by Kenna Bardot
Because there was no way in the Unwanted Lands I trusted him to take me anywhere without protection.
"Look at you!" Jessica said, standing in the doorway to Sylfeshire and sneering at me. "You look so good in black. It really is your color. And Tovenaar suits you so well, considering your violent tendencies."
I wanted to smack the arrogant look off her face, but it would only prove her point.
"If you'd spent any time with them, you'd know that Shephard Tempestas is more prone to violence than most Tovenaars. Tovenaars will let the dead kill you, but someone as volatile as a storm? They'll beat you to a fucking pulp and never question the action. But I guess it's fitting you didn't know, since they never bothered with you." I smiled at her, daring her to deny the words that we both knew to be true.
"I take back what I said before. I hope you end up with Ashric Tovenaar, because you deserve him." As soon as the words spat from her entitled little mouth, she spun on a heel and left me in peace. Well, as much peace as I could find while waiting for Ashric.
I wanted a book. Something to help me escape the reality of what my day would bring, but hadn't dared to risk bringing one along. I foresaw him reacting poorly when he discovered my refusal to leave Sylfeshire.
He truly was a petulant child when denied what he wanted.
As it was, I had nothing better to do while I waited than bask in the early afternoon sun. With the perfect balmy heat, it felt like pure pleasure on my skin. As a human, I might have worried about a sunburn.
But not as a Sylfe. I wouldn't end up with so much as a freckle from being in the sun thanks to my change.
My fingers trailed in the pool behind me, wondering if I might dip my toes in the water before he came. I had to find pleasure where it came. Even the simplest ones.
After about half an hour, he arrived late. His face twisted in fury as he thundered toward me.
"The Svadeni tells me you aren't comfortable leaving the property with me. Tell him you've changed your mind," and the command in his voice did nothing to me. There was no reaction like I felt when Char or Hollis or any of the others told me to do something.
"I'll do no such thing." I laughed in his face, watching it darken into a deeper, more potent fury. "Since the day I met you, you have done nothing but either try to harm me or tell me how much you will enjoy hurting me. You abused a woman just because she wasn't me, because you wanted to see how she looked bruised and injured in the same places she hurt me. I will not ever leave Sylfeshire with you, and I most definitely will never let you touch me. I do not give you consent to touch me. I do not give you permission to seduce me or seek sex of any kind with me." My ear glowed with warmth as the gem at the ear cuff bound us to the words I'd spoken. If it would hold true for as long as I wore it, I couldn't know. But I felt that it would help protect me during that dreaded meeting.
He growled at me, his face twisted into a snarl. "And if I win again? What then, Mireyah? You cannot avoid your obligations when you're my wife."
I swallowed. "I will sacrifice myself to the Unwanted Lands long before I allow that to happen."
"Except that's not an option. Surely you know that? Once the result has been given you are tied to it. And I’m sure you will not risk not ending up with the five men who’ve tempted you so. And trust me, Mireyah, anytime they Declare for you, I will too until you’re mine or you become Bonded." He smirked at me, holding out a hand for me that I didn't take. “You are powerless at this point. You have no choice, no chance of freedom if it doesn’t go the way you want it to.” I felt the truth of those words down to my bones, the reality that at the end of all of it, I would walk away Sired. That there was a chance I would spend an eternity with Ashric and never have the option to choose the pits of Hell instead. "Come on then. Let's get out of the sun if I cannot take you off property."
"I like the sun," I answered, holding out an arm and reveling in the feel of it as it drifted through the fabric of my sleeve.
"And I don't." I stared at his hand, feeling as if it might curse me if it so much as touched me. He rolled his eyes, continuing to wait. "It's a hand, Northerner. I'm no Vide, unless you're dead I cannot reanimate you."
With a sigh, I stepped forward and took his hand in mine even though it made me want to be sick. His eyes flashed to the expanse of leg that the movement revealed in the slits of fabric as it swirled about my legs. Being very careful not to touch me without permission, his fingers reached out to brush against my hair and against the edge of the neckline of my dress. "Black suits your fair skin so beautifully. It's no wonder you bruise so prettily."
