Sylfic

by Kenna Bardot

  “Yes, and he should not be forgiven for that. However, following their very public decision to Declare for you as a group, he’s been spending a lot of time with the Svadeni along with the Nastroj and the Karfi. South and West.”

  I interrupted with a smile, "Hollis. And you mean Tate and Ryle? The twins?"

  He nodded, and there was a mischievous gleam in his eyes. "Yes, yes. Them. So Charolais spending his time with them publicly along with continuous torture of a Tovenaar and the leaders aren't pleased."

  “How prejudiced." I pursed my lips together, but my heart hurt for what they could only be experiencing. And because of me. All because of me. I’d been too selfish to think that I was the only one suffering on my journey to be a Goddess.

  “But he’s not wrong in what he’s doing. I would rather die than end up Sired to Ashric Tovenaar.” My hand fluttered up towards the black shard on my ear. “He would see me harmed for his own pleasure and amusement. And for nothing but that, he’s fixated on me.”

  His jaw tightened at my words. "I'm a Kald, and we share our Houses in the North but I do not condone the harmful treatment of a Sylfe nor of a woman. I might have to join the young Vide in his torment if that is the case."

  "He humiliated me, Oryn, and I can safely say that spending those hours with him were some of the worst moments of my life." I paused for effect. "And remember, I was once a human Collected for servitude at Godsvail when all I possessed was a hatred for the Gods. The pain and anger in that moment pales compared to the thought of spending the rest of my life with him.”

  "Are you scared about how that could be a reality?" Oryn's voice was soft, just as his hand was soft as he patted the hand I had laid on his knee.

  "Yes, sure. Terrified, even. I'm not too thrilled about the thought I will spend the rest of my life with someone I don't just actively care for but someone who is comfortable scaring me and putting me through humiliation." I sighed and laid my head back against the cool brick of the alcove. I closed my eyes to keep myself from crying.

  “You have misgivings,” he said it so plainly but without judgment that I knew I could talk to him.

  "Everything I’ve done has had me questioning the journey I’m on. Falling in love and caring for my five never erased those.” I didn’t speak it but I thought perhaps it would make their lives easier if they didn’t have to Declare for me. If our love and bond with one another wasn’t so strong, they’d still be safe and respected in Demiorgo.

  “Have you thought about what you want?”

  “I haven’t, no. I have to talk to Caprice and I’m afraid I will give her an answer I’m not ready for.”

  "Mother Caprice knows best. But I know you’d hate me saying that so maybe it's time you took time to understand what you feel and think. For all I’m worried, I can be sure that I can’t wait. Because I’d rather be doing it than worrying about it.”

  I raised an eyebrow at him. "I'm sure you can't wait to be in a room with Astraea all alone." I laughed, but I could feel the jealousy well up in me over the certainty of his convictions.

  "Yeah, I can't wait to finally have that time with her. After all this time, I hope it won't be too awkward."

  ✽✽✽

  "Well, that was only slightly awkward," Astraea announced with a huge smile as she walked back into her room. She stopped at the doorway and looked at us. "Oh, well, I didn't know I announced that to an audience."

  Lysandra chuckled as she took a sip of her warm tea. "Did you really think we wouldn't be waiting?"

  She pulled her hair out of its fastening even as she peered at the teapot we had set up on her bedside table. "Well, I assumed you were in Mireyah's room since that’s where we always are. Did you guys drink all the tea?"

  "Of course we drank all the tea. It's not even tea time anymore. And, sure, we’re always in Mireyah’s because she’s always the one with the crisis." I protested at her analysis, but Lysandra raised an eyebrow at me and I sighed - she was right. “Anyway, yes, we’re here because you’re the one with the crisis.” Lysandra handed over her tea when Aes demanded it with a held out hand.

  "Blech, it's cold." Astraea said with her tongue out even as she drained Lysandra's cup of it. “And no crisis here. Absolutely crisis free.”

  I hummed in agreement as I drank the last of mine. "Well we've been here forever waiting so tea's gone cold." I placed the cup back down on the table and eyed Astraea. Her color was up and there was a very recognizable happiness to her. “Okay, so no crisis. A very happy interlude? Was there sex involved?”

