And the truth is, she does.
She knows each of us better than we know ourselves and as Noah sighs, I know it’s fucking true.
“Ever since that night when we found out about. . .” He stops and everyone’s breath hitches. Star tenses against me, knowing exactly what Noah is trying to say.
I’m about to stop this entire thing and make everyone go home but she surprises me when she encourages him to go on.
“Everyone here knows. Go on.” She whispers.
“It’s just so fucking hard to talk about it but I—we—fucking wanted to apologize Baby Blue.” He says, speaking only to her in that moment. “For the way we acted when you came back. For the way we dismissed you like we knew why you left when in truth, we didn’t.”
I grit my teeth, feeling a storm coming on as I try not think about it.
“It was on us to dig deeper, find out why you left but Raea, we didn’t because we are fucking assholes. Rich assholes for that, but you didn’t deserve to be treated like that.”’
“Oh Noah.” Star cries, looking at him with tears in her eyes.
“I missed the hell out of you.” Emmett starts then. “All this time I was trying to find a way to actually talk to you, to let you know just how messed up life was without you. The countless failures and. . .” He blows out a breath and I notice Ivy start to cry, watching him as if she knows what he means. “But it takes me. . .”
“Time.” Star finishes, moving away from me as she walks over to Emmett and just like the easy flow of water, lie they both know what they’re doing without even thinking about it, she hugs him.
“Those years without you, were pretty damn hard, I won’t lie. But I’m sorry for that shit. The cold shoulder and being a jerk.” Emmett says. “I’m also sorry for what happened to you.”
Star looks up then and our gazes connect. I tell her everything but I know, I’ll spend my entire life apologizing for not being there that night. Simple words are not going to cut.
She shakes her head with a small nod as she watches me back and suddenly, I can breathe a little easier.
“I know. No one holds a grudge like you idiots.” She says, with a laugh.
“Are you two crying?” Noah questions, looking at Ivy and Kim who are hugging each other, looking at the four of us.
“No.” They quickly deny but without another word, they get up and run for Star, engulfing my girl in another hug.
I step back, watching them as Noah completes the damn circle, irritating the fuck out of Emmett, who is now rolling his eyes because everyone is wrapped around him. I can see him struggle, wanting to take a step back but the girls squeak and start laughing, hugging even tighter.
I smirk at him.
In that moment, my phone vibrates again and I fish the damn thing out of my pocket, now annoyed.
I notice that I have a text from an unknown number but as I open the text, I almost drop my phone as what stares back at me has my eyes widening in shock.
It’s a photo.
Not just any fucking photo though.
It’s a photo of us—everyone in here—right this very moment, with Star being hugged by everyone and me standing back, watching.
Dread settles in the pit of my stomach as I look at the photo, the noise from all the laughing now but a low murmur, my eyes completely focused on the photo.
Someone is watching us.
Someone is out there.
I look around the restaurant, my muscles tense, all my senses suddenly on high alert. I discreetly look around, trying not to alarm anyone and from the corner of my eye, just behind the blinds, I think I see movement.
Then another text comes through on my phone.
Dump her right now. You belong with me.
Or I go public with this.
And attached is another photo. This time, my blood runs cold and my breathe catches in my lungs as the gates of hell stand opened before me.
It’s a photo of a young girl. She’s crying. She’s naked and bleeding.
She has hair that I know well. A torn skirt laying there in the blood beside her.
An image that I would know from anywhere because it’s fucking engraved behind my eyelids.
This little girl is my Star.
From the night she was raped.
As hell and fury rise in me like nothing else I’ve ever felt in my life, it doesn’t take me long to know who it is.
When devastation finally struck, it all started out as a normal day.
Everything was actually calm and great. Or as great as things in Westbrook Blues could be when there are constant forces working against you. Our current one right now, was this damn driving thing.
“Concentrate.” Ace growls, from his place in the passenger’s seat.
“What the hell do you think I’m doing?” I bite back, not meaning to be so rude but damn, this is fucking nerve wracking as hell!
Unconsciously, I reach up for my pendant that rests on my chest, feeling anxious. Why I only started wearing it after I received it as a package when I was in London, and not sure but I wear it every single day. There is no single day that passes without me thinking about the night of my birthday but that doesn’t matter anymore.
I hope.
Because now, I get some kind of comfort from it, more than anything else, because this is fucking nuts!
“Both hands on the wheel, Star.” My teacher for the day—no, for the night—growls as he types something on his phone. Fuck, he’s not even looking at me.
“How did you even. . .” I start then think better of it. The guy is super aware of everything “Never mind.”
“You can never mind me all you want, baby, but you can’t lose control of the car at any time. Now both hands on the wheel.” He demands in that low voice of his, that makes my insides tingle.
I slowly release the pendant, and grab the right side of the wheel, but just as soon as I do that, my heart starts hammering against my chest and I. . .well. . .I almost run us into a ditch.
“Seriously?” Ace growls, grabbing the wheel and shooting me a dark look that reminds me that I don’t want to make Ace angry, but damn it if that look doesn’t make me shiver deliciously. He raises his eyebrow while looking at me, demanding an explanation.