"I'm no longer human," I pointed out.
"That just means I'll have to hit you harder," he murmured, as if it was an admission of love. I swallowed as he turned us away from the pool where I'd taken refuge, going for the most private, shaded alcove at the edge of the property.
"It's funny. Jessica said black suited me. Did you train her to say all the right things while you fucked her?" I asked sweetly, taking a seat at the edge of the daybed in the alcove. He sprawled across it on his side, touching the edge of my dress as he continued to admire it.
"Jealous?" he asked with a smile.
"Not even remotely. I pity her, actually. Thinking about what you must have done to frighten her so badly gives me nightmares." I didn't want to admit that I ever thought of it, but I felt partially responsible for what he may have done to her. If she'd been a means to an end to deceive me, then I was truly at fault for her pain and suffering. No matter how much of a bitch she might have been, that wasn't something I wished on anyone.
"I didn't hurt her, not really. I couldn't, not while she's in this place. Do you have any idea how miserable it is to have lost my supply of women I can do whatever the fuck I want to? I had to settle for fucking her so hard she cried. Fucking her so hard she begged, and then I called her Mireyah and told her to milk my dick like a good little whore." He sighed, acting like the inconvenience was unimaginable. That he wouldn't be able to hurt people was outrageous in his sick, twisted mind. "It's the reason I'll accept a wife before I'd like. At least I can do what I want with you once you're mine."
"That isn't true."
"No? Who will stop me? No Gods will interfere on behalf of a woman who is only a Goddess because of how well she spreads her legs or sucks cock. Human-born Gods are not equal to those of us who were born to it. Politics, you see?" He chuckled, and I gave him my best dejected look as I shifted just a touch closer to him to whisper my threat.
"You forget one thing, Ashric," I whispered. He leaned closer, as if he might expect me to kiss him, and for a moment the hope in his eyes made me wonder if he had ever truly received affection. If he’d ever known what it was to be truly desired by a woman.
The reminder of what he’d done to Annalee and Jessica and countless others prevented any pity I might have felt. "By the time I could be your wife, I'd be a Goddess too. I have made it this far without powers of my own. With nothing other than my brain and a human body to use in my defense. Imagine what I could do as a Goddess? I won't need other Gods to defend me, because I will protect myself. Perhaps it is you who should be afraid of me."
I'd thought he might be angry, thought the words might insult him enough to make him try to touch me. I felt strangely anxious to see what would happen if he did. Would he be disqualified? Would he be somehow harmed by the magic of my ear cuff? Instead, he just grinned at me in that fucked up way of his, chuckling under his breath. "Perhaps, but I will very much look forward to our fights and the sex when I finally force you to your knees."
Turning away from him, I stared at Sylfeshire, watching the Sylfes move about inside the house through the massive windows. For once, I wondered what would happen if Ashric didn't end up as my Sire. Not to me, but to them. "You said you want a wife so you can abuse her. What happens when you lose?" I asked.
He shrugged. "I suppose I must choose another. What about one of your friends? I know I'll be too late for the Tovenaar
, but I wouldn't want her, anyway. Too weak, a failure who didn’t Ascend. The other one, though? She seems like a fighter. Perhaps she'll make a good substitute."
"She isn't open for Declarations. I doubt she ever will be. If you think I hate the Gods, I've got nothing on Lysandra," I hissed to him, turning my back on him completely.
"Are you ignoring me now?" There was a pout in his voice, mocking me as if my hatred of him was childish.
"No, I'm just not interested in anything you might have to say from this point on. Let's be realistic, you came here hoping to get laid. You’re not going to. You and I have nothing to talk about. We will have nothing in common except our hatred of one another. Why would you want that in your wife?" I still didn't bother to look at him, but the sight of Colm observing our interaction through the windows of Sylfeshire gave me strength. As if I could draw strength from the caretaker of Sylfeshire, just because he interfered as best as he could.
