by Kenna Bardot
"I would never hurt you, sweetheart," he murmured, and Ashric's roar behind us propelled me into accepting Lathyn's hand. The lesser of two evils.
He held it tight, letting me run beside him. Even as an immortal, with five years of pampering the run pushed my lungs to their limits. I panted for breath to keep pace with him, knowing that if I slowed I would risk Ashric catching up.
We halted when we came to a wall of vines, and they immediately reminded me of my Challenge at Godsvail. It wasn't as tall, and we'd be able to climb relatively quickly, but Lathyn spun and gave a panicked look behind us. He swallowed, grasping me around the waist and throwing me at the wall without warning. I grabbed the vines the best I could, hauling myself over the edge to the top just in time to see him turn to face the bear that charged for him.
"No!" I screamed, and he held out his hands in front of him to brace for it.
Ashric walked forward slowly, looking entirely confident in his undead bear's ability to handle Lathyn, and even from the distance there was no mistaking the smile that graced his face as he picked up his pace.
The vine wall shook with the force of the bear colliding with Lathyn's body, shoving him back into the thorny structure so hard that I nearly fell off. I barely held on, barely stayed steady. The bear shredded Lathyn's back with its claws, while Lathyn held it by the mouth so he stared into the massive beast's throat. His body vibrated with the force of the hold, with the way he pushed his power into the bear. Even as its face turned blue, I knew he didn't have much time before the pain overwhelmed him.
It was a miracle he still fought. A miracle he had not collapsed, too weak to go on.
I knew he was meant to protect me. I could feel that was the purpose, to save me and protect me from the dangers that I could see lingering at the edges of the forest. Vines slithered along the forest floor beyond the wall, and I knew this wouldn't be the last obstacle Lathyn faced to keep me safe.
I knew he would hate it if I interfered, but I couldn't just kneel and watch his back torn to pieces. I couldn't watch him bleed.
Even if I would never love him, I could never let anyone suffer for my sake.
I stood, ripping the bottom of my nightgown off and twisting it around itself and gripping it tightly while I took a deep breath. I wasn't a useless Sylfe. I had fought to get where I was, and I would continue to fight for whatever kind of freedom I could earn. So with one last defiant glare at Ashric, I jumped off the wall and twisted my body.
My fists each grabbed handfuls of fur as I landed on the bear's back, holding on desperately and trying not to lose my fabric. The bear released Lathyn who looked at me in horror, but I wrapped the fabric around its throat before it could buck me off and used it to hold on fiercely.
I only hoped it distracted the bear from Lathyn enough that he could finish it off. The first swipe of the bear's claws caught my arm, raking through my flesh like it was butter. Lathyn glared at it, pouring more of his energy into downing the massive creature. I could feel his flesh changing, could feel the way it morphed as I split the bear's focus. The second swipe caught my leg, and I stared down at the shredded flesh even as I shrieked in pain.
"Mireyah!" Shephard's voice roared in the distance and I heard the sound of thunder as lightning bolted through the sky. He was too far to help me, too far to do anything but hear my screams. I doubted he could even see me.
When a hand grabbed a fistful of my hair from behind, I refused to let go. Refused to allow Ashric to derail me from my mission. With a sudden pop, the bear disappeared beneath me and I fell to the forest floor. Everything hurt, and my body screamed in pain. My hands and legs were wet, soaked in blood that I knew was a mix of my own and of the puddle of flesh I'd landed in where there had once been a bear.
Somehow pushing through his injuries, Lathyn grabbed Ashric's arm and twisted until it snapped, kicking the black-haired man back to sprawl on his ass. When Lathyn stalked over to him, Ashric grunted and moved to stand.
Only Lathyn's boot to his face stopped him, breaking his nose and knocking him unconscious with the force of the blow.
His eyes were gentle as he turned back to me, raking over to inspect my injuries. "You shouldn't have done that."
"I'll keep in mind next time that I should only think of myself," I muttered, letting him pick me up and set me as far up the wall as he could. He climbed up after me like pieces of his skin didn't hang off his back in ribbons.
