by Neil LaBute
Ketchup?
Tom This isn’t … Helen, I just wanted to get us near the sea wall here, so we’d have a little protection from the wind. That’s all.
Helen Tom …
Tom I’m serious!
Helen But we haven’t … we hardly talked to …
Tom I introduced you to people …
Helen In the parking lot! As you and I were unloading stuff out of the car. That’s not an introduction.
Tom Shit. I knew this would happen!
Helen You knew it would happen because you know who you are, Tom. I don’t think you’re ready for this.
Tom Come on, I don’t wanna fight … just eat something, alright?
Helen It’s not fighting, Tom. When you and I talk, that’s not fighting. It’s talking. That’s what people do.
Tom Whatever.
Helen Tom … what’s going on?
Tom Nothing.
Long silence between them. The sound of the ocean.
Helen I told you … I’ve always said that you needed to be honest. More than anything else.
Tom I know. I know that …
Helen But you’re not … this isn’t …
Tom Helen, come on, stop now! Shit … this is my company picnic, OK? We’re supposed to be having some fun.
Helen ‘Fun’. OK … (She slowly stands.) Let’s go join in the big game.
Helen jumps up and down a few times, miming a few shots as Tom watches. He looks over to where his friends are.
Come on, Tom! It’s fun!
Tom Stop it! Stop! (Grabs her.) Helen, please stop that.
Helen Fine. Then let’s chat, OK? (She sits again.) Because it’s pretty damn hard to sit out here with a fake smile plastered on my face …
Tom Alright.
They sit in silence for a moment, then Helen reaches over and grabs a piece of chicken. Starts to eat. Tom sits and watches her – finally he has to say something.
Come on, slow down a little bit, honey. Jesus.
Helen Sorry. (Beat.) I can’t help it. I eat when I get stressed out …
Tom It’s fine. Me, too. Sorta.
Helen nods at this. Doesn’t believe him. She waits.
Helen Tom … you’re aware of how I feel about you. You already know that.
Tom Yes.
Helen But I get the feeling … I mean, it is now pretty obvious, that we’re starting to have problems here … Issues, or whatever. And we need to get over them or … well, you know. Things that I don’t wanna think about.
Tom I guess.
Helen waits for Tom to say more, but he keeps staring off toward the others. He is about to say something. Stops.
Helen Please, you need to stay in this. Focused on it, so don’t drift off or anything. (Beat.) … I love you so much, I really do. Tom. Feel a connection with you that I haven’t allowed myself to dream of, let alone be a part of, in so long. Maybe ever. But I can’t be with you if you’re feeling something other than that same thing that I am … completely and utterly open to that other person. I don’t know what I should say here. I’m worried sick. Look at me, when did you ever see me not finish eating something that was placed in front of me? Huh?
She tries to grin.
I know you hate those jokes, sorry, but I’m … Tom, tell me about it. I know you’re thinking something so we might as well just … One more thing. Just this. And I’ve never offered this to anyone, not any other person in the world. Ever. My family, or a … no one. (Beat.) I would change for you. I would. I don’t mean SlimFast or that one diet that the guy on TV did … with the sandwiches from Subway. That guy …
Tom Helen … that … that’s not …
Helen … I’ll do something radical to myself if you want me to. Like be stapled or have some surgery or whatever it takes – one of those rings – because I do not want this to end. I’m willing to do that, because of what you mean to me. The kind of, just, ecstasy that you’ve brought me. So … I just wanted you to know that.
Tom sits there, taking it all in. Looking off. She nudges him with an elbow.
This would be an excellent time to say something sweet to me. If you at all care about my feelings.
Tom I know. I’m … (Beat.) Helen, that was such a nice thing to offer.
Helen … Oh–my–God …
Tom What?
Helen I just … the way you worded that right then. In the ‘past’ tense. It scares me.
Tom No, I just … it is. Really. And I appreciate it so much.
Helen … But what? (Beat.) Gosh, I wish those thousand ships would show up right about now …
Tom Yeah … (Long beat.) Helen, look, I’ve been thinking …
Helen … OK.