Even if it was only in observation.
"I don't hate you, Mireyah. Not in the slightest. I'm intrigued by you, by that irrational bravery of yours. By the way you disregard all expectations of you and your place in this world. Tovenaars shuck off standards too. You would do well in my house, even if I would never love you."
Even if his words seemed genuine, like he truly believed I would make a fantastic Tovenaar, the fact that he tempered the declaration with the stipulation that he would never love me made me feel sad for him.
"Then I pity you, Ashric. To just willingly accept that you'll never know love is depressing to me, and it should be depressing to you too." He didn't respond, seeming to settle in to consider my words.
I knew better.
He didn't like what I had to say to him any better than I liked what he said to me.
We were just a match made in fucking heaven.
✽✽✽
Five hours felt like such a long time, especially when sharing a meal with someone you had absolutely no desire to spend any amount of time with. But the time did eventually end.
By the point when my time with Ashric ended, I felt ready to crawl out of my skin. Even when he didn't speak, just being in his presence made me feel like insects were crawling all over me. When Colm stepped out of Sylfeshire and nodded to me, I jumped off the daybed and rushed toward the house. Ignoring the way Ashric laughed at my eagerness to escape him, all that mattered was getting inside.
I didn't even care to see the others, didn't care about anything aside from getting clean, but to rush off to the shower without acknowledging them would only worry them. I could just picture Shephard's reaction to Ashric if he thought the man had touched me. "Mireyah, it wouldn't do to rush off from your date, now would it? Don't they teach you manners here?" Ashric asked, stepping up beside me like a devil. He knew damn well that I could give a shit about my manners, but I also couldn't escape him without actively running away.
I wouldn't debase myself by letting him bother me so much that I ran. I'd already proven I possessed far too much pride to do something like that.
So we strolled into Sylfeshire together, me immediately hurrying to where Colm had gathered with the others.
"I trust your time went well?" Colm grimaced, asking Ashric the question that I knew pained him.
"Very well, yes," the Tovenaar answered, bowing his head down to me in a mocking nod before he turned and left Sylfeshire without another word.
"Are you alright?" Hollis asked, stepping up to my side. He moved to touch his fingers to my arm, but I shrugged him off. I couldn't stand the thought of them touching me, not when I'd just spent so much time near Ashric. I didn't want them tainted by association. Hollis glared at my arm as it offended him, and I knew he thought back to the last time I'd shrugged off their touch. What had been in my mind at that time.
"I'm sorry. I just, I feel disgusting. Being around him." I shuddered and rubbed my hands up and down my arms. "It has nothing to do with any of you." Ryle and Shephard's eyes glared at the doors where Ashric had exited, as if they wished he would come back so they could deal with him in a way that would get them in very serious trouble.
"Something needs to be done about him," Lathyn murmured, nodding a head to Colm. "I'll speak to Caprice and the others. See if there really is nothing we can do. Are you certain you're alright, Mireyah?" he asked me, and the tender concern on his face made me stumble over my words.
I almost liked it better when I hated him. When he was just the Majele God who stripped me away from everything I loved. This version of him, I felt nearly guilty for the way I had already made my choice. Because he'd never stood a chance against them, because I'd fallen in love with my males before I could have gotten to know him.
The bond I had with them was so strong that it overcame their abuse and the fact that they'd enjoyed watching others abuse me. It just wasn't possible for another man to impede something that strong, even if I knew it would probably be smarter for me to walk away.
I couldn't. Wouldn't.
"I'm fine. He's just determined to shake me. I'm determined not to let him, so it's like warfare every time he's around. I told him I didn't give him permission to touch me, and it all went downhill from there.” I shrugged. “Let’s be honest, it hadn’t started that high.”
Lathyn chuckled as Colm shook his head at me. "You know we can't interfere. It goes against the rules of Sylfeshire that the Core Gods or I be impartial.”
"He means to hurt her. I do not understand why she would be given to someone who wants to do her harm when she has six other males who would worship her," Lathyn said, giving his head a shake. "He cannot be the best Sire for her under those circumstances, so I'll do my best to make sure they're aware of the situation."