When we dropped to the ground, I stopped and thought of Ashric. He was no longer a threat. Unconscious, he was no longer a threat to me or what I wanted the most.
When Lathyn pulled me forward, I clung to his sleeve. “Lathyn, please. Ashric is down. Please let me wait for my men. Let them save me. Please.”
I saw the hurt pass over his face before it hardened. “You want me to throw in the towel? Give my victory to a group of men who could not even keep themselves safe? When I allowed myself to be shredded to protect you? I was willing to stand on the brink of death for you.”
Even though he made a point, my heart could only go to where I was sure my men struggled to make it to me. “Please.”
"No.” He covered my face with a hand, and I felt my world spin, feeling like I was a limp noodle. He picked me up and into his arms. “There will be a Leven waiting at the end of this Trial. Let’s get you healed.” My head lolled to the side, unable to move with whatever he did to me, and I watched as the vines slithered around us. Something around him seemed to pulse, and the ground turned blue as he walked.
I watched in fascination as the vines shrunk away, whatever kind of poison followed in his wake enough to keep them away. Seeing how the poisons could work, the variety of things he could do to him, even I had to admit there would be something appealing about becoming a Majele.
Still praying until the last moment, I waited for my men to catch up, but I also knew that Char's injury had looked devastating. I knew the others wouldn't - couldn’t - leave him behind, and I wouldn't have wanted them to. From what Lathyn said, they had to save me as a unit.
If one of them was missing it was pointless.
It felt a lot like our relationship. Without all of us together, it was just incomplete.
By the time we emerged from the woods, stepping onto the front grass of Sylfeshire, tears streamed down my face silently.
They'd lost.
"Lathyn," I cried, and I felt a pain rocket up my back as I regained my ability to move. With it came the sensation of my injuries, stinging in the hot rays of the sun.
"I know," he whispered. "We'll get you fixed up." I didn't comment that he misinterpreted my cry as one of pain. I had a feeling he knew exactly what I cried over.
A flurry of activity rushed over to us, and suddenly Lathyn was sitting on the ground and holding me in his lap. "Her first," he ordered the Leven who moved to heal him. The woman nodded, pressing her hands to my legs as Colm filled my vision.
"What happened?" he demanded before he glared at Lathyn. "You were meant to protect her."
"Ashric. His dead bear attacked us, and he didn't give the first fuck that he put Mireyah in danger," Lathyn answered. It was true enough, even if I had put myself back into danger intentionally. Colm nodded, touching my face and sighing solemnly at whatever he saw there. From the shadows, I watched Zeevar’s eyes narrow, saw Caprice’s nostrils flare. As a unit, they turned and strode back into the woods.
Anselm and Rhiannon stood there regarding me with worry and interest. Just silent observers in my life before they irrevocably changed it.
"He protected me with his life," I told Colm, not wanting Lathyn to be viewed badly. I had a feeling he would have allowed the bear to tear him to pieces before letting it get to me.
"As any man should do for his wife," Colm answered, giving Lathyn a more respectful nod before he turned away. A strangled sob escaped me, the word wife feeling like a confirmation I couldn't handle.
I needed to see Char. I needed to know that they were alive and well.
The Leven had finished with my leg and turned to my arm by the time they emerged from the woods. I vaulted to my feet, racing for them as Shep and Ryle helped him approach.
"Mireyah!" Tate hissed, his eyes intent on my arm where three deep gashes sliced through the skin. His eyes trailed down to my blood covered legs and rest of my nightgown.
"Sit down and let them heal you, Pet." Hollis ordered. I nodded, taking my seat and letting the Leven work on me.
When she finished, I moved to stand, but Lathyn cupped my face and pressed his forehead to mine.
"Thank you," he murmured. "You showed me everything I knew we could have today. You didn't sit there and let me fix it for you. You waded into the fray as my equal. You saved me as much as I saved you. Imagine what we can do together when you're a Goddess at my side." The smile he gave me made my heart clench, but I tried to smile back. "Go. Enjoy some time with them while you can. It could be your last time to say goodbye if the Gods choose me to be your Sire."