Tom I think you are an amazing woman, I honestly do. And I really love what we have here. Our moments together … but I think that maybe, you know, some time would be good here, or if you were to, I’m not sure … maybe take that job. It might tell us if we’re … I dunno.
Helen Oh … (Beat.) Wow, that’s a bit of a … you know … I mean, it’s …
She tries to interrupt again but Tom stops her. Waits.
Tom Listen … if we were in some other time or a land that nobody else was around on … like that island from the movie, the Sinatra film – None But the Brave – then everything might be OK, I wouldn’t be so fucking paranoid about what the people around me were saying. Or even thinking. Then it could just be you and me and that’d be so great. Perfect. But … I guess I do care what my peers feel about me. Or how they view my choices and, yes, maybe that makes me not very deep or petty or some other word, hell, I dunno! It’s my Achilles flaw or something. I’m …
Tom stops for a moment, regrouping. Helen tries to speak.
Helen … Tom, don’t do this, OK? Please don’t. We can, I dunno … we …
Tom No, I need to … if I stop now I’m not gonna be able to … finish, so I’m … (Beat.) Helen … things are so tricky, life is. I know now I’m not really deserving of you, of all you have to offer me. I can see that now. I want to be better, to do good and better things and to make a proper sort of decision here, but I … I can’t. I cannot do it. I mean, I could barely drive here today because of … my hands were shaking the whole time. They were. Jumping up and down on the wheel there. And these are all people that I know! That I … I’m just not gonna be able to do this, on, like, a daily basis. (Starts to cry.) God … look at me! It’s … I’m sorry about this and I wish that I was saying what you wanna hear. I do. That would make me really happy, to please another person right now. I mean, a person that I’m feeling this … love for. Yeah, love. But sometimes it just isn’t enough. You know? All this love inside and it’s not nearly enough to get around the shit that people heave at you … I feel like I’m drowning in it – shit – and I don’t think I can … I don’t wanna fight it any more. I am just not strong enough for that, so I’m gonna lay on my back for a while and float. See if I can keep my head above the surface. (Beat.) I guess that’s what I needed to say to you. That I’m not brave. I’m not. I know you want me to be … always believed that I can be, but I’m a weak and fearful person, Helen, and I’m not gonna get any better. Not any time soon, at least …
Helen touches Tom on the shoulder. Tom is still tearful.
Helen … But that’s … it’s something we could work on, right … Can’t we, Tom? Right?
Tom … No. I don’t think I can.
Helen slowly pulls her hand away. Tom continues to cry. big, rolling tears, with his face turned from hers.
After a moment, Helen collects herself and puts her hand back on Tom’s body. Touching him.
Helen I don’t accept that. I don’t. I’m … I think … I dunno what, but I just don’t. We take ‘no’ for an answer too easily and we shouldn’t. Not when it’s like this, not when it’s worth it to fight back. So that’s what I’m gonna do here. I’m gonna fight back … I’m gonna fight for you. For us. (Beat.) I’m not moving, Tom. You can get up and go see your pals o
ver there or not but I’m staying here. With you, if you want. And it’s not just because I don’t have a ride home, OK? So … that’s …
Despite himself, Tom smiles. Wipes away tears. Helen smiles, too.
I’m here and I’m not leaving. No. I’m staying right over here, next to you. Where I should be. This is how it should be – us together. I’ve felt that since the day I met you – since I watched you try to talk with me while you were eating that stupid chicken salad! I felt it in here, in my heart, that we should be together. You and me. And all you have to do is try, Tom. That’s all. (Beat.) ‘Try.’ It doesn’t mean we’ll make it or that we’ll always be a couple or we’ll solve all the world’s problems and our lives are gonna be sunny and wonderful for all our days through, for ever and ever more … but, you know, it’s … Hey, we can at least try. Right? (Beat.) You’re worth at least that much to me, Tom, and I hope I am to you … So … yeah. Let’s do that. Okay? We can do that … Can’t we? (Beat.) Course we can. Anybody can do that much. Just give something a try. (Beat.) So … let’s … Just try. Come on … try it. Try, Tom. Just try it … (Beat.) Try.
