remember who he was to me? I revisit what I’ve seen in my dreams and then it clicks into place, I immediately stop running. The missing sixth person in some of our family photos ... it’s him, I’m sure of it, is Zane my older brother?

  It seems like a logical explanation, but I can’t comprehend what happened, what would cause my dad to leave him behind on Earth. Or maybe he didn’t; maybe he tried really hard to bring him with us, but it wasn’t possible? Is this why my dad tried to help the resistance movement? Was he motivated by guilt? Or personal desire to be reunited with his son? Is this what caused my mom to fall to pieces? But her memory was erased, so surely she wouldn’t remember? And how come my father seemed to? I’m going around in circles, and I have more unanswered questions than when I started out. But I feel some sense of accomplishment, maybe it’s just wishful thinking, but I cling onto the notion that Zane is my brother, that’s good enough for now.

  I start running again and my thoughts automatically shift to Cal. My father was suspicious of him and he said not to trust him, yet every fiber of my being is telling me he’s wrong. OK, I don’t know him very well, but I misjudged him until I got to know him better. Maybe my father had jumped to the same wrong conclusions? Cal is caring, sensitive and fiercely loyal. Yes, he is impulsive and reckless at times, and he seems to have quite a temper, but his motivations are the right ones. He has gone out of his way to protect and comfort me, and he truly seems to care. Did my dad think this was all an act? Cal has just spent the past two days locked up because of me, or has he? Do I really know if he was imprisoned? It’s only his family who has confirmed it. My heart is telling me to trust him, but my head is confused. It’s not that easy to disregard my father’s words of warning. I decide that if I can prove that Cal has been incarcerated, then that’s sufficient evidence for me. But how can I obtain that proof?

  I feel an arm on my shoulder and the adrenaline kicks into action, I’m instantly on guard. Melandra presses a note into my hand as she wordlessly overtakes me at speed. I breathe deeply as I calm down, one of these days I’m going to give myself a coronary. My body should be getting used to these fluctuations in emotions, given how regularly they seem to occur nowadays. I wait until I’m home before I open Cal’s note, even then, I do so under the protection of my quilt. He’s out and wants to meet up with me tonight. I’m conflicted, to meet or not to meet?

  I decide to contact Senior Commander Vegas, figuring he will already be at his desk, he’s the only one I can think to trust. My father respected him, and he’s given me no reason to doubt his sincerity over the last few weeks, so I risk the call. He responds immediately. If he finds my request bizarre he keeps those thoughts to himself. He tells me he will check it out and call me back.

  I need to keep myself busy so I get showered and dressed. Fenuka has sent me some gorgeous clothes this week, I pull on a burgundy colored leather skirt and a dusty pink floral patterned shirt. I secure the nude colored wedge heels on my feet. I apply my make-up, following Fenuka’s instructions, and quickly blow dry my hair. I review my reflection in the mirror, at least I look in control on the outside.

  I check my schedule for the first time in days and note that I’ve missed my last medical check up. I’m also due at the fertility clinic this morning. I pop my head into my parents room, but both my siblings are still fast asleep. I decide to make pancakes, it helps keep my hands busy and it’s good practice, at least I can honestly tell my cooking instructor that I’ve been trying to improve. It’s been over ninety minutes since I phoned Commander Vegas and I’m crabby. I switch on the commiboard, purely for the need to distract myself with something.

  The wildcard voting is in full swing and I’m not surprised to see a strong public desire to reunite Cal and I. There’s only another few hours of voting time left, so it’s looking like a pretty foregone conclusion. This should make me happy, but I have mixed emotions. It’s too convenient to be real, and if my father is right about Cal, then I shouldn’t want to be reunited with him anyway. I wish Senior Commander Vegas would call!

  Lily meanders down the stairs, sleepily rubbing her eyes and yawning. “Hey sleepy head,” I call out. “I made some pancakes.”

  “You did?” she stares at me in shock.

  “Here, try one, I think you should survive the experience.” She greedily tucks in and gives me the thumbs up, maybe I can master this cooking thing after all. I smile to myself, it would definitely be a bonus if I were able to produce some edible food for my new husband. The buzzing of my data-cuff disturbs me from my thoughts. It’s Senior Commander Vegas.

  He confirms that Cal was incarcerated exactly thirty-five minutes after he left my house that morning, and he was released at midnight last night. I thank him for his time and hang up. That’s good enough to convince me of his intentions
. My instinct is that he’s genuine, and I’m going to give him the benefit of the doubt. My dad was clearly mistaken. I hope I’m making the right decision, but there’s no going back now, my mind is made up. I allow myself to feel a tiny bit of optimism, perhaps we can be together after all.

  ***

  I wave to Deacon as he gets on the school bus just outside the house. Lily is keen to go to school so I wait until she’s ready and we leave the house together. I kiss her goodbye at the station and make my way to the square. I hope Dr. Victus can fit me in this morning.

  After my check up, I travel to the convention center for my next fertility injection. When I arrive I’m informed that I have to receive a stronger injection today, and they’re going to sedate me for this procedure. I wake two hours later and I feel a strange pulling sensation lower in the pit of my stomach, and I’m sore. This is not the first time that I’ve felt hostility at being forced to undergo such treatment. Surely this is completely unnecessary, in supposedly fit and healthy seventeen-year-olds. I can’t imagine that many of us will have difficulty in conceiving when the time comes. I will be glad when it’s all over and I have more control over my emotions, all this crying is so humiliating.

  I decide to head up to my room to lie down until the soreness passes. Fenuka is making some finishing touches to my dress. She ushers me out of the wardrobe room with strict instructions to confine myself to one of the other rooms. She suggests a hot bath and it sounds inviting, so I run the taps as I root around in the drawers for some scented oil. I pour a few drops of lavender oil into the water and ease myself in gently. The warm water is relaxing and it instantly relieves the ache in my tummy. After a while, Fenuka raps on the door and advises me that the wildcard results will be announced shortly. I get out, dry and dress myself. I feel much better after my long soak, and I can only feel a mild twinge now. I’m walking into the main room when the commiboard switches on.