"Thank you," I whispered, even as tears flooded my eyes - anger that he hadn’t allowed me to wait for them and sadness because I knew it had been unfair to ask him to give me up.
I stood, making my way to where the five gathered around Char, holding his leg. Whatever had hurt him, the cut had gone deep. I could see the bone of his thigh, could see the way it barely held together. How he'd walked at all, I'd never know.
I didn't speak a word as I sat with them, letting them touch me subtly and just being in their presence.
"Mireyah," Hollis whispered, his voice sounding pained as he spoke my name. As if I had already been taken away from them.
"Don't. Nothing's been decided yet. I won't go down without a fight," I announced, feeling strong in the conviction. I'd challenged the Gods before and won.
I just had to do it one last time.
Chapter 33
Mireyah
I sat in the wooded alcove where Ashric had touched me, feeling overjoyed that if nothing else, he'd stayed unconscious long enough for my men to get past him without incident. His actions in the Trials, endangering me so blatantly, had struck a chord with Caprice.
I wasn't in any hurry to see Caprice angry again after the way she'd vibrated with fury at the sight of the blood covering me. I didn't even have it in me to tell her it wasn't all mine as she had walked back into the forest with Zeevar by her side.
I'd avoided the alcove since he cornered me, but knowing that Lathyn was on his way to enjoy his final Visitation with me, I felt the strangest stirring that I needed to brave the space. Needed to convince myself that I wouldn't fear Ashric any longer. After the events of the last Trial, I had very little worry that the Gods would give me to him.
I felt confident that Lathyn was the only thing that stood between me and a future with my men.
And a massive obstacle he was, indeed.
"Mireyah," he sighed with a smile, stepping up to where I sat waiting and taking a seat next to me. His smile was stunning, and he took my arm in his hand and turned it in every direction. "No scars," he noted. "Your leg?"
"Nothing," I reassured. "The Levens are gifted and I am healed so well I am better than I was before the Trial. You?"
"Not a mark. You are right, such is the magic of a gifted Leven, I suppose. I almost wish it had left a scar. I would be happy to wear those scars for the rest of my life, knowing that I earned them protecting you. That I earned them proving myself worthy of such a fierce wife." I winced at the words, not knowing how to start the conversation I knew we needed to have.
"I don't want to marry you," I murmured, making his brow furrow.
"But you threw yourself at an undead bear to help me." There was disbelief in his voice, and I realized that my actions had confused him. Made him think I appreciated him in a way that I didn't.
"I also asked that you leave me so the guys could catch up and take me instead,” I said and though I hated reminding him, I had to make him see the truth of it.
The truth of me.
“I thought you wanted to play fair. Wait until I could fight them off for you instead.” I sighed because I didn’t think he had misunderstood me so well. I stared at his eyes, and I could see that even he didn’t quite believe his words. Knew that he was grabbing at a reality that didn’t exist.
He reached over and grabbed my hands. “But you threw yourself on the bear. For me. They weren’t there. You did that for me.”
It's not that I don't care for you," I started, because I realized that I did on some level even when he’d ignored my wishes, barrelled on towards his victory.
I respected that trait in him - the determination and loyalty. And I thought of him as a friend. I hoped one day he'd be able to see past my rejection and think of all the good we could do for the world if we partnered together as allies. "I do. I just, I love them, Lathyn. That hasn't changed."
He sighed, running a hand through his blue waves and turning to place his elbows on his knees. "You'll learn to love me. We have had little time together. You were only just Unveiled when Caprice determined you were ready to Ascend. If we'd had more time-"
"It wouldn't have changed anything. I can't explain what I feel for them because I doubt I can articulate something so complex and wonderful into words. I never would have thought it could be possible to love someone so much, let alone five men so much." I stood from the lounge and then dropped to my knees in front of him so I could look him in the eyes. "I wish I didn't have to hurt you, but neither of us would be happy together in the long run. You'd want me to love you, and I could not give you that. You deserve a woman who would love you. I know, in time, you’ll find her and if she’s the one you’re meant to be with, you can understand this indescribable feeling that courses through me."