“I’m nervous, okay!” I cry, feeling tingles racing through my system and it’s not because of the broody, sexy as fuck, hella dark and hellish brute staring me down, but because of the fear.
I’m scared of this, so fucking much, I think I might shit my pants if we keep this up.
It’s like midnight and this is the second week I’ve been taking these ‘driving lessons’ with Ace. So, during the nights that he ‘teaches’ me, I have lost count of how many times I have tried to kill us both. Hell, last night I almost wrapped his beautiful, expensive car around a large tree!
Was he pissed? Yes.
Did he force me to drive us back him? You’re damn right.
Is he pissed off at me right now? Yes.
Is his anger all because of my poor driving skills though? I don’t think so.
Something is eating at him. Something sinister. Something he won’t talk about and every time he looks at me, he stares as if he is plagued by something deep. But when I try and ask him, he kisses me and then turns away.
Even his kisses are withdrawn somehow.
Or maybe it’s just me and my fucking anxiety with this driving!
I’m not any closer to feeling comfortable behind the wheel of any car than I am to face Amanda. Who by the way, is back but is avoiding me like I’m the issue in that house.
The only reason why I know she’s back is because when I snuck into the kitchen to get a tub of ice-cream last night, I heard her sobbing and drinking.
It doesn’t bother me at all.
“You’re the one who wanted to learn.” He counters, as he rights the car and grabs my hand as well, helping me to guide the damn car back into the correct lane.
“I wasn’t counting on this b
eing so. . . shitty.” I respond, taking over after he lets go.
“You mean you weren’t counting on being a shitty driver?” He says, now back to typing on his phone.
“Shut up!” I breathe out, shooting him a look that he completely ignores. “Urgh, I can’t do this.”
I don’t really know why he prefers to teach me to drive at night instead of doing something normal like, teaching me during daylight like a freaking normal driving lesson! Is that too hard to ask for?
But something tells me he’s doing this for other people’s safety and maybe my anxiety. I think Ace knows that I’ll most likely cause an uproar on the road with my current 2 miles per hour speed going on.
“You can. Come on, step on it. You have the hang of how the car moves, don’t you?” He questions, tucking his phone away, now facing me directly.
I grip the wheel tightly, feeling hesitant to press down on the gas.
“Well, don’t you?” He growls again, demanding me to respond.
Ace, as I’m finding out, is not a really patient teacher. Hell, he isn’t a patient anything—well, maybe he is when he decides to torture me during some nights, withholding a much needed orgasm or two. Yeah, he excelled in that.
“Concentrate and you’ll get what you desperately want later.” He says, looking at me and I blush
But then again, who is patient after two weeks of basics, on an abandoned road, with absolutely no traffic and no rush to get somewhere. And to make matters worse, I was trying to kill us at every turn.
I mean. I would lose my own patience if I wasn’t me.
“Uh, yeah.” I say, feeling uncertain.
And did I mention that I’m tired? Between working my butt off at school to get stellar grades so that my SAT scores are incredible for college applications, to cheerleading practice that I was actually beginning to enjoy especially on the nights the boys played football, I was feeling spent.
Before and after each game, Noah, Emmett and Ace would run out last—I don’t know why—but they would all come and hug me and Kim at the sidelines. The crowd would go fucking bananas and I think with each kiss, each hug, I was falling for Ace a little deeper and feeling so damn happy, I can’t even express it properly. But fuck me, I was happy—which should have been my warning. Nothing good ever survives in Westbrook.
As for Brittney, she hasn’t been coming to school for a while, God only knows why but is it mean of me that I wished she died in her slumber or something equally disgusting? Needless to say, she came back to school today.
But the only reason I know this is because of the way she looked at me today when we passed each other in the hallway after lunch. I swear, she walked in slow motion just so she could smile in my face, her perfect shiny pearls gleaming at me like a vampire’s fangs.
She was out for my blood.
My stomach dropped, my shoulders straighten and I swear, there was a shiver of awareness in around us that people stopped to stare at us. There was something about her. . .
Whatever.
Anyway, between school, cheer practice and soon, basketball, my job at The Haven with Kim and Ivy as our Supervisor—working on our friendship which was a bit shaky but genuinely sweet at the same time—I was fucking tired.
Then there’s this. . .driving bullshit that I wanted to do and now I’m suffering for it.
Urgh.
“Star. . .” Ace growls.
“Okay, okay.” I start with a sigh. “I know the car. Well, I know everything you’ve taught me about the engine. The right pressure that’s supposed to be in the tires. The lights on the fancy dash and what each one means. For fuck’s sake, you even taught me how to check the oil and change a tire two nights ago.” I groan.
“Are you complaining then?” He questions, his fingers now playing at my neck, skimming over the skin there, making tingles and shivers start racing from my neck, and down my spine.
God, this guy. He was bad for me in every way. He was dark. He has demons that ravage him at times but he gets my damn soul. He gets me and I can’t seem to get enough of him, even when I crawl out of his bed almost every morning now.
“I’m not complaining exactly. It’s just. . .”