  “Mireyah!” Astraea protested as she thrust the empty cup back towards Lysandra and gave me a shove. “No, there was no sex involved.”

  “Well, shoot.” I said as I stuck my tongue out at her.

  Scowling down at her empty cup before glaring up as Astraea. "What’s with the sloppy grin then? And you also said it was slightly awkward. Are you having second thoughts? Is that why you didn’t do the naked dance?”

  Astraea huffed out a breath and sat on her chair, placing her hands on her lap like a prim virgin. “The two of you are incorrigible. When I said awkward I didn’t mean it as a bad thing. Well, I always expected that it would be a little awkward to talk to him again like this. He hasn't hidden his feelings from me all this time and I've been denying and rejecting him. My time with Caprice showed me that, actually, I do want to be with him. That I will fight for him and that I no longer questioned my willingness to become a Goddess so long as it was by his side. But it was so awkward because these feelings inside me are so new to me. How do I tell him? Should I tell him? Does it even matter? The entire first few minutes of our time together I just sat there debating with myself when I should have been just enjoying my time with him. And, so, when I did eventually come to that conclusion and I think he came to that conclusion, we just enjoyed ourselves in each other's company because we caught up all these years we've been apart."

  "I'm happy for you. Oryn might be a God, but he's the rare exception, he's a good one. I'm happy for you and no one could deserve him more than you," Lysandra announced as she made a toasting motion with her empty cup.

  I copied the motion and made an empty cupped toast. "Hear hear. Oryn is nice given he shares a region with Ashric."

  "Yes, that's one who was meant to be a Tovenaar. Hell, he uses his being a Tovenaar to be a worse God than even most Tovenaars are." Astraea shook her head unhappily before giggling. "Well, not really my problem anymore. I won’t be a Tovenaar when he Sires me. Thank Zeevar his mother wasn’t a Tovenaar.”

  “Oh, but how ironic,” Lysandra said happily as I chuckled.

  “Yes, yes. Actually, Mireyah. When we weren’t talking about each other, we talked about you.” I stopped laughing as I stared at her.

  “Me?” I pointed to myself. “Why the hell would you be talking about me?”

  “Just worried, darling. And Oryn likes you, so he’s just worried you’re not doing too well. He said you were having misgivings.” She tilted her head to regard me worriedly and for a brief second I wished Oryn was there so I can hit him for being such a blabbermouth. But I supposed that some allowances had to be made for a man in love.

  “I am. I’ve been thinking about it.” I pressed my lips together because I really had been. That didn’t mean I got too far in my thoughts.

  “Well, think faster, Mireyah. You talk to Caprice at the end of the week, don’t you?” Lysandra asked, and I felt a heavy pit in my stomach as she asked the question.

  “Yes, it is. I’ll be ready.” And I could only hope that it was true.

  Chapter 25

  Mireyah

  The week ended faster than I wanted it to as I walked into the room Caprice already occupied.

  "So we meet again, Mireyah Sylfe. You are late. Or perhaps I am just very early?" Caprice stood before me with her calm smile, the calm before the storm because I'd seen Caprice when she'd gone a little insane. Truth be told, I much respected her when that's how she appeared.

&
nbsp; It felt more real.

  Being more calm and beatific felt more like Mother Rhiannon and seemed like it was a lie. A mask she wore to appear before the world in a more pleasing and acceptable manner. And it scared me because it felt wrong.

  I'm well, Mother Caprice. And no, I’m not late." I looked up at the clock that hung on the wall and noted that I was perfectly on time.

  She nodded and laughed. "Time and I will never walk hand in hand, you know? Indeed, not. It is more Zeevar’s than it is mine and what does a daughter do but go up against the father? Rebellion is such a familiar concept to you, I am sure.”

  I nodded, confused by the anecdote. “Quite familiar, yes, Mother Caprice.” I took a deep steadying breath, disconcerted when I felt my lips tremble.