He nodded, but his jaw clenched. "You won't have an easy life with them. Their relationship to one another, it isn't common in the slightest. They've already been largely turned away from their Houses, ostracized for it. Is that really the life you want? One on the outside of society for eternity? With people whispering about you behind your back, judging you for having five husbands?"
I sighed, biting my lip while I thought over my response. "Some things are just worth fighting for, Lathyn. Worth suffering for."
"If they really loved you, they'd let you go. They'd condemn themselves to lives without you, because even they have to know that I'm what's best for you!" he growled. "I can give you everything you ever dreamed of. I can make you a Queen on Demiorgo and help you improve the lives of the humans you love and fight for so much. They're just ostracized Gods and practically babies at that. You shouldn't be with someone who won't put you first, Mireyah." His voice softened at the end, imploring me to listen to the wisdom of his words.
Even knowing they were true, it changed nothing.
"If I have no choice, I know that we can change things side by side. And I would have to accept that. Should it come to that then I will, but I want to live a life with love. Maybe that's selfish, but I can't condemn both of us to an eternity trapped in a loveless marriage. I respect you. I care for you, and I hope that one day you'll be able to let go of the pain and rejection long enough to see that just because I am not your wife, does not mean that we can't work together to improve the lives of humans." I tried to keep the words strong, worked to be clear even when his words made me doubt my decision. Could I really choose my happiness over the welfare of humans? Of my family?
I had to believe that there would be another way. A way to change their lives without marrying a man I didn't love.
Lathyn nodded, standing and giving me a hand to help me to my feet. "I care for you. You seem to think we don't already have love, but I feel more strongly for you than I ever have before." I flinched, feeling the pain in my chest from that declaration. "It may not be this all powerful bond you seem to think you have with them, but I thought you should know that before the Core Gods make their decision. I don't want to condemn you to a life you don't want, Mireyah," he
whispered, reaching out a hand to touch my cheek. "But I fear the damage is likely done now. Just know that if they choose me, I will do everything I can to make you happy." He leaned down, brushing a brief kiss across my lips.
"Lathyn," I murmured as he pulled back.
"I'll see you soon, Mireyah. I hope you're able to find peace with whatever the Core Gods decide. You can take this time for yourself. Goodbye." He walked away, and I watched him go, feeling the tears flood my eyes.
I dropped to sit in the lounge, feeling like I'd hurt one of the best men I'd ever known.
✽✽✽
I closed the door behind me at the end of my long day and let out a deep sigh. Reaching up to touch my cheeks, I realized they were wet. My tears had fallen, and I hadn’t even realized.
I thought over Lathyn’s words. The reality that faced me that because I was selfish enough to want love, I would have to give up everything else I held close. Ignoring the bed, I crouched down beside and pulled the box from underneath it.
With an urgency I could fully understand, I pried the box lid, throwing it to the side to reach for the jade chest. I took it from the box, standing as I went to my bed. I laid it on the covers. I sighed, releasing the latch and pulling the lid to open it.
“I want to remember.” I allowed the tips of my fingers to touch the rubbery plastic and the sensations flooded into me, so quick and so full it was a wonder my head and my heart didn’t burst from the sensation.
I saw how Varo looked as he had hugged me that one last time before I had left for Godsvail. My mom and dad in the kitchen, arguing and flirting with one another as they usually did during Sunday night dinners.
I remembered Tali, brushing my hair carefully when I’d been so sick I could barely move. One of her rare moments where she had been the best sister in the world.
Other visions of my life in Wintercairn flashed in my mind, my time at Herbtopia with Serenity, joining her and Corrine as we helped female victims cope with trauma. That dim room just by the town square as I experience my first time with Ledger, the loss of innocence but the gaining of such an intimate knowledge.