“You can’t allow yourself to let go and be in tune with the car.” He says, his voice deep. His touch now purposeful.
“That’s not it.”
“Isn’t it?” He questions as he tugs at my hair, unbuckling his seat belt.
“Pull over.” He demands.
“Ace.”
“Pull over baby, let me show you.” He repeats, his voice like honey, soothing my aching joints. God. . .
I pull over to the side of the road and he gets out just as quickly. I watch him as he rounds the car and the next thing, he opens my door, then takes my hand, pulling me out of the car. His car.
“It’s cold out here.” I whisper, as he lifts me up and then sets me down on the hood of the car, which is still hot but I don’t really feel it as I’m wearing his thick, soft, slutty grey sweatpants.
“Talk to me.” He whispers, looking deep into my eyes as if he’s searching, wondering, analyzing. “What’s going on with you?”
What’s going on with you, is what I want to know but I bite my tongue.
“Nothing.” I quickly say, my voice hard and I look down, breaking his inquisitive gaze on me, not wanting to feel the way it sometimes penetrates deep within me, breaking all my walls.
Walls that he made me put up. The same walls and barriers that he himself has erected, as if to shut me out. The past couple of weeks, since the whole apology thing at the restaurant with Noah and Emmett, it feels like Ace has been building up his walls. I felt them every day even when he looked at me like I’m his everything and kissed me like I was his next breath of life.
There’s still this. . .disconnect.
He tugs my chin up with one hand, then with the other, he wraps it around my waist, bringing me flash against his body. He forces me to look at him and I shut my eyes, trying to break the connection between us.
“Tell me, baby.” He whispers in my ear. “What’s eating at you. Sometimes you’re there and sometimes you’re not. And don’t think I haven’t noticed the way you look at me at times.”
That’s how I feel about you right now, asshole!
“Why did you kiss her?” I blurt out, the question bursting out of my mouth before I can stop it or control my tongue.
We stare at each other, the cold breeze of the wind blowing around us but between Ace and I, it’s so hot that I feel nothing else.
“Why did you kiss her that night?”
Maybe it’s because my birthday is around the corner and the memories are fresh. Or maybe it’s because I have finally seen the extent of The Blue Boys’ magic and the effect they have on everyone. Or maybe it’s because the past couple of weeks, I’ve seen just how much Ace is lusted after by these girls. From all over Westbrook, they adore him, they want him, they crave him.
Or it might be because I’m about to turn a new chapter in my life but all the other chapters before that have a lot of missing paragraphs, blurred words and misplaced endings that make no sense whatsoever.
My brother isn’t here.
I work with Ivy now and I don’t know how to act around her at times.
Emmett is hiding something from me.
Noah is falling in love with Kim.
Kim is falling for Noah too, and it’s eating her up so bad that she’s been avoiding him even when the boys come to The Haven for a bite to eat.
I feel like Ace is pulling away from me.
Something is ripe in the air and it tastes a lot like devastation.
I have a sister out there that I don’t know.
I have no idea who my father is.
And I’ve come to realize that I am irrevocably in love with this boy but each time he fucks me, each time he kisses me, I can’t seem to shake this sense of dread that has seeped into my bones like a cold.
Ace is pulling away fr
om me! Of that, I’m certain.
“Astraea.”
“You kissed her right in front of me, on my birthday and I want to know why.” I demand, feeling bitchy all of a sudden.
Maybe I feel like our time is up. Or maybe the insecurities are back to haunt me and destroy my life. Or maybe my jealousy is acting up because of all the girls that scream his name and brag that they have ‘done it’ with him before.
Gag.
“What do you mean, why? You kissed Emmett!” He accuses, gritting his teeth.
Just as I thought. My eyes widen and my jaw drops to the ground.
“And how the fuck do you know that?” I demand, getting angry with him. It’s been years of anger that has been boiling in me and now I’m finally letting it out, asking what I wanted to know all those years ago.
But that’s not really why I’m nervous.
“You were in there for a long time.” He says, as if that alone is a good reason to justify his rash decision to kiss Ivy. He’s now looking frustrated and dark.
“So that translates to, ‘they were definitely kissing’ doesn’t it?” I tilt my head to the left, eyes narrowed as I study him.
“Fucking hell, Star. I kissed her because you hurt me!” He growls, watching me with a look in his eyes that threatens to end the world right there and then.
“What?” I breathe out, my heart pounding painfully slow.
“You should have spun the bottle again. You should have said no. But you didn’t, Star. You stood up to go with Emmett. What did you expect me to think?” He questions.
I remain deathly still and silent, not knowing what to say.
“You should have done something. You should have said something but you didn’t.” He says, watching me with pain in his eyes.
“But you should have believed that nothing happened. Hell, we were in there talking about you, asshole!” I shout. Our breathes mix, chests heaving fast and hard as we stare at each other with intense lust in our eyes, or maybe its intense hate? I don’t know any more with Ace. The lines get blurry all the time.
“I want you to apologize.” I say, poking him in the chest.
Vicious Hate (Westbrook Blues Book 2) Page 31