"Excuse me," I said, leaning up to press a brief kiss to each of the five male’s cheeks. Shephard looked savage when my lips touched Lathyn's cheek, however briefly. "I just need some time to myself. To get clean and process. I'll see you all soon. I'm sorry." I smiled briefly, though I knew it was a hollow one, and darted off to the private section of Sylfeshire so I could scrub my skin until it bled.
And still I felt like it wouldn’t be enough.
Chapter 23
Mireyah
There could be no water hot or strong enough for me to feel like I’d scrubbed all traces of Ashric Tovenaar from my body. I had even given in to the temptation and used the more lush public showers because I hadn’t thought there’d be any harm to it.
I was proven wrong when I only barely stepped out of the shower with a towel wrapped around my body when a chipper face popped up behind me in the mirror. The invasion of my private space appeared like a steep price to pay for four-headed jets and heated towel racks.
"Gods, he's so creepy! I don't know how you stand it," Cyrille shook her head with a shiver. "But the others are all so dreamy. You're so lucky to have them competing for you! Not that you don't deserve them by any means. That's not what I meant, I just," she sighed. "They're dreamy."
"So you said," I tried not to scowl at her, because I knew she meant well. But after the shitty day I’d had, all I wanted was to curl up in bed. Not to hear another woman ramble about how dreamy my men were. My bedroom’s stingy showers looked better and better with every moment that passed.
Next time. I promised myself.
"And Lathyn? He's legendary. Everyone is talking about it! He's had centuries and never laid claim to a Sylfe before you, even though everyone knows he could have his pick of women. Given how the Core Gods favor him and all," she rambled and her friendly, slightly idiotic look annoyed me, but I couldn’t actually hate her.
"Mhm," I murmured, but my heart clenched at the reminder. It seemed silly, since Lathyn was in fact the only God who hadn't won a test yet, but I still knew he was the greatest threat to my chances of being with the five. Perhaps a smarter woman would give up on them, and just accept the fact that she was destined for another.
But I'd never been particularly smart. Not when it came to knowing when to
quit. It just wasn't in my vocabulary. Truth be told, that was the reason I found myself in this situation.
I grabbed my hairbrush off the counter, using it to occupy myself and explain my lack of interaction with her. With the way she tittered in my ear, I doubted she'd even notice, to be honest. In fact, I’d begun to not process what she said.
"And you're so young!" She exclaimed suddenly, jarring me from my thoughts and stepping up to the mirror to stare at me intently as she spoke.
"You're about to be a Goddess, and yet your human family is still alive. That's incredible." She dropped her voice, staring at the bathroom door in a moment of appearing cautious. Then her eyes twinkled when she met mine in the mirror, her voice staying soft and low, "Have you slept with all of them then? Is that why Lathyn and Ashric are just as obsessed? I didn't know how much to trust the rumors at Godsvail, because really how could one woman trap five men with her pussy, but seeing you now." She whistled before continuing, "I have to say it's impressive. Do you request or make your own special soaps? Is that the secret? They said you were an herbalist before. That you made cosmetics and such, so-"
My brush clattered to the counter, and I turned to glare at her. "I haven't slept with Lathyn or Ashric. And no, I use the same soaps, lotions, potions, everything as all the rest of the Sylfes are provided. Look, Cyrille," I paused, trying to tamper the harshness in my voice as I packed up my things. "If I knew what attracted these males, don't you think I would have stopped doing it? I've made it no secret that I want to be with my five males, and I’m not interested in competition. But now that's threatened by the two others who’ve Declared for me still.” I snatched my brush from the counter and with a punching motion, placed it back into the bag. I swiveled to turn, looking at her directly for the first time. “Perhaps you should act a little differently. Not giving it up easily when your time comes is likely to get you more attention than dropping to your knees for the first male who asks. There's nothing wrong with sex if you want it, but I think the Gods see us how we see ourselves."