  “Oh, you needn’t worry, my child. Trust me when I say that anything you face, I know you can handle. What we test is your readiness, your willingness to acknowledge the portions of you I feel are being neglected.” The calm melted from her face to be replaced with curiosity. “Caprice’s Judgment. That’s what they call it. I for one think it’s such a harsh word when all I am doing is guiding you. It is up to you if you want to join the journey.”

  I said nothing in reply. Just as before, I somehow knew that a reply wasn't warranted. I nodded and braced myself.

  “Do you wish that you didn't have to be here? Talk to me, fight for the men who are represented on your ear?" I opened my mouth to argue but she held up a hand to stop me. "There is no need to argue with me, Mireyah. I've told you this before, but it appears you need to be reminded. I know you as I know all my children, their fears and joys, their triumphs and failures. No, the argument isn't if I'm right but more if you've reached the same conclusion. Let me help you."

  And like it had been the first time we'd been in the same situation, the world around me melted and blinked out of existence, blacking out before winking into something different. I felt my stomach turn, and I held a hand to it until it settled. This time, I was glad I hadn’t fallen over when I stood inside a house that was so dark it was like the entire space was lit by just one light source. Because of the lack of lighting, I could not determine how large the space was. I took a step forward carefully to inspect the area when the door opened and I could see that it was a nighttime outside wherever Caprice sent me.

  A black-haired woman walked in, shoulders slumped and feet dragging on the ground. I stopped in my tracks and stood silently watching her, waiting until she would notice that I was there.

  I felt her aura the moment she stepped inside - dark, pulsing, Godly. She pulled the door closed behind her, turning around as soon as she did so. It was not long until she saw me standing just inside her doorway. The look of surprise on her face perfectly mirrored the devastating shock that shook me. It was my face, my body, but in Tovenaar colors.

  Hair blacker than the night that gripped the sky, eyes so black they were like bottomless pits of oil - slick and lifeless.

  It wasn't long before her surprise melted away to be replaced by a sneer that was too much like Ashric’s had been. Too much the Tovenaar that Astraea hated so much. "Ah. Mireyah Sylfe. Let me guess. Caprice sent you here, didn’t she? What a thoroughly unpleasant surprise to see myself as I once was." She held her arms out like she was displaying herself and turned around in a circle. "Do you like what you see? Horrific, isn't it?"

  Speechless, I couldn't help but nod. “How…” I broke off, unable to finish the question. I didn’t know how I was going to this version of me - she was broken, that much I could see.

  She laughed, and it was a sound as lifeless as her eyes, as dark as her hair. "Well, just so you're clear this is my life as a Tovenaar. But is it living when you’re surrounded by death and decay? Such irony.”

  I stepped back as she took a step in my direction, laughing when I yearned to get away from her. “Oh, don't get me wrong, Ashric has made quite the impression on Demiorgo. Even for a Tovenaar there was always a darker aspect to Ashric. Yes, he has scared the lovely folds of Demiorgo with this darkness. With that comes a reluctant respect because they know it won't be the most pleasant of experiences to make him displeased."

  I cleared my throat, struggling to talk, "And you? Do you feel the same amount of reluctant and fearful respect as everyone else does?"

  "I am a Goddess now, Mireyah. On the same level as the man who had the gall to claim me as his wife. He might have scared Demiorgo, but as for me, I don't fear nor respect my husband. I hate him and for my hatred, I spend everyday punishing him. Everything in me is loathing and hatred, dark and depressed. I've forgotten what it is to be happy and content." She laughed, a dark sound that hit me straight in the gut. She pierced mine with her dark gaze, pinning me so I stopped moving until she was nose to nose with me. “And do you know why that is?”

  I shook my head and whispered, "No. No, It's not my fault! I was sure the five would win. How could they not when we’re destined to be together?” I looked her over. She’d lost weight, cheekbones hollowed to give her a more haunting look, and I held a hand up to my throat to stop the choking sensation I felt there. “Do you think I enjoy knowing that this future could be mine? You scare me, and I know you were me. Are me, for Zeevar's sake. What the fuck should I do about that?"