Helen smiles over at him through her own tears. Hopeful. Undefeated.
You can do it, Tom. (Beat.) I know you can …
Tom finally looks over at her and smiles as well. It’s faint, but it’s there.
After a moment, he looks back out at the water. Seconds later, Helen does the same thing.
They sit together without speaking, quietly staring out to sea.
Silence. Darkness.
IN A DARK DARK HOUSE
In a Dark Dark House in its original version was first performed at the Lucille Lortel Theatre, New York, on 16 May 2007 in an MCC Theatre production with the following cast:
Terry Frederick Weller
Drew Ron Livingston
Jennifer Louisa Krause
Director Carolyn Cantory
Design Beowulf Boritt
Costumes Jenny Mannis
Lighting Ben Stanton
Sound Robert Kaplowitzz
In a Dark Dark House in the revised version printed here was first performed in London at the Almeida Theatre on 20 November 2008. The cast was as follows:
Terry David Morrissey
Drew Steven Mackintosh
Jennifer Kira Sternbach
Director Michael Attenborough
Design Lez Brotherston
Lighting Howard Harrison
Sound Howard Wood
Characters
Terry
Drew
Jennifer
Author’s Note
The / in certain lines denotes an attempt at interruption or overlap by a given character
One
Silence. Darkness.
A manicured stretch of lawn surrounded by trees. Several areas to sit (benches, chairs, etc.) on two levels, with stone steps leading down from one to the other. It feels well hidden from the rest of the world. It is, in fact.
A man – Drew – staring out at the coming morning. Butterfly bandage over one eye. Sound of wild life. Maybe just a hint of traffic in the distance.
Drew goes over and checks a high hedge, trying to look through it. He wanders down a set of steps and studies a different wall (unseen). Stands on tiptoes.
Another man – Terry – appears out of the forest. He stands and watches this for a moment. Silent. Finally:
Terry … Go for it. Make it over and you’re outta here. /
Startled, Drew turns around and then smiles – he takes one step forward. Terry keeps his distance for the moment.
Or you can fall back on your ass and I’ll say I found you that way. Broken collarbone or however you wanna play it. / (Beat.) Should buy you an extra few weeks …
Drew Right … / You’re funny. / Exactly! Hey, man … what’s up?
Terry Not much …
Drew smiles at this and waves Terry over – another step from Drew but he doesn’t commit just yet. Terry doesn’t move.
Drew No, come on, dude, seriously … what?
Terry Nothing. Really. (Beat.) And don’t say that, call me dude. Grown-ups don’t use words like that – not if we can help it, anyway …
Drew Whatever.
Terry That one, either. (Beat.) Time to grow up, dude …
Drew See?! (Smiles.) You said it.
Terry Yeah, but who says I’m a grown-up?
Drew True …
Terry … I stopped doing that shit years ago. Growing up sucks.
The two men smile at this – Drew seems content to grin for a bit, but Terry stops pretty quickly. Listening.
The road’s close … the highway or whatever that is. Freeway. / Place is right off the exit, almost …
Drew Yeah. / I noticed that – I mean, not today but, you know, like, at some point. Sitting in one of the, ahh, six hundred groups a day they make us go to here! / I heard traffic …
Terry Huh. / … probably five hundred yards ’s all.
Drew Which is really stupid, right? I’m not gonna do anything – I was just looking around – but a bunch of the people they’ve got in here? Man … if they knew civilisation was just over there – it could really get messed up in this joint …
Terry S’pose so. Crazies all running up and down the road, dodging cars –
Drew Exactly! (Laughs.) / That’d be cool.
Terry Uh-huh. / Pretty funny …
Drew Although nobody around here likes it if you use that word, ‘crazies’. Just so you know.
Terry Thanks for the tip.
Drew I’m just saying …
Drew points. Terry nods at this but doesn’t say anything.
Terry Great. (Beat.) … so.
Drew Yep. So, so, so. (Beat.) So, you gonna stay for lunch or what? I mean, they’ll let you in if you want some; chow’s pretty decent.