  She turned her palms over and what was surely thousands of insects popped up out of the floor, appearing out of the crevices of the ceilings and the walls. The smell of them was overwhelming, the smell of death. The sound of them would give me nightmares, millions of little legs scurrying on the hard marble. "This is the power in me. The darkness that came with the Sire Bond.” She thrust her arm at me and I saw the black shard-shaped tattoo there - so dark against her pale skin.

  Our pale skin.

  “Unluckily for him. This was the only mark he could give me. Oh, he tried to mark me, pin me down and make me scream. But he was stupid enough to give me the strength of a Goddess first. The same power he wields and can no longer scare me with. Now, we just suffer together. Stuck in eternal damnation, a pair of fucked up Gods.” Her hands reached out towards me, and I heard them scurry over to me.

  “Get them away from me!” I shrieked as I felt the legs creep over my foot, walk over my neck and drop on my hair. “I don’t want this.”

  “Well, luckily for you, you still have a choice don't you? Don't be a fucking God then. There's your answer." She held up her hand and showed the tattoo even as a dark smoke billowed out of her hands. In an instant, all the insects stopped moving.

  Dead and lifeless, just as her smile was. I sighed and nodded, closing my eyes to stop the tears from falling. "Yes, perhaps you’re right."

  Before my eyes, my surroundings melted again, and I shut my eyes to prolong whatever encounter Caprice had in store for me. My skin still crawled as it remembered the sensation of those tiny insects. I reached up to my hair, hands shaking as I checked to see if there were dead bugs in it.

  I let out a sigh when I noted that it was clean. I was happy that the bugs had disappeared with the surroundings. When I opened my eyes, I saw the company smile first before I saw the blue hair and the blue eyes.

  “Hello.” She, who was me, but was not really me, gave me a smile. “How are you?”

  I shook my head and laughed at her. “You sound like Caprice.”

  She chuckled, a tiny pleasant sound, as she chuckled. “Yes, I do. Perhaps I spend too much time with her. With all the Core Gods. As Lathyn’s wife, his duties and responsibilities take us to many places, speaking to many. It is a busy, fulfilling life.”

  I nodded, but I couldn’t help but be sad that she didn’t speak of happiness or love. “I had assumed Lathyn Majele had Sired you.” I looked up, noting the high ceilings. Where the previous house had been dark and closed in, this was light and airy.

  Yet I still felt it suffocating me.

  I could feel her watching me, politely."Do you want to see? We have a spectacular view.”

  I nodded and walked over, taking a sharp intake of brea
th as I saw the view. The other me hadn't been lying. The house was built into the side of what I could only assume were cliffs. I saw silver and gold glittering in the distance - the rest of the West the Majeles were housed in.

  From its height, it offered a rather stunning view of the clouds and a bright unhindered view of the bright sunshine. The wind whistled, clouds moving and clearing to reveal the ground below, lush and grand. "Thank you for sharing it with me. It just leaves you speechless, does it not?"

  "He had this house built for me after he Sired me and there’s not a day that goes by that I don’t enjoy this view. So who else would I share it with if not myself?" She - or should it be I - walked over and I turned my head to see her sharing the view with me. "It makes living here a little more."

  "More what?" I asked, despite myself as her melancholy wrapped around me. As the airy brightness of the room wrapped around me further.

  "Just more. I never want for anything as Lathyn’s wife, for we are respected and loved. No matter where I go, I am recognized as the wife of one of the most well-loved and trusted God in Demiorgo, second only to the Core Gods themselves.” She tilted her head and regarded me politely. Something swam in her eyes, but nothing spilled from her lips.

  "But do you love him?" I asked impatiently.

  "I care for him and he has given me a life that I otherwise would not have. He allows me to push my agenda that I always wanted. Helps me with it because he respects me as his wife.” She lifted a hand to the window, touched the glass with her palm.

  I grabbed her arm and forced her to face me. "You didn't answer my question."

  "No, I didn't. I could only hope that you'd make your own inferences." She smiled and gently pried herself away from me, walking over to a tall table by the marble fireplace.

  "And what of the five? Where are they now?" What felt like a huge stone lodged itself at the back of my throat as I feared what she would tell me about them.