Terry Sounds good. (Thinks.) I need to be back at six, but otherwise, fine.
Drew Too bad, gonna miss movie night … It’s On the Waterfront or some shit. Black and white. (Beat.) Work?
Terry Uh-uh. ’S Friday. I’m off Fridays and Tuesdays … unless I get hooked up for some overtime, but usually no. / Fridays’re mine.
Drew Huh. / Then what, some lady …?
Terry Nah. Got a Little League game at six, I’m doing some ump-ing this year with the local kids – but I’d be happy to have a bite with you.
Drew Cool. (Beat.) I think it’s stuffed peppers or something today … plus they’ve always got their sandwich bar. Loads of cold cuts and crap. / It’s tasty …
Terry That sounds fine. / Good.
Drew Nice! (Beat.) Just like old times.
Terry Not really. Mom’s cooking was the worst. / Christ help us if she did anything like a stuffed pepper!
Drew True! / That’s totally true … thank God for Birds Eye, right?
They smile at this – apparently Mom wasn’t much of a chef.
Terry Yeah … (Beat.) So, I’m not sure I can find the right … whatever-you-call-it … segue for this, so I’m gonna just jump right in – What’s going on? / Huh?
Drew Nada. / Nothing.
Terry Nothing’s gonna come of ‘nothing’, Drew, so try again. (Beat.) You’re in the hospital, little brother, OK? The psych hospital, so don’t do the whole ‘it’s cool’ thing …
Drew I’m serious, I’m just … you know. (Beat.) Anyway, this isn’t the real hospital. It’s only the addictions unit – for us overzealous wine drinkers …
Terry I’m not your wife, OK, so I don’t need all the bullshit excuses …
Drew Terry, I’m not …
Terry I got called to come down here and do some family therapy, Drew, so don’t tell me I drove a bunch of hours to have you play games with me. I got a game tonight – I need the truth from you … (Waits.) I don’t give two shits what you do with these folks up here – that is your business and if the insurance pays for this, then all the better – but do not mess around with me because I’ll come over there and kick your fucking
ass, I swear to God.
A silence grows after this – the dynamic between these two is now pretty obvious.
Drew Great to see you, too, man …
Terry You’re a dick.
Drew Yeah, it’s my specialty … Just ask Judy. She keeps a running list of my failings in her purse …
Terry She should. / And I don’t have time for your dumbshit act, either, Drew.
Drew Thanks, dude. / I know that, bro.
Terry I really do not.
Drew Alright, cool. I get that, and it is totally respected. / Totally.
Terry Then fine. / Drew! God … you sound like an episode of one a’ those, you know … some bad TV show.
Drew What do you mean?
Terry You know, those, like, California-type television programmes. With the surfer kids and that sort a’ deal. / 9-0-2-whatever-the-fuck it is …
Drew No, I don’t. / Uh-uh …
Terry Bullshit! Dude, bro, totally … All your crap. I hate it. (Beat.) Did you used to do that in court?
Drew Sometimes … Forget it, man. Sorry.
Terry Don’t be sorry, just stop. / Stop doing it when I’m around you …
Drew Fine. / OK.
Terry You’re not a kid, alright? You are not some teenager who can run all over doing that because it sounds stupid. You sound childish, Drew. You just appear goofy and it’s a little embarrassing … (Beat.) You are a grown man.
Drew Thirty’s the new twenty …
Terry Yeah, well, you’re thirty-five.
Drew So? That only makes me twenty-five then. Still young …
Terry … Right.
Drew Can’t help it – I’ve got a lot of young people working for me. They rub off on you.
Terry Yeah, and how does Judy feel about that? Having a husband who sounds like that Tori Spelling girl …
Drew We’re … I try and keep it to a low roar around her – this little mid-life thing I’m dealing with …
Terry So that’s what this is? / This.
Drew Hmm? / What …?
Terry Why I’m here.
Drew No, it’s … (Beat.) What’d they say to you? I mean, do you have any idea … what’d they say?